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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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151
Review of Silent Seduction  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello ԜԜ On The Road Again! , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title fits the piece like a glove, apt and a nugget of encapsulated information. Yet, I am not someone who likes to read of close moments of others, it always makes me feel like a peeping Tom. So, it had to be your name as author, I have read many of your items, from the funny to the touching and have been socks-knocked-off impressed by all. So anything you write will be a draw, despite my own private reservations.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Oh, the theme of the week is Moments. Bubbles of foam, each with its own image, iridescent and sparkling. Oh, it seems to be about shared and intimate moments, too.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The image is well chosen. First the colours, maroon or reddish-brown that is the exact colour palette opposite of a purplish blue. The bold black decorative corner makes a striking frame that prevents the heart outline from being soppy. The figures themselves are caught in the 'just-before' moment, we are left to imagine what might come next. The background is roiling and rolling horizon of clouds and waves, the emotions are thus suggested without being obvious. Like I said - perfect!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: This is not always a bad thing, sometimes I ponder on how everything falls into place so neatly. Just nine lines in three verses, the first is of looking, the second is of acknowledgment of the look, subtle, but a signal is sent and received, the last is a revelling in the knowledge that the moment is not only good, it is a symbol of all that's working for the relationship. I could swear there was a faint feeling of regret that washed over me, a sigh of wanting to know that moment myself.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Just one comma out of place, not a biggie if one considers the polished perfection of the whole. Then too, the piece just made me confess to secret longings, I had to go out there and find my salvation in the misplaced comma!

"Whirling,spiraling, spa-pool--frothy foam of white;" A space is required after that first comma. I am too much of a raw amateur in punctuation to even talk of en dashes, but do those require spaces before and after, or not? BTW - great image with which to begin -*Thumbsup*



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.
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152
Review of Music of Love  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title is what generally first catches my eye, this one was a lyrical gem. It had faint echoes of the saying, 'if music be the food of love ...' but had a definite promise of its own. I could almost hear the hushed pause before the first swell of notes.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I am rather a cynic, not a bitter one, more one who is faintly amused by life's vagaries and who keeps one eye always peeled for the whammy moment! Yet the feeling I got from beginning to end of the read was one of joyous abandon to the 'now', it managed to do that without any warning grimaces from me.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I'm sure it must not have been deliberate, but when I first saw the poem, especially with the repeat of the title within, it looked like two intertwined figures to me, so close that they merged, face -to-face, skin-to-skin.

The beats were orchestrated well, from the first slow sensual beginning, though the building momentum and the final crescendo! Then the final whisper at the end, after what seemed to have been the final crash, it just emphasizes the ending high note. Bravo! Bravo fortissimo!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: If I had anything at which to cavil - it would be much after the read, the feeling of satiety lingered for a while - it was that the words themselves were a tad ordinary. The effect was sublime, but it was like hearing an impressive performance on a workmanlike instrument, the richer tones of a Steinway Grand were missing. For example when you say:"you take me into
strong arms."
If the use of simple language is deliberate, I apologize, the effect is unquestionably marvelous. Who am I to argue with something that appealing?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Nada, there was not a single error there, this was one classic and polished performance!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.
153
153
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Meg , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Friendship, Comedy, Holiday Time, Greetings, a special greeting for a little guy. What's not to like about this one? Then I found it to be a story-like poem, ah, my favourite kind. It 'placed' in a tough contest, that's icing on the cake.

*Flower5* The General Impression: It creates the background well, why the card is being sent, when and how and to whom. Lots of details and one is nodding and thinking 'I once did that kind of thing, too!'

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: It sure did what the contest asked it to do, I love this kind of tale and the fact that I never saw it coming (I'm generally good at sniffing these out) made me appreciate it all the more. Well done!*Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: It isn't meant to be in even meter is it? No, no, that kind of ragged length means the emphasis was on the story. The rhyming was impeccable, aabb right through, even if it was sometimes deft assonance and not rhyme.

But here:
"They pick it up when they pass through or, if it is marked "Urgent",
They ring and tell the Postal folk where letters can be sent.
" How would they know it was marked Urgent? They must have given blanket instructions beforehand, for any such marked letters? Keep changing the exact address as they move? I just could not quite grasp that. But it is a small quibble, the read was extra-ordinary and had me chortling at the end!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Nary a hiccup!.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.
154
154
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's 9th Birthday.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Flower5* The Title: What a title! If I had to pick a title that did all I wanted to see a title do, I'd pick yours. It was unusual, it had an odd number (OK, even, in the mathematical sense, but odd in that it did not conform to three-quarters of an hour, but chose to be more random!) of minutes specified, it directed one's attention to itself. Then too, the fact that it was in minutes, not hours, said something momentous was happening, or going to happen. Interest and suspense created at one go. The intro takes over from where the title leaves off and tells us of is about abuse, but not the obvious kind, not even at the hands of an adult. Ping! That was me diving into the write! (no, 'Splash' is reserved for diving into waters, for e-writes it is an electronic 'Ping' -that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

*Flower5* The Beginning: Another bit that had me dumbstruck by its creativity and enthralling capacity to 'draw' in the reader. Well done, my friend, well done. The first sentence was the doozy - it made a vivid picture and firmly ensconced us in the observer's seat. We have all watched raindrops chasing each other on a window, we've must have pondered upon the futility or helplessness too, you gave it form with your deft words. The next few lines gave us the time, the place, the POV, the reasons. *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Setting: This was well done, from the child introspecting, to its being drawn out of the reverie by a bump and then absorbing all the sights, the sounds, the smells. Good work, pulling in that little used sense, that of smell. So many memories are attached to that, I think of my grand-father whenever I smell sandalwood, he had a cupboard of that wood and consequently his clothes would always have a faint whiff of that smell.

*Flower5* The Characters: I think you brought out your childhood self well. It takes courage to look deep within yourself and then present that self to the world, unadorned and unaltered, although you do not particularly like what you see.

To become a child again, to make all the actions conform to that far-off state is a feat, well done. I particularly liked the way the child tries to do right, whilst still remaining within the narrow confines of behaviour demanded by his peers.

The other descriptions were clear, John himself was easy to see, only the narrator is in the shadows, defined only by his emotions. I think that was a deliberate choice? I like to see all the characters, considering there was a bit, quite a bit of word limit, available, a couple of lines to flesh out the narrator is an option.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: These were the best part. I was squirming in my seat like an eager student who knows the answer, only the teacher hasn't asked the question yet. I wanted to tell you how much I liked this bit. The first line was great, but many other parts were also worth the lauding for the vivid three-dimensional images they evoked.

"The chatter of the other kids crept back into my consciousness as did the faint smell of exhaust fumes and school lunches previously abandoned under the thinly padded seats."

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I thought the prompt was a difficult one, for it is difficult to talk of crusaders for rights and their travails within a limited word count, to justify how standing up for right might be wrong at some points, how enemies can be made without any personal enmity. Yet, you did all that, with words to spare.

You took the prompt in an unusual direction moreover, a child might not be everybody's first choice for protagonist in this situation.

*Flower5* What I liked: Deft description, it'll get me standing up and applauding every time. I admire facile ease with dialogue, I enjoy witty use of puns and tongue-in-cheek remarks, but description is what delights me the most. I like PGW for both the former, I applaud him for the latter.

I liked your choice of words. Yep that's it, that's what I've waited to say, wanted to say. *Laugh*

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Each school has its own rules about what was "cool" and what wasn't." Is there a tense inconsistency in there? 'has its own rules', 'what isn't'; or 'had its own rules', 'what wasn't'. Or so I think. *unsure confused look*

" I felt pushed by forces I had no control over" It's in the POV of a young child, the narrator, so I'd be inclined to let that one go. As long as you too know that there was a tiny flaw in that sentence, it ends with a preposition. In other situations, it might be re-written as 'I felt pushed by forces over which I had no control'. Even simpler to make it 'I felt buffeted by random forces'.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.
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155
Review of Monday, Revised  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kymkim , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's 9th Birthday.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Flower5* The Title: The fact that it is a revised version need not be apparent in the title itself. Titles need to be catchy, attractive enough to arrest an eye that is trolling the site, looking for something to read. Me, I liked your user name, A. A. Milne's creation has long been my favourite, you had me at Pooh! Also, I wanted to see how you did with chopping down the original to within contest word limits. I tried that on one of my stories and found the story becoming 'taut' and polished. But, the title? That did nothing for me.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Both the versions have nearly the same treatment, you did well not to change the flavour of the write, just some deft pruning. But, the second, lighter, version improves from the clean and 'open' formatting - the one line inter-spaces and first line indents.

To begin with your individual prayer was a good idea, then comes the explanation about the originality of its construction and your personal belief that prayers are irreverent if said with eyes open. The persona of the narrator is built up well, the setting of a 'beginning' gains credence. That's all to the good.

*Flower5* The Setting: This was the bit I felt was lacking, the part where the foreground, the characters, loomed large, even the walk-ons like the guy who fixed the brakes, yet - the background was hazy. I wonder if that was deliberate?

There are places where there is an abrupt shift in action. Like when there is description of heart-pumping antics on the highway and then the scene shifts to a rant to the room-mate. She was headed home, yes, but she should arrive home in at least one line.

*Flower5* The Characters: The description of the one who ultimately fixed the brakes was a brilliant bit of character build up, with vivid imagery and unusual quirks and attributes. The character 'Squawkbox' came to life. I wish the others lived up to the expectation. The room-mate deserved to have more than her skill with duct-tape eulogised.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: This is your forte, you have a way with words. Or as I often like to say of myself, ' your words have their way with me'! The descriptions seem to leap of the page into the delighted mind of the reader, they are delightful, zany, inventive and so vivid they hurt! I have already metioned one bit I liked, about a charater. Let me highlihgt another, this time about a situation, the climax of the write - the scene where she makes it to work - finally! Yet, the troubles are not yet over!

" Before the shift was over, I would dump a canister of tea on the serving area floor, drop a pop nozzle on the floor and step on it, crushing it. I dropped a ceramic crock of ketchup onto the floor and melted a plastic bread bag to the front of the oven. " There's a wee bit of tense change in there, but the description is a litany of woes that is hilarious!

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: What was the word limit? How close did you get to it? I just want to know if you had the space to add in the niggly bits that were demanded by this capricious reader.

The two versions were almost the same, just a lot of rambling cut out with the shorter version, some crisp 'showing' substituted for lengthy telling, some deft dialogue added, the whole neatened and presented with clean formatting. The formatting seemed to go awry in the middle part, with lines terminating midway through the page width - pre-viewing before posting, or editing after viewing might help. Or was it my 'puter's word processor acting up?

On the whole a rousing success. Yet you retained the original humour, without losing a single bit. Well done.

*Flower5* What I liked: The humour is breathless, self-deprecating and chock-full of everyday possibilities, making one think something like that happened to oneself!

Some of the descriptions are vivid, and make one 'see' the zany character or situation in vivid three-dimensional detail. I laughed my head off at 'Squawkbox'!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"We can’t loose a whole day’s wages!" I believe the term would be 'lose a whole day's wages'?

"Duck tape and super glue are usually involved" I can picture this in my mind, cute little yellow duckies printed on white tape, not the ubiquitous black or even silvery variety. But I think you mean 'duct' tape?

"“Is there some reason I am not supposed to be either on the road or at work?” I Shrieked; pounding on the steering wheel." The word 'shrieked' does not require the capital, the phrase after the semi-colon is not capable of standing as a complete sentence, hence a comma would be the better option. Or you could change it to 'I pounded the steering wheel'.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.
156
156
Review of Scared Stiff  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Truck Guy , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title might incline some to think this was about horror or spooky stuff, that's not a bad thing. It still attracts and having enough within to keep the reader riveted, it makes the content vivid in the contrasting genre. I like alliterative titles too. Your intro told me it was actually a 'funny', something that I love before breakfast - so in I went!

*Flower5* The Beginning: One sentence, no, two. Just those two short sentences and the setting was done. One knew what time of the day it was (late evening), where he was placed (indoors, in front of the telly), what he was doing (he'd returned home from work sometime back, he was relaxing). The next couple of lines introduce the rest of the cast and tell us where they are, what they are doing. A deft creation of setting, if I ever read one. It serves also to contrast the forthcoming action by describing a scene of quiet winding down at the end of the day.

*Flower5* The Setting: I think I have already mentioned that this part was well done in the beginning, it continues to be sketched in as the unfolding action requires it, the back-yard, the back door, whatever physical parts are required. Even the mop-bucket gets a look in.

*Flower5* The Characters: Oh, the best was the skunk, one could see that animal as clear as day! Had to, he was the lead! To not only describe him, but to personalize him and tell us his motivations along with detailed descriptions of the action - well done!

"The skunk had obviously been caught off-guard by the sudden glare of the porch light and the incessant noise of a lunatic banshee! This poor skunk had all four legs moving in an up and down fashion, but he wasn’t going anywhere. "

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Ah, this was what raised this story to delightful comedy from just another animal story. Detailed, deft, delightful description, shall I continue to alliterate? I'd quote another bit, but it might give away too much of the write, bite-sized as it is! I guess people will just have read to find out what was good and what was great.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Short, I think the word limit is 1000 words? This was way under that. But the entire story got told, there was no sense of anything incomplete.

I had just one query: The narrator says he could not make out the actual words of the repeated screams, he has the wife going 'AHHHH, AHHHH, AHHHH!', later he 'understands' her to be screaming 'SKUNK'. Now the scream would have to be more like a squawk for that to be true, one sound cannot be mistaken for another. Or else she could be shown as having changed her chant.

*Flower5* What I liked: Delicious, this was one delectable read. The story came to life in front of my eyes.

The end too was suitably ironic and tongue-in-cheek. If you drive that truck as well as you write, you might wanna add a 'the' in front of the handle. For you are THE guy to go to for a laugh!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"I couldn’t make out an actual word" This is not 'wrong', but it sat a trifle stiff and awkward within the sentence. Do you think either 'I could not make out any actual words' or 'a single word' might work better?

