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Review Requests: ON
2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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Review of I Miss Buttons  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* You have such an inventive handle. There are numerous 'Kats' on-site, but you set yourself apart.

*Flower5* This is well written as a tale for children and even for those who deal with children. The font size and colour are appropriate, I do not think 'bold' font is a must. Courier as choice of font gives nice clean 'open' type face. It is easy to read.

*Flower5* Good title, which sums up the story neatly. The intro is appropriate too.

*Flower5* The dialogue and interaction is gentle and loving. A job well done. If I had any complaint, it was the lack of description, we do not know what Buttons was like, nor Cindy, or her parents. It would be so easy to add it, without changing the tone or drift of the story. For e.g.-:
"Cindy said the same thing every day for the last few months since her favorite pet died. “I miss Buttons,” she said. " Just add "Her wide gray eyes had the fine mist of tears and her underlip trembled ever so slightly with the effort to hold back pain." It's your choice entirely, but I felt a little physical detail would help lift this to the ranks of perfect.

*Flower5* An moving and educational tale.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of The K-Rations  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is not one story, it is a montage of stories, flickering in sharp balck-white images, fading and the next comes on. I'll treat them as one entity for reviewing because the quality is so consistent.

*Flower5* The Title: Fantastic title, topical, apt, and it has a story within itself. Great stuff. The award given to it is not only well deserved, it says it all in the dedication.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Your beginnings are awesome, you drop us into the midst of the action...kerplonk.

*Flower5* The Setting: Each one is the so real and 'same', yet each one is uniquely different. I liked the little 'bold' font beginnings that separated one from the other.

*Flower5* The Characters: They live. I have no greater praise than this.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Superb. Like I said before, the action happens all around us, we fell the same fear, the tension, the exhilaration, the shock...the war.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: This is a brilliant collection of stories and I'm so glad you made this collage of them instead of putting it in a staid folder. we had this smorgasbord from which to choose and savour. The mark of a seasoned writer.

*Flower5* What I liked: There are exquisite images in the lines, some of my favourites:

"All around them, winter is evident in its startling beauty, the naked trees barely able to stand as branches snap from the pressure of the ice chunks that form."

"However, he barely gets finished when the captain tears into him like a rabid dog on a short leash. "

" Hot tears leak from his eyes and run down his cheeks, snot mingling to slip into his parted and moist lips"

*Flower5* Suggestions: I found just one sentence I didn't like:-
"A slew of very colorful language, some of which Baldwin’s innocent ears have yet to be exposed too" it has 'to' mis-spelled as 'too', but that's not why. It is a tad awkward, obviously innocent ears have yet to be exposed to some or all of the 'colourful' language, that's what innocent means. Maybe 'an education for Baldwin's innocent ears'? Also, the 'very' seems mundane, I'd prefer 'inspired' instead. That's a lot of suggestion for one sentence but that's all I have to say about the entire piece.
Absolutely no 'real' suggestions, this is exemplary work.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)

*Flower5* The Title: Beautiful title. It arouses curiosity; and once one reads through the story, one realises how apt it is. bravo.

*Flower5* The Beginning: A good opening paragraph. One wonders why there is no chirping or ring of the alarm and then the tale gently unfolds to explain why.I'd suggest a tauter last line though, without the shift in tense. ('Her thoughts began to drift' matches the beginning of that sentence.)

*Flower5* The Setting: The changes of scene are deftly done and the description adequate on the whole to take you from one to the other.

*Flower5* The Characters: I could not 'see' any of the characters, except glimpses of the protagonist, Mary Ellen. Some more physical description would be easy to introduce.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The event and places are detailed brilliantly, just a nedd to 'flesh out' the characters.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: There was a tale within a tale, Romance and history with A little awareness added. Gentle and poignant. I liked it.

*Flower5* What I liked: The note upon which this story ended, it was superbly done. I will not reveal it, just mention that it capped the tale perfectly.

