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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Lost Girl  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Seffi , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and this is part of your Nuclear Package from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E].

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Pure Greed. Having sampled one delectable tidbit, I wanted to get my teeth in another offering. I did see one appetizing morsel, but thought I might not be able to offer much useful feedback for what was barely a mouthful so I tucked into this more substantial piece. If I had the skills of a Michelin reviewer, I could have done justice even there - but, I do admit falling well short of that ability! I thought the title had a hidden depth, a level if subtle suggestion that 'lost' need not be taken in the literal meaning; since it drew me within - it did not matter that, in the end, I was wrong. Great image that drove home the chosen genre.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Detective & Crime/Gangster state the selected genres, and that is what the story delivers. Classic detective interrogation, with the one-way mirror, proffered drink to get fingerprints et al. (I do believe there have been rulings about getting fingerprints by subterfuge - it can be taken from a cup that's freely discarded, or given with permission, but not otherwise. But that's a small quibble!). The suspect is sullen and silent, showing herself to be quite abreast of their ploys, but is broken at the end. Slice of life, rather than a complete tale.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I'd say crime and detective thrillers were one of the first genres to take my fancy. I still love to read some of the masters; that should be re-re-re-read and maybe a few generations more for some! You stuck closely to the tenets of expected plot as far as the interrogation went.

The ending line echoes its usage earlier in the piece, extremely effective way to underline the message. Yet, it might go unnoticed by some. Having it nearer the beginning or italicized as internal thought might be another way to tackle that.

There's something I am missing probably, a name or other allusion that might have given another reader the 'aha' moment, but even a repeat look-through did not help me find it. A pity, because I liked the tale immensely and would have loved to have the experience completed, the tale all 'wrapped up'.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: It announces that it is supposed to be an adult fairy tale. Is that 'adult' as in rating of language and explicit terms? Or is the target audience shifted to more mature tastes that can pick up allegory, politics, humour, satire, even puns? Was this even a fairy tale as one has been brought up to expect - with some magical element or fantasy within?

As a chapter in a longer tale this would have been perfect, as a 1500 word story, where one has to provide Problem-Conflict-Resolution - if not discernible Beginning-Middle-End - this fell short of perfection by a significant margin. Again, this is not to criticize the style or ability, both of which are laudable, but just going by the parameters specified and stated by you.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

On first read, the piece was smooth enough. I did the re-read to find a missed resolution, sure that I had overlooked some detail visible to the more discerning reader. That is when a few of the niggles below reared their heads. Blame it on a lifetime of reading Dame Christie and excuse the tendency to emulate the Herculean (Poirot) need for tying up loose ends. *Blush*

"Its bland, featureless walls encircled a small rectangular table and four plain chairs paired against each other across the table" 'Enclosed' might be a better choice than 'encircled' for rectangular spaces. Unless it was one continuous circular wall? And I am confused by 'four chairs, paired across the table'? Two chairs can be paired, four can only be paired and repeated, mirrored or twinned, as in 2x2. (Since four into one seating is also possible, that is not just nit-picking!) Why 2x2 BTW - was the second chair for a possible lawyer? Hmmm ... the ubiquitous Miranda warning was given and the right to remain silent was ... waived ... or was it being exercised?

"An aged office chair lay discarded against the walled bookcase; a leg fractured by the lack of care awarded it." How does one 'award' a 'lack of care'? The two terms war with each other, one implies respect, the other neglect and carelessness. 'Accord' works better as an alternative.

"In the kitchen two bottles of champagne had stood on the granite countertop, disrupting the otherwise immaculate surrounding; each with little more than a sip taken from them. A third bottle had been found on the solid walnut dining table, accompanied by a single champagne flute; only a trace of the golden nectar remaining." If a prop is introduced, let there be some reason discernible, at least in retrospect. Two bottles, with only a sip taken from each, how would one know that? The seal broken yes, but champagne has a tendency to fizz out, losing more than that invisible sip. At one glass at time, the person consuming or using the contents of that third bottle must have been on one mighty binge! Unless the remaining trace you mention was in the glass, not the bottle? Why three bottles broached? Why only one glass/flute?


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1729367 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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52
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Seffi , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and this is part of your Nuclear Package from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E].

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Not yet a year old and there's still a variety to browse from within your port! You seem adept and comfortable with both words and the site tools - well done! I often waffle on about the great potential this site gives us by allowing us to not only display titles, but also a short 'hook' or intro, and now, an image as 'cover' too! Many people do not use these to their full, so it's great to see someone who has used every bit of tensile tugging that's possible! Great image, like an exploding celestial body, a vibrant title and an intro that reveals just enough to promise the depth within and yet does not act as 'spoiler'! *Thumbsupr*

*Flower5* The General Impression: It is a short and well-woven piece where the impact (pun totally unintended) is of a depicted ongoing bombardment and one viewpoint of emotional reaction. Vivid, empathetic, complete. It has a twist in the tailtale! I wouldn't have seen it coming until the very end if one stray hint in the preceding para hadn't shouted it out! It's still worthy of a *Salute*

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I am rather partial to flash fiction, for those comfortable with this genre are often excellent writers, turning out a crisp well-done tale. I often gorge on hors d'oeuvres and ignore the mains! *Laugh*

I also admire the misdirection skill shown here, I am usually a good guesser at these but had to admit defeat, I was totally led down the wrong alley here!

Congrats on your second place win, the first place winner must have been a doozy to have pipped you at the post! To me you are a *Ribbon* winner!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: That hint, the give-away of the twist, if not deliberate, could easily be altered so that the truth is revealed only in the last line.

You do use a lot of short non-sentences, as those are defined by grammar. I am not a purist and would let them go in any read, especially as most of this narration is internal thought. People do talk that way. It is just pointed out in case this becomes a general habit, for some editors come down really hard on such habits.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"I had fallen asleep curled up on the couch again. I like to think I was dreaming of some tranquil faraway place, but I honestly don’t remember." I could be wrong, but was there a tense jump in there? Something seemed a bit awry when I read it. It happened at one or two places more, by my reckoning.

"Each one bleeding into the next until they fell away into an eerie silence." Now this was one of the bits that had excellent imagery, but the metaphor sort of fell to pieces in the second half of the sentence. Would it become top-heavy if you continued the same allusion? Maybe 'until it congealed into an eerie silence'?

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1729367 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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53
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello S.z.kamoonpuri - welcome to Simply Positive Reviews. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

First, thanks for choosing to review one of my efforts. I am returning the favour.

Please do not be intimidated by that template below, it does not mean a poem has to confirm to any particular list of devices and format. It is just a way for me to keep my thoughts in order, for at my age, they tend to run away in long disconnected rambles!

*Flower5* The Title: It immediately made my think of the nursery rhyme - "Sing a song of sixpence". Since you do not take the allusion further (by way of similar rhyme or pattern, thoughts or events), since the setting is obviously Indian, you might want to rethink the title. No doubt it was successful in drawing me within, by such an association, yet you run the risk of perceived disappointment of expectation clouding perceptions of this piece.

*Flower5* Rhyming: She loves me, she loves me not! I was playing a similar guessing game as I plucked off the lines of the poem. The first two lines raised my expectations sky high, you found a rhyme for Taj Mahal! That you used a well known form of Indian poetry to do so made it even better. But would readers know what a ‘nazm’ was without footnote or popnote to explain? If you aren’t familiar with those two site devices a simple glossary at the bottom will do until you can easily use them.

Some other lines used slant rhyme or assonance with aplomb, but there were many in there without any attempt at end rhyme. Was there a pattern, even one as scattered as ‘abcd aeff’? Even the verse lengths, the placement of refrain, the wording of the refrain, were all inconsistent. If there was a decided pattern, I could not find it.

*Flower5* Meter: It is not necessary to have even rhyming to make it a poem, so the lack of meter does not detract from many a great poem. I personally enjoy the rhythm of a deft meter, the sing-song cadence of reading it aloud – see how ‘Sing a Song of Sixpence’ sticks in one’s head due to that?

*Flower5* Grammar: Now, this is another controversial topic – should one come down as heavily on misplaced commas or other punctuation marks? Opinion is vociferously divided, but as always, I tread the golden mean. Try and see if it can be placed without interrupting the poetry itself. Write out the verses, then make a single paragraph of the whole. Punctuate it, and break it back into the lines you had before. Word processors make it all so easy. Would you like to go back and try that? There’s not much missing, so even if you don’t, that’s fine.

*Flower5* Poetry Form/Theme: I will skip over the form, I have already disclaimed being able to see which form this followed. But the theme, was this meant to evoke the feeling of age old love and those bygone times? Or was it supposed to give us a feel of what it had become today – ‘a touristy place’? Were you trying to evoke the contrasts? I found patches of all three, but no definite ‘story’. Poetry has tales to tell too, ballads are perhaps the best example of that – but even the deceptively simple ‘Daffodils’ tells its own tale through relation of a walk, the sights seen and the impression they made.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: It worked in parts. The problem was the use of words like ‘awesome’ and ‘touristy place’ did not fit the sense of a lyrical love, a tale for future lovers to revere. I liked the idea of a refrain, it lifts the poem from mundane, but the choice of words in that repeated line that stops it short of sublime.

*Flower5* What I liked: I love the fact that you are writing about one facet of my country. I would like to ‘plug’ all its myriad corners and hidden beauties, but alas, they’re too numerous. I can see a similar love in your writing and that makes me like both the writing and the writer.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

“Löng live the legend of Shah jahan and Mumtaz mahal” Both ‘Jahan’ and ‘Mahal’ should be capitalized, like the names they are.

“It's a lovers haven and paradise on earth” If you want to avoid the debate on whether it is lover’s or lovers’ that you need to insert, then try rearranging it like this: “It’s haven for lovers, a paradise on earth” No change in syllable count.

“Each of the marbled minarets
conceal such romantic secrets” Now, it's not the rhyme that I wish to comment upon, but he 'touristy information'. I have been to the Taj twice, and never heard the tale of what secrets were contained within those minarets. Is it something you can share in a footnote? Or was that just pulled out of the air to rhyme with each other?


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello J. A. Buxton , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am picking the items at random but the apt image, the focus on pets, and your already known flair for this form, all three drew me to this write

*Flower5* The General Impression: Personification of pets is not new, nor is giving a reverse spin on their adoption. PGW (he's my benchmark for all writing, a virtuoso of words) had a number of wonderful short tales that revolved similarly around dogs. But we all find humanization appealing, so this write will work as a compelling read. Two cats in contrasting lifestyles, well depicted.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Obviously you have, know and like cats. You get into their heads. I'd be more effusive if I didn't remember another inspired tale of a cat - Paul Gallico's "Jennie"! It is a pity our minds create benchmarks like that, for this tale is also tender and touching.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Okay the FOFU made me laugh, but ... did he have such a fear before? Why did the fear now stop? It was the incident that was one-time and never recurred, not the fear!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Being extra careful to reach the most optimal spots" You are a seasoned and published writer. The Cramp leaves no room for more than hurried second thoughts, certainly no time for detailed edits. But, 'extra' actually adds nothing to the mental image of 'careful' that a simple 'with precision' will not. Similarly, 'most' actually dilutes the impact of 'optimal', in my opinion.

"This was all she found edible in the battered garbage can a mile away from where she now lay cold, starving and near death. " I am no expert in punctuation and I regard comas as a form of Medieval torture left over from the Inquisition. I either write short sentences or push and shove the longer ones with random insertions! Which leads to my kind reviewers giving me reams of examples of where I've done it wrong - 4-5 reviews and I'm generally all set. *Laugh* Now that long spiel was just to tell you that, despite there being other instances where I felt the commas were misplaced (probably a wrong feeling) - I highlighted only this one because I don't think it makes sense in its current form.

How about if it were:

That had been the only edible content of a battered garbage can, more than a mile away from where she now lay - cold, starving and near death.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1814780 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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55
Review of HEART DEAD  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Jasmine }, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Congrats on creating your first item, friend! There's nothing headier than seeing a friendly face on site and I hope your sojourn here is full of those! The choice of topic is poignant and laden with emotions immediately discernible to any mother.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Correct me if I am wrong, but this is free verse, without intention to conform to a set rhyming pattern or meter. It is not as simple as it seems and to be able to write it speaks of someone who can write from the heart! Some lines do rhyme, but there is no set pattern, so one is not sure if it is intentional.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The piece has a cascade of emotion, not differing ones, but small bursts of the same flow, like the levels of a cataract. The ending vers, the last few lines are like a release of tension, a turn in the mood. It is well done - to end it like that.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Much of poetry is soliloquy - what a tongue twister that word is *Laugh* - I think only in prose would we need to label it as such. The main body shows us spelling mistakes as we write it, but you might like to check that word and 'abandonment'. One easy way is to cut and paste the entire intro from a Word document, or from the body itself, where such help is available. There are typos or errors in the main piece too, do keep items on private view for a couple of days while you edit the work. you will get more appreciation for the expressions and ideas if there is nothing to distract.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

" agony decended like an avelanche upon my breast" That would be 'descended', and 'avalanche'. Otherwise good imagery but its impact is diluted by the errors.

"Neither the bond that binds us breakup." I spent some time time looking for the associated 'nor', like: 'Neither bond nor feelings can disintegrate'. Or else: "Neither one can break the bond between us". The way it is in the poem felt incomplete. Or replace the 'neither' itself with a 'nor', allowing the 'never' that precedes it to be the other negative.

"The loving kiss that fed me years" Take care not to mix metaphors and to include all articles and pronouns that can help clarify meaning.

The slogan of this site is "Write On!" - you definitely should, you have the heart for it, all you need is the cool head to accompany it!

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1814780 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review of story pt 2  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello havenmarie , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: As part of a tribute to WdC, my reviewing group does a 'raid' each month, we try to pick items from the items up for a requested review or those written by new members on site. You might be a seasoned writer or an octogenarian but here you're new-born - or a matter of days old! Welcome to this wonderful site and hope you find it as rewarding as I have!

*Flower5* The General Impression: it is one large block of words, there's no attempt at spacing. Using paragraphs, sets of sentences about one facet of the whole, serves to allow the reader to go through it step-by-step. Use of inter-paragraph one line spacing and line indents, cleans up the look. If it is easy to read, more will get through to the end. Would you have written an examination answer thus? Or presented a report the same way?

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: it is brief passionate encounter that we are allowed to glimpse. Your content rating seems apt at 18+. So you have navigated your way through this site and its rules far quicker than I did.

I love the image created by "Heated and smoky his breath leaves hangman’s lips," *Thumbsupr*

Other than the one typo highlighted below, there are no spelling mistakes or errors. Well done.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The 'intro' or brief introduction is meant to give a kind of billboard where you attract a potential reader by mentioning something about what lies within. To not use its full potential is your choice, but to fill it in with gibberish is questionable. if at a loss for what to say, tell us if it is a first attempt, a WIP, why you wrote it, how many words it has, whether you mean to be funny or serious or poignant -- you get my drift, right?

The title too can entice a reader withing - in terms of appeal, which do you think scores higher - "story pt2" or "Time Passes"? Neither says anything extraordinary, but the latter gives some idea of what to expect.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Just a couple of examples:

"as her eyes feast upon the feral brilliance that he brings to her visure." Spell-check ,either on MS Word, or onsite, had no feasible suggestion as alternative - what was the word you intended to use?

"Unwrapped, my garments lay strewn " If there is not to be a confusion of tense jump, the word is better written as 'lie'.

"Thoughts that once swam with thoughts of flowers and the rain and the delicate veins in his too capable hands" ... it starts, and goes on to end:... "hold me now consolidate and head south for the winter that the work week will bring." the sentence was too full of conflicting images and description, too laden with emotion. It completely lost me. Many of your sentences would be crisp and clear if divided into two, even three, shorter ones.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1814780 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review of Fluttering Hearts  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello ichichra, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I confess, I have been picking B'day contests to review. But I am picking only 5, you are one of those because:
1. I have ‘met’ you in another on-going contest for the same celebration, where we are both participants. So, howdy, buddy!
2. I am intrigued by your user handle, what does it mean - how were you inspired to choose it?
3. The image, fluttering butterflies that make a heart. There’s a suggested movement to fly away and re-form, just as a beating heart contracts and expands. Excellent work!


*Flower5* The General Impression: A very generously framed contest where the rule is simple - if it fits the current prompt - enter it! It is about finding a good story to read, that rewards the judges and reaffirms a writer. The current prompt is young love, and it will be interesting to read the entries.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: You are doing it all single-handed - I admire the dedication when I note that you are also currently entered in a gruelling month long contest. The prizes are sufficient to entice participants and there's a commitment to deliver them, although there is an appeal for donations. Simple rules, well explained in that other contest limitations are named as not being applied here - like older entries, awarded items, or re-entering previous round writes. So, just about anyone can enter!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: What should a contest do - search for good writing and hold it up for praise? Or stimulate the writer to think, often at lightning speed, (as in Cramp),; or even stretch themselves by giving strict prompts? Well, I guess there's room for all types on WdC, and there's some benefit in each!/c}


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

I did not see any glaring mistakes that detract from this contest!

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1814780 Unavailable **
58
58
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Legerdemain , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: To think up a different way to host this must be a challenge - yet our intrepid Seniors, our noble pruple Mods, do this every year. I, on behalf of WDC Power Reviewers, salute you tireless monitors who selflessly perform this task, perhaps to the level of not being able to find for much contest entry themselves!

*Flower5* The General Impression: I had participated in one breathless challenge a couple of years back - it was as frenzied as entering the Writer's Cramp, and all the stories had to have the same central character. This year had a more gentle pace with a focus on reaching out and learning about the community, the different items on offer, welcoming newbies, promoting activity. It was developing spirit rather than skill.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Just one short of a half-century! I wish I had brought my intentions to fruit, I got distracted by the many other things going on though! More than 20 completed all levels, well done!The images had to be attractive with you at the helm, have I mentioned I admire your skill? Sufficient reward for completion, chance of a greater prize. Clear rules, simple and concise.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Wait - it runs till the 10th? You might yet reach the fifty!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

The inverted hat works well for the banner, at the bottom right corner. But on the separator, I thought two uprights might have been a better choice. The party spirit is best expressed with the a tipped or upright one, the other looks tipsy to me!*Laugh*

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Animated Images For Use By Premium+ Only **
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Review of Birthday Raffle  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Diane , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: WDC and Party Central have been reverberating with celebrations over the past week; as we get ready to pick up streamers and confetti, Power reviewers want to applaud the worker bees! It's a birthday activity that you have been carrying out on a continuous basis but I wonder if you know how much the dedication and generosity is appreciated?

*Flower5* The General Impression: Raffles are a chance for a big prize in return for a small outlay - here the only outlay required is participation. A selfless promotion that rewards the many others who also support WdC. Participants are doubly rewarded.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The prize is humongous. Anybody can win, any level of skill, it's pure luck at play. The image is clear - how many years, what the event is and to whom the tribute. The tickets below in varicoloured glory reiterate that this is a draw, a game of chance. The rules are simple and explained in sufficient detail without waffling on to confusion.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I just wondered one thing - if a contest is month long, with one entry a day. Does one enter only those for birthday week or all 30?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Queries are asked to be directed to the creator of the forum, non-entry posts will be deleted. It might help to also have one or to deputed helpers to deal with the flood of query mail that would result, on top of your regular deluge. *Laugh*


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1814780 Unavailable **
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Review of how to move  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Rhyssa , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

Believe it or not - this is my third attempt to send you a review, the internet malfunctioning ate one between preview and save. Another inexplicably disappeared except for about 5 or 6 characters, which must have bewildered you when it appeared as 'review' in your mail! But, if it is less than inspired - please forgive me for not rising to the level of tribute that I intend it to be:

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am always game to read a poem of yours but many things about this intrigued me: The lack of title case, the implication of instruction manual in the title that contradicted the delicate imagery in poetry, and the reference to the five stages of grief in the intro.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Free verse tabulated and paralleling the five documented stages of grief whilst still managing to instruct on how to move. *Thumbsupl*


*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Eschewing my preset template in an attempt to give you the same format as tribute to your superb write:
1. Denial: No, you can't be HUMAN. Confess, you're actually a program written to draw upon all the poetry known to date and which analyzes styles and forms of poets past and present. (There will be no future ones of course, only similar programs that will eclipse mere human effort0
2. Anger: *Angry**Frown**Pthb* I think that’s all I can express, because you cannot see me flounce out of the room, hear me slam the door, or duck a ceramic keepsake thrown at your head!. Actually, in the far off days when we actually wrote with pen on paper, I might also have left a petulant trail of ink splots*Dropbl* *Dropbl* from the former across the latter! But in this *Laptop* age such freaks would be too Hello Rhyssa , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

Believe it or not - this is my third attempt to send you a review, the internet malfunctioning ate one between preview and save. Another inexplicably disappeared except for about 5 or 6 characters, which must have bewildered you when it appeared as 'review' in your mail! But, if it is less than inspired - please forgive me for not rising to the level of tribute that I intend it to be:

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am always game to read a poem of yours but many things about this intrigued me: The lack of title case, the implication of instruction manual in the title that contradicted the delicate imagery in poetry, and the reference to the five stages of grief in the intro.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Free verse tabulated and paralleling the five documented stages of grief whilst still managing to instruct on how to move. *Thumbsupl*


*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Eschewing my preset template in an attempt to give you the same format as tribute to your superb write:
1. Denial: No, you can't be HUMAN. Confess, you're actually a program written to draw upon all the poetry known to date and which analyzes styles and forms of poets past and present. (There will be no future ones of course, only similar programs that will eclipse mere human effort0
2. Anger: *Angry**Frown**Pthb* I think that’s all I can express, because you cannot see me flounce out of the room, hear me slam the door, or duck a ceramic keepsake thrown at your head!. Actually, in the far off days when we actually wrote with pen on paper, I might also have left a petulant trail of ink splots from the former across the latter! But in this *Laptop* age such Hello Rhyssa , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

Believe it or not - this is my third attempt to send you a review, the internet malfunctioning ate one between preview and save. Another inexplicably disappeared except for about 5 or 6 characters, which must have bewildered you when it appeared as 'review' in your mail! But, if it is less than inspired - please forgive me for not rising to the level of tribute that I intend it to be:

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am always game to read a poem of yours but many things about this intrigued me: The lack of title case, the implication of instruction manual in the title that contradicted the delicate imagery in poetry, and the reference to the five stages of grief in the intro.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Free verse tabulated and paralleling the five documented stages of grief whilst still managing to instruct on how to move. *Thumbsupl*


*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Eschewing my preset template in an attempt to give you the same format as tribute to your superb write:
1. Denial: No, you can't be HUMAN. Confess, you're actually a program written to draw upon all the poetry known to date and which analyzes styles and forms of poets past and present. (There will be no future ones of course, only similar programs that will eclipse mere human effort0
2. Anger: *Angry**Frown**Pthb* I think that’s all I can express, because you cannot see me flounce out of the room, hear me slam the door, or duck a ceramic keepsake thrown at your head!. Actually, in the far off days when we actually wrote with pen on paper, I might also have left a petulant trail of ink splots from the former across the latter! But in this *Laptop* age such freaks would be too costly and I have to content myself with making those virtual faces at you! *Poison* *Radioactive*
3. Bargaining: If I the Devil were interested in the bargain, and assuming he deemed my rather worn soul worthy, I might consider a trade for such facile ease with words and forms. No, wait, I mightn’t either, both folklore and experience have taught me that it is not the petitioner who profits in such Faustian bargain! *Laugh*
4. Depression/Despair: For the feeling I have is way beyond depression, it’s like seeing this yawning pit so wide so deep, aware of being a flightless human being. Know where I can buy a bolt of sackcloth and a heap of ashes? *Cry* is too bright an emotion – where’s e:curlingupintoaball?
5. Acceptance: Well, I may be a lesser poet but that doesn’t make me a lesser human being. I manage halfway okay at writing stories, kind people have read them and some have even liked them! And I do make the most luscious brownies – the kind with a lovely cracked top that you can bite into with deceptive ease – then the goo-ey center of rich chocolate melts over your tongue! *Laugh*
So, go to it gal, and I’ll be there to cheer you on!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: See, this is where reviewing helps both the reviewer and the writer - I have learned a lot from the review: Keep trying, keep stretching, you may fall - but no one can stop you from getting up again!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Only the first verse has a period ending the last line/sentence, any reason for that distinction?

One more question - was the use of lower case, the eschewing of capitals altogether, a known device? Or was it some kind of psychological statement that diminishes self?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signaturefreaks would be too costly and I have to content myself with making those virtual faces at you
3. Bargaining: If I the Devil were interested in the bargain, and assuming he deemed my rather worn soul worthy, I might consider a trade for such facile ease with words and forms. No, wait, I mightn’t either, both folklore and experience have taught me that it is not the petitioner who profits in such Faustian bargain! *Laugh*
4. Depression/Despair: For the feeling I have is way beyond depression, it’s like seeing this yawning pit so wide so deep, aware of being a flightless human being. Know where I can buy a bolt of sackcloth and a heap of ashes? *Cry* is too bright an emotion – where’s e:curlingupintoaball?
5. Acceptance: Well, I may be a lesser poet but that doesn’t make me a lesser human being. I manage halfway okay at writing stories, kind people have read them and some have even liked them! And I do make the most luscious brownies – the kind with a lovely cracked top that you can bite into with deceptive ease – then the goo-ey center of rich chocolate melts over your tongue! *Laugh*
So, go to it gal, and I’ll be there to cheer you on!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: See, this is where reviewing helps both the reviewer and the writer - I have learned a lot from the review: Keep trying, keep stretching, yoou may fall - but no one can stop you from getting up again!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Only the first verse has a period ending the last line/sentence, any reason for that distinction?

One more question - was the use of lower case, the eschewing of capitals altogether a known device? Or was it some kind of psychological statement that diminishes self?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature costly and I have to content myself with making these virtual faces at you
3. Bargaining: If I the Devil were interested in the bargain, and assuming he deemed my rather worn soul worthy, I might consider a trade for such facile ease with words and forms. No, wait, I mightn’t either, both folklore and experience have taught me that it is not the petitioner who profits in such Faustian bargains! *Laugh*
4. Depression/Despair: For the feeling I have is way beyond depression, it’s like seeing this yawning pit so wide so deep, aware of being a flightless human being. Know where I can buy a bolt of sackcloth and a heap of ashes? *Cry* is too bright an emotion – where’s e:curlingupintoaball?
5. Acceptance: Well, I may be a lesser poet but that doesn’t make me a lesser human being. I manage halfway okay at writing stories, kind people have read them and some have even liked them! And I do make the most luscious brownies – the kind with a lovely cracked top that you can bite into with deceptive ease – then the goo-ey center of rich chocolate melts over your tongue! *Laugh*
So, go to it gal, and I’ll be there to cheer you on!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: See, this is where reviewing helps both the reviewer and the writer - I have learned a lot from the review: Keep trying, keep stretching, you may fall - but no one can stop you from getting up again!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Only the first verse has a period ending the last line/sentence, any reason for that distinction?

One more question - was the use of lower case, the eschewing of capitals altogether a known device? Or was it some kind of psychological statement that diminishes self?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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61
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I think I must seek punishment, as retribution for the past sins of avoiding reviewing poetry. I am trying to expand my repertoire though and love your work for the comedy you bring to this form of writing. Always difficult to combine something meant to have ethereal flights with the more earthy levels of comedy.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I have read other works of yours that I felt were sublime – but even the feebler effort from you sails far above the perspiring contributions of lesser beings such as myself. Quatrains are the most popular choice – they make for easy rhythm when read aloud. This has end rhyme in abcb patter with 8-6-8-6 meter. The prompt asks for a ‘How-to’ instructions and the subject chosen is the commonly seen martial marital combat.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: There are any number of jokes/adages worked into it, the fact that one has heard those punch lines before does not make the deft usage less appreciable. I chuckled over the ‘middle ground’ one! I found an association with the words 'Dissembling' & 'Dis-assembly' (from the title) and intended or not, the implied extra meaning worked to create interest in reading this.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I have recently read another poem where the ubiquitous headache was used to better effect, so this one made less of an impact. It is not derivative, I think, to reuse a device that was never copy-righted in the first instance. But, for a reader, unsolicited encores are not applauded as heartily.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"She says that raising up my voice" ’ Raising up’ is a tautology; it has the same redundancy as ‘returning back’. Try something like: “Sneering she says, “Raising your voice …”. Of course, the POV in the next line would change. Then the next two could be a grumbling unvoiced retort in italics.

" There’s something in male D.N.A.
that makes us want to fight.
Four words can re-sequence my genes:"

Should one require poetry to make clear sense? Well, yes, if you drag science into it. Males differ from Females by virtue of the ‘Y” chromosome, the referencing to gene sequencing seems irrelevant, for mere re-arrangement of the available material would not take away the maleness/desire to fight. Y is less than X and needs addition to reach there, no? Anyway, the whole thing made me so unsure of the meaning that I almost missed the humour! However, if you use ‘modify’ rather than re-sequence, one can skim over details and reach the humour. Just a hesitant suggestion, maestro!

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Surprise  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon }, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for RAOK and I found your Item entered for a contest.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title promised a surprise and the intro intrigues me. But my ego is deflated! Well, I thought I'd give all the other contestants a review. But I am being severely punished for my good intentions, the road to Hell is surely paved with 'em! I reviewed Rhyssa and was blown away by her Caroll Walrus parody. And now yours - a Decuain? I can't even get my tongue around that!

*Flower5* The General Impression: I was prepared to have to beg Google to help me out, but you did not leave me even that to do! A note under the write explained this complicated form with its intricate rhyme pattern and iambic pentameter. But its not technique or device heavy, the poem reads easily and the meaning, the story, flows well. Prompt is perfectly followed.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: It's about a surprise gift that's been waiting for one, not allowed to peek until the day - it contains something wanted, but something for which one would never ask! I read a bunch of woman centric ones and to see the other side of the picture was a welcome change! And there's a twist in the tale - a lovely humourous parting shot!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I think I shall try the neighbourhood store for three yards of sackcloth and three pounds of ashes! I'm renouncing the world, of any pretensions to being able to write poetry! Unless ... d'you think if I keep trying I can be halfway as good? *Laugh*


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: The only suggestion I have is kind of redundant, you will keep on writing! I shall keep reading, with pleasure!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
My Muse, as she reviews, writes, reads.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ~MM~ , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I know, I know – I said I was done and I swear I was out, even ignoring the dessert trolley items! But a re-write? If your writes were enjoyable, what must the re-write be like? It was like a showing a replete lion this Michelin- starred Chef just leaving his jungle – he’s satiated but he might never have the opportunity again!

*Flower5* The General Impression: It is set in the future, not too far, genome sequencing is already here and if aliens come along, it is conceivable we can do them with a little projection of current technology. Holograms and video - conferencing ditto. The same old issues of devoted scientist neglecting children and spouse – raking up familiar conflicts of Comfort against Quality Time.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: For the original prompt – was it a pre-Nano challenge – it was perfect. It gave us the back-story and showed it to us, not merely told us. The interaction and dialogue, the progress of conversation, all believable. *Thumbsupr* *BTW I loved the simile you use when Starkov says he cannot drop his research like …! *Laugh*

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I am getting hyper-critical now, but I think you have enough word count to make this a STORY. To let us see more than just this slice of a whole. To at least suggest a resolution, maybe to turn the antagonist into protagonist? Personally, I’d also like to see a problem or emotion in there that was unique to that culture and time. Like Asimov introducing agoraphobia as a natural reaction in the future as humans moved into man-made structures that completely enclosed them all the time. *The same simile that cracked me up made me think - the occupation description could have be subtly altered to reflect the changed transportation of the future.

You might want to consider paragraphs with dialogue on separate lines. And a one line space in between paras. It looks much neater that way and makes for easy reading.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Purple and lurid, it stood proud from Starkov’s throat, pulsing in time to his heartbeat." The frst few synonyms for lurid are: loud, bright, colourful, garish, striking. I don’t think that quite fits what you are trying to say here. Great word choice and vivid but not right for this situation. Also ‘standing proud’ – the emotion does not match the tension and anxiety he is feeling, use a simile or metaphor that befits that mood. Lastly, all pulses are in time to the heartbeat, as description it is trite. I would not dissect this so mercilessly except that it is part of the opening. Beginnings make an impact and must therefore be crisp and crystal clear.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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64
Review of Click Here  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello ~MM~ , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I have reviewed some other writes of yours and liked the samples - I came back for another taste! Writer's Cramp comes up with prompts which are wonderful stimuli for a writer's inspired work. I also love Sci-fi and you mixed Dark into that!

*Flower5* The General Impression: This fulfilled the prompt brilliantly and the future world is seen with shades of the Big-brother complex that all techno-gains evoke. The protagonist must move from a postion of victim without resources to ultimate goal, using only his ingenuity. The end is suggested but not shown.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The title did it! “Click!” - terse, commanding, suggestive – I obeyed it implicitly and opened to read. I loved the way you worked in a few of today's irritants (pop-up ads) into the future. I think the projection into the future is is far enough to be fantasy and close enough to be real. Well done. The change in vocabulary was subtle but enough to suggest the natural evolution of language, especially shortening of longer frequently used words.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The prompt itself was derivative, there have been movies based on similar premises, Not Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Recall merely but Ben Affleck's Paycheck too. The latter has many similar elements. I am sure yours is not derivative, but it later seemed like a 'been there-done that' which diluted the impact of this well crafted tale. That is not to say I did not enjoy the read!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

" I frown, my finger hovering over the article. The Citizen's Daily isn't renown for Easter Eggs" The ‘isn’t’ keeps it in the present, the ‘renown’ appears out of place. I’d suggest replacing it with ‘known’ or using ‘renowned’.

