Hello Ragster Go11  . I am Just an Ordinary Boo!  and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
I see this piece has been written after a long hiatus, it must mean your Muse was also having 'one of those days'! I'm glad it woke up, do not let it slumber too long, you have a talent worth exploiting, whether as hobby or living.
Incidentally, while we are about it, the bio-block also has some typos within, let your first impression be a good one - change the 'no' to 'not' for clarity. Please don't let the sentences run away with you, put in those commas.
 The Title: I am particularly demanding of this device, it should be exploited to the full. Yours is both apt and suggestive, creating some interest to read further. It is not out and out arresting but gains in meaning after the read.
The Beginning: It was one of those days. That is an emphatic start, the 'again' that is tacked on at the end of your first sentence weakens the image. Most of the rest is effective in 'setting' the tale, although I wonder if that first para should be divided in two by the dialogue?
I think you have an enthusiasm to write the story as it comes tumbling out of your fingers, that's fine. Just let the brain do a once over to catch mistakes that slow fingers made when overtaken by that agile mind.
I thought the introduction of the strong father-daughter bond right at the start was a deft touch. It lifted that part from the medium-good level to way past good.
The Setting: The setting is strong, both emotional setting and the purely physical setting. I would say that descriptions and tone are what you do well. There's plenty, but not so much that the pace of the tale is slowed down. In an action packed mystery or thriller, it might be different. In this slower emotional tale, it was spot-on. The morning is shown in great detail, as is the college environment. I found a thread of humour in there that appealed to me, I like that quality to leaven all writes, even horror. I think it gives depth by the contrast. Opinions may differ upon that.
The Characters: Fareena is shown more by what she does and how or why she does it, rather than by any actual description. Yet, you slip in certain delicious bits of imagery - pun quite unintended! "“Look how you face’s swollen up,” he joked. “You look like a mango when you pout.”" The bits you do describe are unusual enough to stick in the mind and be remembered long after the read, with a soft half-chuckle of appreciation. "two beetle-black almond shaped eyes shot back a glare potent enough to wilt the most beautiful of flowers in an instant." I added in a hyphen for you at beetle-black, I think it is clearer that way.
Most of the characters behave in natural manner, except for the HOD. She gives Fareena only the message that she needs to go to the hospital. She does arrange for her to be taken there in her own car, but fails to comfort or give her any more information. The poor child would worry herself sick all the way. The mother too, she could have given the child good news in a less shocking way. Twists are all very good, but they must occur in a natural manner.
The Descriptions: A kind friend and good writer, but honest in reviewing, often reminds me of peppering my writes with adverbs. I do, my hand reaches for the adverb as a quick way to describe something in one word - 'quickly', rapidly', violently', can you spot any more? Well, these tend to 'tell' the reader something, it is more interesting to 'show' the action instead. For example:
"She downed the meal rapidly" How was the 'downing' rapid'? Did she make quick nervous bites? Did she shovel her food into her mouth until she looked like a squirrel with stuffed cheek pouches? Did she gulp the food without tasting, so that her Adam's apple looked more like a yo-yo? Whatever your choice of words and metaphor, show us, don't tell us.
You do get it right often, bits worth the lauding. "She slowed down into a kind of welcome dance, describing circles with her forelegs before prancing excitedly around her. " The first part of that sentence is an impeccable example of showing, the second part - you decide, I rest my case!
The story has some bits where the narrative changes from the POV of Fareena to 'omniscient'. How did the narrator know when Fareena walked into the HOD's office that the whoopee cushion had been deposited there 'one hour ago by an irate lecturer'? In order to be consistent, it could afford Fareena some amusement as she wondered which lecturer had found it proclaiming his taking a seat in a rather loud and inappropriate manner; she could picture it and control her laughter.
Lastly, I suggest you get the medical details perfect, terminology and accuracy matter. Try relations who are in the field or the ubiquitous net search engines.
The Story as a Whole: If I may make one suggestion - keep the inter-paragraph spacing even, there are bits where it seems missing, notably in the third para - does the new para begin with her downing her breakfast in a rapid manner, or not?
I am not a big fan of sentences within brackets, internal dialogue can be indicated with the use of italics, no other legitimate use of brackets comes to mind. Not in story-writing. Do take a look at that.
Now, for the good part - the story succeeds on many levels. It captures both attention and emotion. It creates a good mind's picture that is vivid and enjoyable. It has humour that relieves it of morbidity or catering only to tear-jerking. The end is good, bits of the middle are excellent. I especially loved the animal motif. Of course, your stories all have that, dogs have to feature in them.
The cows were a riot!  Send some over to other campuses, will you, they should prove a boon to students who do not complete assignments.  That said, a couple of lines to explain continual animal presence on campus, the tolerance and beliefs of the college founders, might help.
What I liked: I am amazed by your sure touch, the way you bring the campus to life. I thought the write showed a remarkable maturity and understanding of both emotions and of inter-personal relationships. You have your own style, one that makes for a quiet and enjoyable read. Since you have never 'learned' to write, it's all natural ability, try to add some rules and effort, you will find it worth your while. Meanwhile - Well done. 
Suggestions:
Remember I make these suggestions not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a friendly and concerned reader who found a hiccup that marred smooth enjoyment.
"going against the norm of pearly white and with the more daring yellow" I do not think the conjunction is required to make that statement. Try leaving it out and see if that looks/sounds better.
“Look how you face’s swollen up,” he joked “You look like a mango when you pout.” It should be 'how your face is'; the apostrophe in the last word is better removed and expanded. I thought a period, or comma, after the word 'joked', would be appropriate.
"Acknowledging each with a toothless smile" Technically you are correct, but the more common understanding of a 'toothless smile' is not one that doesn't bare the teeth, but rather one that reveals the gums to be bare and toothless. It might be better to call it a 'clenched-lip' smile and add one of your delectable signature similes to make that memorable in our minds.
"Even allah couldn’t take your father from you until he were himself willing to go" Capital for God, whatever the form. Allah.
"acknowledging the breathless professor’s gratitude" I would use transposition of one word to make that more dramatic. 'the professor's breathless gratitude'. Do you agree?
“They were just dreams() beta,” he said reassuringly() “I’m not going anywhere.” Oooh! I hate this, I am more or less clueless about commas, but I rather thought a couple were indicated in there? I suggest them with the paired brackets, but please seek a higher authority; if I knew better - I'd have taught you!
Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.
PS: If I have been tough on you - remember, I love you. If I have been honest, it is also because I love you! I am your mother after all! 
 May your words go on to shine!
 Effort brings colour to Life
** Image ID #1460051 Unavailable ** |
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"Stick men on hop-scotch paths' 
. I shall not go on, I might end up quoting the whole poem. Kudos for a grand listing. 
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "
