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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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526
526
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is Review 2 of 5


*Flower5* I remember seeing one other collection of C-notes of this quality, but it stands out in appealing to what I look for most in images and greetings.

*Flower5* The occasions are those that might often arise in our community, a person being elevated to robes of blue or yellow; thanking someone for their kindness, or just for 'being there', wishing someone on any old day-not a birthday. Nice mix.

*Flower5* My favourite would have to me the curly haired little girl having fun blowing bubbles. Joy is like that beautiful, momentary surge of emotion, and evanescent. One has to revel in the moment to experience it.

*Flower5* The muted florals for the "Thank you for your kindness" C-note are unique. The faint images superimposed on a mauve-gray background suggested to me the way kindness creates an intricate and pleasing pattern in the fogginess of our humdrum lives. Great stuff.

*Flower5* The C-notes for friendship are also excellent, the two little girls intent in their joint activity, oblivious to the world around them, exquisite. Who would not feel better after receiving those delightful pink roses?

*Flower5* All in all a delectable and praiseworthy collection.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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527
527
Review of BUTTERFLY WINGS  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008

Review 1 of 5
*Flower5* What wonderful images! The butterflies look soft and delicate and floral. The fairy is absolutely the soul of the poem and creates its own visual impact and magnifies the impact of the poem. No wonder there's a bee buzzing around in fascination! I imagine that would be us readers.

*Flower5* This describes your attitude perfectly, although perhaps you did not intend it so. Yes, certainly she flies on wings of Hope, untiringly.

*Flower5* The description is delicate and vivid at the same time. I especially liked the lines:
"I fly upon butterfly wings,
red rose petals are my bed.
"

*Flower5* I'm glad you mention, at the outset, that it is not meant to rhyme. Otherwise, critics (like myself, I love neat rhymes) might cavil at the lack. Because this is set out in stanzas, not as 'free verse', one tends to expect rhyme.

*Flower5* Thank you for allowing me to visit your garden.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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528
528
Review of The Baggage  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I liked the title immediately, the meaning withing the meaning called my attention to the item. Good choice of subject matter and title.

*Flower5* I presume the use of the small 'i' is to emphasise how small and isolated you feel without the presence of your father behind you? If so, I liked that too.

*Flower5* The image that is conjured up is beautiful on two levels, the first, identification with the loving parent who would probably do something like that; and appreciation of the analogy of a parent reducing the child's burden without the child ever realising it, until he/she has to fend alone. Bravo.

*Flower5* Just loved the last two lines, "but i look back now
and the baggage is all mine". Is your lack of punctuation intentional too? you do you use commas in a couple of places, but there are no full-stops; and the comma use itself is not consistent.
For example in
"Never saw your hand
holding my bag from behind
sharing my burden
in a way, i could never find"
There should be a comma/semicolon after the second line at least.


*Flower5* I loved the meaning behind the piece and I'm willing to overlook the punctuation. Good work.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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529
529
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* Inventive use of the prompt words. I understand the milkman had to make an appearance, and it did add to the disaster of a day depicted; but the use of 'bowled' and 'squirrel' was ingenuous. Marvelous job.

*Flower5* Hoo, boy! What a day, and your wry, self deprecating humour, just made the deterioration more hilarious. As always, a deft job.

*Flower5* Some bits had me chuckling away long after I finished my perusal of the piece. The bit about wondering why the good-night kiss was not forthcoming still elicits a snort of laughter, even now.

*Flower5* This is your niche, and you excel at it. Short shorts, with a rich vein of quiet but satisfying laughter. You let us have a look at home-made recipes for catastrophe, let us into this fictional life without restraints.

*Flower5* I'm not stinting this time, I enjoyed every bit of this mini-meal.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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530
530
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008

*Flower3* The Title: A good title, not the delicate poetic type, but perfectly apt for both the subject and the style used.

*Flower3* Rhyming:Choosing a simple scheme allows greater latitude in choice of words, if one wants to be good, one can be better with a simple scheme. You have it all nearly flawless in this aabb pattern, but what happens in the fifth and sixth lines? 'Push' and 'bottom' do not rhyme.

