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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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76
76
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Lynda Miller , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for SAJ reviewing activity.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: There’s a phrase used to signify annoyance and exasperation, sometimes with the use of ‘Mike’ instead of ‘God’ by those who do not take His name in vain. I thought the title was a deft variation on that, and it drew me in. In the end, it seemed without deeper meaning, but it had already done its job of enticing me within the read. So, I would still say it is a good title. Is your use of sentence case instead of title case deliberate? I would lean to the latter format merely because that second layer of meaning is then more apparent.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The aptly named dogs create and hold interest. I learned of a new breed too, pekeapooh, wasn’t it? (Why do many internet sources have it as Pekeapoo?) I was eager to read of their exploits.

*Flower5* The Setting: This was a bit lacking, I’d suggest changing a bit of the ‘Telling’ to ‘Showing’. The words are capitalized because they are not mere actions, but tools, which when wielded appropriately can magically suck the reader within a tale. Narration is not ‘wrong’ per se, it just has to be judiciously used. May I venture an example? Say, the opening line: “At one time my husband and I were the proud owners of two small dogs” How would it be if it read something like: “My children were away at college but my husband and I had no time to ponder on an empty nest. Our days and hearts were full – with two little dogs and their antics.” Same information, (okay I took some liberty with that empty nest thing! *Laugh*) but more vivid image, it will certainly nudge one to read further.

*Flower5* The Characters: Tidbit and Dusty came across as endearing – I loved the fact that there was a bonding between the two and that one helped the other, much as siblings unite ‘against’ parental diktat!

*Flower5* The Descriptions: I think I can serve you best by using another example to explain why I feel this was a shade underdone.

“When we finished, we were so full we left everything on the dining room table.” I’d like to ‘see’ that table, just giving you an idea of the direction it could take: "The table had been heaped with delicacies, groaning under the plentitude to which we were giving thanks. Now, with just a pie crust or two, the forlorn remains of a once stuffed duck, the mere spoonfuls left of my popular potato salad, it was we who were groaning about overfull stomachs. We decided to leave the clearing away for an indefinite future, if we lived that long!”
Your choice of description and relation, this is mere example.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Well you call it a short story, so I shall assume that’s what you intend it to be judged as: a non-fictional account of a humourous incident that nevertheless professes to have the required elements. But did it? Was there a clear-cut progress – even jokes have a situation, a suspense and the punch line – from some problem to its resolution? It is not impossible if you lay emphasis on the instinctive semi-parental denial that many dog-owners have when told of past or potential misbehaviour. There could be a gentle pity and lots of helpful advice for those with less well behaved canines and then the ending incident could sign off on their dropping jaw and the laughter of the others! It may not have happened that way in real life, but there’s no harm in embellishing fact a little to make the read more enjoyable!

*Flower5* What I liked: I love tales about animals, I would swap stories with you ad infinitum, if given the opportunity, but not right now! This was a gently humorous narration and it struck home, we can all relate to similar experiences with our offspring, canine or otherwise!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

Well, I could not find any typos or errors, this shows the care with which the tale is presented. Just a little more description and it would soar to the heights of the wonderful from the platform of the merely good. Maybe just one parting word of advice – the prudent avoid making bald statements characterizing things as the ‘funniest ever’ or ‘cleverest’ or any other superlative, no matter how true it is from the personal perspective. It's best not to create expectations or benchmarks against which the tale will be judged.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
77
77
Review of The Paper  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Liam , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for SAJ reviewing activity.


This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: I think this was effective, mainly because the unlikely hero of this tale also says very little, at the appropriate times. Whether deliberate or incidental, it nevertheless impresses.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning gave the back-story in complete detail, but took a long time to create setting. The characters also trickled in later. So it did part of the job, but could have done more. If there was no word restriction then some amount of description would raise the bar.

*Flower5* The Setting: I am not going to criticize what was in the end an entertaining and unusual tale, the leap of imagination itself deserves praise. But, when re-reading it yourself, do you feel this is a vivid picture evoking tale? Can you see what happens. Where it happens? Not as narrator, but as reader?

*Flower5* The Characters: Other than the Man in The Blue Suit, therre’s only Charlie Hudson who is of significance. Yet in the first half, it is the other persona who stands out. Most of that importance is by way of action, but he has at least a modicum of description. Laura is a mere name.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: I have just been cribbing about that, have I not? In a thousand plus word story, not to have the characters and setting described is frustrating. I have seen 55 word stories that managed it! Try doing a count of how many of those 1000+ words are adjectives, it will demonstrate how much is telling and how much showing.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I read a tale once about this magic bottle that granted all wishes, it has only three provisos, it cannot grant immortality, if you possess it when you die the devil gets your soul, and you cannot give it away – it must be sold, and for a loss! How it comes into someone's life, gets passed on after some years and how he is forced to buy it back – for one cent! Yet, the ending is not one of despair. I found your tale had a similar uniquely powerful magical tool, and a similar passing on of the power, although the end is more hopeful.

*Flower5* What I liked: Oh, the unique concept, the direction of the tale. If at all I wanted more it was because it had so much potential.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"After the stranger gave it to him he wished him good fortune and left." The pronouns confuse, because there are two males interacting. Suppose you worded it: “After giving him the paper and wishing him good fortune, the stranger left.”