*Flower5* Suggestions:She was sitting on the wrap around porch of the house she grew up in, and she was playing with her dolls. When a character speaks I tolerate these little flaws of grammar, but it should be "She was sitting on the wrap-around porch of the house in which she grew up,, and she was playing with her dolls.

"She could remember the sound of her parents, Daniel and Ruth, voices as they talked happily about their day." The inserted names break up the flow of the sentence, the apostrophe is missing too(this mistake repeats itself in many places 'mothers (mother's) hand' and Jesus (Jesus') name). Maybe "She remembered the sound of her parent's voices; Daniel's and Ruth's voices talking happily of their day."

" she could become deaf, or loose her eyesight" 'lose'

"hearing lose" 'hearing loss'

The spacing between paragraphs is not consistent, easy to remedy. Note that the 3rd and 4th paras are not divided by a one line space.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of I HATE YOU  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower3* The Title: This immediately catches the attention. With a plethora of "I Love You" items floating around in a pink haze, this purple item stands out.

*Flower3* Rhyming: It is wisest to adhere to and fulfill a simple scheme, than attempt a complicated one and have to 'make do' with certain words not perfectly to one's liking, in order to stick to a complicated rhyme scheme. 'abab', perfectly done. I appreciate the pronunciation of ...'of' as 'ove', something we are unused to in our country.

*Flower3* Meter: The meter is conspicuous{ in its absence, but when i read the poem the lines sort of fell into a natural rhythm for the majority of the lines. In the first stanza, this natural cadence would be improved by adding 'I' to the beginning of the second line thus:
" I hate the way you look at me,
loathe your every touch."
I loathe your every touch. But perhaps you want to avoid overuse of that word.

*Flower3* Grammar: This does not have the same meaning in poems as it does in prose, but I felt a slight re-arrangement of the words in the fourth line of the second stanza might better convey the meaning, without disturbing the rhyme or word usage much.
"I wish that I could make you see,
it’s you I no longer dream of.
"
I would suggest "It's no longer you I dream of"

*Flower3* Poetry Form: I did not recognise a specific form. The arrangement in quatrains has a visually pleasing effect, as does the use of colour and bold format.

*Flower3* Poem as a whole: I applaud this effort to portray this ending of a relationship. It does happen just this way,.

*Flower3* Remarks: The only thing that I felt lacking, its presence would take this to sublime heights, was meter. you still get a fervent*Thumbsup**Check2*
Jyo


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Review of The River  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


*Flower5* I liked this for many reasons. First things first, the title reminded me of one of my favourite poems and the story did not let me down wither.

*Flower5* The first paragraph was powerful and chock full of description that drew me in. I especially liked the description of the river's changing looks.

*Flower5* The description of the three characters was simple and 'real', they came to life for me.


*Flower5* The story was touching and somehow sent goosebumps rising on my arms. Needless to say I liked it.

*Flower5* The ending was good, reminiscent of the end/beginning of many tales ( Alex Haley's 'Roots'), but nonetheless good.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Adiós Grasa  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


*Flower5* The title, marvelous! I do not know Spanish but at least half of that title was readily comprehensible. The rest, curiosity was one factor in drawing me in to the story. Another was the consistent excellence of your work.

*Flower5* The shorter the story, the more the challenge to completely say what one wants to portray. You did a deft job of outlining that one should be careful when making a wish, or when striving to be 'someone else'.

*Flower5* The characters too, were outlined with a few sure firm strokes of the pen, virtually speaking. Ruth and Jenny 'lived'.

*Flower5* I liked the little ironic touches, the meaning of Adios Grasa, the acronym TANTAAFL, brilliant.

*Flower5* BTW, no spelling mistakes, grammatical errors or typos, something one expects of your polished works, and then takes for granted. So, I thought I'd laud the effort that goes into making them so.