*Flower3* Meter:You have chosen not to use meter, and that's your choice. But similar line lengths or a pattern thereof helps making it more appealing. Some poems have no meter, but have an inherent rhythm overcoming that lack, this was not one of them.

*Flower3* Grammar: "save my bottom', is that a common phrase? Or are you using an euphemism in 'bottom' for a more recognisable but less acceptable term? It seemed odd to me. And what is the 'golden sheep' or 'golden lamb'? I thought it was the golden fleece?

*Flower3* Poetry Form:I see no particular form here. Just one stanza of rhyming couplets. Even if you choose no particular format, organizing thoughts into stanzas of couplets, quatrains, whatever; is one more way to increase visual appeal.

*Flower3* Poem as a whole: I liked the central premise - 'that person is You'. But the poem fell a little short in delivering that message, that one cannot wait for things to happen, but one has to get up and make them happen. Or have I understood this all wrong?

*Flower3* Remarks: You get a big*Thumbsup**Check2* for concept.
Jyo


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531
531
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* What amazing photographs. It really set off both the prompt and the story.

*Flower5* "The remaining eight in his group straggle behind him in single file" To be consistent with the tense, it should be 'straggled'.

*Flower5* I love reading these delicate little morsels of yours, one never knows where you'll be taking the readers. Imagine fantasy and eco-tourism cheek-by-jowl in a story. Inventive genius.

*Flower5* The descriptions are one line wonders. And the visuals endorse our mental images. The physical setting could have been described with your well known effortless imagery. The setting descriptions though good, were not far above mundane.

*Flower5* It is so true, we need magic to set our eco-systems back in balance. Good work, showing a stark truth in a pleasant manner. If I'm stingy with that last half star, it is just that I have read some sublime efforts of yours, and this somehow fell just a little short of those. Sort of comparing you to yourself, which is unfair; but one expects perfection of you.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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532
532
Review of Unbroken  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I confess I failed to comprehend this one. And yet it proudly wears a gamut of purple stars. I did not even understand the introduction. Maybe a couple of judicious commas could bring that into line.

*Flower5* Let me take it verse by verse, maybe that'll help. Verse one, the relationship that two built to stand the test of time and trials, right?

*Flower5* Verse Two, It is facing unprecedented troubles and is on the verge of breaking, but not yet broken.

*Flower5* Verse Three, if fears are left unspoken, what are the words that won't touch? Why is the loving heart divided,and if it is loving and untouched by words, it shouldn't be divided. Will what remain unbroken, the heart, or the relationship?

*Flower5* Verse Four,Five and Six, they, had such lovely images, but they did not make sense to me. "Awash in quiet lonesome
on a melancholy night" &

"when silent air is pierced,
unexpected
comes a word"

Beautiful,but I could not get the sequence of events any longer. It would be the return that was unexpected, so I guess the word was to say "I'm coming home."? But no, the last verse implies something else. Why would asking for time imply tears and sorrow? Who is saying the last line ,(which is simply too touching for words, and a fine play on the words "like there is no tommorrow".), the one who left, or the one left behind?

*Flower5* I know I am rather slow on the uptake, at least at this moment; but the entire poem had so much eloquence and beauty I just would like to understand it in its entirety.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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533
Review of Eleana  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

*Flower5* The Title:

*Flower5* The Beginning: The first paragraph had a couple of inconsistencies which put me 'off' a little. The first lines should be impeccable. Revise and edit, polish and perfect, until your hook is baited just right; drawing the reader relentlessly, further into the story.

*Flower5* The Setting: The woods are delineated well, the memories of her past house, the town are adequate enough for the story's needs.

*Flower5* The Characters: The best part came in the end, I loved the interaction between the dragon siblings. Well done.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Eleana is well described as are most of the other characters. The slight difference in dialect between eleana's speech and the old lady in the town, gave the flavour of traveling to unkown places.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Good imagination, some magic, not much, but enough to give it the air of fantasy. The dragons add a nice touch.

