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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon - welcome to Simply Positive Reviews. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I think the title was apt, but not lyrical or perfect. I thought that something like "Windsong" would have been on a distinctly higher plane. I was eloquent often enough upon the subject of title, it is a device not used to its full potential. When so used, it can arrest and attract a roving eye, lure a bored reader into a promising write. Perhaps the story upon which this is based was of the same name, and so prompted this title?

*Flower5* Rhyming: This is also a story, merely set to rhythm and rhyme. Well done. The rhyming pattern is of the abab variety oft glimpsed in this favourite arrangement of lines - quatrains. I thought the choices for the rhyming pairs were all impeccable, except for the use of soot to rhyme with underfoot. One has the longer 'oo' sound as in 'food' and the other a shorter vowel sound as in 'good', despite both being spelled similarly. The English, she is a funny language! *Laugh*

*Flower5* Meter: Ah, impeccable pentameter. I tried to check for the stresses but found that beyond me, there are so many possible variations, and this could be any of them, I do know it is not iambic.

*Flower5* Grammar: Commas prove beyond me even in prose and in poetry I just close my eyes and go jab-jab-jab, trusting that poetic licence will take care of the rest. Does it? Well, if you choose to use commas, you must try to place them wherever required. The best way to ensure this, if you have a concept of placement, is to lay out the lines as if unbroken prose. Put in all the punctuation marks required and restore to your original verse. Here for example - laying out these lines:
"It offers a promise, against the skyline,
of climbing() and swings() among its many charms." Would you not say a comma was required at one or both of the paired brackets?

*Flower5* Poetry Form: A story in verse form - would that be a ballad? Whatever the name, it would please as well, to paraphrase the great bard. I loved the weaving of past, present, and promise of future, the whole meshes into flashback as one whole. Well done.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: Some of the imagery was vivid, but it was weakened by repeat of metaphor. What I liked:
"Branches spread arms wide embracing the light"
&
"Suddenly I'm aware that deep within
fragments of a song whisper of truth."

Where did I find the discordant repeat? Why in the use of arms as metaphor for branches again in:
"From verdant shadows, a Norwegian pine
stands tall, its branches like well-muscled arms."

I learned a new word - bract. I loved the sound and its similarity to branch clued me in to its meaning. But when I looked it up I was not as sure it was apt - could one distinguish "Modified, usually small, leaflike structure often positioned beneath a flower
or inflorescence" in the fallen leaves, dry and lifeless as they must be? Do such shrubs shed like deciduous plants?


*Flower5* What I liked: The story was a tribute to both parent and partner.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I have none, except perhaps to watch out! I am likely to be visiting your port again, in search of such sublime items.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Pleasure  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JACE Author Icon- welcome to Simply Positive Reviews. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.


*Flower3* I think the title deliberately misled, which is fine, a legitimate use of that handy device. The intro could carry on where the title left off, but in such a short story it is acceptable not to do much more than re-iterate and repeat the teasing. But, at the end of the read, the title does not prove apt. That was a big let-down, since everything else was spot-on.


*Flower3* I think the evocation of the mood was well done, with the limited words at your disposal. However, since most of the pleasure is heightened by her perceptions, it would be judicious to replace 'his' with 'her' in the playful beginnings of the mood. Her lips, her actions.


*Flower3* I love it when the author can add in all the elements of a story within those 55 words. Makes me ashamed of my more verbose attempts that fall far short. If it wasn't for my template being ten times longer than your story, I could have used it with impunity. You had a beginning, a setting, characters, description, plot, problem, conflict and resolution.


*Flower3* You even had the delectable twist in the tail! This is not a requirement, just my own way of finding people after my own heart. If you add in twists and unexpected turns, I mark you as prey and return to your port, time and time again. Be warned.


*Flower3* May I just stand up and applaud? I can find no better way to convey my appreciation! If the title were to my liking the stars would have done it for me.


*Flower3*
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Marshall Author Icon_welcome to In-depth reviews. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Loved the title. I have had a long discussion with some of the leading poets on-site and the consensus is that it is quite OK to use all caps in a title. Personally, I dislike it for two reasons, it seems a lazy disinclination to turn off Caps Lock rather than any desire to emphasise, and it is too much like shouting for anyone used to 'netiquette'. But it remains both your choice and a valid form.

*Flower5* Rhyming: Oh, this is free verse, no rhyme or rhythm here. I think this is one of the most difficult forms of poetry - no prop or device to attract or distract, just word play.

*Flower5* Meter: I should just put in 'see above' - but I have learned that free verse is free only in not having a required form. It can have meter if one so desires - to be called blank verse. Wow! Adding complexity to difficulty. I'm glad you do not tax my feeble wits too much.