You have: " Get yourself over to Tosser's" & “And Taoser (ol' Tosspot Tao” While the nickname ‘Tosser’ may be a pun on the name Taoser, or derived from the ‘Tosspot’ or a combination of both, the use of confusing similar names/terms is not conducive to retaining reader attention. How many can one use in a short narrative without needless loss of clarity?

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello rhyssa, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am found your item as one of the competing entries in a contest I've entered.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Your reviews of my work demanded that I return the favour - but I wish I hadn't picked this one, much as the title and intro captured my attention! I wanted to whine like a little child," but I wanted to do that!" Then I was wishing I'd done it after writing my own, fearing it would be derivative! At the very end I wanted to just stop trying, give up - abdicate (not that I was ever enthroned!) - concede defeat! Any or all of those! But I love Lewis Caroll and that particular ditty too.

*Flower5* The General Impression: The orginal nonsense rhyme was LC (or CD if you prefer) at his flowing best! I think you have taken this way past semi-parody to full tribute!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Nonsense that made sense, and was hilarious too. I just loved the pun on the word 'catch', using it for both colds and oysters! i shan't say more or the review will be full of spoilers - but this is one of the frothiest fruitiest funny poetry I've read! Impeccable rhyme and rhythm - I didn't count syllables, but reading it aloud had absolutely no hitches in sing-along flow.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Will I ever be able to write like this? There was a young poet named Rhyssa, onsite it's difficult to miss her, She smiles, "say when!" as words flow from pen, in tribute I'd like to kiss her! (Some poetic license there - but accept a hug instead?) *Hug1**Hug**Hug2*

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Only one suggestion, keep inviting me into your port! Oh, keep on writing - but you don't need me to tell you that! *Bigsmile*

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
My Muse, as she reviews, writes, reads.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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66
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Geoff , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I was anyway going to look up the word but loved the challenging intro that refused to gratify curiosity but demanded effort on the part of the reviewer. A short story becoming longer - some of my tales are just writhing in torment because I won't expand them! So glad you gave this one wings.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I guess it would be a spoiler to spell out what anomie means, suffice it to say it promises a slickly thought out fantasy.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I was eager to jump into the read – I expected a Fantasy or Sci-Fi tale about gradual anarchy or struggle between multiple conflicting forces at the least. I salivated at the feast in store – suggested by the confidence in title and intro.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: There’s a whole paragraph of information about how many stories in the buildings, exactly how wide the sidewalk, the gravel path, the distance between the buildings – only to end by saying none of the information is important to the story. If one character was telling another this and then said the same thing, it might be humourous. As it stands, it only irritated.

There are tense jumps too – the first para is definitely in past tense – ”The man walked into the area”. Yet, a little later on it jumps into the present tense:”The man is looking down at the sidewalk”

One has only so much time to hold the reader within the page by generating a flow of story. I thought this took too long to reach that point. I realized rather late that it seemed to be more like notes for a future write, a skeleton to be fleshed out from the ideas present.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: Just a couple of examples.

"the red brick from which they were constructed was withered like the weathered scales of some large red beast, the mortar between the bricks discolored by green mold and what appeared to be some of the red blood leaking out of the aging brick." I love descriptive passages, but there are times when less is more! Bricks that wither like leaves or living things, weathered like ‘the scales of some large red beast’, and then red blood leaking out? Not to mention a little contrast of green mold. The images clashed and refused to meld into a vivid whole. But maybe that’s just my perception. You can, if you wish, choose one metaphor and run with it.

"His joints are not in the best of condition because he is older than he was in the past." I have heard the phrase ‘I am not so young as I used to be’ and even that only evoked a reaction of, ‘Aren’t we all?’

I’m not doing a line by line edit but would be willing to come back and re-rate or review anytime you feel it is finished.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
67
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello ~MM~ , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I have already started liking this variety of mushroom. It's no midget talent either. Fantasy, dragons, dance, contest entry - what's not to like?

*Flower5* The General Impression: Interesting interpretation of the prompt. It helps to have one character explain things to another in a fantasy, the details can unfold without bald narration. The dialogue and interaction make it interesting.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Like I said, you had already ticked all the right boxes before I read this, afterwards I was glad I had jumped right in, the dip was delicious and stimulating! There might be little niggles and quibbles but the tale grips one sufficiently for them to be ignored until the second read. Some of the descriptions were superb, simple of themselves, yet evoking clear images - "and an acrid whiff of flamegrass rose up" it immediately made me think of exotic dragon fodder. Herbivorous young dragons, another wonderful leap of imagination! *Thumbsupr*

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Bann asks Mica if she's seen a pair of dragons bond - considering that a lot of the information is based on 'artist's impressions' and lectures, her job not being actively involving them either, the answer is surely negative? What if he said something like: 'Well, it's hard to explain, if you've never seen a pair of dragons bond.'? Then again Cam has had 'limited success' with rearing dragons, but that means he has reared some. So if only 'wild ones' dance, shouldn't the natural conclusion to that also be not seen in domestic rearing? I'd be more explicit but don't want a spoiler creeping in. I wouldn't mention it except that the story revolves upon the bonding and breeding.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"that the sire is demonstrating him prowess;" 'His'.

"Once a gilt is ready to start breeding she’ll be approached by a number of sires" A sire is a sire, whether potential or true, but a gilt is not a dam until she has been ... mated? Then, in the second illustration, the dam landing on a tree branch is premature, she is still a gilt - right?


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Fancy Dress  
for entry "The Cat's Tale" 
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ~MM~ , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I am rather partial to kids tales, it has so much opportunity for observational humour or a good ol' heart-string pull! Contest entries also interest because of the stimulus a good prompt can give every writer. Lastly, the title of this entry, I have always been fascinated by pun-ny titles and I wondered if there was a tale/tail pun going on in there?

*Flower5* The General Impression: Giving voice to a pet, a cat's eye view of things! Amazing how we personify our pets - it would certainly be interesting to hear what they really think of us! The cattiness, pardon the expression, was well defined. *Laugh*

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The things that are typical of cats, their aloof acceptance of human companionship in return for regular feeds and the occasional tummy rub and the chatty tone of the entire piece - *Thumbsupr*! The last line is superb, after the long rant to stop and then try to deviously convince someone the parrots are worth keeping - hilarious! The strict word count prevented you from developing this, but it was good enough for me to want more! If you ever turn it into a short story, I'm eager to read that!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I thought the beginning could have kept us in suspense for at least a few lines, without our guessing the narrator was a cat, except for that title! The names of all the parrots are not given, we know of just one and the 'twins'. There's room for a nasty comment on the name too. But, word count ... ah, that was probably the issue!