*Flower5* Always rewarding to peruse these inventive nuggets, these morsels of a story.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* The title got my attention immediately and aroused curiosity.

*Flower5* Ah, one heck of a first line. Loved the images created. The first paragraph was excellent too, keeping up high standards raised by the first line and title. But one line had me wondering...
"On top, the barely surviving heather is bent back inland its stems blanched white by the prevailing wind and salt. Tuff tight grass and hardy wild flowers between rocky outcrops are all that survive against the Atlantic gales." There seems to be change of tense from the previous line. A comma after 'inland' would help separate the two parts of the sentence. Is it 'tough tight grass' of 'tufts of tight grass' or something else I'm missing here? The description did not 'fit' to me. The rest of it is powerful and an excellent beginning.


*Flower5* I hate commas, the pesky things never 'sit' where I want 'em. yet they are useful for separating phrases and ideas, especially in long run-on sentences like this one.
"Inside are two rooms one for sleeping the other for living" Would you say a comma after 'rooms' was appropriate? A re-look might be required at other places too.E.g.:
"They were followed by a small group lead by an old woman her tears hidden by a black wool shawl."
"Their dead father Patrick Joseph would lie overnight in the Chapel to be buried with his departed brothers tomorrow."

*Flower5* "It was nearing dusk on Thursday when four young men dressed in the only clothes they possess emerged from the half door," Possessed?

*Flower5* Do not think I did not like this, in fact I loved it. The simple words, the wonderful images of the impoverished Irish family and the emotion stirring details, all well done. you never fail to amaze me with the vast abundance of arrows in your quiver.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* I liked the implied subject in the Title and clicked to open this one. Bravo for choosing this topic and treating it gently without moralizing.

*Flower5* I liked the inherent cadence in some of the lines, despite the absence of formal meter. For E.g.:
"He asked for a nickel I gave him a dime,
he looked at the sun and asked for the time."
I'm just wondering if the lines would not improve with commas in between the phrases?

*Flower5*Again in the lines:
"I wanted to help him but what could I say,
I'll get you a job or have a nice day." Do you feel the use of quotation marks might add clarity to the lines?
I wanted to help him but what could I say,
"I'll get you a job" or "Have a nice day".


*Flower5* The interaction was something we have all gone through to some degree or the other so the lines serve to underline our duties.

*Flower5* You both began and ended it well, the opening and closing being self-evident. Bravo again.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


*Flower5* Your stories are versatile, and yet they are uniformly good. I keep a sharp eye out for one of your stories, let me tell you.

*Flower5* Good title, and apt intorduction. i'm not too sure the last 'genre' choice is appropriate. Wasn't there anything else you might have chosen? Not even 'Drama'?

*Flower5* You 'got' me, I loved the contrasts of the two halves of the story, the pathos and the little comic relief. The characters were well depicted. Oh, in short, I liked it all.

*Flower5* I liked the opeining lines the loving atmosphere was efficiently created by lines like:
"Her thumb slowly caressed his skin. Sometimes, she caught a tear and spread the salty liquid across his cheek"

*Flower5* Good stuff.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Bankruptcy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* What an unusual theme, I loved the humour admixed with poetry.

*Flower5* The rhyming is perfect and the couplets are a good choice, each verse being almost 'stand alone'. No meter as such, but the lines are so neat and almost in linear similarity that somehow it did not matter.

*Flower5* I liked it all but I have a firm favourite -
"We added some remarks to your credit report.
And the positive aspects we tried to distort"

*Flower5* There are little errors, like comma usage. For e.g. In the lines:
"So many threatening letters we will be sending" The meaning changes if you add a comma after 'So'. I'm not sure which meaning is your intention.
"So effective today you do not have a choice" I thought there should be a comma after 'today'.

*Flower5* Entertaining and refreshing. Kudos.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* I don't need to tell you I love your wry humour. I do? Then you haven't been reading any of your (received) reviews! But I don't mind saying it again, I love it.

*Flower5* Only you can talk to you that way, right? You wouldn't take it from anybody else. This is how a good person strives to become even better. I generally try to balance my reviews to an eclectic mix: of what I wander across, people who have won reviews, auto-rewards ( a gal's gotta accumulate points right?), request reviews and newbie items.

*Flower5* If this doesn't make us see more of you, nothing will. Writing new genres is fun, we can even surprise ourselves.

*Flower5* Why not start your own contest? That would be something new all right.

*Flower5* I had to see another of the "Dear Me" entries, and that was my second reason for reading this. Feel free to reciprocate.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)


*Flower5* This is a very moving tale, and it is emotional without becoming 'mushy'. I confess I did not see the end coming until I was well into the story.

*Flower5* Of course, you have the tecnical details down pat. It goes with the character of the narrator, a doctor, to be technical in the story.

*Flower5* Just one little hiccup I had, it was over the word 'lucent'.
"After Natie had become lucent, both of us held her tiny hands in ours and laughed to hide our sorrow." Do you mean 'lucid'? The words have some overlap of meaning but I feel 'lucid' is the mot juste here. One more idea that popped into my mind, why not use icecream made with a sugar subsitute, the so called 'diabetic' preparation? It's been around in India commercially for a year or so, and people have been making such items at home since ages! It takes nothing away from the loving giving in to her demand, if the mother were to prepare it herself and put it in a cup of a known brand after scooping out its contents.

*Flower5* Oh, I love the title! Perfect, arousing curiosity and the later demostrating its apt usage.

*Flower5* I agree with Anood here, a perfect example of an emotional tale. A well deserved tribute.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of The Hardest Part  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* Well chosen title and wonderful premise and idea. I can't tell you how much I empathised with what you said, and said eloquently too.

*Flower5* The two parts of the poem complement each other and the ending line is superb. You finished it on just the right note.

*Flower5* The repetitive rhythm from your sentence choices worked for me, it was almost singing in my mind. With the idea and development of the poem , rhyme or rhythm (meter) would be a hard task indeed, and might change the poem considerably. This is an effective poem, just as it is.

*Flower5* I notice you are new to the site, this piece shows you are not new to writing. Sure command of words.

*Flower5* Welcome. Hope you have a wonderful time here.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of As I Wait  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Flower5* What do I think? I think you are a welcome addition to our community. I also think this is a powerful piece. Considering the subject however, you might want to re-think the 'E' rating.

*Flower5* Another point I had was that it is never acceptable to leave children feeling they share in the guilt of such an incident. Even though that is often a common reaction, emotionally. Perhaps changing the rating to 18+ will solve that problem.

*Flower5* It is short but chilling in its effect. I can understand why you leave the item type and genre as "other", it does not fit easily into any given slot. But remember, leaving it that way will prevent it from appearing on 'searches'.

*Flower5* Last, but not least, the title was aptly chosen. You show rare talent, write on.



Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* The Title said a lot to me. As a mother I could appreciate the sentiments.

*Flower5* I wasn't sure where the story was going and the latter half came as a complete surprise. Your way of relating the events was effective.

*Flower5* The description and characters were well done too, with enough detail for mental images to form.

*Flower5* "Going through the gates, she stopped where a guard asks for Identification" Either 'she stopped where a guard asked ' or 'she stops where a guard asks'. No capital for 'identification', but ID is okay.

"After parking, another guard office watched while her purse is searched" Try changing passive voice to active for more impact. 'After she parked, she had to endure the bored gaze of another guard as he rummaged through her purse'

*Flower5* Powerful tale and it tugs at one's heartstrings. Well done.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Running  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


*Flower5* The Beginning: Great title, the pace suggested in the title itself. Excellent first paragraph, it drew me in to the story like a fish on a hook.

*Flower5* The Setting: This was well done, the weather, the trail, rose up in the mind's eye.