*Flower5* Grammar: This needs a little more attention than in most forms. Take your first verse, (I am treating the chorus-style non-refrain in italics as a separate entity) - it says 'chanting on naked toes' - I found that hard to visualise. Chanting, yes. Being on naked toes, yes. Not a merging of the two. A comma after 'chanting' would simplify things for me; but is that what you intend to say?

*Flower5* Poetry Form: You threw us into the deep end here and assumed we were bright enough to figure it out. I feel this would then be for a few elite erudite souls. I like to know a little bit about what is being conveyed, or else that the poet is open to 'interpretation' by the uninformed! *Laugh* Like the art critic who found superlative meaning in the canvas that the artist used to wipe excess paint off his brushes! To come to the point, the addition of the on-stage instructions as a themed repeat, without it actually being a refrain was an innovative use of imagery. To put in italics made it clear to people - even dumb ones like me. *Bigsmile*

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: There's a deep love and understanding. An ability to observe without interfering. It will stand that little girl in good stead later. I understand the nature depicted here - my son crawled until he was one and half years; he did not even attempt to stand without support. When he was sure he could do it - he just stood up one morning and was running around by afternoon!

*Flower5* Remarks: Some bits of description were superb -
"my hazel eyes crouched
in her sockets,"
I also love the feeling in the lines
"Now she is first
in the center
of a warm,
safe little world;" Smart girl, lucky dad.*Thumbsup**Check2*

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


Reviewed for
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1488944 by Not Available.

** Image ID #1430517 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello An apple a day.... Author Icon- welcome to reviews for contest
 Lucky One's Poetry Contest - Results Out Open in new Window. (E)
Poetry Contest in honour of St. Patrick's Day. Closed, Results announced.
#1526640 by Kerry* Author IconMail Icon
. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I liked the title, it immediately told me your take on the prompt was going to be refreshingly different, yet since it remained about luck and chance, it was not too far from it. Loved the deeper meaning within.

*Flower5* Rhyming: You chose to use abab cdcd efefe gg - the English pattern for this sonnet, I believe the abba structure is more popular with those who follow the Italian form. You stick to it with admirable finesse and perfect direct rhyme.

*Flower5* Meter:I'm guessing iambic stresses were not on your mind? Well, I am not a purist, I will accept the pentameter, impeccably achieved.

*Flower5* Grammar: I found nothing that I needed to correct.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: English Sonnet, all rules except iambic stresses followed.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: Do you work in a stock market or exchange, you have described the doings of that mecca of fiscal players like a seasoned veteran. I love the unusual meaning you choose for 'clover'. The summing up of the situation in the first three verses and then the rebuttal in the final couplet was well done.

*Flower5* Prompts: All included, thanks for the change in colour for easy identification of their inclusion. *Thumbsup**Check2*

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello care_a_lot Author Icon - welcome to a review from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Considering that Tom's appears for all of one line in the story, to chracterise it as "Tom's wonderful gift" would be giving the reader false expectations. Then again it is just a bland statement, it is never revealed who thought that it was a 'wonderful' gift, certainly not Herbert. Something like "Automatically Gifted" has different levels of meaning within, emphasising the literal mind of the auto-helper and the fact that the gift was a gesture without deep thought behind it. You do not need to change the title, if you are satisfied it is catchy and meaningful, I just explain what more I wanted from it.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Beginnings must be flawless. I understand that it is the Robot who makes the grammatical mistake, but it is not 'cute' the way a child's would be. He is programmed to make certain automatic statements, this is one of the most obvious introductory statements. It must be prefect too. "I am.", not "I is." Then again the line is not clear whether Mr. Bigley had the funny look on his face, or the strange machine did, the phrase is awkwardly juxtaposed within the sentence.

"“I is made to work for you sir,” HDR542 stated as a matter of fact to Mr Bigley,
who looked at this strange machine in front of him with a funny look on his face." If you were to make that '... Mr Bigley had a funny look on his face, as he looked at this strange machine in front of him .' it might help to clarify.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting is futuristic for sure, the robotic house-help proves that - but there was nothing else to use as prop, no description of surroundings, furniture that was auto-adaptive to the body's curvature, walls that became transparent and acted as windows if required, nothing to 'set' the scene.

*Flower5* The Characters: Mr. Bigley has 80 years of experience as mechanic, so of course any machinery is a piece of cake to him - that's the advance made in the future. Even today an auto-mechanic will not be able to double up as TV mechanic or either of them as Computer mechanic. The systems are too unlike. No user manuals? I understand this was flash fiction but a line about how 'his arthritic fingers fumble in clumsy futility over the smooth surface of the oblate ovoid egg-shaped they used to say in the good ol' days meant to hold the mysteries of the robot function.'?