Some paragraphs could have been carved out there - or maybe it was just a spacing issue in between a couple of them?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"I am very careful with, how shall I put it, the tray within which one relieves oneself"

'How should I put it' is better used when one is trying to express a feeling or opinion, 'what should I call it' is rather tame and even awkward, but better expresses the meaning required. The sentence has immense scope for puns and fun, go ahead and take another shot if you want to.

"She takes up entire room for her ablutions, whilst I make do with a quick lick-down on the sofa. "
I think it should be 'she takes up an entire room'. Also, the cat isn't forced to have that 'lick-down on the sofa', right? It's pure cat-choice. Maybe a word about how she wastes water and space when just a good lick-down would do, might show up differences in nature better?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Tangled Web  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: A contest for selected contestants, kind of like an Iron Chef or Professional sparring bouts! And the idea of a u-turn in space where movement has classically been described as lines and spirals! There's Horror promised too, delicious - like Chili Chocolate gastronomic creations.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Well defined setting and back-story, just enough delineation of characters, a classic set-up for the expected-unexpected. *Laugh*

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Video shortened to Vid, it took us to a future where language has evolved. There's banter and camaraderie, there's faint hint of romance. The much needed contrasts to enhance the horror.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I always wonder at the foolish intrepidity of protagonists in horror movies, moving into danger without taking care not to be caught!For an exploring expedition in the future I found it hard to swallow. Also the use of archaic terms like 'Aye aye Captain' and talk of creaking joints does not match with talk of cryo-beds and 4 year expeditions to Alpha Centauri's orbit.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"'I'd say we'd made a u-turn somewhere en route. This looks like Earth.'" The quote marks are replaced in certain views by this little diamond with a question mark in it. I've been having these font issues too where quote marks or commas seem to disappear after posting although they show up in preview panes. Or being absent in mail versions of a review but present in the actual review on the Public page. You're way too adept onsite to need me to tell you if it needs fixing or how to fix it.

Other than that - your usual impeccable formatting and editing leave me with less work! It's been a pleasure to peep back into your port!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Last Request  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Lynda Miller , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: ‘The Last request’ was poignant, and yet stark; it made a catchy title. One could see the general setting or direction of the tale but could still savour the myriad interpretations individual authors could give it.

*Flower5* The General Impression: There were no genres specified, so I do not know whether this was meant to scare or horrify, whether the assignment was short story or just slice-of-life incident. Benchmarks help decide if the piece met your own set standards. I found it a one scene description and thought the subject was one that held immense promise for graphic vivid depiction.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I myself shy away from grim and dark, finding my irreverent thoughts pushing their way into my every scene. I appreciate someone being brave enough to take on such a task and doing a competent job. I think the character’s psychopathic and sadistic bent was shown well. It was the contrast that could have been heightened.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Not knowing whether you wanted to give this the classic Beginning-Middle-End or Problem-Conflict-resolution, I cannot say these were lacking. Classic is such for a reason; it works best to give a sense of repletion and satiety.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"and his judgement seem to be off many times" I wonder if the correct word would be 'seemed'?

" some of the women were down right mean" Would that be ‘downright’?

" He heard the taping of footsteps as they walk to where he was." Tapping? Walked? Would it not be less awkward not to talk of footsteps walking? Make it ‘footsteps nearing him’?

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello G. B. Williams , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Well it's part of a shower, so being gifted one, you have - as the song says - 'somewhere somehow done something good'! There's a lot of poetry in your port and although I dabble in writing it, I don't feel qualified to offer meaningful feedback.

Short story, short story, my eyes were going down the list when they were caught by this title and intro. Public speaking is a skill that eludes many a good writer, I wondered if you had some insight that might help me hone a skill I lack. Then, the intro hit me, the word 'public' is written there as 'publice' - if I do nothing more than let you change that, it'll prevent the written equivalent of you venturing out with a soup-stain on your formal shirt!

*Flower5* The General Impression: This is a tribute, to a mother who encouraged her child to speak up and speak out.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Anything that reminisces and appreciates those who have been instrumental in our progress to current situation is A-OK with me. Overcoming hurdles to reach pinnacles thought unattainable is also an attention grabber.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I wanted to see some concrete suggestions or tips that one could emulate. I saw nothing beyond repeated recitation and constant practice. But the others who took part in the contests and settled for the second, third or just participation prizes also did the same. What lifted you to the coveted blues? I'd also have liked some anecdote, some description of child and woman, something to change this from mere narration to compelling tale.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"it is natural to be frightened for the first few minutes, but if you know your subject matter, you will get over the freight and settle right in" Spell check cannot catch those words that are not 'wrongly spelled' in that the word exists in that form, it's just not the word one intended to use. I think you mean 'fright' here, not 'freight'. You must have an eagle eye or be a disinterested observer to sift through the write and find these. We all have cause to be grateful to the legion of keen eyed reviewers that catch what slipped past at even tenth edit!

"Teachers worked with us on our strengths. We were not allowed to focus on our weaknesses." I pondered that statement, perhaps what you man was that no one was punished or blamed for weaknesses, or that brooding over failures was not encouraged? For it seems illogical to not strengthen and prop up weak points as well as hone and polish the strengths. I do not normally get into a debate on content, but because the overall idea is encouragement, I thought that should be spelled out with clarity.






Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Sierraric , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for RAOK.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I love twists in the tale. I had to think of which old legend was being alluded to in the intro and I blush to say I had to read a little way in before it clicked!

*Flower5* The General Impression: A new look indeed, at what many of us know in bare statement. It is important to know motivation, so I'm glad you shared this inspired version! There were some deft puns in there, I shan't give them away. But there's one right in the beginning, a repeat of another in the middle and a rather more obvious one at the end! All made me chuckle!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I appreciate someone working with an old tale, where the setting is all done and one has to keep within that framework. To then take it to greater heights and unexpected direction requires expertise!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The inter-paragraph spacing is all awry. When most document creating programs take care of this, with a couple of clicks in the format options, it seems careless to leave things untidy. Electronic reading makes this so obvious, too. Comma placements - I'm am a habitual offender myself, so I shan't dictate what and where - but do have someone take a second look.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
My Muse, as she reviews, writes, reads.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Number One Guy  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Kåre Enga in Montana , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for RAOK..

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The title. It created an immediate expectation of a tale of someone in power, the use of the word 'guy' hinted at humour and the intro capped it with certainty of a few chuckles!

*Flower5* The General Impression: A short piece, a communication like e-mail or even the near defunct letter. Off-topic: Do people e-mail Santa nowadays?