"He ran the 15 or 20 feet of the fence backwards" Is it 'of the fence' or 'to the fence'? Because you tell the story as though he ran butt-first into the fence.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
157
157
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Magoo , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for Showering Acts of Joy

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I like the title, it is not in any way poetic, yet because the poem itself is a humourous slant on early morning wake-up calls orchestrated by baby, it is apt, unusual, interesting and vivid.

*Flower5* Rhyming:This is the kind of rhyme that I first attempted, it remains a favourite to date, each couplet is a rhyming pair, direct end rhyme. aabb ccdd eeff and so on. Each rhyming choice makes our words just that shade limited, a potential for the lines to sound forced or artificial. Yet, here the conversational tone is not disturbed, so I think the effort to make it seem effortless was brilliant!

*Flower5* Meter: *does a little happy jig* It's there! It's there! Lovely - in a poem with this subject, that just cries out to be read aloud, it was great to notice the natural cadence. Then came the syllable counting - I held my breath - 11, 11, 11, 11, ... 11 right through, every single line! Thank you!

*Flower5* Grammar: This is actually a conversation, one-sided, because the baby is the only one actually awake! I think mothers operate on a special battery or something. *Laugh* Anyway, the commas, the quote marks, the query marks and periods are in impeccable positions. The language and spelling are faultless too. You leave me with not much else to do but put my hands together for well deserved applause.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Quatrains,but I could discern nothing more than that. If there is a special from for 11 syllable count quatrain, I would be happy to learn of it. Perhaps with the added proviso of comedic slant, it might become the Magoo form?

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: It looks at that early morning distress call from the baby's POV. I remember remarking upon how bright-eyed and 'ready' mine seemed to be at that unearthly hour. This little one too, is ready for a long chat and discussion. *Bigsmile* Its chat covers a gamut of topics, from wanting to know if Daddy might like some hands-on time with a wet disaper to confessing the ways it shows love. It ends on a beautiful Parthian shot:

"What do you say we make this a nightly show,
I'll be right here, I have nowhere else to go."

*Flower5* What I liked: Loved the way the babe is a junior stand-up comic, or should that be lie-down comic? Whatever, it had me rolling in the aisles! It dares to comment on the mother's appearance-:

"Where'd you put the makeup? And look at that hair!"

I liked the infant confessing to the penchant to snuggle, I think the mothers like it too. Other tiny confessions ring true, that powder feels good - but sometimes tickles, that it ponders about what to do to make 'mother smile', maybe a giggle (we all know how that toothless smile melts our hearts) or a grip on the finger(another tactic good for a tug at the heart).

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Not one single suggestion, this was one smooth and hiccup-less read!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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158
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Redtowrite , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for Showering Acts of Joy.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title was simple, it gave away the central premise of the story, it was nothing unusual. It worked all the same, in a heart-tugging way. I am glad I was tempted to read this, the promise in the title was delivered in the tale.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning was good, it set the scene, gave us the sense of anticipation, of little joys that brightened a poor drab life, of a hopeful and giving heart. It had depth of description and detailed emotion. It gave us the plot direction. It was smooth and assured.

*Flower5* The Setting: Until midway through the tale the setting is impeccable, little details building upon it, fine brush strokes upon slashes of colour. I liked the details added in about the trailer, the fact that the doors were hollow wood and already had holes poked in them by the fist-fights of her elder male siblings. I loved the description of the state of the floor in the toilet, and the poor child's worst fears, not of being bitten by a snake that came through the holes, but of being found dead in an ignominious state. Of course that was part of character building too.

*Flower5* The Characters: The child Winnie comes through well from only her actions, she is sweet through and through. The descriptions of her nascent adolescence were natural and refreshing.

Even the mother is described in detail; it would be so easy to comment upon a person's aging by mentioning wrinkles. You choose instead to say:

"She was still young but her ankles swelled and she had ugly veins in her legs." Bravo!

*Flower5* The Descriptions: This is well done until the end, that seems hurried somewhat. It did not have the natural feel of the rest of the story. Stand back a bit and look at the pace, how the story progresses - does not the latter part go past much faster? If there is no word count restraint, slow it down with some of your delectable descriptions.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: A emotion spilling, heart tugging tale. It might seem like an gift that was impractical, but people need that to live out practical lives with equanimity; besides things are clicking into place fast, government aid, a lawyer to fight their case .. .a trip with the loving child seems natural.

*Flower5* What I liked: The main character was eminently believable. I loved the introduction of her first crush, no bearing on the story, it gives depth to her character.

The mother too is endearing, typically over-extending herself without thought of complaint. When her children err, she blames herself, not her circumstances. You show a god understanding of the roles essayed.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"The sandy ocean floor was alive with luminest starfish" Do you mean luminescent? Or are you trying to write it the way a younger person would say that difficult word? If the latter, add in a phrase to make the reader get that - maybe 'she never could say the word right, but she knew what it meant, the hands of the little clock Mom gave her were that same greeny glow in the dark.'

"We could even get an apartment that the government paid a portion of the rent. Her Mom could also get a lawyer through Legal Aid to help take their father to court" Did you feel the POV jumping around a bit there? From narrator to observer, all in one line.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello rjsimonson , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for Showering Acts of Joy

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: A difficult prompt and it was a worthy effort. Yet, the title failed to live up to the tale. It is apt, it is even intriguing, but it has no subtler meaning, no feeling of breathless anticipation. I felt even the something like 'How Curiosity became the Cat' would work better. Always up to you to choose your own title, mine is but an example.

*Flower5* The Beginning: All the elements were in the right place and did an adequate job, but there was not enough 'showing', more 'telling' that began to pall after a while.

This is something I learned to do after I joined this site, to use 'showing' as a device to take the reader within the tale. I'll try and give you an example:

"By the time my trip was nearing its destination I was ready physically for the field work to come. My travel cell arrived and I paid for the resort location as close as possible to where I ultimately would investigate. I spent the first day becoming familiar with the area. "

Do you agree there's plenty of information in there? Was it presented so that the reader to visualise it, feel it, live it?

What gave the impression of reaching the destination? Was the planetary orb hanging like a huge celestial lantern? (She likes old fashioned lamps - we are told that later in the read.)

What made the narrator physically ready, is it a bit of Sci-Fi, an alarm that announces a target heart rate? Or is it a bit of description - about the taut muscles after 'earth-walk' practice, and short breath in anticipation of a lighter atmosphere?

What was in the area seen in the first day - was it a town square, a city district, a suburban street? how had it been located? More room for Sci-fi here. It helps to keep adding to that part.

Do you see where I am going? Would you like to add in that detail?

*Flower5* The Setting: If you do the things suggested above the setting will be all taken care of, both emotionally and physically.

*Flower5* The Characters: Rose and Alice. I thought the second to strike the chord of the unusual from its association with Lewis Caroll's story. Was there anything further to the choice of 'Rose'?

I got the cats' names at the end, at least the first three that could be put together, what were the last two to signify?

If there is no word limit, and you would like to, please make the lead characters stand out as three-dimensional. The enigmatic Alice needs more description, especially at first acquaintance - she is just described as 'another distinctly human set of eyes'.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: It's there, it is there in plenty. Yet, I do not feel satiated.

"I had to be the happiest human alive as I looked at the odd assortment of items in the shop. There were things from everywhere here." This was, for me, another example of a lot of words not really describing something. Why was she the happiest human alive? How many were left in the 31st century? 'Things from everywhere'? I'd use something more evocative - 'treasures from places that I had not even heard of, artifacts from aeons long past, enigmatic items that I did not recognize ...'

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: It tried to blend a variety of genres, there was besides Sci-fi, and fantasy, a hint of parable and fairy tale, a bit of the romantic, travel ... I'd pick one to highlight, to make the main theme. I thought the Sci-fi needed a tad more detail and emphasis.

*Flower5* What I liked: The end has a kind of moral in it, despite the fantasy. It appealed to me. The task was difficult and well undertaken. I would like to re-read it if it ever takes on a newer avatar.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"The none human life forms could not function" The term 'none human' might be in legitimate use in the future for artificial life. If this was a deliberate usage, I apologize. Otherwise it should be 'non-human'.

"Three pieces, a frog, a swan and on e that kept changing" Extra space in the word 'one' between 'on' and 'e'.

"I turned my gravity-meter up to full-Earth-field inside my won travel cell and practiced walking" I do this all the time! Type 'won' for 'own'. *Laugh*

“So Rose would you like to purchase them?” Some commas required in there - just try reading it aloud without pauses, does it make sense? I think one after 'So' and one after 'Rose'?

"All you have to do is reach-out to them" Why the hyphen? I noticed you hyphenated another word earlier, but I had let that one go - 'pass-up'. That too was not required.

"my little bit of patients had worn out" I think you mean 'patience', the other is a term for those who see or consult a health professinal.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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Review of Mistaken Identity  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Nomar Knight , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: A Case of Mistaken Identity, the phrase is not unusual in itself, even a chopped bit is still recognizable. It does intrigue, but it also gives away the fact - even before it begins, that things are not what they seem.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The setting is done in the beginning, the explosion is sited at a famous landmark, the image clear to anyone who follows CNN, the characters set up with deft clarity. But, wait, for all that clarity we are looking under the stranger's guise, peering for that semblance of other self, we know there is an other self. The title said so, the intro reiterated it. Some of the tension is lost.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting changes with rapidity, there is no time for any of it to become three dimensional. The emotion is of one struggling against time.

*Flower5* The Characters: The evil one, the victim, the roles are clear. I would have liked things to be less obvious.

There is one other in the tale, the damsel in distress, yet garbed in today's robes, complete with "short spiky hair, crimson, alluring, outright sexy."

One is not quite sure of who the narrator is - ex-FBI, but it seems as though the separation was not voluntary on his side? What skills has he? What credentials? I think even 300 word stories could add in a bit of detail for him. I have seen all the classic elements of a story in some of minuscule size, 55 words!

*Flower5* The Descriptions: I found the description deft and vivid, yet, at points it seemed just that little bit short. For example:
"Only a stiff breeze pricked at my skin with surgical precision."

I understand that the pricking was compared to the precision of the surgeon, but pricking is not exactly the surgeon's forte, cutting, probing, slicing would all be. How about altering that suitably? To something like: "Only a stiff breeze troubled me, probing my tender spots with a surgeon's precision"? Or 'slicing through my skin with surgical precision"?

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: The action becomes a little confusing at times:"I wanted to shed light back on the girl but my muscles tightened"He's just drawn the 'trusty' (That is a cliche, if ever there was one, trusty steed, trusty knife/gun/whatever. Avoid cliches with the same firmness with which you would pass up food left out in the open for two days. Both would be too 'ripe'.*Laugh*) - where were we? Oh, yes, he'd just drawn the gun, what was he going to use to shed the light? What's that? The torch was still clenched in the other hand? No two-handed Miami Vice grip?

*Flower5* What I liked: I love tales with a twist, this one was less twist than right turn, complete with directions. Yet, I appreciate the inclusion of one.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: I thought the large font was particularly kind to my old eyes, which are still sharp. Yet, they spotted no errors, thanks for the smooth read.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of The Domino Effect  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jezri , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I would have read this one for the sake of the title alone, the image conjured is of one vent cascading into a multitude of results, anyone who has seen the way dominoes topple over with just one touch would understand the immediate appeal.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning started with a bit of 'hot' gossip' and we were there to hear it. This dropped us into the thick of the action and the deft dialogue ensured that it kept rolling along.

*Flower5* The Setting: The 'break-room' was the physical setting, the friendship and office gossip was the emotional one. I'd have to say the latter was done so well, the former paled into insignificance. There was too little by comparison. Could you slip in a few references to that?

For e.g.: "“Just a few what?” A familiar voice asked. It was Brad Anders from the mail room" A couple of words about the him squeezing into the little cubicle that D,D,B,& F liked to call a break-room. He casts a disgusted glance at the chipped plastic chairs and perches one hip on the counter, where the defunct microwave resided. Maybe a snide comment that it was all meant to discourage long breaks? Whatever you want, just let us see the background as clearly as the action and the characters.

*Flower5* The Characters: This is dealt with in adequate manner, but at times I felt there were too many words. I know, I am hard to please. Well, what I mean is that the words go on about the same thing, instead of adding depth or new detail. For e.g., in the beginning:

"“Oh my gawd!” Gina Norris said, plopping herself down into the break room chair, right next to her best friend, Angela Banks. The two had been inseperable since grade school and were now working together as interns at the law offices of Dunder, Dunder, Bender and Franks." The use of 'he said' and she said' dialogue tags adds nothing to description, in this sentence try 'she exclaimed', 'she spat out', 'she ejaculated' ... anything to show the strong feeling expressed in those words.

Then, the word is 'inseparable', a glance at Spell-check will spot these.

Lastly the two are BFFs, we get that, whether they are from wayyyy back in grade school or from just two years, matters little to the story, yet, let's accept that part too. The "were now working together in the same firm as interns in etc.etc..." is boring.

Add in some detail, "they had been friends ever since eight-year old Angela had helped a younger Gina scale the walls of Old man Jenner's orchard to eat windfalls. Even now, at etc. etc., they had a buddy system as co-interns, that served to detour office politics."

Or whatever details are in your head.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The descriptions of the compromising situation were funny and graphic, yet, nothing one had not heard before. I dare not quote any of it - but it has been used before. I laugh as heartily at the fifth rendition of a joke, as the first time!

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: The story moved well, it was believable, it had natural sounding dialogue. That is a lot of pluses. But, somehow the minuses end up looming large. That's unfair, but from any practiced proponent of the arts, one expects more, is satisfied with nothing but the attainable best. Take it as a compliment.