*Flower5* The Descriptions: There's a paucity of this too, what did HDR452 look like? Did extensible arms shoot out to reach for things above it? Did he have large multi-faceted globes to function as visual units? Was it humanoid or not?

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I liked the story idea about a literal minded robot and the struggle the owner has to make it do what he wants. Yet some bits are inconsistent, the robot does not 'compute' food, and yet, is able to make sense of 'blood', 'sandwich' and 's***'. Maybe instead of the standard error message - "does not compute" - it could respond 'Require more input' in response to his stating 'Food' to it? Or come up with a long sub-menu of commands of cuisine choice, spice levels, dietary restrictions, any allergies, etc. that irritates him more?

*Flower5* What I liked: It had to be the ludicrous suggestion in the end. Great twist, now to figure our how to get us there in a more descriptive and leading-down-the-garden-path way. *Laugh*

*Flower5* Suggestions:
"looking at the robot with a really adamant look on his face" The 'really' is not of descriptive use here, 'adamant' is stronger than 'really adamant'.

"and lets just say" Apostrophe required, the words are actually 'let us just say', so 'let's just say' would be correct.

"Then prompty pushed him roughly" Promptly. I am not against adverbs in a rigid, never-use-'em fashion, but here, it is a weak substitute for 'showing' what the officious robot does. There are too in that sentence. Also the fact that only a walking stick is used for aid in the future seems over-simplistic without explanation. Maybe you could make it a Weakness Aid Lift-Kick Air Insufflating Device? (W.A.L.K. A.I.D.) It could work on the same principle as a hydrofoil and it provides enough 'lift' to make the walking less troublesome for old joints? Whatever props you need to make this futuristic tale plausible, it need not be the same as mine, that is merely illustration.

What was the word count required - <500 words? Then you have enough to play with - add in some detail and more interaction. BTW for a look at a deft robot-human interaction, read Isaac Asimov's collection of robot stories - "I, Robot." The robots become more and more complicated as the stories progress - excellent stuff.

If you do edit this, and would like a re-rate, please do let me know. I would be happy to clear my rating and re-review.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Michael Newman Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I would have beats in the belfry if this title did not immediately appeal to me. The intro was all that was required to tell me that this would be a tale full of the zany and quirky, I jumped into it feet first.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Loved the beginning two paragraphs, it told us that the narrator's wife was doggedly ({great metaphor - but more about that later - *Laugh*) persistent in thinking there were squirrels in the attic despite many fruitless searches.

*Flower5* The Setting: The attic was well detailed, you sure that wasn't my living room you were describing? Except for the acorns, it was my living room to a 't'. Or should it be to an 'm'? *Bigsmile*

*Flower5* The Characters: Wow, the line of metaphor you use to describe Sharon's persistence, inventive! "Imagine a bull dog, holding the end of a rope." Wait, that's nowhere near the the end of the description - "Tie the loose end to a jet plane as it takes off and flies to California. When it lands, that bulldog is still holding on." It's not over yet - "Refuel and fly out over the ocean, point the nose down and crash into the sea. Sink a thousand feet to the bottom and guess what? That dog is still hanging on." That is Sharon, just multiply by 100! I would have to wait for ages, until cobwebs formed upon my waiting figure, to see something that descriptive again. *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Descriptions: If there was one thing in this story that stood out, it was the depth of description, one could perfectly picture characters and setting, get into the thick of the action right besides 3-D actors. It made everything else look done to perfection.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I loved it, but as with kids, so is it with wives, you just can't win. I knew the end, I just did not know which path would take the narrator there! Superb ending. *Laugh*

*Flower5* What I liked: Irrepressible bubbling humour, excellent description, this is what I mean when I say graphic, not some other connotation that has crept into writing these days.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Write on, go on then, get started on another one!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello The Foolish Ford Prefect Author Icon_welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: OK, there is fantasy there, the unusual too, enough to make one want to delve right in. The intro though could have something that subtly enhanced the allure of this title, the information currently there could be a footnote within.

*Flower5* The Beginning: I believe the ugliest little dog in the world is a hairless breed called Xolo. They even have an ugly dog competition ... all these useless facts raced through my mind, put there by your effective beginning. In such a short story, it is hard to retain all the elements for which one normally searches in stories. Yet you had me going - check - check - check.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting is some time far in the past when wizards and apprentices, magic and spells abounded. Yet there is a connection to our world. Nothing much said, it is our imagination that does all the work of 'setting', yet it was your words that stimulated it.

*Flower5* The Characters: Wow, what an eclectic mix, from the famous to the ugly. I enjoyed the young apprentice's choice of spells, certainly a revelation to his master, who cannot really find fault with the logic, convoluted though it may be.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Some of the bits are wonderful nuggets of detail, I could picture this easily: "there stood Richard Simmons in the middle of the room doing aerobics and generally being cheerful.
" Yet there was one bit where I had to stop and ponder - "He stared with accomplishment." Does one stare with accomplishment, or with concentration and focus? Could he instead 'look up with smug accomplishment'?