*Flower5* What I liked: I like it that the dragons are not villains, seeing the humane ('humane', not 'human'; they're inhumane) side of any large carnivore is unusual.

*Flower5* Suggestions: There are many typos/errors, I'll mention a few...
"Still Eleana drudged on, hopelessly unsure of where she was headed" I think the correct word would be 'trudged'. A 'drudge' is a menial or worker.

"At one point she practically flipped onto her face as she stubbed her toe on a rock then fell over a low lying branch." To flip would imply turning over, falling forward onto one's face does not seem consistent with that description.
"The woods had plenty of vines to trip over and undergrowth to dense to hallow out and crawl under" 'too dense to hollow'

You use the word 'lay' often, where most would use 'lie', as in 'lie down'. I do believe it is acceptable, but it is unusual. Do consider if you would want people hesitating at that word.

"Rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she gazed out at the horrible site that was in front of her" 'Rubbing'

"There was so much blood it ram in rivers " 'ran'

"Dragons were not known for there liking of humans " 'Their'. This happens often to me too, and spell-check sure does not help, passing it by blithely. Only repeated reading of the piece can help.

"It was her fault it had to be, they had hidden her for the last ten years from Luiniana." I think a comma after 'fault' is required. Comma placement is not my strong point, but the mind naturally pauses at that point.

"it's aged and untidy exterior" 'Its' is the possessive term; 'it's' becomes 'it is' when expanded, and should be used to say only that.

"The blanket was died green and was priced at five pieces" 'dyed' means coloured with dyes, the other has an altogether different meaning.

Some sentences need re-phrasin, they are confusing at present.
"A store on the corner of the main beaten path and the first one that crossed it looked promising" Maybe "There was a store that looked promising at the corner of the first crossroad."?

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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534
534
Review of Amends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the Three of hearts*Heart**Heart**Heart* review frenzy.

*Flower5* The Title: Short and sweet. Suggestive enough to entice the reader to peruse the story.

*Flower5* The Beginning: What a crackerjack first sentence! One of the best opening lines I have come across. Wonderful to call the burger a five napkin one, instead of a whopper.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting is not detailed but you show us a few pencil lines of description, we can fill in the rest ourselves. I did not regret the lack, since the characters are brought to larger-than-life proportions and the rest is not missed.

*Flower5* The Characters: Well done, Sonny and his uncle really live. (Amazing for a ghost, huh?)

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The descriptions are adequate for the story, the dialogue between Sonny and his uncle being so gripping, and the action and story flow so smooth, that the lack of imagery is not regretted.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I just loved the inventive directions taken by the story. However, you do not mention if they ever 'found' the body. So as to give 'closure' to that part of the story.

*Flower5* What I liked: The uncle/nephew relationship and interaction.

*Flower5* Suggestions: A few typos/errors-

"I made on honest living I'll have you kno-" Is that 'an' honest living? If you must have the old man break off mid-word, choose a word where the omission of the last letter(s) would make a difference in the sound. 'Kno' & 'Know' are the same in sound. How about continuing on to "young feller" and break off at 'youn-' or 'fell-'?

"Hey, at least you got the element of surprise. You'll be fine. Sonny didn't find his uncle too comforting." You should probably stop the italicization after the second sentence, at 'fine'.

This particular error is insiduous, and found in many items, including my own. The best way to avoid it is to use both forms and see which fits. Expand the abbreviated/apostrophe-d form before use. Then is that is the correct form, contract it by using the apostrophe. What am I talking about? Its confusions between its/it's your/you're, there/they're etc, etc.

"You know, your starting to sound a lot like Goodrich" You are, i.e. you're.

"keeping a fir grip on his crowbar." firm.

"Sonny was passed caring, however" past.

"Apparently you have Gout syndrome now, so I wouldn't be expecting any beef while your here.”" Gout is not a syndrome. It is sufficient to say "You have Gout."

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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535
535
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008
This is review 10 of 10.

*Flower5* I admit I searched for a fitting note, upon which to end my reviews. This charming poem caught my eye because of the intro. I agree completely with the sentiment expressed.

