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Rated: E · In & Out · Other · #819237
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*Penbl* Author: Naveedsk          [Apr 26, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Satire :: Religious :: None
*Penr* Details: Looking for some expert feedback before I submit this for publication. This is the first time that I'm sending something over for publication, so I'd be grateful if you guys could advise me on some possible improvements. Thanks in advance :)

Never a sinner do I find  (13+)
An account of mob justice for the "sinful".
#2119804 by Naveedsk

*Penbl* Author: Corrine Shroud          [Apr 25, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Thriller/Suspense :: Dark :: Contest Entry
*Penr* Details: Roughed out first draft of contest entry. Needs work, and I have about 800 words to play with. Let me know what needs to be added. Not conventional, and definitely not my usual genre. Not intended to be a happy-go-lucky story.
  [Short Story]

Far From Home  (18+)
Not all is what it seems when the world sleeps.
#2119750 by Corrine Shroud

*Penbl* Author: Fifthwood          [Apr 25, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Action/Adventure :: Sci-fi :: Other
*Penr* Details: I'm not trying to be political, in this story. I'm trying to build a background for my short story series. I'm hoping that is what I achieved. Would like to know what you think about this story on all levels. Great GPs!

Corporate Wars: History  (18+)
John goes through his father's journal to learn the truth of the corporations.
#2117916 by Fifthwood

*Penbl* Author: Mira          [Apr 25, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Crime/Gangster :: Other
*Penr* Details: Looking for reviews of the second chapter of my novel. Thanks

 Chapter 2 - Mira  (18+)
This is the second chapter of my romance/crime novel.
#2119680 by Mira

*Penbl* Author: Draper91          [Apr 24, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Personal :: Family :: Experience
*Penr* Details: All honest feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading

 As Time Goes On...  (E)
the product of a bad bout of depression the other day
#2119638 by Draper91

*Penbl* Author: J. Robert Kane          [Apr 22, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Paranormal :: Dark :: Death
*Penr* Details: Looking for reviews of this new first draft. Thank you in advance!
  [Short Story]

Godshead  (18+)
A brain injury transforms Jaden Baker into a god
#2119350 by J. Robert Kane

*Penbl* Author: Colbert-238          [Apr 21, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Teen :: Comedy
*Penr* Details: First chapter of a science fiction novel. Any general thoughts or feedback would be appreciated.

 Martian Cheerleader  (13+)
A teenage girl does everything she can to help a human colony on Mars prosper.
#2119333 by Colbert-238

*Penbl* Author: Eogin          [Apr 21, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Other :: Other
*Penr* Details: Hey. If anyone could take a look at my 500-word contest entry, it would be amazing. Thanks.
  [Short Story]

 The Contractor  (13+)
A piece of flash-fiction Sci-Fi.
#2119304 by Eogin

*Penbl* Author: Sarah Rae          [Apr 21, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Young Adult :: Fantasy :: Romance/Love
*Penr* Details: Looking for feedback on the opening chapters of my novel. GPs provided for feedback. Wanting to know if you would want to keep reading or if anything feels too slow, to over-the-top, etc.

The Dancing Curse - Part 1  (ASR)
The war ends, but Cara's dreams of a bright future are dashed when she learns the price
#2112845 by Sarah Rae

*Penbl* Author: Boo          [Apr 21, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Adult :: Music :: Drama
*Penr* Details: Rory Barclays intro to the first part of a story.

 R.A.B.  (18+)
A character entrance.
#2119206 by Boo

*Penbl* Author: John Yossarian          [Apr 21, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Horror/Scary :: Paranormal :: Occult
*Penr* Details: I'm trying to capture something at the end which requires a tricky change of perspective. I'm not sure if it's just confusing or if readers 'get it'. Looking for some opinions.
  [Short Story]

The Ginger Man  (18+)
Two thugs explore an abandoned funeral home for treasure.
#2119192 by John Yossarian

*Penbl* Author: Bruce.          [Apr 20, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Relationship :: Other
*Penr* Details: Work in progress

 Prequel to Love In Cheshire. Chapter 5.  (18+)
Judy makes a mistake and then gets fired. Retro Fiction. Work in Progress.
#2114092 by Bruce.

*Penbl* Author: CJHanna84          [Apr 20, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Personal :: Romance/Love :: Military
*Penr* Details: Life in an essay.