I had just one comment, if one is blackmailing someone, one would not have witnesses to that deed, would one? Yet, a smart girl like Gina (she was scathing of Fern's mental ability, remember?) uses something as easily traceable as e-mail to send the blackmail demand? Maybe you could mention that although she had attempted to hide her identity by using an alias and cyber re-routing, some smart young hacker was able to get a trace on her in x minutes flat?

*Flower5* What I liked: The title was a great one.

The story too had lots going for it, the deft dialogue, the great twist - ooops, nearly gave it away, didn't I?

It was a winner all right, it's not just that bright blue banner that said so, just that it would be sublime with some more detail and depth.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Just one tiny hiccup. It was one smooth read, otherwise.

"Angela Bank’s hit the remote control" Angela Banks, there's no need for the apostrophe.

There was one sentence with an ending preposition - "she was the only one Larry was cheating on his wife with." But I realise I am in the minority here,many people use this kind of construction,. I just know my English teacher cracked our knuckles with a ruler for this heinous crime! *Laugh*

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Eclipse  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ~Sue~ , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. I loved your user name, I wonder if you speak French? "Sue, here"?


*Flower5* The Title: Ah, short, terse and stark. Yet it is effective in arresting the attention and making one wonder if you are talking about the celestial event or it is a metaphor for some life event. After reading the delicate poem within I wondered why the title was not as lyrical as some of the images within, or even an echo? Yet, simple and stark often works well to contrast beauty within.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: The couplet came at the beginning, then came two quatrains, there is direct end rhyme for every pair of lines - aa bbcc ddee. The words are complete direct rhyme and do not sound forced by the requirement.

*Flower5* The Meter: If one allows that silvery is two syllables, this is impeccable tetrameter right through. I can count, most of the time, but stresses are beyond me. So if you too the trouble to add in iambic or trochaic rhythm, I am sorry. At least I know that it cannot be anapestic! (I didn't even need to take off my shoes, with hexameter that smelly exercise prohibits me from reviewing unless alone! *Bigsmile*)

*Flower5* The Imagery: Oh, this was the highlight of the piece, I do not know when I have ever read something that eulogised this, and made a delight out of what once frightened and alarmed those living in simpler times. It is too short for me to quote whole lines without giving away much of its contents. The other fear is that my favourite would be hard to pick, I would end up quoting more than half the poem! Yet let me just say that each verse brings one image to bear upon the mind's eye - the full moon, the beginning and the end of the phenomenon. Well done.


*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: If all the elements come together and make a perfect whole, there is no ONE thing to laud. I thank you for letting me gaze upon this beautiful eclipse.

*Flower5* What I liked: Your fluency in the use of all the poetic devices, remind me to come back and have a look at your other treasures.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:Nary a single hiccup, the whole was as smooth as the finest oak-matured - *err-hem family content alert* - spring water!*Laugh*



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Pigeon Parade  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Harry , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: It was vivid and evocative, it told us what to expect: something about bird watching, certainly. Something eulogistic, perhaps. Something unusual, beyond doubt. The alliteration did it no harm.

*Flower5* The Form: What is the difference between free verse and lyrical prose? I am often confused. Whilst experts maintain that there is often cadence, if not meter, in free verse, to me it seems that free verse 'flows', the thoughts are expressed not in neat sentences or paragraphs, but as images are, one snap-shot replacing another. In the end it matters little, poetic prose and free verse are equally appealing.

*Flower5* The Impression: Oh, this is superb. The initial images are of a symbiotic relationship, between bird feeder and watcher and the performers who 'sing for their supper' much like little Tommy Tucker!
Then comes the Problem, impending Modernization and the Concrete Jungle. There is the Conflict of Vanishing Wildlife and taking over by the Urban Counterpart, street-smart and just that little less colourful. The Resolution comes at the end, when the usurpers take their place in the watcher's heart - a love affair that is unlikely to end soon.

A story in poem form. In my book, at least.

*Flower5* What I liked: I live in a three-storied but colonial-style building, the kind with overhangs and cornices and other pigeon havens. I have watched these plump birds clambering through window grills, squeezing their portly grey-suited bodies into the gaps like respectable businessmen trying to evade the tax-collector. They give me hours of watching joy. This piece 'spoke' to me.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JudyB , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. You are one of the Simply Positive Reviewees for the week and I am proud to honour you as such.


*Flower5* The Title: Is it possible for something to attract and yet be just ordinary? I think this achieved that paradoxical effect. The subject matter was appealing, like some of the essays set by my English teacher in my far-off school days. But to then use the topic as the title of my essay would be to throw away an opportunity to impress with my word skills. The title could come in the intro, the intro could be a link within the item, after the read, a foot-note of information. The title can then take on any form it wishes, striking, unusual, shocking, lyrical, poetic ... the possibilities are infinite.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Even letters have beginnings, and I speak not of mere salutations. Of course those are important too: "My own precious dream rabbit" might appeal more than a terse, formal "Dear Jane"! *Laugh* I know that the tone is created in this beginning, a light chatty tone. Although the content is like a eulogy and lauds the one to whom it is written, the style is informal.

*Flower5* The Impression: It is rather short, it is over just after the beginning. Is that all you had to say? I know many loved ones who would be hurt with anything less than 13 pages full of exclamation marks and after-thoughts in postscripts. Or has the art of letter writing been lost in today's IMs and SMSs?

The feeling to be conveyed, the need to do so, seems less real because of the brevity. Imagine a love letter like this. Even my letters to my pen-friends were longer. Some anecdotal information, about how the soul complemented the mind or rescued it, would be effective.

I even wondered what it would be like if you took this a step further - either lauded all the parts of you - The Mind, the Body, the Soul, the Id, the Inner Child, the Muse etc. etc.? Or even a series of these short notes, from each to another, like a chain?

*Flower5* What I liked: In these busy times one rarely stops to thank those who have left a lasting impression upon us, this effort to stop and do just that makes me pause and think about counting my own blessings.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"makes me the one who's mind races at all hours of the night" That should be 'whose mind', the words 'who is' are contracted to form who's.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Dear God  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wyn - missing III , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. You are one of this week's Simply Positive Reviewees and I am proud to honour you as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title will appeal to the devout child that resides in all our hearts. I think my prayer was never quite so fervent as it was in the innocent beliefs of childhood, before cynicism and eroding events wore down that power. Short, simple, creating the mood immediately, there is an invitation to join in the prayer.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: It is not divided into verses, yet there is some semblance of rhyme, all but two of those lines are in the same end syllable - 'air'/'are'/'ere'. Or one could see it another way, one sestet, and two quatrains, all three with alternating rhyme. The lines need division then, into verses of 6-4-4.

*Flower5* The Meter: I often say this is not a required device, I've even failed to master it, yet when I see it in a poem I am awed by the majesty and rhythm it can bring to the lines. I love the way it can then be read aloud in a dramatic manner. I believe poems are for listening as much as they are for reading; if at all you like songs (the older kind with rhyming words that can be heard!*Laugh*) you will agree! But it is just not here, is it? *Cry* Or is it?*Blush*
Nope, it is 2-4-4-7-5-5-7-6-7-6-7-5-7-7, no pattern that I can discern!