*Flower5* The Characters: Almost a one character sotry, and the detailing is down with a few sure strokes.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: When the character, the setting fall into place it follows that the descriptions must have been taut and effective. They were. For exxample this line, it set the whole story...
"Her jogging shoes made almost no sound as they floated over the wooded trail, while her visible breath shot forth in rhythmic intervals, coinciding with her footfalls."

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I see that this is part of a larger piece and this is just the teaser. It is however almost capable of being a 'stand alone' piece.

*Flower5* What I liked: I liked the hints of story here, yet there was a problem a conflict and a resolution. Well done.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Absolutely none, I like this just the way it is.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1302036 Unavailable **
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Rated: E | (4.0)


*Flower5* I wish your poll had more options, or that at least we were given the option of disagreeing without saying someone was "off their rocker' to think otherwise.

*Flower5* The only reason I disagree with your choice, is that black is so often used as a symbol of protest and/or mourning that an award in that colour is self-defeating.

*Flower5* Of course, you have a right to choose to like or want anything in the world and I support your right to free choice. Just that if I were given a choice I'd not opt for black. But that's not what we were asked to vote for, was it?

*Flower5* Will the support help in any way, towards your gaining your heart's desire?

*Flower5* But, for showing me that polls can be fun too, thanks.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Chiseling Teacups  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* You make your point very effectively. The images are good, and the metaphor an excellent choice.

*Flower5* I do not know if you are supposed to attempt rhyme and rhythn for this piece. It is beautful in itself, but rhyme and meter add glitter.

*Flower5* The message is powerfully depicted, and I like the choice of a porcelain teacup to signify one's brittle fears.

*Flower5* I'm just one reader, and it is probably not much use to you to tell you I liked the piece. But, that's the only comment I have, any suggestions would ruin the metaphor, and there are no obvious errors.



Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Love Song  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)


*Flower5* I'm impressed by your versatility. This is a great, nay, magnificent poem, for a seasoned poet even; let alone for a a writer making a first attempt at poetry.

*Flower5* Wow! Anapestic tetrameter huh? Thanks for spelling out the requirements, I might have guessed the wrong syllable count otherwise. I tremble at iambic pentameter, and you brought this off, with no signs of effort.

*Flower5* The Meter is impeccable and the rhyme nearly perfect, my only query arising with the word 'tableaux'. My French is virtually non-existent, so I'll bow to your assumption of the word's pronunciation but the eye jiggered a bit at that point.

*Flower5* The poem is moving and heartfelt, and the last line crowns the whole piece. I don't think anybody would crib about that particualr poetice licence.

*Flower5* I'm giving you a standing ovation, but alas, you can't see that. So, I'll let the rating speak for me.


Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Flower5* The Beginning: Firstly the title, suggestive and promises a fantasy. The first sentence had two unusual and appealing names securing our attention for an other-worldly experience and our affection for the protagonists

*Flower5* The Setting: The opulence and decay suggested the waning of one way of life and the rise of another. Enough description without a deluge of information, leaving something to expectation and imagination. I appreciated it.

*Flower5* The Characters: The determination of one sister, the innocence of the other and finally the power of the third, all well delineated.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: There is enough physical description to have an image form of each sister. The magic and power are introduced deftly and we are kept hungry for more information. Good job.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: This is just the teaser, the trailer of the movie. It 'sets' the mood for the coming saga. It is a job well done.

*Flower5* What I liked: I liked the way the world was transformed into a fantasy with just a few changes from the ordinary. Sibling rivalry and power struggle is recognizable enough to generate strong interest in the continuing events.

*Flower5* Suggestions: No suggestions, the tale is taut and smoothly told, there is resolution and yet expectation at the end of this chapter. Well done.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Listen  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)


*Flower5* The title is stark and knocks at your attention. I expected a hard hitting philosophical poem. I was not disappointed to get something a little different, but attractive in its own way.