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I loved it, it came into the guffaw-for-today category, at which point I normally stop reviewing, trying to end on a high note. Thank you.

*Flower5* What I liked: The timid apprentice, the valorous apprentice, the clumsy apprentice - I could have thought of all these myself. You had this brainwave for a sarcastic apprentice!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Other than what was already mentioned in the descriptions, I would ask that you please eschew repetition and adverbs.

Wild movements are talked of twice, once as " the apprentice began his wild movements" and once as "The young apprentice gesticulated wildly" It is fine to refer to him as apprentice throughout, but twice using the same verb/adverb is not advisable. You can see that the adverb form weakens the description, even though gesticulation is better than movement. How about retaining 'wild gesticulations' and using some other form to describe his movement. You have 'flayed the air' later, as a good substitute, how about 'playing the air violin in crescendo'? Or whatever substitute you prefer?


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Madhulika Author Icon_welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Anybody who is familiar with my reviewing knows I place great stress on the power of a well-chosen title. I think this one satisfied me on most counts. It was an unusual subject choice for a poem, interesting to most of those who have suffered these woes, and in the end, succinctly apt.

*Flower5* Rhyming: There is an unusual choice of rhyme here, mainly because the the arrangement is not obvious at first, then it is seen to be a simple abab pattern, with direct end rhyme. The choice of 'hear' and 'manager' as rhyming pair made me wince a bit, even assonance is missing there. Other than that is a delicious surprise.

*Flower5* Meter: My hat is doffed in admiration, or it would be if I wore one. *Laugh* The lines are regularly irregular, that clued me in. 3-6-9-12 right through, bravo! Is this a known form, or did you just dream it up? Because the steady increase in line length serves to underline increasing board-room tensions.

*Flower5* Grammar: You wisely eschew all punctuation, ending or otherwise. The spelling is impeccable, as is the language. I thought that "graph-paper boats" might be a bit more dramatic than "paper boats" to show what they chose to use on their sails into financially rough waters, but the syllable count does not allow it. That is a minor quibble, to be discarded without further ado.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: You have got to tell me the name! Attractive and effective. The focus relaxes and shifts and is brought back again.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: This was a marvel, it was like a short story that drew us gently down one path of expectation and deftly unmasked the unexpected finale.


*Flower5* What I liked: The bits of imagery are excellent:
"I take notes
As didactic bosses
Assail stormy seas in paper boats
Analyse frivolous gains and mighty losses"

*Flower5* Suggestions: I have none, speechless for once. There are many on-site who would thank you for that one feat alone. *Bigsmile*


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉtcÄ¥ Author Icon - welcome to a review from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: The title was the part I liked the most. Not that the rest of it was not appreciated, but this fulfilled all my 'to-dos' for a good title. It was unusual and eye-catching, it was a hint of something urgent and fast-paced - o appointment necessary. It had the double meaning that became evident after reading the tale, the after appreciation of having tasted something not quite in the normal line.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Was this fan-fiction, an attempt to re-create the world of Dick Tracey or Mickey Spillane? It succeeded in doing so, certainly. Yet somehow I thought it tried too hard. The beginning set the scene well, a private investigator who was addicted to hang-overs (assumption) and disrespectful and slightly contemptuous of women, except as eye-candy. He disdains 'boring' work even if it means less money to wait for the interesting. Quite a lot of information in those few lines.

*Flower5* The Setting: One guesses the era from the type of characters, because one knows these were set in the early 1900s. But nothing in the story clues us in to the period. There were no definite 'date-specific' objects. Like if the 'dame' sported a peace sign on a long chain - it might set it in the 1960s to 1970s. Even Zeke could sport it, finger it as he talks to Lou.

*Flower5* The Characters: The characters are not the kind that leap to mind's eye. The great image that decorates the story shows the typical fedora clad detective, in a coat with turned up collars, in the act of lighting the inevitable cigarette. Nothing tells us if Lou fits the stereo-type or not. He could even sneer at Zeke for either following or discarding this pseudo-uniform of the 'dick'. Even Gloria is described only as to the 'nice view'. Typical, but not too useful in letting us form a mind's eye picture.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Lou's reactions are the best way of determining what someone is like. "The guy gave me one of those sneers that told me I don't want to meet him in a dark alley." I loved his pithy and spot-on typifications.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: It was a real stroke of luck that Lou knew the people involved, like recognising Guido on his stake-out. Or zeroing on the one exact case, having heard whispers about that particular 'back-up' judge. (Does your legal system have 'back-ups' for judges?) How's that for omniscience?