Blackbird Sings... And I Count.  (13+)
An Essay. A weird girl. A missed train. An unexpected detour.
#2119100 by CJHanna84

*Penbl* Author: Zynab - Thank you 'Mr/Ms. X'!!          [Apr 19, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Cultural :: Romance/Love :: Other
*Penr* Details: This is not the rough draft. I've bled and sweated over this chapter. But I still haven't gotten it right. Feedback on where I've gone wrong, or what could make it better would be appreciated. Thanks

 Prologue  (13+)
A young maid narrates her story
#2119017 by Zynab - Thank you 'Mr/Ms. X'!!

*Penbl* Author: AbundantOkiru          [Apr 19, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Writing :: Biographical :: Experience
*Penr* Details: Trying to come back to writing, I wrote this many years ago.

 Life goals paper from college   (E)
7 years later......nothing turned out the way I thought.
#2118226 by AbundantOkiru

*Penbl* Author: Tam - 月満ちて          [Apr 19, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Friendship :: Dark
*Penr* Details: Looking mainly for feedback on what works and doesn't so I can add and/or remove to make the story complete.

Escaping Death  (13+)
A twisted tale of a boy fighting a fatal disease.
#2118446 by Tam - 月満ちて

*Penbl* Author: Evil Necropolis Wolf          [Apr 18, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Horror/Scary :: Paranormal :: Thriller/Suspense
*Penr* Details: It's based of Purple Guy. It's a draft so far, still editing.

 The Guard's Story  (18+)
It's based off of Purple Guy's story. It's a draft so far.
#2118897 by Evil Necropolis Wolf

*Penbl* Author: Agent-409          [Apr 17, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Young Adult :: Fantasy :: Other
*Penr* Details: A decently short story (less than 800 words!) that's not a hard read at all. I'm just starting to explore short story (coming from poetry) and need some feedback. Thanks in advance! I'll try to return the favor! :)
  [Short Story]

 The Heart and The Boy  (E)
"The week before you were born I had a dream. Instead, you were born with a paper heart.."
#2118620 by Agent-409

*Penbl* Author: Jreese          [Apr 15, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Activity :: Experience :: Food/Cooking
*Penr* Details: How is my writing style? Are there good ideas?

 You Can Lose Weight, Too  (E)
A testimonial and encouragement for those couch potatoes out there.
#2118531 by Jreese

*Penbl* Author: Rmkv          [Apr 15, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Relationship :: Other
*Penr* Details: A short story I wrote for a flash fiction contest, now groomed a little.
It's about a man rationalizing to himself about breaking up with his girlfriend.
  [Short Story]

 Man Overboard  (13+)
A man tries to summon up the courage to break up with a woman
#2109286 by Rmkv

*Penbl* Author: Tevye T. Garland          [Apr 15, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Dark :: Experience :: Nature
*Penr* Details: Looking for a review.

 Frore  (13+)
A poem about the cold.
#2103215 by Tevye T. Garland

*Penbl* Author: Bruce.          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Other :: Other
*Penr* Details: Work in progress.

 Prequel to Love In Cheshire. Chapter 4.  (18+)
Lynn, Kathy, and Brian leave school and start work. Retro fiction. Work in Progress.
#2114008 by Bruce.

*Penbl* Author: Caleb Rose          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: None :: None
*Penr* Details: A short poem, only four stanzas. I broke from my usual pentameter, really meter in general. Its more of a loosely metered freeform. I took this approach because it seemed to flow well. I am looking for honest opinions. Thank you.

 Colors  (E)
A short poem about the aura of my muse. All her colors and mine.
#2118618 by Caleb Rose

*Penbl* Author: Evil Necropolis Wolf          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Death :: Horror/Scary :: Supernatural
*Penr* Details: I wrote this short story/"creepypasta" a while back and it's on another book website. I did have a co-author, Predator Wolf, help me write this story. Any review helps.
  [Short Story]

 The Killer Demon People In The Mirror  (18+)
A girl gets dragged into her mirror,and the only thing that tells her story is her journal
#2118600 by Evil Necropolis Wolf

*Penbl* Author: RisanF          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Young Adult :: Friendship :: Romance/Love
*Penr* Details: Looking for reviews for this novella-length Young Adult story. WILL RETURN REVIEWS for each chapter reviewed (but keep your request to PG-13 or under, please!)