*Flower5* You transport us into your memories. montmarte comes to life in front of us. I picked out this line to commend, but it had a hst of equally deserving companions.
"The tawdry, the garish, the provocative:
defined a way to live, and more, subjects to immortalize."

*Flower5* After wandering umpteen miles through the delightful garden that is your portfolio, one flaw caught my eye. There may be others, I do not know or care, feating on the myriad colours and scents.
"the Eiffle Tower" Eiffel?

*Flower5* In this delicate journey to the past, to Paris and Montmarte, the solloquial 'mosey' stood out like a country bumpkin at a formal ball.

*Flower5* "It truly isn't the destination
that is important,
but the journey" It truly is, because this journey has been so pleasant for me, it matters not that I have reached the detination; I shall undertake the journey a million times again, in memory. Thanks for allowing me to wander through your garden.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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536
536
Review of Sunrisings  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008
This is review 9 of 10.

*Flower5* This folder contains a variety of items. Why the number twenty-one? Does it have some deeper significance? Maybe you could include that in your little introduction?

*Flower5* This was about family relationships and love and was very touching. I love the way you tell the tale in the shape of a poem. A difficult thing to do.

*Flower5* The usual vivid images. Sensational way of using ordinary words in an extra-ordinary way.
"Words faded. Oh, I’m sure I heard them
But they were forever lost as my brain
Tried to wrap around what I was hearing,"

*Flower5* Loved the change in lighting and mood. It happens so often that nature mirrors our moods, or maybe we just begin to see the beauty when we are happy.

*Flower5* It has been a pleasure to partake of so varied a menu. I am sorry the treat is about to end.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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537
537
Review of Still Fragile  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008
This is review 8 of 10

*Flower5* "It isn't you it's me." How true. Even in English class, (way back in the mists of time, at the beginning of my life) there were poets that I could instinctively grasp, and there those who needed the teacher's explanation for the inner beauty to be revealed. So I not the best of reviewers for your pieces. I speak only of what I found in it, and from it.

*Flower5* No complaints about the images and descriptions, the allusions to deeper meaning.
"A porcelain doll
Sat on a shelf-
High above the world below-
Safe:"
This is how one would remain aloof from Life, but as you rightly point out, one would not then have lived.

*Flower5* I traced the journey through relationships, one of which ended in a sad abandonment. Then there is another loving relationship, a quieter but more rewarding one that teaches the doll that life includes pain and loss.

*Flower5* It was the end I wasn't sure if I understood correctly? She has a loss, that her partner cannot prevent; but he can help her get through it. There is loss and pain outside their lives too, and they accept it as a part of natural events. Right? Or, not?

*Flower5* Anyway it was profound, and hauntingly beautiful.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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538
Review of Fracturization  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008
This is review 7 of 10

*Flower5* Ah! here's a bite of something airy and light, something to offset, and set off, the heavy richness of the other offerings.

*Flower5* You said it. I was clapping right through the rant. It is something that irritates me too. In an otherwise well written and taut piece, to see these silly errors, breaks the mood of appreciation.

*Flower5* Loved the verse about 'their' coats over 'there' etc. etc. It reminded me of Dr. Seuss. Maybe adults need that type of book to teach 'em written English. 'Your' and 'you're' are commonly confused too,. I feel the best way to check if one has used the correct form is to chuck out the apostrophe by expanding the word, see if it fits, and then contract it again. Cumbersome, but infallible.

*Flower5* I am glad to see this side of you, It brings you down from the lofty heights of the maestro, the skilled poet, down to the rest of us mere mortals.

*Flower5* Delectable read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


** Image ID #1372928 Unavailable **
539
539
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008
This is review 6 of 10

*Flower5* I am getting to learn about your writing style now. The thoughts flow straight from nerve impulse to paper, there is no restriction imposed by rhyme or meter.

*Flower5* The images are startling and impinge upon the reader's consciousness, and even conscience. They fall in staccato rhythm and march to a strange wild beat across the eye.