" None-the-less, he dialed the telephone number " I have normally seen it written as ‘nonetheless’; it may be that both forms are acceptable.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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78
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello G. B. Williams , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: It creates an immediate and attractive picture, one that hints at deeper meaning, an emotional relief after darker times. Well done! A Title is so much more important in poetry than in short stories, much as well chosen headwear is more important socially rather than professionally.

*Flower5* Rhyming: I’m partial to rhyme in any situation, from the accidental auditory pleasure to deliberate creation of poetry. From Dr Seuss’ Cat in the Hat and Ogden Nash, to Keats, Wordsworth and Shakespeare, I enjoy them all. Novices rarely go beyond the basic end rhymes. You chose to use assonance too. It added an extra level to the experience!

*Flower5* Meter: I learned meter on WDC! It’s such a nifty device – all our most pleasing rhymes and nursery poetry have at least a modicum of this in natural cadence. Counting syllables and stress ensures that rhythm. It makes poetry pleasing to the ear as well. You can choose to leave it out, there’s no rule that says it has to be there.

*Flower5* Grammar: Poetry, and grammar? Punctuation? Well, imagine laying out the poem in sentences and paragraphs, unbroken into verse. Punctuate it now and then break it back into the verses – voila! You can get away with a misplaced word or two, but perfect grammar please both ear and eye. This is just a minor quibble and many choose to end each line with a period or comma, or even without punctuation.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: I am no expert. Earlier in this review I said I liked rhymes – that is about the limit of my ability. So forgive me if I sate that I discerned no particular ‘form’.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: If there is any attempt at known form or style, anything in the nature of prompt or exercise, it helps to let the reader know. Especially when expecting reviews. Not only does it increase the reader’s knowledge, but it might improve the feedback in those respects. I thought that, other than rhyming, there was not much attempted beyond that. Forgive me if I am wrong. I enjoyed the read and the various emotions and images evoked by the word and rhyme choices.

*Flower5* What I liked: The metaphors are effective and gladden one’s heart. It’s monsoon time here in India and the next time the sun peeps out after a gray day I shall think of this poem. Thank you!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"The sun took charge of the mist and the rest" The mind immediately thought of a beaming efficient sun directing the mist and clouds away to other parts of the sky. I thought the same image was referred to once more, a few lines on. ‘Taking charge’, or ‘in charge’, the ideas are too similar to each other to do other than dilute each other.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

Walking in the rain SAJ signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
79
79
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Gabriel Wolfbane Phoenix }, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ. I see you are just past newbie status and in a way I envy you - the wonders of this site are going to be revealed to you and all the enjoyment is still in store for you! Have fun!

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


*Flower5* The Title: For a fantasy tale this has the feel of a fairy tale type title. It is simple but that is not always a negative. You might consider how well incongruity of subject words works in conjunction though, as in, for example, "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe"

*Flower5* The Beginning: Writing in the diary was an excellent choice to reveal back-story as opposed to internal thought or dialogue between characters. Well done!

*Flower5* The Setting: I think the expedition, the alpine setting, the mystery, the folk tale, all are well detailed here. if I felt there could have be a better choice of descriptive phrase or metaphor, it is only because I want this to achieve its full potential. A good tale deserves that extra polishing.

*Flower5* The Characters: These are mere stick figures yet, bare caricature. But I presume there is more to come? I will look forward to Boris and Schmidt (by the way, why is Schmidt the only one whose first name is unknown?) are more than large bullies and we learn how a small man like Eli can lead and direct them. When Maria can rise above being the token woman in the tale. But the plus point is that you have me waiting in all eagerness to learn all that.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The intention and opportunity are not fully developed into vivid imagery. Take for example: "The bridge was carved out of rocks from the mountain itself. It would seem as if a giant would be living on the other side of it." How would it be if this were just altered slightly - maybe something like: The rocky bridge seemed carved into the rocky face by strikes of a gigantic hammer, the leviathan waiting even now, on the other side.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Your tense jumps all over the place, specific examples are given below, but it is very important to keep this consistent both within smaller bits like paragraphs and as a whole. unless there is some flashback or back-story revealed, or a way of fusing future present and past into a coherent whole, and even then, the various times must be properly delineated.

*Flower5* What I liked: You have made me interested in what is going to happen next. So that's one goal achieved. Fantasy and science, folklore and fact, an excellent mix of genres and emotions. Well done!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

" We talked to everyone in the town, but on one would say weather they had seen him or not" My fingers get slightly behind my head at times or right hand outraces the left and typos occur which are okay as far as spelling go and so uncaught by spell-check. I think the 'on' here is actually 'no', right? And 'weather' is actually whether? You might even have caught and corrected thee by the time the review is posted but an extra pair of eyes often picks up what the author misses because he knows what he meant to say so well!

"The wall beings to crumble under his tremendous blows" I think you mean 'begins', not 'beings', right?

"They all tie rope around themselves and then to each other." Whilst probably an sufficient description of the process in a brief essay on mountain climbing, in the story the image evoked is of a confused group of people tying themselves in a knot! *Laugh* Maybe a simpler sentence might work as well: They roped themselves in alpine climbing fashion.

"The others had their tents set and have already went to bed" Not just the tense jump, the term 'already went to bed' is incorrect - 'have already gone to bed'.