Different and Cool (2017)  (13+)
Andrew Champion is given a special project, partnered with the geekiest girl in school
#2112713 by RisanF

*Penbl* Author: Ahmad Danial          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Educational :: Research :: Scientific
*Penr* Details: Please assess the grammar and structure of the sentences.
And suggest me for the betterment.

Thank you.

 Research  (E)
Why it isn't given the importance
#2117330 by Ahmad Danial

*Penbl* Author: Summer Raine          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Drama :: Emotional :: Nonsense
*Penr* Details: Beginnings of a short story. More to be added later. Would love some constructive criticism and honest first impressions, especially about the style. thanks!
  [Short Story]

True Story  (13+)
A narrator tries to engage the reader by telling a string of seemingly fictitious stories.
#2118141 by Summer Raine

*Penbl* Author: BD Mitchell          [Apr 14, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Music :: Romance/Love :: Drama
*Penr* Details: Looking for general impressions and feedback on these song lyrics. Also, I'm not a singer, but there's a link to an instrumental version to help set the mood.

 Shadowsong  (E)
Sometimes the only choice is to part ways.
#2118524 by BD Mitchell

*Penbl* Author: dizzydreamer          [Apr 13, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Drama :: Romance/Love :: Personal
*Penr* Details: The subject is quite important to me, but I've struggling a little bit with the wording and rhymes. Would appreciate any feedback.

 Recover  (E)
A short poem about picking yourself up and standing tall in the face of cruelty.
#2118432 by dizzydreamer

*Penbl* Author: Matt Belfield          [Apr 12, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Action/Adventure :: Horror/Scary :: Sci-fi
*Penr* Details: A brief section of one of the chapters of my new novel. Just wondering if it is too bloody or if it is okay to keep going down this dark path.

 The Culling  (18+)
An excerpt from a chapter of a novel I am writing. Too much or can I get even more bloody?
#2118048 by Matt Belfield

*Penbl* Author: Bob-Pink Fluffy Unicorns Rock!          [Apr 12, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Folklore :: Relationship
*Penr* Details: This is a story poem which re-invents the story of Tinker Bell and Peter Pan. It is NOT a poetic version of exactly the same story. I'd love feedback on whether the story works or if it becomes boring. Any advice on the poetic side also welcomed! Thanks!

The True Tale of Tinker Bell   (ASR)
How Tinker Bell first met Peter Pan and Captain Hook
#2118094 by Bob-Pink Fluffy Unicorns Rock!

*Penbl* Author: Boogie15          [Apr 12, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Thriller/Suspense :: Mystery :: Sci-fi
*Penr* Details: This is an excerpt from my novel. Let me know what you guys think and if you want to read more. Thanks!

 Counterpart   (13+)
A man encounters a mysterious enemy and a dangerous game of cat and mouse ensues.
#2118329 by Boogie15

*Penbl* Author: J. Robert Kane          [Apr 12, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Horror/Scary :: Dark :: Thriller/Suspense
*Penr* Details: Looking for feedback on this new short story. Thanks!
  [Short Story]

Scoops!  (18+)
Every aspiring horror writer needs an evil clown. Meet Scoops! All feedback appreciated!
#2118330 by J. Robert Kane

*Penbl* Author: olrazzledazzle          [Apr 11, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Crime/Gangster :: Mystery :: Thriller/Suspense
*Penr* Details: The next chapter. Hopefully it makes sense and isn't too weird. Just know there are some inconsistencies because that's how its supposed to be, it'll make sense in later chapters.

 Monster Blood Chapter Two  (13+)
Franky meets Boss, the king of the criminal underworld.
#2118317 by olrazzledazzle

*Penbl* Author: joba          [Apr 11, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Emotional :: Experience :: Other
*Penr* Details: Any impressions, remarks, or any kind of criticism at all would be of a great help and greatly appreciated.
  [Short Story]

 The Nightmare  (E)
Malik wakes up to discover that the reality is much more horrible than his nighmare
#2118312 by joba

*Penbl* Author: Lisa Angelo          [Apr 11, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Paranormal :: Fantasy
*Penr* Details: I am looking specifically for comments on thoughts and pacing. This is a rewrite of a previously twice-edited novel and before I go further I'd like a gauge of how I'm doing. GPs for reviews.

