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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title, it is almost always the title that first draws my attention. I have been intrigued by many of yours for different reasons. Some made a vivid picture with the words. Others were enigmatic. One had a deft use of words to create subtle hidden meaning. This one does not blandly say 'ghost' or even 'specter'. It just describes the shape and leaves one to imagine the rest. The intro invariably adds to it, this says the spooky tale is also romantic, can one resist?

*Flower5* The General Impression: It is a long poem, an epic. It tells a sad tale of star-crossed lovers, almost in the Romeo and Juliet style of tragedy. There is a resolution, I like that. It was not the expected one, either.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: To capture and hold interest through a long item is a feat in itself. No matter how deft the writing, length is tedious.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Almost all the other lines were direct end rhyme, only one choice of rhyming pair made me pause and ponder the 'fit'. It was the use of 'more' and 'for'. We'll ignore the sentence ending preposition rule in poetry, but the two words do not have the same vowel sound.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Carved initials in it's bark" This mistake happens to so many of us. I have just one piece of advice, whenever using it, first expand it to the full words and see if they fit. 'It is' does not fit here. The possessive form is 'its'.

"His named was carved into the side," 'name'? I think that is what you intended to write?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1466390 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon - welcome to a review from your win in"Jace's Travel Guide AuctionOpen in new Window.. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title creates a great image. I can picture it perfectly, little butterfly clusters, fluttering gently on the branches. The best thing is that we do not have autumns in my part of the world!

*Flower5* The General Impression: The poem is in two parts, a lyrical part and a prosaic part, the bit I appreciate is that the two complement each other and do not clash!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Some great images in there, it brings the humdrum task of sweeping leaves in a pensive mood to mind. The choice of font colour and emoticons at the bottom set off the theme perfectly!

I liked the bit about"Crashing to the earth silently;
Wind was the only sound."


and also "I stood among them pondering,
In a heap up to my knees."


*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: If only we could all thus describe for others what they have never seen or experienced - but, not all would have your fluency or ability.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:Nary a hiccup there.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for your auction package win. Stop me when I'm done, OK? I'm having too much fun to count!

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: You have a knack for making the title interesting. Then the intro goes one step further and enhances the expectant glee one has before diving in to read.

*Flower5* The General Impression: This has to be the strangest item I have ever review! A critique that reads like a tribute. A description that is so vivid it leaves a taste in the mouth. A friendship that is mightier than Veggiemite, even their newest (ugh!) Veggiemite Cheesybite!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I like the fact that the two items, your critique and Meg's poem are linked to each other. For one without the other would be like ... well, like Vegemite without the Vita-weet biscuits! *Laugh* The love and respect you two have for each other shines right through.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I stopped and went - WOW! It's (Meg's poem) on the official Kraft website, awesome! But I have tasted something similar to this wayyyyyyy back in my childhood, the descriptions you give are too exactly the same for me to wonder much more! If not Vegemite, it was mighty like Veggiecide! Urrggh! I feel like rinsing out my mouth even now, you can't spread that stuff too thin for me! However the write was awesome, I could taste the stuff all over again, even though I didn't want to. *Thumbsup* Extra applause for the butterworms and the ending line!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Put a warning on there will ya, not for those with delicate stomachs or queasy appetites? *Laugh*


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Review of Have You Ever?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kristi Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title asks me a question, the intro makes a plea. I'm game to give it a whirl.

*Flower5* The General Impression: How profound a thought is expressed within, I will not spoil it for other readers by saying much more. Just that this was one of the most original thoughts I have come across and it combined a series of vivid images that were powerful for the very contradictions they seemed to create. I have to give you a rousing cheer for that!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Couplets and monorhyme, what a delightful change! You make good use of assonance too! I like that.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I wonder why you chose to use bold black font? To emphasise 'difference' would not a change in the choice of font, say, Comic or Courier, even Impact, be sufficient?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Not a single hiccup, more some leaps of joy. I'd like to highlight my favourite lines here:
"You've probably never seen a battle war cry
nor ever heard a river run dry."
Sublime!*Thumbsup*


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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Review of Follow Your Heart  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Well, the folder did say these were your newest offerings, how can I resist luscious fresh writes? The title - did I mention titles are a big draw for me? Well, this one promises to be inspirational and emotional. Lo! And Behold! Those are the exact two genres chosen - I have got to dive right in!

*Flower5* The General Impression: An inspiring write that talks of the benefits of following your heart - to allow it to seek love and peace, and through both, salvation. One should eschew violence and war and allow an acceptance to grow within oneself, cherishing all creatures on Earth. Well said!*Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Quatrains -*Check3*, simple rhyming pattern impeccably followed - *Check2*, meaningful writing - *Check4*.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I wonder why I want keep counting syllables? *sits on frenetic fingers* It is your choice to add, or not to add, meter. I shall not ask you to conduct a monologue a la Hamlet to decide, it is your right to eschew any device.

Having said that, tell me why. I find a number of reviewers looking for this specific device and mentioning a ragged rhythm even with an even count, just because the stresses do not match. I am not an instinctive poet and I often find this helps me organise the lines better. But stresses are beyond me. The esoteric mysteries of iambic versus anapestic shall be ever veiled from my understanding. *Laugh*

One last comment:
In the lines: "Strive for peace, and no more war.
Learn from each race what they know.
Senseless killing and cruelty you can't ignore."
to my untrained ears, the words 'war' and 'ignore' sounded unalike in vowel sound. It might be a cultural difference in pronounciation, we follow the archaic British rules. You might have guessed it by my spelling choices.



*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:I have to admit this retains your exemplary stamp of impeccable writing, not a single hiccup.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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Review of THE DARK  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am glad to be given the opportunity to wander through your port again, knowing you to be a poet and writer par excellence. This is the season for this type of poem, perhaps a year a go, I would not have ventured near. I have now learned to appreciate this genre as well.