"Maria screams as she sees frozen mummies lining the walls" Mummies is not the best choice of term here, mummified figures, shrunken bodies, preserved bodies, there's some other term for sure that doesn't suggested and swathed body in Egyptian tombs.

"“Now what do we do?” Schmidt asks, beginning to become afraid" The emotion is diluted to near-nothing, by this act of beginning to become! If Schmidt quavers the question instead of asking it, the emotion is shown in an effective manner, without any further expansion.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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80
Review of Never Tell a Lie  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Angels in my Ear , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for SAJ.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


*Flower5* The Title: I have said this so often that I hope it’s not become an expected commented that makes writes yawn and go ho-hum! But it it bears repeating to my mind, not to lose sight of this tool to garner eyeballs to an item. Much like a well chosen daring confection can make headlines on Ladies Day at Ascot! This particular title repeats something many of us have heard, a moral drilled into most children from George Washington onwards! But does it tell us anything different about the item within? Does it give us something to excite us into reading it or give us a clue regarding the path to be taken in the tale?

*Flower5* The Beginning: To my mind this tale had a beginning all right. It just did not go on from there. Perhaps it would make an effective introduction but not a ‘story' as defined by most writers – one with Beginning, Middle and End, or with Problem, Conflict and Resolution. Now you might argue that the brevity of the piece makes such purism impossible, but I have seen 55 word stories with those elements and sometimes even the addition of suspense or humour!

*Flower5* The Setting: I did not get much of an idea of this, not even the broad strokes of the physical setting or even the time setting. Which century? Which Country? It would not take much to do that, a line or two describing the house or clothing, a thought about some article that places these. The ceramic doll itself seems to have been handed down through generations, so that still keeps the time period vague. If the resolution had taken place it might not even be required, but since it hasn’t, the setting would help to add appeal.

*Flower5* The Characters: There’s absolutely nothing that says characters cannot have common names. Those names are common because they are popularly used, after all. But for the character to rise above mental associations of Mary having a little lamb or Mary the quite contrary, some description would be required. Make this adorable child live for us, show us why we should like her. We have enough reason to hate her brother, but the question that immediately arises is how he manages to keep his ‘rottenness’ a secret from his parents. If a line is added to show his altered behaviour when he thinks he hears the parents coming in, changing his tone and words suitably, it would enhance the revulsion felt.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: This is mere repetition, if Setting and Character are properly tackled, it will be by adding this. I am no advocate of description heavy prose, but one can go too far the other way. There must be some leaven to the bread! Just a quivering lower lip here, or quavering defiance in the flung remark there, a harsh taunt breaking up the brother’s speech, maybe a pulled pigtail or sneering face trust close to hers? The words and choices are yours.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I found it incomplete and am afraid my comments may be premature. If this is an unfinished tale, I would be glad to review and re-rate at a later date. Just at present, I not only felt that the moral in the title was not aptly demonstrated, but actually felt that this advocated hiding of an unintentional mishap as a solution to dealing with not only that, but the more serious issue of sibling abuse.

*Flower5* What I liked: I like stories about child protagonists. It takes great skill to tell a tale involving them, and to do so from their POV is even more laudable. So kudos for the attempt.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

" Mary was “fed up” with Bobby and wished that she and been born an only child" Why is fed up in double quotes? Also the word ‘and' seems to have inadvertently been substituted for ‘had’.

"He was always telling tales to get her in trouble; always acting like he never did anything wrong. Her parents always believed him too." I understand this is a six-year-old talking and her vocabulary and style of thinking-talking would be full of repetition. But the numerous ‘always’ in the paragraph still irritated me. A two year old might lisp, but to have loth of lithping in the thtory would thtill be thilly! *Laugh*


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
81
81
Rated: E | (4.0)
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.



*Flower5* The Item/Genre/Rating Choices: It took me quite a while to figure these out and there are still many of us clueless ones out there - you obviously are a champ and have all these down pat! They help in attracting the reader to an apt piece so it's worthwhile to get 'em right.

*Flower5* The Title: I always feel the title has the potential to be a major 'hook'. The incongruity in a simple exercise with complex explanation attracted attention, much as the XYZ for Dummies series does.

*Flower5* The Item as a Whole: It works! There's tongue-in-cheek adherence to the kind of detailed instructions that manuals have - with typically passionless but screamingly obvious bits added - probably to prevent the technically challenged from litigating that instructions were not detailed enough! !Loved the bits of humour that interspersed the dry instructions.

*Flower5* What I liked: I shan't give away the 'good bits' word for word, but I loved the note about modifications to the process if one's teen offspring was up late studying the night before, and also the alternative if one had baked one's own bread - down to your little 'aside'! It's easy to see you had fun writing this - so did I when reading it!

*Flower5* Suggestions:Tech manuals don't use italics and bold for emphasis - or do they? If so, the only thing I'd suggest would be that. For e.g.: It's your kitchen, find whichever would improve if the 'your' were italicized. But it's no way near a deal-breaker!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1431092 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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82
Review of Lavender Blue  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello ShellySunshine , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I love lavender, as a colour, as a fragrance, it stands for maturity with elegance in my mind, probably an association made because it was my mother's favourite too. So the title - Lavender Blue - attracted me.