*Flower5* Abstract painting and free verse actually take immense talent, it is sometimes easier to follow rules of format.

*Flower5* I found an inherent cadence in this, probably because of the repeated words like "Hear" and "listen". But what are tomorrow's echoes? Can you hear something that hasn't happened, or do you dream of them, tomorrow echoing today? That was the only hiccup, all the other images were smooth. Try for little 'out-of-the-box' imagery here, 'a calm or dark night, 'bid farewell to worry', all tried and tested images.

*Flower5* It would be easy to rearrange this to rhyme, night/sight, late/fate, falls/walls. Rhythm too would not be difficult, most lines have seven or eight syllables, some six. If you decide to go that route it might take a new look altogether. It is up to you to decide which you prefer.

*Flower5* It is easy on the ear and might actually sound good with music. And the last two lines are excellent
"Listen, someone sings
To you beneath the walls."

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


*Flower5* I relish the idea of reading any of your writings. The tale of this was rather suggestive of a mushy romance story but I knew I would get something over and beyond just that.

*Flower5* The beginning was deft and the unfolding of the story was smooth. The description of the setting gave us a picture to imagine and the characters bacame real too...how can this end, how does she stop the wedding?

*Flower5* The Twist I expected came along and I relaxed, then you hit me with another from left center! Great stuff.

*Flower5* I was left satiated and impressed.

*Flower5* Remember, I am already an admirer and expected great things, you still surpassed expectation.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


*Flower5* Oh, boy! What a perfect piece to read. You must be a mind reader, because I found in this everything I look for in any read.

*Flower5* Impeccable language. There were absolutely no grammatical errors, typos or other manifestations of the typist's devil. ( A more virulent relative of the printer's devil)

*Flower5* Inspired word wizardry. Lines such as - "These darling daughters suddenly convert to shrew-like emotional lightning rods of high maintenance terrorists overnight, unbeknownst to the parents who headed off to bed following an evening of warm, fuzzy, family time and a game of Mille Bornes." had me drawing a breath of pure awe as the image crystallized in front of me.

*Flower5* The wisdom of years of experience spoke soft counsel. Thanks for the tips, though here in India children tend to stay in the parental home infinitely. We like it that way, put it down to the heat addling our brains.

*Flower5* I bow before you, maestro.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Imprints  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Flower5* Another compelling and apt title. I enjoyed the title as much as the poem. A lot of thought goes into judicous selection of a title and I love yours.

*Flower5* Obviously, there are few rules in free verse, except for the natural 'feel'. The breaks and lines come naturally here, and the poem 'flows' well. Good job.

*Flower5* Again, you have chosen to show us a side of ourselves that we rarely care to examine. Kudos.

*Flower5* Brilliant last line, you end it in a blaze of words that will imprint themselves upon my mind.

*Flower5* I enjoyed reading this thought provoking piece.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of The Vhool'Rael  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


*Flower5* First paragraphs and first sentences must be compelling and flawless. I found myself floudering a bit here not unlike Trystane! What is a 'lightless bog'? If the bog is murky would that not be a tautology? The animals are described as sightless, the lichen is too, and such paucity of adjectives in close proximity is not advisable.

*Flower5* Format. In this piece, there is a slight confusion as to the beginning of a new paragraph. This arises when the last sentence in a paragraph ends near the right edge of the page. Might I suggest both a line space between paragraphs, and an indent of the beginning of the para, as measures to clarify the issue?

*Flower5* The storyline is iineresting and has promise. I love the use of words like 'lycantrope' and 'adamantine' and 'obsidian'. It adds a flavour of the 'other world'. I just wonder if some explanation of the general meaning or a reference that enlightens readers might not be helpful.

*Flower5* Excellent creation of atmosphere. I loved your choice of names. Vhool'Rael is out the world, literaly.

*Flower5* Write on, friend. I for one will promise to read on.

Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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