*Flower5* The Imagery: This is a large part of what makes a poem rise into the ranks of the sublime, from the hordes of the competent. Some deft metaphor, simile, alliteration, consonance, assonance, onomatopoeia - the devices are many. Simple can also hold the attention, but I find it works best when it has just one thing to set it off, one gem or decoration. I found this to hold my attention by the fact that it held the same questions my heart tends to ask, rather than for any admirable flights of lyrical fancy.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: It was one question, one mood, one prayer. A sign from God that He is there, just to tell us we are not drifting in hopelessness. yet he is firm in not giving that sign, insisting on faith. It would not be faith if there was reason. I liked the paradox that was implied, or maybe I was adding my own interpretation to it. Either way, It appealed.

*Flower5* What I liked: The last lines echoed my innermost pleadings to God, long ago. I later decide that blind faith would have to be content not to see.

"Just a sign to prove my faith,
and show me that you're there"


*Flower5* Thank you for a thought-provoking read.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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Review of Spellbinding  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello jaya , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I wondered why the title description was for the allure rather than the one so bound? Of course, it was your choice,what form of the word to use, but, personally I would have seen it the other way around. It was part of the quotation given as prompt, hence it was attractive and apt. The site contest throws up an amazing variety of submissions and even the the titles ran the complete spectrum of possibilities. This one was in the middle of the bell curve.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: When there is a neat arrangement into verses of even lines, my eye races ahead of my mind, trying to see any pattern. I know neither rhyme nor rhythm was a required device or feature, yet the absence of both surprised me. If it had been a free verse, that would have troubled me at all, raised expectation proportionately increases the chances of disappointment.

*Flower5* The Rhythm: I can understand how either of these props can sometimes 'force' word choices, just like the 'no adverbs' dictum or a word limit can restrict creativity in stories. Yet, the use of these does enhance visual and even auditory appeal for the reader. Poetry with even syllables in all lines, especially if the stresses fall into place, it is made for reading aloud, it has a clip-clop cadence.

*Flower5* The Imagery: A 'compulsive, needy sailor' - those words might do in prose, but in poetry some more striking or full of vivid word pictures is desired. 'Salty breath', 'steely claw', whilst apt, were not unusual. It is not a crime to be middle-of-the road, but in poetry, I have found risks worth the taking. Some alliteration perhaps, or onomatopoeia, or even some metaphor that remains whirring in the mind?

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: I am so gald it was not arranged in quatrains, the three line arrangement had the attraction of the thing rarely found. I once tried to experiment; I wrote a poem of three line verses with aab ccd eef rhyme and every third verse had the last line rhyme (ggh iij kkf - llm nno ppf). Then I made it 4-4-8 in line count, the whole looked pretty striking, even if it needed a lot of effort!

*Flower5* What I liked: Any thing to do with the sea is attractive to me. You did get the mood right, the irresistible pull of the sea was well conveyed. If it were not so much a love-hate relationship, it might have been more attractive. If it was not resentment but a need to try and 'settle down' that led to the temporary abandonment, if the return was because the pull could not be denied, instead of a failure to fit in elsewhere ...? If... If... fishes were wishes, then the sailor would be king! *Laugh*

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: There were no errors to find. If it failed to enthrall me fully, put it down to my strange penchant for at least one of the devices of poetry.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sarah~goodbye writing.com , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title actually has a bit of double meaning within, but even before that delectable possibility dawns, the intro serves to enhance the potential sufficiently to cause the reader to contemplate the read. So it is effective - enough.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning is almost a formula is it not, 'once upon a time', 'far far way' and 'long long ago'. My theory is that the writers of these tales were a savvy lot, they prevented refutation of any fantasy by placing the events in a time and place that none could claim to know. You make a bold choice when introducing the main character to us, - I will go into that later. The beginning serves to set the time, the place and the form or nature of the heroine. We learn her name, her calling and her residence.

*Flower5* The Setting: The beginning did it well, there is a lot of ''telling', but that is the style of fairy tales, one cannot be faulted for sticking to the genre.

*Flower5* The Characters: Ah, this is what I wanted to applaud. The main character is a - witch. That itself would not be so bad but she is a selfish and unkind witch - not a popular choice for heroine. Wait, there's more - she's *gasp* ugly! It can only get zany from there! The names start with X and Z, to give it the touch of 'other-worldliness', one presumes.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: There are points where I wished the 'telling' would become 'showing', it could be done without discarding either the irony or the flavour.

"But of course she was also smug and decided she would use the opportunity to show off."

That could so easily be -:
A smug smile flitted across her face. She lifted an imperious hand and beckoned Paul to place her blue velvet cushion upon the little stool. That'll show this bumpkin what I think of his uncomfortable furniture

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I wondered why Zelda let Paul do all the talking? I wondered why the King allows her to go around without the chaperon-like presence of a maid-in-waiting? I wondered why something that was not 'allowed' suddenly became acceptable just because the 'people' went 'Awwwwwwwwwwww' at kiss! A few bugs to be ironed out, if you wish, but the tale still pleased.

I liked it; it blended romance, and fantasy, and humour, and even moral lesson, well.

*Flower5* What I liked: I like anything that adds humour to the mix, especially when it blends well, as this did.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"as she and Paul let lose their real feelings for each other and well, kissed." To lose is to 'fail to win or suffer deprivation', to let loose means 'to break free of restraint and restriction'. I think you want the latter word?

"Princess Zelda flinched; she was sensitive to her looks. Paul placed a hand gently against her shoulder." 'sensitive about her looks

"I wanted to know you better before you arrived so moments would not be as awkward" I think the use of 'moments' is not quite the mot juste there. Maybe just the singular form? Or 'the meeting'?

"'Here Comes The Bride' was playing as Princess Zelda walked in the hall" I think you mean 'into'?

"Princess Zelda took a peak at Sir Gerard" A 'peak' is the mountainous kind, to peep would be better implied by the use of 'peek'.

"She could even hear her father gasp and her mother crying in happiness" She must have been crying pretty loudly? Also, if he 'gasps', she will 'cry'.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Explanation  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kristi , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. This is part of your shower from SAJ


*Flower5* The Title: Sometimes short terse titles work well for poetry, at other times the long-winded and lyrical flights of fancy do. I prefer the body of the poem to contrast with the title, but that is just personal preference, one can go wither way, some will like it, some won't. What is important is - does it attract and intrigue, does it create expectation of what lies within, finally, is it apt? I would answer yes to all those, for yours. So, it is a winner.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: This is a form of alternating rhyme, just imagine two lines, broken up to make four. It would rhyme every four lines, would it not. The stanza support my theory, it is eight lines per verse, to the usual four. The use of centering makes it more attractive.

*Flower5* The Rhythm: It could be even, if you so desired, many of the lines are dimeter. Incidentally, that supports my theory of divided lines, tetrameter is the more popular choice. But for the most part it seems to follow a natural cadence.

*Flower5* The Imagery: There's nothing spectacular in that field, no flights of fancy in metaphor, or swoops of simile. Yet the meaning is clear and heartfelt.