*Flower5* The General Impression: After the read I realise it must be modelled on some song or rhyme or something not familiar to my milieu, my set-of-common-knowledge. I am from India, probably a world apart in terms of culture, a small foot-note would have five me a bench mark for judging how well the tribute, or even parody, worked. I did try the handy Google, but what it threw up did not resemble this ditty.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The font mirrored the choice of theme, that is all I could find to say. I admit it is more a fault of my comprehension, but I just did not see where this one was going or what it wanted to say. Was it about a pair of unusually coloured jeans? No, T-shirts and jeans were happening to it. Was it about some old friend/lover? Was it a mood? I was totally lost. Yet, it had a kind of nostalgia, a gentle remembering without regret, it charmed even as it remained out of reach.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Was there supposed to be rhyme? Was there a pattern to those verses? From couplets, to 3,4 and even 5 lines. From monorhyme to alternate, to none. I'm foxed. I'm boxed. Thinking out-of-the-box is not applicable to poetry is seems!*Laugh*


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

One cannot comment on what one did not comprehend, please excuse me for my shortcomings.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
83
83
Review of The Streak  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello JACE , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: The word used as title has more than just one meaning; it was the intro that gave it the impetus - promised us a bold, provocative and amusing read.

*Flower5* The General Impression: You did it very well, told the tale in a chatty conversational narration, it felt like I was there at your side listening. Flawless execution of setting, introduction to characters, time, back-story. The punch-line set up as perfectly as the most seasoned caddy tees the ball up for Tiger Woods. Har-har-Hrrgggh! The ending was a superb piece of double-talk!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: It was a pleasure to read this item from the quiver of a crafty archer, I could sit back and enjoy a smooth bit of writing. Thank you, my friend, my day got off to a great start. It also read as if this were one of a series of stories about the same characters, or at least having the same slick narrator. To achieve that feeling of completeness and continuity in such a short tale is marvelous - well done!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Why can't I do it as effortlessly? Why are my tales never so 'polished'? I guess you either have 'it' or you don't. You, dear author, have IT in plenty!


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:


Hoo Boy! Never was a section less required, never have I felt more redundant as reviewer, with nothing really helpful to add. Impeccable use of not only commas, that slippery tadpole-like nemesis that wriggles out of place in my writes; even semi-colons and ellipses were perfectly aligned, standing in exemplary formations. I take off my hat to you, or I would if I ever wore headgear.But think of me doing the equivalent {e: takingofffhat?} Must suggest that one to SMs *Laugh*



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
84
84
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello very thankful , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I have seen you busy around WDC for so long, it is always a pleasure to review you. Love, in this month, seems an appropriate choice for subject matter to read. The One and Only, ah, that makes it even better!

*Flower5* The General Impression: 2 quatrains, in mono-rhyme. A tough choice actually, to find four end rhymes that meld well together, especially when it is a sort of litany to the perennial favourite - June or Moon!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: It is an unashamed work of love, a tribute. I want to know how it took the person for whom it was written? Congrats on your decade of love and may you make it all the way to the Century!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: I saw later that the second verse wasn't mono-rhyme but aabb pattern, with the Australian pronounciation of 'day' to make it rhyme. If I was a purist I'd also say tune had a 'y' sound that made it the odd one out in the first set, but the sentimental tribute nature of this write overshadows such niggling details. The meter is more of a concern. I do like a poem to have a natural cadence that lends itself to being read aloud.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

The last line was a shade awkward in length and in construction, even in meaning.

"This is all that will come to my mouth and let me say"
I'd trim it and tweak it, how about something like - 'My heart brims over, this is all I can say.'? I'm not dictating words here, just trying to show how alteration might enhance both meaning and impact. Your choice entirely.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
85
85
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ladyoz , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I like word play, so a Title that cleverly evoked Dickens’ classic tale, was irresistibly ‘doggy’, and would clear up the mystery behind the ‘Buy a Wicket’ campaign – how cold I resist? Pardon, me, I said to my family, but I have to see this person about a dog, or two. *Laugh*

*Flower5* The General Impression: Some terrific snaps that are used to enhance a simple narration. It is not quite a story and yet had all the components, Characters, what individual quirks those have! Beginning-Middle-End. Conflict and Resolution, unfortunately one is not the proverbial happy ending, but it is tackled with empathy and dignity. Bravo!

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: It rang true, had too, didn’t it? It was true/ But the love percolates and permeates from start to finish. It is a narrative that is simple, no clever puns, no flights of idiom; yet the two protagonists are so adorable that one just laps up each word. Pippin with his underbite and the tongue of contentment is especially endearing. The choices of name are also well related. It was good to find out about this breed, I had not come across them before. “His paws left prints on our hearts.” Yes, I understand/

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: It is hard to write a tribute without letting maudlin sentimentality overtake one. I think you achieved that fine line of distinction pretty well. Well adorned, well edited, yet cleaving a path straight to my heart, and yes, not ashamed to say, my tear ducts. I thought it was the hallmark of a born writer.


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:
Words, words, everywhere; yet nary a typo to pick! I sympathise with that Ancient Mariner now! *Laugh* No, seriously, the pleasure was all mine to see this well-groomed tail tale!
Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature
86
86
Review of The Tick Tock Cat  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sticktalker , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I have visited your port before and come away enriched. The title reminded me of the idiom ‘thinking he is the cat’s whiskers’ – an image I have always found compelling and thought-provoking. The intro promised zany humour. I was almost rubbing my hands in gleeful anticipation as I sat down to read this.