*Flower5* What I liked: The flavour, I always liked Mickey Spillane. If I felt Lou was too fond of spouting 'dame' and 'guy', it was at least perfectly in character, for him to do so. The same pithy observations, unusual simile, and wry humour.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I would have liked some clues being dragged across the scene, some detective work, a little less luck. But, that is really not a biggie, this was a deftly told tale that was entertaining.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
260
260
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello NickiD89 Author Icon - welcome to a review from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Wow, what a great tile, unusual, eye-catching and with a subtle undercurrent of meaning that is revealed only after the read. Great, one tick mark right there.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning is unhurried and slow, like a moment frozen in time. It catches the character of one of the protagonists perfectly. I loved the way he closed his eyes to make the outer world go away. The only line with which I had any quibble was the: "he felt Wendy grab his sleeve with the gentleness of a toddler." Toddlers do not grab gently, they clutch with all the purpose of a leech, they pinch one's flesh in their fingers, unaware of the pain they cause. Or at least mine did - *Laugh*.

*Flower5* The Setting: The train station, the crowds, the crossing, all these were done well. So was the emotion scarring flashback in the woods. By contrast, the apartment received less 'setting', just bits that were seen in the 'action' when one's attention is not upon such detail, like the couch or the drapes.

*Flower5* The Characters: Ricky is well detailed, as he deserves, being the focus of the story. Wendy gets a raw deal in comparison. Is this omniscient narrator or is it from Ricky's POV - could not a little more of Wendy's thoughts and motivations be shown? inspired choice - to make 'other man' the brother. It added conflict without distracting from the main storyline with jealousy or romance.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Some bits were superb, the ones about the deafness in the beginning and the exact contrasts in the end. I found not much character physical description though, it is not a must, but it always helps to be able to visualise characters.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: It is deft, well crafted, with a mix of fantasy and science, greed and temptation, frailty and ignorance, wish and consequence.

*Flower5* What I liked: I would laud this for its unique presentation of the old saw of fairy tales, that all wishes are thoughtless tempting of the fates and nothing is to be wished for lightly. To be as 'fair as snow' might just result in anaemia! *Bigsmile*.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Technically flawless. I congratulate you upon your win.

The only things I did not understand were: Why Sebastian does court danger by walking around with such a precious find? A priceless artifact carried around in a coat pocket? It would have been safer to have mailed it (because they would not know to whom it was mailed)! Then the one who, presumably, follows them home - he does not know there were three of them in the apartment? Lastly, he leaves them alive and unbound and then lingers to look at his 'spoils', so that he can be ambushed. No rushing in, picking it up and running out again? I understand that these details pale before the moral in your story, but this is a kind of thriller, assault and robbery included, it must have immaculate reasoning.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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Review of 103 point 5  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon - welcome to a review from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I loved the title, I am not much of a radio listener, so I didn't get the allusion immediately and instead thought of it as the weather or something. Once I understood it, and I generally get the point when it is made as lucid and clear as you do it, I found it delicious!

*Flower5* The Rhyme: Well you have attempted much more difficult schemes like the Ottava Rima faultlessly. aabb was a piece of cake for you. It is end rhyme, direct all the way. Well done.

*Flower5* The Meter: You have achieved it elsewhere, so this was a deliberate decision to eschew what is often a handy way to ensure cadence in reading a poem aloud. It is not far, most lines hover around the fourteen mark, if required a little pruning and padding would bring them all into line. For example:
"I reach into my glove box and there I find a gun.
As madness over takes me, I think of how much fun"
I make those lines thirteen syllables each. To bring it upto fourteen, without disturbing meaning:
I reach into my glove box; there I find my trusty gun.
As madness over takes me, I think that it would be fun ... the next line is ... "to rid the road of sluggards that I pass along the way" so the lines fuse seamlessly into that. Just a suggestion and illustration of how it would not be difficult to reach for that device.


*Flower5* The Bit's and Pieces: I love the thread of humour that is inherent in all these poems. I think the most difficult poetry to write is comedy, and the most difficult comedy to write is poetry. The images that accompany each are perfect, they 'illustrate' the subject as words try hard to do. One picture is worth ... and all the rest of it.

*Flower5* The Subject: Not Love, either unrequited or fulfilled, not Loss or Sorrow; just an ordinary everyday commute that takes on Walter Mitty shades of the unreal.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: It had just enough of what I like in a poem, some rhyme, a 'setting' achieved with deft words, a modicum (more is fine, this is the bare minimum) of humour, and an eye-catching title. Loved the bit about 'in the silence snakes another voice that whispers warningly to me'.

*Flower5* What I liked: The zany humour - it spoke to the irrepressible creature within me who insists on making everything I view funny, I shush it, but it bubbles up at odd times.