*Flower5* The Grammar and Technicalities: You used a tilde, the little swung dash thingummy that I like to use more as decoration or divider! I dare not comment upon mundane things like commas, then. Anybody who can perfectly use those pesky punctuation marks in poetry deserves a prize!

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: Ah, this too was laudable - I liked the loving explanation. I am sure it was appreciated and treasured because it was never required.

*Flower5* What I liked: I liked the 'true blue' colour choice, it was made easy on the eyes by making it in bold font.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Not a single hiccup, it went smoothly down the gullet, like a draught of refreshing spring water!

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello warriormom, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. This is par of your shower from SAJ


*Flower5* The Title: Ah, this is a great title. It is simple, it is self-deprecating almost; it says, 'Don't mind me, I am just a simple old iron bunk bed." Why, just the fact that it can draw attention to itself tells us it is special, something much more than just a place to lie down and go to sleep.

*Flower5* The Whole: This is so short, so simple, that one would be deceived into thinking it didn't have much to say. Well, everybody should have a 'happy place' fixed in their minds, a memory of the time when they felt the most secure and contented, the place that makes them find relief from cares and worries just by the conjuring up its image.

This tells us of yours, the where and the why and how, as well as a bit of the with whom. If an incident or two was woven in, some actual faces and names walked through, we too could share in this 'happy place' of yours. Like WDC is one of mine! *Delight*

*Flower5* The Grammar and other Details: The words are simple but evocative, one knows exactly why this creates the serenity and gladness in your heart.

The grammar is impeccable and the spelling faultless. The format is neat and clean with even one-line interspaces between paras.

*Flower5* The Take-Home: I've decided to create a piece of my own, of my happy place. It too was a retreat with 'religious' connotations. Only it is my annual visit (as a young child) to my grandparents', with most of that visit centering around Grandfather's routines. He was the one with the conviction and ritual, I merely copied his every move, adoring him. The knowledge that he was correct, that with him to lead I could not falter, that was my conviction! *Smile*

*Flower5* The Final Words: So, thank you for a stimulating and inspiring read, in more than one way!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello alz heimer , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I read both the pieces actually but am choosing the second one to review. Each of the titles is arresting and grab-the-reader-by-the-collar kind of interesting. Each is apt and evocative, the second especially has subtle under shades of meaning that are echoed in the gentle and trailing ending.

*Flower5* The Beginning: I don't know why I am using my story template to review this, maybe because it was written in such a moving manner that it had all the elements of that for me. But, I had to pinch myself and say 'it's not a story', it's not a story; it is, unfortunately, true.

*Flower5* The Setting:

*Flower5* The Characters:

*Flower5* The Descriptions:
I will just say that the events were brought out clear and lucid and they brought back some memories of my own:

I am so sorry for all those involved, my grand-father and uncle both went through this. When Granpa thoroughly irritated all with his bouts of going to the bank and then forgetting why he was there, or wandering off by bus until the friendly bus-driver brought him back on his return route (luckily they lived near a terminus and he was a resident of decades), or forgot he had break-fast and threw a fit demanding to have it, only to be unable to eat it because he was already full...

Well, my uncle and aunt were impatient and exasperated. When it was my uncle's turn, my aunt regretted some of her sharp thoughts. She hadn't ever expressed them, but she regretted thinking them. She understood that it is no one's fault. After this read, I do too.


*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Martina, this was a great item that educated and informed even as it enthralled and awed. This is a devastating disorder that I have watched as it affected many of my dear ones, but they were all past 60; to have it happen to a young and vibrant person, it was heart-wrenching to read, how much more , a hundred times more, difficult must it have been for you all?

Thanks for the courage to chronicle this and the ability to make it so vivid and real for the reader. I could 'see' your aunt, I have seen her, she was, and is, a great lady.

*Flower5* What I liked: It is told with a gentle love and understanding, from deep admiration and sincere commitment. It is brimming over with the emotions and yet the writing itself is just a litany of events, no attempt to do any tear-jerking.

The tears did brim, but they were for the beauty of the love, not pity, not at all. Sarah is a great lady and she is lucky to have such loving and supportive people around her.

BTW, the two images were great, the postage stamp and the lovely painting, the tribute gains depth and colour.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Nada, nil, not a single hiccup. This was one polished write, error free and smooth.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Wyn - missing III , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. This is part of your shower from SAJ


*Flower5* The Title: The title kinda gives the end away, does it not? Yet, the sentiment expressed is something that spoke to me, I had to reach out and shake hands with the poet who could come up with something like this!

*Flower5* The Rhyme: Ah, this has alternate rhyme, but double alternate rhyme, one step better. abab, cdcd efef, etc. etc. It is direct end rhyme all the way, sometimes the word rhymes, sometimes the end syllable.

*Flower5* The Meter: It could be there if you choose to go that way, take for instance the first verse, it has lines in the pattern of 8-6-8-8. To make it consistent tetrameter, or eight syllables per line, you just need the addition of two words in the third line, no change in rhyme, no change in meaning.


"No binding ties to hold me down,
no answers that I need to make
no hurtful words to make me frown,
no more abuse I need to take."

I might be stretch in some lines - like the 11 syllable fifth line, but it can be done, it is your decision as to whether you want to make that effort, or not.

*Flower5* The Form: Other than the quatrains, the stated rhyme pattern, I could not discern any specific form.

*Flower5* The Imagery: The words are simple, the images clear. The story is an old old one, that of a cheating and worthless partner. It needs no flights of lyrical fancy, it is effective as it is.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: The pattern is well laid. It begins with the present and visits the reasons for it from the past. It needs of a note of high resolution! *Bigsmile*

*Flower5* What I liked: The last lines, they were superb. I take my hat off to you! I think it makes a great come-back line!

*Flower5* My Last Words: Thanks you for a great read that made me chortle with cynical appreciation!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kristi , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title is poetic, it made me think of someone reflecting beside a pool, like Narcissus. I wonder why that image sprang to mind? The questions that arose made me decide to read this. I am not sure I would classify this as an editorial, more a monologue, it seemed to me. Your pick.

*Flower5* The Content: There is a lot of profound thought, almost an entire philosophy. It might be the musing of someone caged in their own mind. It might be someone imprisoned by their own mind. It might be the musings of one who is deeply crazed, or one who is lucidly sane. It might be by someone who has renounced the world, or by someone the world has renounced. Superb conundrums are created and answered and the answer creates the riddle again.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I can only say this made a deep impression upon me. I vowed to treat people who are 'different' with more compassion and never to dismiss someone as crazy. It seems vapid and immaterial to comment upon your fluency in language, your skills in metaphor and simile, your immaculate grammar and spelling, your clean formatting and meticulous editing. Yet, it needed to be said, nay, to be lauded.

*Flower5* Last Words: I thank you for letting me read this exquisite creation.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Methusilah , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. I was tempted to come in and read your story because of one very 'dissed' reviewer. Anything that arouses strong feeling is worth a peek!