*Flower5* The General Impression: It was written for a specific and demanding prompt requiring the use of five quite unrelated words/objects: Duct tape, collar, stopped clock, pink balloons, broken key. It fulfilled the prompt and had your trademark narrative style too. Yet, it left me feeling it was not one of showpieces of your repertoire. To judge you by the high standards you set already seems a bit harsh, but that is inevitable with talented writers, one expects more of them all the time.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: You get into the head of that cat with ease, I could see that feline impresario from your description. I was reminded of Paul Gallico’s masterpiece: Jennie. Some of the bits had me chuckling, the subject being the unpredictable and inexplicable behavior of cats, it lent itself to a description of impossible situations.

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: Is it a story? It meanders into different situations without going anywhere or finding resolution. Even the tale promised by the intro is relegated to a future telling. It’s about the balloons, no about the clock, no about the duct tape. No, in the end it was just about the cat, without the whiskers being given much explanation. *Laugh*


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:
There are a number of places that puzzled me, not errors per se, but just not easy for me to comprehend. I highlight a couple of examples below:

" My wife and I own a rather strange cat. Of course all cats are pretty strange animals, but Katrina was stranger than most." We own but Katrina was? Is that a tense jump?

" Knowing duct tape’s limits when the cat knocked over my wife’s prize porcelain vase and asked me if I could fix it I didn’t even think about duct tape as the repair material, but grabbed the Krazy Glue and had it repaired in minutes and and back on the shelf. " I thought the sentence would benefit in clarity if it had a couple of commas in there. I fumble to find the right place to put these wriggly tadpoles of punctuation, so I tend to go the route of cutting up one long sentence into two or three shorter ones. The word ‘and’ is also repeated in there. Also, how about changing the construction of that last bit? Make it ‘…had it repaired and back on the shelf in minutes.’

" Princess Katrina jumped up on the display shelf, sniffed the vase later that day then shook her head from the fumes still emanating from the glue " She jumped now, sniffed it later? Is that what you want to say? I think the phrase ‘later that day’ confounds the issue.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature

87
87
Review of Sick Old Man  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tony , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: You are new, a dear friend's son, you like to write. It is a Limerick - one of my favourite forms of poetry, and despite its great rhyme and rhythm, not an easy thing to write. Its title reminded me of the song: "This Old Man - he played one..." So many reasons to pick this particular one.

*Flower5* The General Impression: Well if it was for a school project, they must have given you some rules or pattern to follow. It would help if you put that in, so we can gauge if you achieved your target or not. But we are not teachers here to grade you, nor are we here to baby you with shallow words of praise. I think it could be made better, the central idea reminds me of nursery rhyme we recited as kids:
'Inky Pinky Ponky, Father had a Donkey, Donkey died, Father cried, Inky Pinky Ponky.
( We old geezers get reminded of things at the drop of a hat. Sometimes the hat doesn't even have to drop! *Laugh*)


*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The sudden intrduction of disaster, then more implied disaster, no kid gloves! The use of the slang term also works to create impact.(Pun totally unintended)

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: The meter is totally off. Even if one doesn't count syllables, just reads it aloud, it is obvious the lines do not match in cadence. Lines one,two and five should match and three and four are generally 3/5 of that length. For example take the classic by W. Monkhouse:

There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

Can you hear the rhythm as you read that one out?



*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

I think you have the promise, the readily available guidance, the encouragement and the enthusiasm to do great things, welcome to this great site.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature
88
88
Review of Augie  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Alexandra Jones , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]. What a lovely user name, may you have all those unwritten pages spilling onto paper for our edification and delight!

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: Well, it is about a dog, and there's an adventure in it for you talk of dreams and discovery in that masterly intro that heightens the lure. The fact that it was beribonned did it no disservice, but that is rarely a factor to draw me into a write by itself.

*Flower5* The General Impression: I think it was a good response to the prompt, it definitely understood the bond between young children and dogs, they seem to communicate in ways inexplicable to adults. "Augie told me." That sentence made goosebumps come out on my arms.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: Sentiment. *CheckG* Drama. *CheckG* Deft description. *CheckG* Happy Ending. *CheckG*

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think: It seems as though it is at least a couple of days since Augie came to the shelter, he has bad dreams at night, but only 'sometimes' wakes crying. So how did the sibling survive without water for that much longer? Augie survives by crawling away and finding water before returning. Why not curl up near his surviving sibling?


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -: It is a Cramp entry, not to be judged by grammar and typos but by creativity. Hindsight is irritatingly 20/20. I am not going to apply it.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
89
89
Review of My Poetry Nook  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello ShelleyA~13 years at WDC . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered. You were kind enough to bid on my package in an auction; this is part of the win.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*ButterflyR* I did not promise reviews, for I did not know if I would have time enough to fulfill that, but I like to ensure my port scans include at least a few reviews, to let you know I have been through the items in depth. I do hope they bring you as much pleasure as browsing through your amazing port has brought me.

*ButterflyR* Now, poems are a favoured read, one can admire artistry without being an artist oneself; I applaud the depth and variety to be found. Many forms were unfamiliar and I welcomed the learning, some were known to me and were greeted as old friends. It is hard to get constructive feedback which is also knowledgeable if one is as accomplished a poet as you seem to be.