*Flower5* Suggestions:
Just one quibble, you start off by denying any voices that exist inside your head, and talk of the ones from the radio station instead. But some time later those very little voices pipe up, they cannot be coming from anywhere other than your head! Or is this the ultimate subtlety - like the madman who insists he is sane?


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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Review of Twisted  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello samcatt Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* The title is apt, arresting and enough to make one peep into the piece; even without the information provided in the intro, which is blatant where the title was subtle.

*Flower1* The initial verses are especially striking and powerful with terse lines and vivid images. The lines increase in length in the latter half, and inexplicable, lose some of that power.

*Flower1* The focus seems to jump around from victim to abuser. The first part is all victim, the last all abuser.

*Flower1* Since you do use punctuation, commas at the end of some lines; why not use them mid-line as well? For example in between the words suggestion effect like 'screaming, bleeding'?

*Flower1* There was just one tiny typo - "Suffering dieing." Should it not be 'dying'?

*Flower1* It was though=provoking and eye-opening. A good read, it deserved to be published for its impact, if not its form.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Introduction  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Dana Williams Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Well, well. I would have liked to know a little about you, and the 'why' behind this series you intend to write. This felt like the prelude to the big event, only all the characters were masked and cloaked from head to toe, they just bowed and went away. They failed to excite or generate an interest in the forthcoming show.

*Flower1* We got to know your name, but little else. Hmm ... let me glean the facts. It has been ten years since some life-changing experience, or the last ten years have been significant. You will write a series of articles, keeping them short to retain interest, separated to allow easy browsing. That is it.

*Flower1* No other facts per se, just a little of your philosophy, laudable in that you do not want pity for troubles that you have faced. Tell us a little more to 'show' us your face, detail a little of the past so that we are prodded into coming back when the series gets going.

*Flower1* A couple of typos: "so that you will not get too board." 'bored', I presume?

*Flower1* I would suggest you start the series in book format, to keep everything in one place. That could then qualify as 'Inspirational', this introduction might be 'Experience' or 'Personal'.

*Flower1* I think the writing might prove cathartic for you and help you shed some of the burden you carry. I think you are unselfish to think about helping others by detailing your own problems. Best Wishes for writing on.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Narcolepsy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello greenevevegiebea. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Narcolepsy - what an unusual subject - hence striking title! I had to delve into this one!

*Flower1* The problems of narcolepsy must go far beyond just being unable to read a book. Yet that is the only one highlighted. Do you wish to take a humorous slant on this condition? Or do you intend to focus on the problems? It is not quite clear from the tone of your poem.

*Flower1* Some words and phrases repeat, intentional or not - hard to tell. For example: "No mater the effort I make
Oh what an effort it took" It should be 'matter', not 'mater'. Since there is no counting of syllables required for meter, why are the sentences so stilted? The logic is puzzling - no matter how much effort you make; oh, what an effort it takes?

*Flower1* It is arranged in quatrains with alternate rhyme in all the lines - abab pattern.Direct rhyme all the way, but one word repeats as its own pair - 'way' in the last verse, it occurs as rhyming pair with 'day' twice more, once in the singular, once in the plural. In such a short poem, repeat of rhyming pairs implies insufficient search for a good rhyme.

*Flower1* The solution for the struggle is unique - don't. Don't struggle, just give in and let the sleep take over and thrive that way. Or did you mean something else?

*Flower1* This would have been a good opportunity to garner eyeballs and attention for a little known sleep disorder that has a devastating impact of lifestyle. I thought you threw it away.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Token Open Hearts  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello AdamAnt Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* The meaning, the central premise is a laudable exhortation that millions of mindless gifters should heed. Yet let us be thankful that at least such holidays loosen miserly purses and enhance charity.

*Flower1* I liked the cadence in the opening lines of each verse, followed by a deft enjambment. The alternate lines have action in terse crisp images, then a philosophical thought, repeat as required.

*Flower1* I like the simple solution to the token gifts that you despise - "Share, offer, give
and plant each day a beautiful seed.
" Would that many listen to this simple plan to have an infinite giving.

*Flower1* Each line has its own beauty and the poem starts to grow upon you with each reading, some new meaning suddenly shines upon you - "Shine, open heart,
feel the warmth and light it brings
"

*Flower1* The last lines seemed a rather simplistic solution, but here's to reaching that Utopian state of equality. Thank you for a profound and enjoyable read. Rather a paradox, but achieved with ease here.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of A boy now a man  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wolfsister Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I think this is is a poignant piece, it makes an effective, and tear-jerking, tribute. But lyrics above all other forms of poetry must have rhythm. To set it to a tune, there must be the beat, the cadence. I could not find it, but then I am musically challenged. I will accept your word for it that is fits a tune, if you have indeed tried that out.