Bound  (18+)
Alina's life turns upside down when her aunt dies. She learns things aren't as they seem.
#2114153 by Lisa Angelo

*Penbl* Author: lezismore-author          [Apr 11, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Paranormal :: Ghost :: Other
*Penr* Details: part three of a horror/haunted house story

Countdown to the Bogeyman Part Three  (13+)
Daniel tells of his Bogeymen encounter.
#2118026 by lezismore-author

*Penbl* Author: bladelagger          [Apr 8, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Other :: Other
*Penr* Details: stanza 3 line 3 reads "fiance now". Error during upload due to accent on the e. I appreciate any feedback/thoughts.

 Time  (E)
final version of my last poem. Don't know how to edit on this site. Reposting here.
#2117954 by bladelagger

*Penbl* Author: willy          [Apr 8, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): War :: Opinion :: Other
*Penr* Details: A rare essay

 Cui Bono? (Who Benefits ?)  (13+)
Comments on events which led to American missile strike on Syria.
#2117910 by willy

*Penbl* Author: Elycia Lee ☮          [Apr 7, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Animal :: Fantasy :: Comedy
*Penr* Details: Please help me review this. I don't write very good poems so I would like to know what you think of this.

 Pink-eared Bunnies Rule!  (18+)
Pink-eared bunnies in many ways are much cooler
#2117852 by Elycia Lee ☮

*Penbl* Author: Fifthwood          [Apr 7, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Action/Adventure :: Sci-fi :: None
*Penr* Details: Would like to know how it is on all levels. Does it make sense? Does it move along at a good pace? And, anything else you can think of. I pay good GPs

Corporate Wars: Mole  (18+)
A mole is hunting John and his two associates. They must find the mole first.
#2117917 by Fifthwood

*Penbl* Author: Ahmad Danial          [Apr 6, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Philosophy :: Writing :: Experience
*Penr* Details: It's my first attempt, so please tell me if I am good at writing poems and also I want to Know​ that if poems are written that way.

 Treason  (E)
The delusional world
#2117510 by Ahmad Danial

*Penbl* Author: GerMac          [Apr 6, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Nature :: Other :: Other
*Penr* Details: Please give me your input on this inline rhyme free verse poem about spring. Much appreciated!

"New Life"  (E)
This free verse poem is a study of spring.
#2117159 by GerMac

*Penbl* Author: Perhaps          [Apr 6, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Mythology :: Inspirational :: Community
*Penr* Details: ++++++WORTH your time to read :)++++++

 Insert title here  (E)
Free your mind
#2105379 by Perhaps

*Penbl* Author: Perhaps          [Apr 6, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Community :: Cultural :: History
*Penr* Details: FREE your mind.

 Serpent lies...  (E)
How do you begin to explain something so reality shattering?
#2110735 by Perhaps

*Penbl* Author: slowmotionsunset          [Apr 6, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Horror/Scary :: Political :: Dark
*Penr* Details: New poem in Horror/Scary genre!

 Many-Eyed  (13+)
The Khmer Rouge have a new way to keep track of their citizens.
#2117702 by slowmotionsunset

*Penbl* Author: Bob-Pink Fluffy Unicorns Rock!          [Apr 5, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Thriller/Suspense :: Crime/Gangster :: Action/Adventure
*Penr* Details: This is a dark suspense/thriller story written for this month's Journey Through Genres. I would love general feedback and any mistakes pointing out. If there's anything that sounds off, please let me know. I'd love to hear from anybody from Louisiana! Bob
  [Short Story]

Solution Focused Brief Therapy  (18+)
Kylie has issues, but her therapist believes SFBT may help — for Journey Through Genres.
#2117455 by Bob-Pink Fluffy Unicorns Rock!

*Penbl* Author: Blake          [Apr 5, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Emotional :: Experience :: Drama
*Penr* Details: Overall impressions

 Lost at Sea  (E)
A man's past is revealed to the present through an odd encounter.
#2117614 by Blake

*Penbl* Author: Pamela Sue Gordon          [Apr 3, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Mystery :: Death :: Other
*Penr* Details: Please feel free to critique. I am open to constructive criticism and corrections. Thanks in advance!

 Widowers Walk Unnoticed  (13+)
Gleaning things from my head
#2117456 by Pamela Sue Gordon

*Penbl* Author: Dutchy          [Apr 3, 2017]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Action/Adventure :: Nature :: Experience
*Penr* Details: Any and all reviews appreciated

 Stream Adventure  (E)
I enjoy flyfishing and the adventure of being on the river. It's about the experience.
#2117212 by Dutchy

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Printed from https://p15.Writing.Com/view/819237