*ButterflyR* The main folder is illustrated by an attractive image by one of the most talented artists on site. The bold bright purple of the girl’s attire is offset by the mellow rich overtones of brown and gold of the books in the shelves. The perky short skirt is balanced by the scholarly glasses, the flowing tresses cascade in one sedate sweep to the hips, with just one flirtatious flip at the end. Perfect. The visual ‘hook’ is often neglected, I am so glad you have made full use of it.

*ButterflyR* The folder is arranged by the forms of poetry, it says so. The various sub-folders titles are the forms used, which is obvious even to an uninformed reader. Therefore, I felt more use could have been made of the intro – instead of just repeating the name of the form, a little detail could entice one into the read. For example: The Triquain – it intrigues because you say it was developed by you, I presumed it meant three line verses. I was wrong, it was more like the metered cinquain than a triplet – but nothing prepared me for which direction the name was going. What was the inspiration? If I had a glimpse that promised the unusual, ah, that would be enough to make me dive right in.

*ButterflyR* There is enough to tempt the most capricious appetite, from the staple sonnets, to the delicate artistry of the Etheree or Pantoum, to the inspired concoctions that have your signature, like the Triquain.

*ButterflyR* A walk that awed and inspired, that showed splendor and exquisite details, that left one with the kind of blissful satiety that comes after a well-planned meal. *Thumbsup*


Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*ButterflyV* May your words go on to shine! *ButterflyV*

*ButterflyG* Effort brings colour to Life *ButterflyG*
My fascination with the fantastic power of words.

90
90
Review of Bon Appetit.  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Petra Pansky , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for "Showering Acts of Joy Garden [E]

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* The Title: I thought that this was an apt item for me to review in a 'shower' of reviews. It implied a wish for a good ingestion of the read, it had an eye-catching title, and the intro made me wonder what could be within. Well done, just the way to tease a reader into the tale.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Flash fiction - great, said a little voice in my head - just the perfect appetizer any reader could want. The fact that the story was food themed was ironic. The beginning needs to 'show' the bustle, rather than just state it, maybe how the men had to scrunch over in their corner? Or how they had to lean forward to talk over the noise? Whatever you choose, the image must be vivid, convey the atmosphere whilst introducing your main characters and 'setting' the story. A tall ask, but if the beginning is not compelling, the reader may not even finish the tale. Then the sentence: "The patrons of this restaurant were mainly office workers, stay-at-home moms with their cranky kids and teens from the high school beside McDandy’s." I found myself wondering how best this information could be conveyed? At first it seems the office workers were stay-at-home mothers, later it seems the mothers have cranky kids and teens from a school nearby. Punctuation is not my forte, so just give this another look and see if this might be 'fixable'. Also, having glanced at this sentence twice, I wondered why stay-at-home moms would all have cranky kids. It seemed a sweeping generalization. It would not have caught my eye if I had not been taking a second look, so it is not a 'biggie'. { /c}

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting needed emphasis, one needed to feel the crowds. Other than that, one fails to uderstand why the execs had to do a physical verification, wouldn't sales figures be more informative? If they stated that they had seen those figures and were down there to see the unbelievable numbers for themselves, that would explain things better. Also, just 92% target sales achieved doesn't seem all that great, the projections were made with logic, to amaze, they must surpass expectations.

*Flower5* The Characters: Mr. Pinstripe, that was a deft touch, adding in descrition wand identification. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the second character is not named. Would it help to do the same with the other one? Or maybe give him a name based on his behaviour or expression?

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The pinstirpe suit figures twice, it doesn't help in making a deeper impact, but since the edft touch in naming the character after the suit is laudable, I'll not comment further.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I had a bit of a quibble regarding the genre choices - Comedy:*Check3*, Horror/Scary: We-ell - Ok, let's give that a *Check4*, but Satire? I thought that the last was a bit of a stretch, given that satire requires something more profound in parody or ridicule.

*Flower5* What I liked: The ending line was superb, well done. It definitley finished on with a smooth passage down the throat - one was left with a faint after-taste and a craving for one more!

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"The men in the corner, on the other hand, looked like high powered executives." The two men are stated to be out of place. With the explanation found in the latter part of the tale, it is not obvious why high powered executives would not have drunk from the city's water supply and been part of the crowds thronging a McDandy.

"the familiar sing song jingle was playing on the sound system." I think that should be 'sing-song'.

"... and neutralizing it’s effects" Its. No apostrophe required, this usage is not an abbreviation for 'it is', but as a possesive pronoun.

Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
Walking in the rain SAJ signature
91
91
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Funnyface is happy to be back , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. The review is made in a spirit of friendliness, please accept it as such.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: I was attracted to the title, it had incongruity of association 'Penny in a Jar' and "Memory in the Heart" combining well to create this. The intro and genre choices were valuable additions to the inner meaning. Well done.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: Alternating lines rhyme, not always the same ones by count. For verses 1 & 2 it was lines 2 and 4, for verse 3 it was lines 1 and 3, for the last verse, each laternating pair rhymed - 1&3 and 2&4. It made one's eyes jump around a bit, but was not jarring in a read. The rhyming words tended to either repeat or use the same end rhyme, if this is meant for children, that is a plus. If it is meant for adults too, it might be better to examine some alternative words.