*Flower5* Some vivid images:
"Tangle of rusted wire snaked across the height,
venomous, insidious: the serpent danced with
swords of discontent"
&
"Overwhelming the barking and snapping of
Rotweilerian soldiers"

*Flower5* This one was easy to understand, it cleaved a path straight into my heart.

*Flower5* 'Morning ramble, lost, but unconcerned
in the losing' That's me, I'm rambling thru' your writing and I'm unconcerned that I'm out of my depth her. Your writing is levels beyond my comprehension at times, but there is always something in the beauty of the images evoked that I can take away with me.

This is not within my purview...In the intro for this section there is a mis-spelled word {'accont' for account). To keep this at the level of the contents of the folder, I'd suggest a correction.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


** Image ID #1372928 Unavailable **
540
540
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008

This is review 5 of ten.

*Flower5* Visually appealing, as I notice most of your poems are. The choice of font is pefect for the images of summer.

*Flower5* It is a stroke of genius to bring in all the colour images of burnt toast, cinnamon and nutmeg, which not only suit the chosen title but the description of summer too. Wonderful.
"Hot, shriveling hot, days baked us clove brown
As nutmeg legs took us all over our mountain"

*Flower5* The images are sharp and stimulate all the senses, turn by tantalising turn. I loved these lines
"That’s what my Granny called them.
Seasons of sweetness, with just a touch of cinnamon"

*Flower5* Thank you for sharing these delighful moments with us. The poem is also a tribute to your grandmother and she lives in so many hearts, just as she lives in yours.

*Flower5* I rate this is at the top of my picks in your portfolio. I just forgot to think about rhyme or rhythm or grammar even and just let the words wash over me. Kudos.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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541
541
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* Your forte is the quick deft assembly of a descriptive piece that faithfully follows the prompt while taking an unusual angle on the requirements. Superb job. Kudos.

*Flower5* You met the challenge head on and did not once mention 'birthday', while making it abundantly clear that it was a birthday celebration.

*Flower5* What a nice family, no recrimination and direction of blame, just a quiet belief in being able to get past problems together. Simple and yet inspiring.

*Flower5* As a mother I can definitely understand what the parents were going through watching their child cry desperate tears, but your description makes it succinctly clear even to those as yet unexposed to this facet of Life.
"Nothing came to mind, and they simply stood there, quietly wanting to cry in sympathy with her. "

*Flower5* This is Judity, doing what she does best, and her best is usually better than the rest!

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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542
542
Review of A Gift for MCG  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008

*Flower3* The Title: Describes the thought behind the poem, and is also alluded to in the poem itself. The 'statement' type of title, which although apt, is in the same class some of the more evocative or symbolic ones.

*Flower3* Rhyming: You have chosen the abab cdcd efef gg thype of rhyme, well adhered to in the main, except for like it/sonnet which I felt was not a direct rhyme. The sound is 'eh' as in met for one, and 'ih' as fit, for the other.

*Flower3* Meter: I was under the impression that these were usually in pentameter, or sometimes with another count, but always in meter. One lives and learns. Please do tell me which form this is, so that I can add to my knowledge too.

*Flower3* Grammar:There were no errors within the requirements in poetry, which are much more elastic than those of prose.

*Flower3* Poetry Form: As I said earlier, I am confused about the exact type, there are variations galore on the original sonnet.

*Flower3* Poem as a whole:You have the knack for the unusual, writing about writing! I can see the vein of wry humour that characterises your pieces.

*Flower3* Remarks: You say poetry is not your 'cup of tea'? I think you are well on the way to becoming known for your verse. Maybe sonnets might not be what brings out the best in you, but perhaps something a la Ogden Nash? You still get a big*Thumbsup**Check2*
Jyo


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Review of Pale Blue Ribbons  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* There are two halves to this poem, and I must confess that much of both went above my head.

*Flower5* There is some violent and disturbing past event, I caught faint glimpses of the truth. But the larger picture eluded me. I do not profess to be a great student of poetry however, so this is probably a lone opinion.