*Flower1* The personal pronoun 'I' is sometimes sued in the lower case - 'i'. It is not with any pattern. I thought at first that the narrator feels diminished by the loved one's departure, but even after that there are a couple of capital 'I's.

*Flower1* "who now lays Arlington" Would that be 'now lies in Arlington'? I suppose that military graveyard is well-known enough to be used without foot-note explanation? I would consider a footnote for those not familiar with that information.

*Flower1* I understand that crying and bereavement is to be portrayed, but 'I began to cry gain' occurring twice? It seems repetitive to me.

*Flower1* The emotion was well evoked, a little editing and polish would lift it to further heights.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Sad Melody  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello TheGyrumBard Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I liked the title, it repeats throughout the poem as a leit motif. I just wondered if the word 'sad' was the most appropriate one for such an inspirational poem. Would not plaintive be a better choice? It makes sense when combined alliteratively with soft melody later, but in the title - it made me wonder.

*Flower1* The rhyme and meter scheme are striking and unusual. Of your own devising, I presume? It is complicated enough for one to ask for elucidation, especially the meter. 6-10-9-15-12, 6-10-9-15-12 was it not? Such an irregular arrangement should have some logic to it, either arithmetical progression or regression like the 2-4-6-8-2 of garland cinquains, or the 3-6-9-12-12-9-6-3 of Trois-Par-Huit.

*Flower1* The rhyming was also hard to discern, one went through six lines to find one rhyming pair. Then one sees it, abcde-abcde. The choice of rhyme seems a bit 'forced' and not quite apt. In the lines:
'And only by going through trials and troubles,
Can we become ample.' You use the word ample to signify complete and capable, but it does not quite fit. It is required by the use of the word 'example' five lines back, as rhyming pair.

*Flower1* The words 'melody' ,'sad' and 'soft', recur. If you mean it as deliberate refrain, that would be acceptable. Yet it does not occur in all the verses. Otherwise some alternatives might be better used.

*Flower1* Some of the words seem to be used as deliberate paradox, for effect. It made me stop and ponder the meaning though. It is not so much a bad thing in poetry, as it is in prose, to have the reader stop and think. " And the road that my sore feet must tread with a slow, cautious dare" or " He turns all your fears and sorrows into frail coal."

*Flower1* Some of the thoughts and words were vivid in their imagery - "A soft melody rings eerily through this void," . The whole has the ring of the inspirational. Congratulations upon developing this arresting new form.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* "Simply beautiful - beautifully simple". I think it is for efforts like this, that words like those were written. The title is a gentle echo of the sentiments within.

*Flower1* I can empathize with those words, there is no sight to compare with that for tender joy, hope, nurturing, comfort, a feeling of accomplishment that is humbling and empowering at the same time.

*Flower1* The verses are arranged to form echoing thoughts separated by one deft verse that lifts the emotions of the first, just when you though nothing ever could. An alternating rhyme that is accomplished with direct end rhyme, all the way.

*Flower1* I love those ending two lines, what quiet satisfaction, what tender love, is seen in those simple words.
"Rocking your baby,
Stroking his head
And when he's asleep
You put him to bed."

*Flower1* I had the shine of unshed tears in my eyes, you painted such a 'real' picture. Thank you for that tender and delicate read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Secret Garden  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello kiyasama. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Isn't it amazing what flights of fancy prompts judges to set guidelines for their stories or poems? What prompts a prompt? This one was pretty specific and yet all the entries managed to be so different from each other. The human mind is creative and infinitely capable.

*Flower1* I thought you stuck to all the required parts of this prompt:
*Note2*While unpacking at your home: Well - you weren't actually unpacking, but you were shifting your effects into the house - so that's fine. *Check2*

*Note2*you find a box: You sure do. *Check2*

*Note2*left behind in the corner of your new bedroom closet: Not difficult at all - *Check2*

The story is about:

*Note2*What's in the box: It is something truly inventive and central to both story and title. *Check2*

*Note2*What it tells you about the previous residents: I think this part was missing. It is just one brief speculation - "Perhaps the original owner of this bedroom had left the binoculars as a gift to his or her successors."

*Note2*What you do with it: This is more hinted at, the resolution is left for us to imagine. It is implicit in the way the narrator hides it to be savoured when alone and leaves the way open for further adventures.

*Flower1* I liked the use of the present tense, it drops us right in the middle of the action.

*Flower1* The interaction between the siblings and the parent child relationship, were both well detailed. Real to the core. An enjoyable read on the whole, congratulations on your deserved win.

*Flower1*

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


** Image ID #1372928 Unavailable **
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Kate - Writing & Reading Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I am so glad that the best comes as the last. It will leave me on a note of high contentment.