*Flower5* The Rhythm: Now, this is a poem that cries out to be read aloud, with expression and emotion. To have the syllable count going so far askew (10-7-6-7) was disappointing. It could be done, just a little rearrangement of words required, take the first two lines:
"I have a memory of a penny
Etched deep within my heart"


This could become: 'Memories of a penny
Etched deep within my heart,' - that's 7 syllables even, no change of meaning, barely much change of word choice. Consider it if you wish to go that route, most lines can conform to either 7-6-7-6 or 7-7-7-7.


*Flower5* The Form: Other than quatrains, I found no recognizable form. Of course, I am no great poet, able to take one quick glance and classify poetry by forms, I depend on the writer being kind enough to elucidate in a note, if there is some form, beyond this simple one.

*Flower5* The Imagery: Simple, powerful, metaphorical and memorable. It's 'gold to you and me'! Bravo.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: It made an impact, it imparted wisdom in a way that was easy to both comprehend and remember.

*Flower5* What I liked: I am not a person who is religious in the observation of rituals, yet God means a lot to me. This poem spoke exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Come, my little darling,
Sit upon your Papa's knee.
See that shining little penny?
It's gold to you and me.
If you wish, you could use punctuation to make meaning crystal clear, to inform the reader how you want this poem read. I would have put in the marks as suggested by my brackets. You might want to do it differently, if at all.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
92
92
Review of Tell Me  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello very thankful , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. The review is made in a spirit of friendliness, please accept it as such. It is also the firt of three rhyming reviews, part of your Heartfelt Thanks Auction win.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: Ah, this is the first thing I see,
it has to be eye-catching for me.
Something that appeals, that will allure,
a meaning that will for some time endure.
This cried out and reached my heart,
this write attracted from the start.


*Flower5* The Rhyming: A poem need not be rhyme they say,
there's great freedom to choose your own way,
My ears are lulled by the sound of rhymes,
But, free verse I'll oft enjoy betimes.


*Flower5* The Meter: If there's no rhyme for this reader to see,
there's not likely that meter there will be,
my eyes counted the sounds and said,
"No meter, but there's pathos instead."


*Flower5* The Form: It is not so much a required norm,
I'll not fault you for not having a form.


*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: The pure agony of love unrequited,
of hidden affair, feelings not admitted,
Was she the one who was the 'other',
did he, after all, love another?


*Flower5* What I liked: The poem was simple, the feelings were plain,
One was pulled into the web of adulterous pain,
Though hiccups occurred, it managed in main,
to convince me to visit your port again!


*Flower5* Suggestions: I want to help, not hurt, you see
So please think kindly of the reviewer in me.
"Please tell me abou(t) the other woman."
I have marked the bracket as clear as a shout,
drawing attention to the 't' that you left out.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
93
93
Review of Nightwalkers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello very thankful , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. The review is made in a spirit of friendliness, please accept it as such. This is the second review of your win from Heartfelt Thanks Auction

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: The other folder had an eye-catching name,
Roses & Thorns gave me a taste, on I came,
this one is a statement that's so bland,
although prizes of publication is grand.
Folders have titles that can be a draw too,
this is just a friendly tip from me to you.


*Flower5* The Rhyme: The first two lines when I had read,
a smile over my face bagan to spread,
"It rhymes," I thought, but my eyes went on,
all attempts at rhyming were totally gone.
That was all, it was an accident,
the rhyming was not really meant.


*Flower5* The Meter: I will not even try to sit and count,
whatever I do, 'tis of no account,
there's no meter for my ears to hear,
but that's not a crime, do not fear.


*Flower5* The Form: No specific form, the same story, once more,
but quatrains please many, that's for sure.


*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: It has a subject that is the buzz of late,
vampires have even been touted as mate,
to explore the new is attractive to all,
So the thanks due to you are not small.


*Flower5* What I liked: I liked the unusual direction you took,
a subject that was before a closed book,
something I learned, something I renewed,
a dark new world I now viewed.


*Flower5* Suggestions: I want to help, not hurt, you see
So please think kindly of the reviewer in me.
Some compare and contrast would have worked well,
‘twould have made this tale cast its own fantasy spell.


*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
94
94
Review of The Fire  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello very thankful , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. The review is made in a spirit of friendliness, please accept it as such.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: A title short, and burning, too,
to the subject it was true,
the intro though could have said more,
this was a repeat of poems before.


*Flower5* The Rhyme: It was there, for the most part,
Except for one hiccup at the start,
to keep these consistent is a great art,
it's not somethin you can buy at the mart.


*Flower5* The Meter: It was there; no, it was not,
the count varied, but not a lot,
yet perfect cadence is the aim,
reading aloud is the goal, the game.


*Flower5* The Form: The most popular arrangement on site,
quatrains are a pleasing sight,
alternate or rhyming couples are right,
to name any more, we'll not fight.


*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: The images were vivid, metaphor bright,
it used devices deft galore,
I enjoyed reading this poem tonight,
I wish I could tarry a while more.


*Flower5* What I liked: The walk through your port was a treat,
delights, to my mind, they tasted sweet,
glad I had this unique chance,
"Thank you for the delightful dance."