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: I've done this at times, dashed off these missives, inspired by a single word or phrase in my family's original communication. I got a short story out my brother's irritating habit of saying 'No news is good news!'. So, I could empathize with the sitting down to pen a pun-ny letter! The bits about the elves and what might happen if Santa went on leave made me chortle.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: A tiny bit rude, but a dad to son missive could be excused for that. It took a lot of foot-notes for us to 'get' the gist and much of the humour.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: No quibbles, just one niggle!

"Blitzin' this and blitzin' that and then disappears with his friends all day. Frankly, I think they're having an affair" If he disappears with his friends,plural, he cannot be having an affair! Stands to reason, no?


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Simple Dykie , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for RAOK - I found your Item on the Auto-Reward page.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: I am picky about titles, I think this tool is left lamentably unused. So it made me happy to see how the deft insertion of 'just' lifts that title from scary to scary-funny. I love that genre, laughter is the best antidote to fear! Thank-you and well done! *Thumbsupl*

*Flower5* The Beginning: The whole write had me snorting and chuckling away to glory, even the latter part of the beginning *Rolleyes* (if that makes sense?) was worthy of mirthful recognition of mutual mundane level fears. But the beginning was statement, bland and ho-hum. Yes, back-story is important, but with your obvious skill you can kick-start the laughter from 'go'!

*Flower5* The Setting: Suburbia getting scary in the dark. Gosh, my living room gets scary in the dark! Flapping sleeves of the raincoat I threw over the dining room chair, the rustling of the biscuit wrapper I discarded behind the couch (that'll teach me not to be a slob!), there's enough to scare me into dehydration and rasping-throat-need before I brave the walk to the kitchen for water! (I'd keep a glass at my bedside but I invariably knock it over and drench my pillow or spill it on the tiled floor and go ker-plunk next morning!) But we were talking about Suburbia - I could co-relate to that, you've realized that! *Laugh*

*Flower5* The Characters: The Narrator is the main character but his dog comes in for a supporting role. Chase is a good name for a dog, especially when this is about taking the dog out for a walk. There is a deft inter-weaving of minor characters, the neighbours and even the mother-in-law!

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Some bits are exemplary - "a lone paper delivery man, who raced through empty streets as if fleeing some unknown horror" but others, even in close conjunction, are pedestrian or occasionally, confusing. Like: "we moved beneath a bright and eerie full moon" Why was a full moon eerie?

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: An enjoyable tale of night horrors that's told in a rollicking fast-paced chuckle generating way. It shows an incredible word wizardry.

*Flower5* What I liked: I've already said I like the genre. Snnnrgh-snrrgggggh-srg! That is me still sniggering away in recollection! Need I put it on paper that I enjoyed the read?

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:
Nothing at which to cavil, just one quibble and one niggle -

The word 'scary' was used and reused, if that was deliberate, fine. If not, there are handy options/synonyms in every document program and on-line thesauruses.

"It’s scary out there(,) man" Isn't there a need for a comma at that point, as shown by the brackets? I am on the run from the Grammar Police, being a habitual offender myself, for shoving those pesky squiggles in wherever I pause for breath when reading a sentence! I did explain, in my defense, that I can hold my breath for 52 seconds, but the judge wasn't listening!


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
My Muse, as she reviews, writes, reads.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello RDerbyshire , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for RAOK and I found your Item on the Review Request page.

You ask for quick thoughts on this one – please bear with me, mine are the rambling thoughts of an old fogy! This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

Thanks for telling me in advance what you want as feedback and what you'd rather was not assessed at all. It prevents my waffling on about what you'd rather not have mentioned at all.

*Flower5* The Title: This title worked on the Review Request page. It told me what type of story it was and since I have a healthy respect for the WDC stimulation of good writing, I wanted to see where it got you. Later on, though, you could consider giving it an eye-catching heading.

*Flower5* The Beginning: A short piece and yet the elements are all in place – we drop into the heart of the action without constraint and get to know the protagonist seamlessly.

*Flower5* The Setting: I was rocking and swaying in the helicopter, panicking along with the rabbi. There were a couple of rambling sentences though: “Strangely comforting and recognisable, he almost felt empathy, and would have if not for the fact that each time his eyes trained towards the spinning propellers” ‘Almost felt empathy’, and ‘would have but’, are qualifying phrases that add nothing to the picture. And why would the age be comforting, surely the older it was, the more nerve-racking it would be to ride in it? Why not make it: “He felt no empathy towards another ancient, each time he trained eyes upon…’. Your decision always, this is mere example of how a different construction might resound.

*Flower5* The Characters:The rabbi is elderly, Annabel is his grand-daughter. That’s all we are told, that’s all we know. If that is all that is needed, or intended, fine. But I think it would rack itself up a couple of notches if we could see the Rabbi’s perspiration slick bald dome, or Annabel’s attitude in either gum-popping indifference, or a compassionate glance from her (whatever coloured) eyes. Or even some reaction as she presses ‘send’ for her SMS – mirth, glee, irritation – you choose!

*Flower5* The Descriptions: There are some exemplary bits, like the way you introduced the roulette wheel. However, there’s a wee bit if extra telling’ I am not against adverbs in toto, but without word constraint, eschewing some of them heightens description. ‘Silently wading through the crowd’ and ‘ducking, embarrassed and silent, through the crowd’ – which do you feel makes a better picture? Your choice can be any other variation, too.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: To be given a set of prompts, disparate entities, and told to weld them into a coherent whole – well, that’s a challenging task. I’ve enjoyed finding where they took you. If the place setting was a helicopter, the rest of the prompts had to fit into it, no matter how incongruous. The protagonist – Elderly Rabbi *Check2* The Object: Roulette Wheel, used as one deft description rather than in actuality, a big plus! *Thumbsup**Check2* The Smell: Used in one soaring flight of inspiration, but not within the place setting. *Confused**QuestionR* I’m ambivalent on that one, but if I were judging, I would give higher marks to someone who kept it within the place setting.

*Flower5* What I liked: Well, it twisted and twisted again! It left me smiling at the end. Excellent choice of rounding off the tale, the terse message! I only wondered why the lapse into Cockney with the disappearing aitches? Or is that the lingo in SMS? *feelslikeprehistoricartifact* - I need that emoticon!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: I’m omitting little things like comma placement and grammar here. Not only because you want just a quick impression but because I have been a habitual offender myself and am now on the run from the Grammar Police!

" panic plastered across his face from ear to ear, chin to brown" Was that chin to crown? I thought just the ear-to-ear was enough – picturing a travesty of a grin - a rictus of fear. To have the length of the face thrown in as well negated that.

"A small crowd had formed around the children’s ride, initially angry parents and impatient children but eventually camera phones outnumbered each." Since camera phones were not forming the crowd, why not have ‘… random passers-by brandishing camera phones now outnumbering both’?

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
My Muse, as she reviews, writes, reads.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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