*Flower1* A double acrostic? Wow! Double Wow!! I have found only one other on this site that I would rate as anywhere near to this, by another accomplished poet. It is always difficult in this form to not force the ending words to go the way one wants. Except for perhaps the word 'each his own journey wrote', which I felt would be more natural as 'each his own journey writes', all else came along smoothly.

*Flower1* Some of the words have brilliant imagery: "Leap and dance in company of fecund limbs gilded with sap" & "Walk with care along the trail to twilight’s cerulean maw"

*Flower1* A lovely poem with hidden inner meaning about walking along Life's pathways, and superficial beauty besides.

*Flower1* Thank you for this wonderful read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ms.Magi Author Icon_welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title:Love the title, it is audacious and arresting.

*Flower5* Rhyming: You keep to the named rhyming scheme well. The humour enhances this.

*Flower5* Meter: Pentameter means five feet of two syllables each. I thought I might be wrong in my counting so I went to a helpful site that agreed with my assessment. This was not a ten syllable construction. I am not even going to follow the stressed and unstressed syllables.

*Flower5* Grammar: Nothing at which to caivl ther.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Pushkin Sonnet, that is achieved in all but the meter.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I enjoyed the reading, it brought a smile to my face. You deserve to perk that bonnet and wear it at a proud tilt!

*Flower5* What I liked: The concluding lines are good and 'cap' the effort neatly.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Try to count the syllables and see if they need tweaking.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Death is Life  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello sara fawad khan Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Oh, dear. Her favorite piece, she says, the only thing I liked about it was the paradox in the title. It is briefly echoed in the piece, but too fleeting a mention to make an impact.

*Flower1* There is need for editing, to make this single para into different its different points.

*Flower1* Some spell checking would not go amiss. ( "wait till theyre" apostrophe missing - they're)

*Flower1* Yes, after death comes life, if that's what you believe; what will make it in any way a better life?

*Flower1* Expand on each point a little, I think that will help us to understand your point of view. It is too brief for convincing argument.

*Flower1* I am glad you have be spurred on to write, may you write long and may all the words be strong.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello care_a_lot Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* If this was a real place, you would have to come up with a snappier name. Are these assignments not including the names?

*Flower1* This was a class assignment you say? To draft an advertisement? Well most adverts I have seen do not have just copy, but also colours, attractive large fonts, pictures and what not. Or maybe it was to create only the 'copy'?

*Flower1* You do not have 'leisure time', do you? You are looking after a lot of animals. What you might have is a leisure area.

*Flower1* The swimming pool for colder weather, there's no mention of it being at a regulated temperature or indoors. What is to prevent it being as cold as the lake?

*Flower1* Which guests are the ones taking care of themselves? It might achieve humour if you mentioned that you encourage feline guests to wash/groom themselves.

*Flower1* The last line showed a zany humour that was above the rest of the piece and indeed so different, that it might be misinterpreted!

*Flower1* If I was to grade this as an assignment, I am afraid I would ask you to take it back and try harder. There are hints of effort, not enough to justify a good grade. I would be willing to re-grade after that effort. (Read review and re-rate)

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* The genres, content ratings, item choice are are well chosen. It is so important to do this to gain maximum readers on site. The mention of the word that hints at weapon might require a change to slightly higher rating of ASR, better a tad high than a tad low.

*Flower1* A sad piece that is hopeful, have you heard of such an anomaly. Well I just read it. This is one excellent example of that genre.

*Flower1* It begins with a little back-story and 'setting', emotional setting that is. I loved the description of the "Dagger of Disappointment". No, not lovedappreciated.

*Flower1* The story takes on a note of hope only to be rent again - you guessed it - by the Double D of the Dagger.

*Flower1* The philosopher in this heart makes it beat gain, this time with a gentle hope that says there is light at the end of the tunnel.

*Flower1* Even if there is a tunnel at the end of the light, in the inevitable cycle of Life! Well said, well written. Thank you for a profound thought.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Maryann Author Icon. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I am sure you have seen umpteen of my reviews for the Power Raiders, Cap'n? You are then aware of the importance I place upon a deft title? This one escapes censure because the nature of the piece is more an essay or argument. For such an item, 'tis enough, 'twill do.

*Flower5* The Situation: I have watched neither Gilligan's island nor the other show. One would think that people would be clued in by the title and not dive in if they were uniformed, wouldn't one? But for the foolish or the lost wanderers, could you add in an introductory few lines? I resorted to that Oracle - Google - for information!

*Flower5* The Argument: Extremely lucid, after reading about the characters, I found the sequence of events that you relate or assume to be logical to the very end.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Entertaining and relates well to the original argument, if 'a' then 'b'.

*Flower5* What I liked: I do not now what was the inspiration for this enjoyable appetizer of a read. I just know it was worth the delving.

*Flower5* Suggestions: None, not a single one.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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