*Flower5* The hurt and pain comes through clearly however, the wounds still so raw, I hesitate to comment and make them weep afresh. I empathised with that part, and the words have raw power.

*Flower5* You made me think of some events in my own life, the words were profoundly true.
"Seared into grey matter
And it really doesn’t matter
That there was nothing I could do,
Even though what I didn’t do
Mattered in the long run."

*Flower5* Put this down as a reflection of my inability to appreciate, rather than a criticism of your writing.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of Watered Silk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I remember reading this poem, it gave me a feeling of deja-vu. The title is beautiful and I'm sure I have told you that.

*Flower5* Again your forte for unusual simile or metaphor shows. 'Liquid silk', 'undulating sky'...I'm floating there myself.

*Flower5* This line was specially evocative, the image so sharp that I had to shake myself back into reality.
"Sea urchins bat their spines
as a puffer bloats by" 'as a puffer bloats by", superb.

*Flower5* Normal things, the constraints of diving, are put in such an unique way. Sheer legerdemain, so to say.

*Flower5* I liked the consistency of the images evoked right from the title to the last line, but I do not quote, because I want readers to discover their favourite parts afresh. Other poems may also reach this exemplary level, but this will always be precious as the first diamond I discovered.

*Flower5* This is review 3 of 10.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* Flanconleter? Flancloneter? Is it to do with falcons, or those who measure some attribute of flannel, or a clone that falls...or what? Then I searched for it in the ever helpful Google. You have followed the prompt very inventively.

*Flower5* Some fantastic metaphor/simile here, I nibbled at 'antebellum expectation' delicately, I cowered before 'the great exclamation point', and shuddered at the thoughts 'flowing like septic cells down the sewers of the dispossessed'.

*Flower5* I do feel you need to be sure of the use of 'thee' and thou', it seemed wrong at a couple of places. The usage gave the poem a pleasant old-world flavour, but my not knowing the correct usage (and not understandiing the explanations on the net) made me lose a little of its richness. My fault entirely.

*Flower5* I liked your version of a 'round peg in a square hole' Though I think the original is a square peg in a round hole, this version allowed you to keep the subject soft and feminine in a pointed and unfriendly world.

*Flower5* One word foxed me, what is synmosis? The rest of the poem is an unusual benediction. Your poetry effortlessly stands apart and above.

*Flower5* This is review 2 of 10

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.0)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* This is well written and, and if it were prose, I'd go straight to the praise. But, you say it is poetry.

*Flower5* This has to be free verse, right? But it doesn't have that 'flowing' nature so characteristic of that form. To me, it had a terse staccato rhythm that actually went well with the theme, a coffee shop. I'd just read it over a see if the line breaks could be altered a bit, to heighten that effect. But it is your call entirely.

*Flower5* Please, even in prose use numbers not as numerals but as spelled out words. (07:20 becomes seven-twenty). In poetry it is too incongruous. Unless you went for that effect deliberately?

*Flower5* I loved the line you have reproduced in your intro, but found only a couple of other bits using imagery. The rest was that terse narrative style, which as I said actually worked quite well.

*Flower5* Your writing has flashes of sheer brilliance, I guess the consistency will come with time. It is still a good read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of Phoenix Rising  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008


*Flower5* I liked the inventive use of colour (WritingML) and centering to create a wavering flame like appearance for the poem. The difference in the two colours chosen underlined the change in tempo and created a refrain like effect. The repetition of the first verse at the end effectively 'capped' the piece.

*Flower5* What a great visual. You chose not to go for the conventional bird-like appearance but have the winged fairie appearance instead, at once wild and beautiful. the colours mirror the writing, or is it vice versa?

*Flower5* Some deeply profound lines :
"Retrospection bewilders me, how blind, how helpless, how pathetic.
I saw a stranger in those caustic memories"
&
"Naïve expectations frayed into poor choices;
Seeking remnants, finding rags.
"

*Flower5* I loved the comparison to the forest fire, supplementing the already present image or re-birth. If I had to select my favourite lines, nearly half the poem would get reflected here. Suffice it to say I gloried in the flickering reflection of those flames.