*Flower5* The General Impression: This starts off as almost innocuous, some innocent fun, the ubiquitous trick-or-treating that is a part of Halloween. Then it throws off its cape and reveals itself to be something else. The contrast make the for the desired chilling effect. Well done.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Quatrains, always a favourite of writers anywhere, the form is so pliable and 'workable'. A simple rhyme scheme, impeccable choices of direct end rhyme. Here I do not mean simple as in easy, no sir, sometimes the seemingly uncomplicated can be difficult to adhere to. You do not let the effort show, the words flow well.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Are you a proponent of meter or not? I agree that it may serve to make things difficult, but it also makes the piece so much more pleasant to read aloud. You nearly have it too.

See the first verse, all the lines are 10 syllables except the second line. If you choose something not quite so much of a mouthful as 'terrifying', you could make it all pentameter. A simple 'scary' would cut the required 2 syllables to make it conform.

I had one reviewer tell me not to make a poem all italics, since that should be reserved for internal dialogue. I wonder what all bold should indicate then, shouting? I personally liked the use of the bold font to emphasize the dark nature of the write.



*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:Not a single hiccup. None to be expected with such an accomplished chef!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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Review of Winter Comfort  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jaya Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title is a little marvel of imagery, one could see the winter chill being dispelled by some comforting warmth. I do not know why, but even without your intro, my mind instantly grasped the metaphorical meaning.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I might be wrong, but this poem spoke to me of growing old and being alone. Of a son who was away but soon to come home. One day, he does, the Sun rises to dispel winter warmth. There's so much love and trust and return of regard. It warmed my heart to just read it.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I find a lot of strength and comfort in my children. Just the other day, we were crossing the road, his hand cupped my elbow in a gentle clasp, guiding, protecting. I almost had tears in my eyes, it was so spontaneous, a gesture that he was ready to be my support. It is not yet my winter, but my stance is already bolstered. I could relate very well on a personal level to the poem and sometimes that makes all the difference between liking, and loving, a read. "Winter takes on a splendid form" - sure does. *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The rhyme was there in a ragged manner, one was unsure if it was intended on not. Not striving to rhyme words 'frees' up the imagination and choice of words can be more metaphorical and lyrical. Having it makes for a pleasant visual and auditory pattern. I found lines 3/4 (cold/fold), 5/8(heart/apart) and perhaps 11/13 (presence/balance) to be of a rhyming nature. I think the last named was a bit of a stretch, because the vowel sounds are not identical, but without knowing if the rhyming ws intended or coincidental any further speculation is futile.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:Nary a hiccup to be seen.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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Review of Dead on arrival  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello jaya Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title is stark, dark and chilling. It attracts attention by inducing the opposite emotion, one almost of revulsion. If the title is this effective, can the poem be any less?

*Flower5* The General Impression: A simple poem, it has nothing to distract from the impact of the words, no rhyme, no meter, no alliteration, no flights of fancy metaphor. It is effective by its very simplicity for it has a subject that is still black in everyone's memory - 9/11. Or so I presumed, I might be wrong. What is striking in this memorial is that it states that fact nowhere. it could as easily be for some other similar incident.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The deft way simple words convey the overwhelming shock and horror. The poem ends with lines that echo the title, well done.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: It made me stop and think all right, but in tribute to they, and hundreds of nameless others. I especially laud the your intro - 'when there was darkness during the day'. I felt it could have also been used in the write itself.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:Nary a single hiccup - write on!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Adore lol♥ Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am of the firm opinion that the title is like the headgear that is seen at Ascot on Ladies Day, it can be eye-catching and distinctive enough for the rest of the person to be noticed and talked about. I liked the image conjured up by the title. Well done.

*Flower5* The General Impression: The story is set in the times of carding and piecing, prior to the industrial revolution, or just at that time. The modes and norms of that time are alien to many and a hefty bit of setting is required to make use 'see' the happenings. It is yet a poignant ale because it shows a young child-woman who longs for home and a lost childhood. She still dares to dream of escape when others are resigned.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: An unusual setting, a unusual POV, a different resolution. Excellent beginning lines, it set the monotony and despair of the child in full view. It seemed a pity not to have the proverbial happy ending at least implied, but this smacked of reality.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The child realises that her plans for escape have to be made alone, yet at the final moment she has to offer her mates a chance at escape. I wondered why the door was consistently left unlocked and what plan she had once she got out of that door.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:I found nothing that leaped out at me. You are a seasoned and meticulous editor.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Adore lol♥ Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The names had a nice ring about them, like 'Bonnie and Clyde'. The mention of the prompt added to the intrigued expectation, a dark and blustery night, anything could happen. A perfect read for the run-up to Halloween, thought I.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Now some prompts are exercises to polish one's skills, some are for activities like contests. Which one was this? Was it from a random prompt generator? I thought the beginning had a lot of comic potential, especially as Shimmy was aware of something that her canine friend had not scented. An unusual turn of events, it is usually the other way around. But, the promise petered out with nary a mention of what was causing them both to spook, other than the weather.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The mood was well created. The human-canine relationship also well delineated. Roscoe sounds like the friendly mutt on would adore on a visit to someone else's house.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Why would she be the only one of her friends walking a dog? Unless none of the others had one! Or did they have pet-bathrooms?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:No technical glitches, no typos. Nary a hiccup.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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Review of Under The Sink  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
c:blue}Hello Daizy May Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for your auction win package. This is review 3 of 10

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Great title - *Thumbsup*! Yep, that's where they live all right, under the sink, under the bed, and in dark corers of the cupboard. I wrote a similar poem, only there it was the fight between the teddy bear and the monster that created a mess! Poor children, blamed by clueless mothers. If only dolls and teddy bears could give evidence!