*Flower5* The Title: I liked the title, it had the striking combination of two things unlikely to combine! It also referred to something well-known and recognizable. Eh, what? No, I did not 'get' the name of the song, I'm musically challenged; it is traffic jams that are so common in my city! *Laugh*

*Flower5* The Beginning: I am not upset by your not liking the Beatles, I understand it is just an illustration for the character in the story, a 'hook' for the plot to progress. It could as easily have been Michael Jackson that was used as the example. It would still upset some of his fans. I thought the beginning was quite effective, the car and music choice matched, the person obviously was familiar with that era.

The narrator has broken up with his girlfriend who was a bit of a broken reed, but the one thing to which he clung with the desperation of a drowning man. His friends are supportive but he feels the irritation at their knowing what's best for him. A lot of information hidden in that seeming rant

*Flower5* The Setting: The traffic jam is well described, the slow inching, the lanes moving at different paces but eventually the same cars lining up next to each other.

The irritation of the intrusive and unappealing music, The repeat of helpful advice from the friends, the building frustration, all well done. So, both physical and emotional setting are well tackled.

*Flower5* The Characters: You do well to have the characters use alternate lines as dialogue with just an occasional 'he chimed in' or 'I sneered' to show us the feelings of the characters. You avoided the mistake of peppering dialogue with 'she said' and 'he said'. It is snappy and the back-and-forth ribbing is amusing.

There's not much actual description, but except for Karen, there's not much opportunity to describe friends on the phone. Tom is detailed, at least his nature is, in a couple of deft lines.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The language is contemporary and sarcastic, the subtle humour in the ranting is actually entertaining. A lot of detail is given about the character or the setting without much effort.

"With that I hung up and returned to the world of just me, Ringo over there, and I-84. We made some progress eventually, creeping up a good three inches or so before having to stop again"

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I quite enjoyed it. Any character is allowed his or her own quirks. We allow people to commit crimes and forgive them, so give a guy some room to express musical dislikes! The main thing was, the chracter was 'believable'.

There was a problem, a conflict and an unexpected almost-resolution. The faint promise of a future is sufficient to qualify as a happy ending.

*Flower5* What I liked: There was a little twist in the end, my favourite kind of dance.

I enjoyed the POV, the way the narrator is cynical and almost bitter, yet helpful and not confrontational. He is rewarded for both those traits.


I liked the repeat of the the line 'I'm so glad I've got rationalizing friends ...', and its use in the joke about being in the same situation. Spontaneous humour is always a plus.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I didn't spot any 'biggies' in there. Let's not worry about minor ones?
BTW, was it not spelled Methuselah? Just asking. And the rating is more to restore averages than suggest that this can't be improved. Write on, this shows talent.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello warriormom, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such. This is part of your shower from SAJ


*Flower5* The Title: You sure a warrior, mom. It is difficult to comment upon something personal, please understand that I comment only upon the writing, not the experience or your emotions. Since it is autobiographical, the single word, the name, works as a title.

*Flower5* The Beginning: This is not written in first person, rather one stands back and sees the tale unfolding as a spectator. The beginning is idyllic, the time before Danny. One sees the rest of the family first. Yet Danny comes into their life with love and acceptance, always.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting is mostly emotional, this is detailed with rich information, right through. One learns about the adoptive and foster-care system. One learns of personality disorders and how abuse or neglect can scar children. It informs without being didactic.

*Flower5* The Characters: The family shown is just glimpsed, Denise, Jeni and even John are not 3-D, only Danny stands out from the write. The write is about him though, so the imbalance does the write no harm.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The words are simple, the descriptions are at times stark and bleak. Especially as the troubled child enters the 'tween' years. The rating could probably be bumped at least to 13+, if not 18+. It is definitely not 'E' - not with the violence and mention of the remote possibilities that people with a certain type of imbalance can turn into psychotic killers.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: It is a much needed eye-opener and the footnote is a warning that ought to be taken seriously. Danny is lucky to have found loving acceptance of whatever he is and has; not all children would be so fortunate. Their abandonment would recur.

*Flower5* What I liked: A bold tackling of a difficult subject, one that is deeply personal. It is difficult to talk of something that hits so close to home and hearth, it is like stripping oneself and standing in public view. I applaud the helping heart that wrote this.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"his mother had been using drugs excessively during her preganancy" Typo alert- 'pregnancy'

"It was not his first time to steal. " It was not 'his first attempt to steal', or 'his first time stealing'.

Just two tiny quibbles, that took nothing away from the fluency of the write.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1548522 Unavailable **
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Review of Not so Sweet  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello marcusl , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing frenzy for "Invalid Item" 

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: The title says it is 'not so sweet', one immediately wonders what it is about, Valentine's overflows with sweet stuff, one could use something different. The intro takes up where the title left off, but the story line is not given away. Good job.

*Flower5* The Beginning: I think you are an accomplished writer, your teacher was definitely right. You seem to have studied the requirements and set about efficiently constructing a deft tale.

The opening gives us the two main characters and subject or storyline. It even gives us a glimpse of their physical characteristics, they are just pig-tailed schoolgirls.

*Flower5* The Setting: We did not see much of the physical setting, the emotional one was dealt with in sufficient detail, one got the vibes clearly. Was there a reason you choose not to let us see that street, or the school, or even the garbage bin? Did you make a conscious effort to let nothing overshadow the emotions?

*Flower5* The Characters: The school girls and their interaction, the first response to knowing some has a crush, to broadcast it and embarrass the person, no matter how close a friend, it all rang true.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Delcine is highlighted more than Mae, on my second read-through I found that to be a significant clue. Yet the first time, I had no idea where you were taking this. Congratulations on an excellent bit of mis-direction.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: This was definitely a read in the Romance/Love genre. Not one in the conventional sense, the protagonist is a 16 year-old schoolgirl. The end is surprising and finds a path through rejection towards resolution.

*Flower5* What I liked: I liked it for a number of reasons: it is simple and yet deals with a complex subject. It shows sensitivity and restraint. It shows maturity and acceptance, by both the persons involved. Good job!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Mae gasped while the bypassing students chuckled at her" Can you use the word 'bypassing' that way? I know that people who pass by are sometimes referred to as 'passer-by', but this was new to me. Why not just 'passing students'?

"Delcine tugged Mae’s black pigtails.

“Hey, what’re you doing? That hurts.” Mae nursed her ponytails." Aren't those different? Pigtails and ponytails? It might be a cultural thing, but here, pigtails are plaited to the end and tied; ponytails are tied at the scalp end but otherwise free - like a pony's tail - natch! *Laugh*

"The cliff proved impossible scale back up, so she swam in the well of despair." It took me awhile to discover the 'cliff' was metaphorical, you might make that clear. It becomes a bit mixed as she swims in a 'well' rather than a in the sea of despair. Does one have cliffs over a well? But making it a cliff of possibility or something similar would make it clear that one is not talking about physical jumping off a cliff. And I think it should be 'to scale back up', even though that still leaves the phrase with an ending preposition, another no-no.

“You didn’t throw it away. I did.” Mae simpered I think that one should be careful to use words that are the best fit, the mot juste. Simper means 'Smile affectedly or derisively', are you sure that's what you intend to imply, here?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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