*Flower5* This is Review 1 of 10

Jyo

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of Raison D'être  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Flower5* The 'reason for living', an evocative title, but I did not feel it was the perfect one for your piece. Is it WDC or "writer's cramp or your cats? The 577 words do not clarify. It can't be either of the former, or you would not need resolution and prompting (forgive the pun).

*Flower5* You write easily, it is just like being there and looking at the events unfolding. A little peephole into your life.

*Flower5* Your poem had me laughing, I loved the third line, a lesson in juxtaposition of incongruous images. I re-read some of your pieces in my mind; Lincoln's nose - ah, what a deft piece that was.

*Flower5* I personally do not like numerals written as numbers, I prefer them spelled out as words. "Twenty" for 20. That's a personal quirk, however.

*Flower5* Inventive, amusing and worth the read. Kudos.



Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of SEASON ONE  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is part of a *Heart**Heart**Heart*Three Of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008

*Flower5* The Title: Bland and practical kind of title. It works well, in that it tends to be apt, being merely a terse description of the main event.

*Flower5* The Beginning: This is a new format for me to review. In this format the beginning contains plenty of required information, and the 'hook' comes in the initial action. The first few interactions are gripping and compel one to complete the tale. I liked it.

*Flower5* The Setting: Obviously, clinically described in exhaustive detail. Screenplay has this advantage over a story

*Flower5* The Characters: The interaction is terse and laden with drama, excellent. The dialogue is very much in 'character'.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Where they exist, these are clinical and precise, nothing further being required, no flights of simile or metaphor are needed. The characters are named, but no descriptions are given. Even if physical description can be left to the casting, shouldn't there be a concept in place? Psychological description is possible, that would show how to play the character. But I know nothing of screenplays, ignore me if you want.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Excellent idea for a series, you can do a lot with this. I for one, will be tempted to follow the further development. Best of luck with its telecast. It is well thought of, to make each episode distinctly separate.

*Flower5* What I liked: The dialogue. This made up for the lack of description, the way each person acted and spoke, said volumes for their persona. Bravo.

*Flower5* Suggestions: None, really, I might have objected to the distracting format, but you have already explained that. I had a wonderful read. Thanks.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of What If.......  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is part of the *Heart**Heart**Heart* Three of Hearts Review Frenzy 2008

*Flower3* The Title: I immediately was reminded of one of my favourite poems, "If" By Rudyard Kipling. I couldn't wait to see what you had made of this question.

*Flower3* Rhyming: Simple scheme, well executed. It is better to do a simple thing well than fumble at flights of the complex. Maybe friends/end was not the most perfect of rhymes, but I liked the message enough to overlook that. Although grammatically incorrect, I felt changing it to friend would not be amiss. ( Dogs are a man's best friend).

*Flower3* Meter: There is no serious attempt at meter, the questions being so pertinent as not allow much flexibility. I feel 7-6-7-6 meter is a simple structure; or tetrameter, eight syllables per line, maybe. It is not impossible:
"What if cows ate people? " could become 'What if cows munched on people? allowing it to become seven syllables as the first line of the stanza should be in the former metrical scheme.' Making it conform to a syllable count is entirely your choice, I just illustrate that it can be done.


*Flower3* Grammar: Impeccable. This could read as a piece of prose and not be faulted for grammar. I have no need to utilise the ubiquitous 'poetic licence'.

*Flower3* Poetry Form: I did not recognise a specific form, but the arrangement of the poem in four line stanzas is, to my mind, one of the neatest forms.

*Flower3* Poem as a whole:I liked the sentiments expressed, the idea of turning things topsy-turvy to gain new perspective. Sometimes irreverent and humourous, sometimes wise and profound. I loved the cheeky ending, I do hope your spouse laughed too.

*Flower3* Remarks: You get an enthusiastic *Thumbsup**Check2*from me
Jyo
PS Why have you got the item type set as 'Other"? This is, by any standards, a poem. Make that "Poetry" instead ( I do feel even the genres could stretch to include Philosophical or Emotional).

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