*Flower5* The General Impression: You do this a lot in your poetry, make it balance by providing one viewpoint and then mirroring it. Like the one about the child and the squirrel staring at each other through a window. Whilst it is a neat touch, it makes the words and rhyme repetitive and the effort that much less laudable. Six of one, half a dozen of another. Omigosh, now I'd doing it!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Not only is it poetic justice that is proposed in the poem, the central premise is appealing, and rings true. Many a child has somebody else to blame for things that go wrong, what if - Heavens forbid! - what if they were right? Amusing and -don't cringe! - cute.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The first lines of the verse were long and ragged in length. In poetry for children, making it have a read-aloud rhythm, by keeping to a consistent syllabic pattern, helps. It raises the bar.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:Nary a hiccup.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1466390 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The folder attracted me, it is not easy to make a child smile. Not on purpose, they might smile if you bend, and rip the seat of your - umm - trousers, but laugh at your humorous sallies, no way! I saw it contained a number of Seuss-like poems. Please take that as a compliment, I think he had his finger firmly on the pulse of a child's attention and a knack for rhythm in read-aloud ditties.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I think this succeeds in driving home two messages: One that there's a lot of fun to be found in the most unexpected places or things. Two that poetry can be used as a teaching tool. It is all about a basketball that is 'terribly flat' and the various inventive uses found for it. To a child for whom a breakfast bowl on the head is chuckle-full, this is sure to appeal.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: You use repetition well, without it becoming boring. A few more verses might have palled, this stopped on the amusing side of the effort. The ordinary words that are first taught are used here, like: sat-mat-fat-cat-hat.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I did not quite get what Grandma was trying to do with it, why a fat cat needed the feeding dish propped up like that? Or was he too fat to be able to bend down and get it? Seuss poems have some attractive illustrations that drive home the words, perhaps you too could explore that option?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: I have no suggestions, this was a perfect read.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon - welcome to a review from your win in"Jace's Travel Guide AuctionOpen in new Window.. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered. This is review 1 0f 10

*Flower5* The Title: What a great title, rhyming and incongruous, a word picture that makes one think of a crazy funny poem. *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Form: Couplets are an attractive way to write poetry, it allows a number of sub0themes like question and answer or completion of a thought or action within each set of lines.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: Nothing at which to cavil, in fact here's much to laud. Direct end rhyme all the way, nary a hiccup, except for the choice of 'sure' as rhyme for 'fur'. I loved the choice of 'beard'/'cheered' in the last couplet.

*Flower5* The Rhythm/Meter: If the syllable count is even or has a meter I'd call that as having a rhythm, if it also follows those esoteric patterns of stressed and unstressed that make up complicated things like iambic or anapestic - I say, "Whoopee - meter!". Considering the prompt it was clever of you to choose an even nine syllables per line - Bravo!

*Flower5* The Prompt: I'd say it was followed perfectly, all about nines and it was about winning and losing. Best of luck with the contest!

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole:

*Flower5* What I liked: I laughed my head off, the end was more or less inevitable - the rats should have known that! I loved the touch about "One rat was lame, but played all the same.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Please continue to entertain us with pieces like these, I had a gal time reading it.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Annie Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum Open in new Window. [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: It is an image that appeals, Mall-Santa and a child who knows the secret behind these ubiquitous manifestations of Santa. When I saw the contest for which it was written and the fact that it won, I had two more reasons to read on. Flash Fiction is really hard to write, I applaud you for getting it perfectly right.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I have to use an over-worked word that has lost most of its original meaning, but this was cute! The child has enough faith to wish, enough smarts to know the Mall version is not the real thing, enough wickedness and desire to retaliate to want to make the imitation squirm and yet enough hope to make a sincere wish.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: It has cynicism and yet in the end, faith wins. Children should have something in which to believe for as long as they need. The line that really got to me was the one in which the older sibling refuses toys by saying his class assignments leave no time to play anyway. Pure pathos.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Everything ties in neatly, but how Miss Coleman is to be 'made' to grant the wish, that is not clear. Is she the 'teacher'? Could the last line mention that she left instead of only talking of a 'lighter workload until June'? It also seemed out of character for the Santa to provide a clue to his identity, even as it explains things to us, it removes mystery from the deed for the child. Some internal dialogue on Santa's part might solve that dilemma.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Just one single hiccup.

"Last year, “Santa” had a tattoo on his arm." I thought Santa had long sleeves? How could the child see the tattoo? Hand - yes, arm - no.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Thoughts on life  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Garnet Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum Open in new Window. [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I had to admit it was something trivial, the mismatch between the user name and the handle. Aquamarine and Garnet? Then I though it would make a striking combination, pale blue and deepest red. Then my eye fell on the title, this is something upon I too have pondered long and deep - so into the read I plunged.

*Flower5* The General Impression: It has taken quite some introspection to come up with this pithy advice. The fact that I myself think that one must stretch oneself and test untraveled roads is irrelevant. You make your point succinctly and emphatically. A knowledge of self is essential for one to get where one wants to be.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The free from of the poem exactly mirrored free-wheeling thoughts, the stringing of one thought that leads to another. There was homily and wisdom within - "A bird does not seek to swim underwater, nor a fish to fly."

The last lines were effective echoes of life, excellent choice of words.


*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think:
"To know who you are is your greatest goal." I was not sure it could be classified as 'greatest goal'. Maybe it should be one's first goal, maybe it is one's first achievement, but one hopes there are some greater goals along the way. The chosen adjective was a shade pedestrian for the heights achieved by the rest of the read.

I only felt that to know oneself is not sufficient to know one's destiny, that Fate has more than a few tricks hidden up her sleeve. But, that's my interpretation, you are free to choose yours.



*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Nary a hiccup felt.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Silent Seduction  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum Open in new Window. [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title fits the piece like a glove, apt and a nugget of encapsulated information. Yet, I am not someone who likes to read of close moments of others, it always makes me feel like a peeping Tom. So, it had to be your name as author, I have read many of your items, from the funny to the touching and have been socks-knocked-off impressed by all. So anything you write will be a draw, despite my own private reservations.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Oh, the theme of the week is Moments. Bubbles of foam, each with its own image, iridescent and sparkling. Oh, it seems to be about shared and intimate moments, too.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The image is well chosen. First the colours, maroon or reddish-brown that is the exact colour palette opposite of a purplish blue. The bold black decorative corner makes a striking frame that prevents the heart outline from being soppy. The figures themselves are caught in the 'just-before' moment, we are left to imagine what might come next. The background is roiling and rolling horizon of clouds and waves, the emotions are thus suggested without being obvious. Like I said - perfect!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: This is not always a bad thing, sometimes I ponder on how everything falls into place so neatly. Just nine lines in three verses, the first is of looking, the second is of acknowledgment of the look, subtle, but a signal is sent and received, the last is a revelling in the knowledge that the moment is not only good, it is a symbol of all that's working for the relationship. I could swear there was a faint feeling of regret that washed over me, a sigh of wanting to know that moment myself.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Just one comma out of place, not a biggie if one considers the polished perfection of the whole. Then too, the piece just made me confess to secret longings, I had to go out there and find my salvation in the misplaced comma!

"Whirling,spiraling, spa-pool--frothy foam of white;" A space is required after that first comma. I am too much of a raw amateur in punctuation to even talk of en dashes, but do those require spaces before and after, or not? BTW - great image with which to begin -*Thumbsup*



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Humming Bird Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum Open in new Window. [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Who would not like the image in the title, to break through a veil of darkness? Titles are a big draw for me. I also like to read stories about other cultures, although being from the same region I also anticipated some similarities.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I thought the tale was a tad 'preachy', is being told that one little byte of wisdom all the twins needed to feel happy? Having said that, it made an excellent moral tale, one with lessons to be learnt from it.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Twins are interesting, one can use the characters to provide either similarity or contrast. Teen stories are something I have never tried, I might find it tough to get into that skin - perhaps your own teen years are not too far behind? Or you have vivid memories of it? It is difficult to write for picture prompts, to keep it apt and yet spin a good story in 1000 words must be challenging. I wish we could have had a glimpse of the picture that prompted the write.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I think there is some difference with the way the names are used in Hindi and in your language - would that be Bengali? I thought Usha actually meant dawn or sunrise? Not the Sun itself?

The two dreams were similar but one threw more light on the situation faced. I thought the meaning would be thus revealed, with each dream being more vivid and detailed. It was however some 'voice' that gave insight, the use of a fantasy solution is not always the best resolution.



*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Irritation showered from Usha’s voice" This seemed a strange metaphor, is it a literal translation of some phrase? The image is still vivid, but hard to get right in one's head.

"Two little girls jostled their way through the thick dark forest. The view ahead was quite scary, yet inviting. Wherever their eyes could travel, only bald branches were visible" If it is a thick and dark forest, what makes it so? The branches are bald and bare, that would tend to leave it more airy and light then at the peak of foliage. 'Scary, yet inviting'? That needs a bit of explanation, being an oxymoron.

"Both the sisters had the same dream" 'Had had' is perfectly grammatical, it would be the correct usage here, for one is being told of the dream they had already had!

"Shoshi excelled in guitar, while Usha rode on the piano." I was unaware of the idiom, to 'ride a piano', what exactly does it mean?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's 9th Birthday.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..


*Flower5* The Title: What a title! If I had to pick a title that did all I wanted to see a title do, I'd pick yours. It was unusual, it had an odd number (OK, even, in the mathematical sense, but odd in that it did not conform to three-quarters of an hour, but chose to be more random!) of minutes specified, it directed one's attention to itself. Then too, the fact that it was in minutes, not hours, said something momentous was happening, or going to happen. Interest and suspense created at one go. The intro takes over from where the title leaves off and tells us of is about abuse, but not the obvious kind, not even at the hands of an adult. Ping! That was me diving into the write! (no, 'Splash' is reserved for diving into waters, for e-writes it is an electronic 'Ping' -that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

*Flower5* The Beginning: Another bit that had me dumbstruck by its creativity and enthralling capacity to 'draw' in the reader. Well done, my friend, well done. The first sentence was the doozy - it made a vivid picture and firmly ensconced us in the observer's seat. We have all watched raindrops chasing each other on a window, we've must have pondered upon the futility or helplessness too, you gave it form with your deft words. The next few lines gave us the time, the place, the POV, the reasons. *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Setting: This was well done, from the child introspecting, to its being drawn out of the reverie by a bump and then absorbing all the sights, the sounds, the smells. Good work, pulling in that little used sense, that of smell. So many memories are attached to that, I think of my grand-father whenever I smell sandalwood, he had a cupboard of that wood and consequently his clothes would always have a faint whiff of that smell.

*Flower5* The Characters: I think you brought out your childhood self well. It takes courage to look deep within yourself and then present that self to the world, unadorned and unaltered, although you do not particularly like what you see.

To become a child again, to make all the actions conform to that far-off state is a feat, well done. I particularly liked the way the child tries to do right, whilst still remaining within the narrow confines of behaviour demanded by his peers.

The other descriptions were clear, John himself was easy to see, only the narrator is in the shadows, defined only by his emotions. I think that was a deliberate choice? I like to see all the characters, considering there was a bit, quite a bit of word limit, available, a couple of lines to flesh out the narrator is an option.


*Flower5* The Descriptions: These were the best part. I was squirming in my seat like an eager student who knows the answer, only the teacher hasn't asked the question yet. I wanted to tell you how much I liked this bit. The first line was great, but many other parts were also worth the lauding for the vivid three-dimensional images they evoked.

"The chatter of the other kids crept back into my consciousness as did the faint smell of exhaust fumes and school lunches previously abandoned under the thinly padded seats."


*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I thought the prompt was a difficult one, for it is difficult to talk of crusaders for rights and their travails within a limited word count, to justify how standing up for right might be wrong at some points, how enemies can be made without any personal enmity. Yet, you did all that, with words to spare.

You took the prompt in an unusual direction moreover, a child might not be everybody's first choice for protagonist in this situation.


*Flower5* What I liked: Deft description, it'll get me standing up and applauding every time. I admire facile ease with dialogue, I enjoy witty use of puns and tongue-in-cheek remarks, but description is what delights me the most. I like PGW for both the former, I applaud him for the latter.

I liked your choice of words. Yep that's it, that's what I've waited to say, wanted to say. *Laugh*


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Each school has its own rules about what was "cool" and what wasn't." Is there a tense inconsistency in there? 'has its own rules', 'what isn't'; or 'had its own rules', 'what wasn't'. Or so I think. *unsure confused look*

" I felt pushed by forces I had no control over" It's in the POV of a young child, the narrator, so I'd be inclined to let that one go. As long as you too know that there was a tiny flaw in that sentence, it ends with a preposition. In other situations, it might be re-written as 'I felt pushed by forces over which I had no control'. Even simpler to make it 'I felt buffeted by random forces'.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Monday, Revised  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kymkim Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's 9th Birthday.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..


*Flower5* The Title: The fact that it is a revised version need not be apparent in the title itself. Titles need to be catchy, attractive enough to arrest an eye that is trolling the site, looking for something to read. Me, I liked your user name, A. A. Milne's creation has long been my favourite, you had me at Pooh! Also, I wanted to see how you did with chopping down the original to within contest word limits. I tried that on one of my stories and found the story becoming 'taut' and polished. But, the title? That did nothing for me.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Both the versions have nearly the same treatment, you did well not to change the flavour of the write, just some deft pruning. But, the second, lighter, version improves from the clean and 'open' formatting - the one line inter-spaces and first line indents.

To begin with your individual prayer was a good idea, then comes the explanation about the originality of its construction and your personal belief that prayers are irreverent if said with eyes open. The persona of the narrator is built up well, the setting of a 'beginning' gains credence. That's all to the good.


*Flower5* The Setting: This was the bit I felt was lacking, the part where the foreground, the characters, loomed large, even the walk-ons like the guy who fixed the brakes, yet - the background was hazy. I wonder if that was deliberate?

There are places where there is an abrupt shift in action. Like when there is description of heart-pumping antics on the highway and then the scene shifts to a rant to the room-mate. She was headed home, yes, but she should arrive home in at least one line.


*Flower5* The Characters: The description of the one who ultimately fixed the brakes was a brilliant bit of character build up, with vivid imagery and unusual quirks and attributes. The character 'Squawkbox' came to life. I wish the others lived up to the expectation. The room-mate deserved to have more than her skill with duct-tape eulogised.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: This is your forte, you have a way with words. Or as I often like to say of myself, ' your words have their way with me'! The descriptions seem to leap of the page into the delighted mind of the reader, they are delightful, zany, inventive and so vivid they hurt! I have already metioned one bit I liked, about a charater. Let me highlihgt another, this time about a situation, the climax of the write - the scene where she makes it to work - finally! Yet, the troubles are not yet over!

" Before the shift was over, I would dump a canister of tea on the serving area floor, drop a pop nozzle on the floor and step on it, crushing it. I dropped a ceramic crock of ketchup onto the floor and melted a plastic bread bag to the front of the oven. " There's a wee bit of tense change in there, but the description is a litany of woes that is hilarious!


*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: What was the word limit? How close did you get to it? I just want to know if you had the space to add in the niggly bits that were demanded by this capricious reader.

The two versions were almost the same, just a lot of rambling cut out with the shorter version, some crisp 'showing' substituted for lengthy telling, some deft dialogue added, the whole neatened and presented with clean formatting. The formatting seemed to go awry in the middle part, with lines terminating midway through the page width - pre-viewing before posting, or editing after viewing might help. Or was it my 'puter's word processor acting up?

On the whole a rousing success. Yet you retained the original humour, without losing a single bit. Well done.


*Flower5* What I liked: The humour is breathless, self-deprecating and chock-full of everyday possibilities, making one think something like that happened to oneself!

Some of the descriptions are vivid, and make one 'see' the zany character or situation in vivid three-dimensional detail. I laughed my head off at 'Squawkbox'!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"We can’t loose a whole day’s wages!" I believe the term would be 'lose a whole day's wages'?

"Duck tape and super glue are usually involved" I can picture this in my mind, cute little yellow duckies printed on white tape, not the ubiquitous black or even silvery variety. But I think you mean 'duct' tape?

"“Is there some reason I am not supposed to be either on the road or at work?” I Shrieked; pounding on the steering wheel." The word 'shrieked' does not require the capital, the phrase after the semi-colon is not capable of standing as a complete sentence, hence a comma would be the better option. Or you could change it to 'I pounded the steering wheel'.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Scared Stiff  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello apachedriver, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title might incline some to think this was about horror or spooky stuff, that's not a bad thing. It still attracts and having enough within to keep the reader riveted, it makes the content vivid in the contrasting genre. I like alliterative titles too. Your intro told me it was actually a 'funny', something that I love before breakfast - so in I went!

*Flower5* The Beginning: One sentence, no, two. Just those two short sentences and the setting was done. One knew what time of the day it was (late evening), where he was placed (indoors, in front of the telly), what he was doing (he'd returned home from work sometime back, he was relaxing). The next couple of lines introduce the rest of the cast and tell us where they are, what they are doing. A deft creation of setting, if I ever read one. It serves also to contrast the forthcoming action by describing a scene of quiet winding down at the end of the day.

*Flower5* The Setting: I think I have already mentioned that this part was well done in the beginning, it continues to be sketched in as the unfolding action requires it, the back-yard, the back door, whatever physical parts are required. Even the mop-bucket gets a look in.

*Flower5* The Characters: Oh, the best was the skunk, one could see that animal as clear as day! Had to, he was the lead! To not only describe him, but to personalize him and tell us his motivations along with detailed descriptions of the action - well done!

"The skunk had obviously been caught off-guard by the sudden glare of the porch light and the incessant noise of a lunatic banshee! This poor skunk had all four legs moving in an up and down fashion, but he wasn’t going anywhere. "


*Flower5* The Descriptions: Ah, this was what raised this story to delightful comedy from just another animal story. Detailed, deft, delightful description, shall I continue to alliterate? I'd quote another bit, but it might give away too much of the write, bite-sized as it is! I guess people will just have read to find out what was good and what was great.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Short, I think the word limit is 1000 words? This was way under that. But the entire story got told, there was no sense of anything incomplete.

I had just one query: The narrator says he could not make out the actual words of the repeated screams, he has the wife going 'AHHHH, AHHHH, AHHHH!', later he 'understands' her to be screaming 'SKUNK'. Now the scream would have to be more like a squawk for that to be true, one sound cannot be mistaken for another. Or else she could be shown as having changed her chant.


*Flower5* What I liked: Delicious, this was one delectable read. The story came to life in front of my eyes.

The end too was suitably ironic and tongue-in-cheek. If you drive that truck as well as you write, you might wanna add a 'the' in front of the handle. For you are THE guy to go to for a laugh!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"I couldn’t make out an actual word" This is not 'wrong', but it sat a trifle stiff and awkward within the sentence. Do you think either 'I could not make out any actual words' or 'a single word' might work better?

"He ran the 15 or 20 feet of the fence backwards" Is it 'of the fence' or 'to the fence'? Because you tell the story as though he ran butt-first into the fence.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Magoo Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for Showering Acts of Joy

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I like the title, it is not in any way poetic, yet because the poem itself is a humourous slant on early morning wake-up calls orchestrated by baby, it is apt, unusual, interesting and vivid.

*Flower5* Rhyming:This is the kind of rhyme that I first attempted, it remains a favourite to date, each couplet is a rhyming pair, direct end rhyme. aabb ccdd eeff and so on. Each rhyming choice makes our words just that shade limited, a potential for the lines to sound forced or artificial. Yet, here the conversational tone is not disturbed, so I think the effort to make it seem effortless was brilliant!

*Flower5* Meter: *does a little happy jig* It's there! It's there! Lovely - in a poem with this subject, that just cries out to be read aloud, it was great to notice the natural cadence. Then came the syllable counting - I held my breath - 11, 11, 11, 11, ... 11 right through, every single line! Thank you!

*Flower5* Grammar: This is actually a conversation, one-sided, because the baby is the only one actually awake! I think mothers operate on a special battery or something. *Laugh* Anyway, the commas, the quote marks, the query marks and periods are in impeccable positions. The language and spelling are faultless too. You leave me with not much else to do but put my hands together for well deserved applause.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Quatrains,but I could discern nothing more than that. If there is a special from for 11 syllable count quatrain, I would be happy to learn of it. Perhaps with the added proviso of comedic slant, it might become the Magoo form?

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: It looks at that early morning distress call from the baby's POV. I remember remarking upon how bright-eyed and 'ready' mine seemed to be at that unearthly hour. This little one too, is ready for a long chat and discussion. *Bigsmile* Its chat covers a gamut of topics, from wanting to know if Daddy might like some hands-on time with a wet disaper to confessing the ways it shows love. It ends on a beautiful Parthian shot:

"What do you say we make this a nightly show,
I'll be right here, I have nowhere else to go."


*Flower5* What I liked: Loved the way the babe is a junior stand-up comic, or should that be lie-down comic? Whatever, it had me rolling in the aisles! It dares to comment on the mother's appearance-:

"Where'd you put the makeup? And look at that hair!"

I liked the infant confessing to the penchant to snuggle, I think the mothers like it too. Other tiny confessions ring true, that powder feels good - but sometimes tickles, that it ponders about what to do to make 'mother smile', maybe a giggle (we all know how that toothless smile melts our hearts) or a grip on the finger(another tactic good for a tug at the heart).


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Not one single suggestion, this was one smooth and hiccup-less read!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Redtowrite Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for Showering Acts of Joy.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title was simple, it gave away the central premise of the story, it was nothing unusual. It worked all the same, in a heart-tugging way. I am glad I was tempted to read this, the promise in the title was delivered in the tale.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning was good, it set the scene, gave us the sense of anticipation, of little joys that brightened a poor drab life, of a hopeful and giving heart. It had depth of description and detailed emotion. It gave us the plot direction. It was smooth and assured.

*Flower5* The Setting: Until midway through the tale the setting is impeccable, little details building upon it, fine brush strokes upon slashes of colour. I liked the details added in about the trailer, the fact that the doors were hollow wood and already had holes poked in them by the fist-fights of her elder male siblings. I loved the description of the state of the floor in the toilet, and the poor child's worst fears, not of being bitten by a snake that came through the holes, but of being found dead in an ignominious state. Of course that was part of character building too.

*Flower5* The Characters: The child Winnie comes through well from only her actions, she is sweet through and through. The descriptions of her nascent adolescence were natural and refreshing.

Even the mother is described in detail; it would be so easy to comment upon a person's aging by mentioning wrinkles. You choose instead to say:

"She was still young but her ankles swelled and she had ugly veins in her legs." Bravo!


*Flower5* The Descriptions: This is well done until the end, that seems hurried somewhat. It did not have the natural feel of the rest of the story. Stand back a bit and look at the pace, how the story progresses - does not the latter part go past much faster? If there is no word count restraint, slow it down with some of your delectable descriptions.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: A emotion spilling, heart tugging tale. It might seem like an gift that was impractical, but people need that to live out practical lives with equanimity; besides things are clicking into place fast, government aid, a lawyer to fight their case .. .a trip with the loving child seems natural.

*Flower5* What I liked: The main character was eminently believable. I loved the introduction of her first crush, no bearing on the story, it gives depth to her character.

The mother too is endearing, typically over-extending herself without thought of complaint. When her children err, she blames herself, not her circumstances. You show a god understanding of the roles essayed.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"The sandy ocean floor was alive with luminest starfish" Do you mean luminescent? Or are you trying to write it the way a younger person would say that difficult word? If the latter, add in a phrase to make the reader get that - maybe 'she never could say the word right, but she knew what it meant, the hands of the little clock Mom gave her were that same greeny glow in the dark.'

"We could even get an apartment that the government paid a portion of the rent. Her Mom could also get a lawyer through Legal Aid to help take their father to court" Did you feel the POV jumping around a bit there? From narrator to observer, all in one line.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
148
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello rjsimonson Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for Showering Acts of Joy

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: A difficult prompt and it was a worthy effort. Yet, the title failed to live up to the tale. It is apt, it is even intriguing, but it has no subtler meaning, no feeling of breathless anticipation. I felt even the something like 'How Curiosity became the Cat' would work better. Always up to you to choose your own title, mine is but an example.

*Flower5* The Beginning: All the elements were in the right place and did an adequate job, but there was not enough 'showing', more 'telling' that began to pall after a while.

This is something I learned to do after I joined this site, to use 'showing' as a device to take the reader within the tale. I'll try and give you an example:

"By the time my trip was nearing its destination I was ready physically for the field work to come. My travel cell arrived and I paid for the resort location as close as possible to where I ultimately would investigate. I spent the first day becoming familiar with the area. "

Do you agree there's plenty of information in there? Was it presented so that the reader to visualise it, feel it, live it?

What gave the impression of reaching the destination? Was the planetary orb hanging like a huge celestial lantern? (She likes old fashioned lamps - we are told that later in the read.)

What made the narrator physically ready, is it a bit of Sci-Fi, an alarm that announces a target heart rate? Or is it a bit of description - about the taut muscles after 'earth-walk' practice, and short breath in anticipation of a lighter atmosphere?

What was in the area seen in the first day - was it a town square, a city district, a suburban street? how had it been located? More room for Sci-fi here. It helps to keep adding to that part.

Do you see where I am going? Would you like to add in that detail?


*Flower5* The Setting: If you do the things suggested above the setting will be all taken care of, both emotionally and physically.

*Flower5* The Characters: Rose and Alice. I thought the second to strike the chord of the unusual from its association with Lewis Caroll's story. Was there anything further to the choice of 'Rose'?

I got the cats' names at the end, at least the first three that could be put together, what were the last two to signify?

If there is no word limit, and you would like to, please make the lead characters stand out as three-dimensional. The enigmatic Alice needs more description, especially at first acquaintance - she is just described as 'another distinctly human set of eyes'.


*Flower5* The Descriptions: It's there, it is there in plenty. Yet, I do not feel satiated.

"I had to be the happiest human alive as I looked at the odd assortment of items in the shop. There were things from everywhere here." This was, for me, another example of a lot of words not really describing something. Why was she the happiest human alive? How many were left in the 31st century? 'Things from everywhere'? I'd use something more evocative - 'treasures from places that I had not even heard of, artifacts from aeons long past, enigmatic items that I did not recognize ...'


*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: It tried to blend a variety of genres, there was besides Sci-fi, and fantasy, a hint of parable and fairy tale, a bit of the romantic, travel ... I'd pick one to highlight, to make the main theme. I thought the Sci-fi needed a tad more detail and emphasis.

*Flower5* What I liked: The end has a kind of moral in it, despite the fantasy. It appealed to me. The task was difficult and well undertaken. I would like to re-read it if it ever takes on a newer avatar.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"The none human life forms could not function" The term 'none human' might be in legitimate use in the future for artificial life. If this was a deliberate usage, I apologize. Otherwise it should be 'non-human'.

"Three pieces, a frog, a swan and on e that kept changing" Extra space in the word 'one' between 'on' and 'e'.

"I turned my gravity-meter up to full-Earth-field inside my won travel cell and practiced walking" I do this all the time! Type 'won' for 'own'. *Laugh*

“So Rose would you like to purchase them?” Some commas required in there - just try reading it aloud without pauses, does it make sense? I think one after 'So' and one after 'Rose'?

"All you have to do is reach-out to them" Why the hyphen? I noticed you hyphenated another word earlier, but I had let that one go - 'pass-up'. That too was not required.

"my little bit of patients had worn out" I think you mean 'patience', the other is a term for those who see or consult a health professinal.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
149
149
Review of Mistaken Identity  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Nomar Knight Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: A Case of Mistaken Identity, the phrase is not unusual in itself, even a chopped bit is still recognizable. It does intrigue, but it also gives away the fact - even before it begins, that things are not what they seem.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The setting is done in the beginning, the explosion is sited at a famous landmark, the image clear to anyone who follows CNN, the characters set up with deft clarity. But, wait, for all that clarity we are looking under the stranger's guise, peering for that semblance of other self, we know there is an other self. The title said so, the intro reiterated it. Some of the tension is lost.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting changes with rapidity, there is no time for any of it to become three dimensional. The emotion is of one struggling against time.

*Flower5* The Characters: The evil one, the victim, the roles are clear. I would have liked things to be less obvious.

There is one other in the tale, the damsel in distress, yet garbed in today's robes, complete with "short spiky hair, crimson, alluring, outright sexy."

One is not quite sure of who the narrator is - ex-FBI, but it seems as though the separation was not voluntary on his side? What skills has he? What credentials? I think even 300 word stories could add in a bit of detail for him. I have seen all the classic elements of a story in some of minuscule size, 55 words!


*Flower5* The Descriptions: I found the description deft and vivid, yet, at points it seemed just that little bit short. For example:
"Only a stiff breeze pricked at my skin with surgical precision."

I understand that the pricking was compared to the precision of the surgeon, but pricking is not exactly the surgeon's forte, cutting, probing, slicing would all be. How about altering that suitably? To something like: "Only a stiff breeze troubled me, probing my tender spots with a surgeon's precision"? Or 'slicing through my skin with surgical precision"?


*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: The action becomes a little confusing at times:"I wanted to shed light back on the girl but my muscles tightened"He's just drawn the 'trusty' (That is a cliche, if ever there was one, trusty steed, trusty knife/gun/whatever. Avoid cliches with the same firmness with which you would pass up food left out in the open for two days. Both would be too 'ripe'.*Laugh*) - where were we? Oh, yes, he'd just drawn the gun, what was he going to use to shed the light? What's that? The torch was still clenched in the other hand? No two-handed Miami Vice grip?

*Flower5* What I liked: I love tales with a twist, this one was less twist than right turn, complete with directions. Yet, I appreciate the inclusion of one.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: I thought the large font was particularly kind to my old eyes, which are still sharp. Yet, they spotted no errors, thanks for the smooth read.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of The Domino Effect  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jezri Author Icon, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I would have read this one for the sake of the title alone, the image conjured is of one vent cascading into a multitude of results, anyone who has seen the way dominoes topple over with just one touch would understand the immediate appeal.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning started with a bit of 'hot' gossip' and we were there to hear it. This dropped us into the thick of the action and the deft dialogue ensured that it kept rolling along.

*Flower5* The Setting: The 'break-room' was the physical setting, the friendship and office gossip was the emotional one. I'd have to say the latter was done so well, the former paled into insignificance. There was too little by comparison. Could you slip in a few references to that?

For e.g.: "“Just a few what?” A familiar voice asked. It was Brad Anders from the mail room" A couple of words about the him squeezing into the little cubicle that D,D,B,& F liked to call a break-room. He casts a disgusted glance at the chipped plastic chairs and perches one hip on the counter, where the defunct microwave resided. Maybe a snide comment that it was all meant to discourage long breaks? Whatever you want, just let us see the background as clearly as the action and the characters.


*Flower5* The Characters: This is dealt with in adequate manner, but at times I felt there were too many words. I know, I am hard to please. Well, what I mean is that the words go on about the same thing, instead of adding depth or new detail. For e.g., in the beginning:

"“Oh my gawd!” Gina Norris said, plopping herself down into the break room chair, right next to her best friend, Angela Banks. The two had been inseperable since grade school and were now working together as interns at the law offices of Dunder, Dunder, Bender and Franks." The use of 'he said' and she said' dialogue tags adds nothing to description, in this sentence try 'she exclaimed', 'she spat out', 'she ejaculated' ... anything to show the strong feeling expressed in those words.

Then, the word is 'inseparable', a glance at Spell-check will spot these.

Lastly the two are BFFs, we get that, whether they are from wayyyy back in grade school or from just two years, matters little to the story, yet, let's accept that part too. The "were now working together in the same firm as interns in etc.etc..." is boring.

Add in some detail, "they had been friends ever since eight-year old Angela had helped a younger Gina scale the walls of Old man Jenner's orchard to eat windfalls. Even now, at etc. etc., they had a buddy system as co-interns, that served to detour office politics."

Or whatever details are in your head.


*Flower5* The Descriptions: The descriptions of the compromising situation were funny and graphic, yet, nothing one had not heard before. I dare not quote any of it - but it has been used before. I laugh as heartily at the fifth rendition of a joke, as the first time!

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: The story moved well, it was believable, it had natural sounding dialogue. That is a lot of pluses. But, somehow the minuses end up looming large. That's unfair, but from any practiced proponent of the arts, one expects more, is satisfied with nothing but the attainable best. Take it as a compliment.

I had just one comment, if one is blackmailing someone, one would not have witnesses to that deed, would one? Yet, a smart girl like Gina (she was scathing of Fern's mental ability, remember?) uses something as easily traceable as e-mail to send the blackmail demand? Maybe you could mention that although she had attempted to hide her identity by using an alias and cyber re-routing, some smart young hacker was able to get a trace on her in x minutes flat?


*Flower5* What I liked: The title was a great one.

The story too had lots going for it, the deft dialogue, the great twist - ooops, nearly gave it away, didn't I?

It was a winner all right, it's not just that bright blue banner that said so, just that it would be sublime with some more detail and depth.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Just one tiny hiccup. It was one smooth read, otherwise.

"Angela Bank’s hit the remote control" Angela Banks, there's no need for the apostrophe.

There was one sentence with an ending preposition - "she was the only one Larry was cheating on his wife with." But I realise I am in the minority here,many people use this kind of construction,. I just know my English teacher cracked our knuckles with a ruler for this heinous crime! *Laugh*

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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