*Flower5* Suggestions: I want to help, not hurt, you see
So please think kindly of the reviewer in me. -:

I find I have little useful to say,
I hope I've made a good friend today,
"Will you then, be my pard,
these rhyming reviews are really hard!" *Laugh*



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
95
95
Review of Two Wise Women  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Prof Moriarty , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. The review is made in a spirit of friendliness, please accept it as such.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: 'Two Wise Women', it has a ring of the familiar, perhaps from the association with 'Three Wise Men'? It gains immediate attention by such an association, even a pleasurable anticipation of a good read. The addition of an incongruity or dissimilar object often takes it one level further. The grouping of three things in a title is also popular, so I might have gone for 'Two Wise Women and One Lucky Man'. Not that this was not a good title, I am only mentioning some of the thoughts in my mind when I search for a good title to cap my tales.

*Flower5* The Beginning: You do it all, introduce the main characters, give us a bit of setting, some emotional background - yet it falls short of being riveting enough to 'hook' the reader-fish and make him/her want to be reeled within your write. I think that might be because there was a lot of 'telling' in there. For example:
"Sid smiled at Linda when she entered his study, holding a mug." Try and give us a peep into that study, let us see Sid's pleasure for ourselves. Maybe something like: Linda pushed open the door to Sid's study with one practised foot, being careful with the steaming coffe mug in her hand. She saw her husband scrunched up against his workstation, his customary after-dinner relaxation was juggling figures and equations to finetune his project. It might have been the aroma of coffee, his head swivelled to take in his still-svelte wife of twenty years. A welcoming smile drove away the frown lines that had gathered on his forehead. Does that make a picture that takes the reader within the tale? You be the judge.

Or take this bit of dialogue between husband and wife: “Don’t you think I know my hubby long enough to sense it when he is tensed?” she asked, running her slender fingers through his thick hair, graying at the temples. We fail to get an idea of where she is when she does this. A moment ago she was perching on the edge of the desk, does she lean forward? Does she get up and stand beside him? The banter could be emphasised too, with a comment like: 'Haven't you learned by now that you can't keep secrets from me?' Or even 'Maybe not to everybody, but you're an open book to me.'


*Flower5* The Setting: The setting has two parts, to be effective the contrast should be emphasised. The rural setting in India, perhaps new even to many urban compatriots, it needs to be shown through the eyes of the teenaged Beth. Don't just say she was engrossed by the sights, show them to us. Was it the dusty bumpy roads with ruts worn into them by the passage of of many carts? Was it the indifferent cows which lay sprawled all over the place, they did not pause in their cud-chewing for one moment, I have seen this all before, their bucolic faces proclaimed. Whatever it was - show us the same sights.

*Flower5* The Characters: What made the women wise, how were they able to see what Sid was reluctant to even acknowledge? It was more his world than theirs - was it proximity or mulishness than led to this lacuna?

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The same lack, not that there is no description, only that it is of the type that does not create a vivid enough image to allow the reader to participate in the story. For e.g.: "He caught her staring at a crowded bus which had just stopped beside them at a signal.
"
Why was she staring? Describe the crowds that spill out of the bus, leaning from windows, squeezes three abreast into the one-man aisle, clinging to both doors until the it seems the bus is tilted so far to one side it will tip over at the next curve. Talk of the smell of exhaust fumes that belch furiously from the rear, like angry bumblebees that have been disturbed. Tell us of the thin stream of betelnut juice that is accurately squirted at the base of a lamp-post, the rust stains at its base providing mute testimony of widespread habit. Don't tell us, show us.


*Flower5* The Dialogue: I found it to be a bit stilted. Just think it over and gauge whether people around you talk the same way. Do not translate from the local language to English, these are English speaking people, after all.


*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Sid returns to India as a successful man after a twenty year absence, invited to inaugurate a new school. reconciliations take place and seem to wipe away decades of bitterness. The village touches progress via the acumen of the returned son.

Some parts are too simplistic. If the older generation refuses to accept Sid, was that reason enough for him to return to America? How hard did he try to convince them? If he had not had the money to back his studies abroad, at MIT - no less, what use was his gold medal at Calcutta University? I don't think the intro struck the nail on the head, perhaps he is allowed to realise his dream, but he never ventured out to do so.


*Flower5* What I liked: I like stories that try to make one world available to readers from another. These days, even urban India has forgotten its rural counterparts. To give back is laudable, the message was good. It could have been stronger, but it was nonetheless laudable.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I offer only a few examples, line-by-line comments are ebst made by editors or proof readers. Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"He was the proverbial son returning home " There's a story about a prodigal (but that is not the case here) son returning home, but what proverbial son is this?

"But his heart was overwhelmed with remorse and tears welled up in his eyes." I inserted a word I thought was required in that sentence.

"“Forgive me, son,” said his father, when he got the courage to hug him." When who got the courage to hug whom? If there is no head-hopping, one presumes it was when Sid got the courage to hug his father. Indians do not hug at the drop of a hat, reverting to childhood tradition might be more plausible, then his father could raise him and affirm, 'None of that feet touching, it is time for us to embrace as equals.' Or whatever else you might find natural.

"the only lacunae being the absence of his beloved Linda. " If there was only one,it must be 'lacuna'. Lacunae' implies more than one, being plural.




Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
96
96
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Maryann , my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing activity for {ritem:}

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.


*Flower5* What Drew Me In: I read a book recently about a Ladies Detective Agency in Botswana, it calls itself the No. ! detective agency with impunity - it is in fact run by the only Lady Detective in Botswana - Mma Ramotswe! I loved it, and your title reminded me of that. It was an apt title, an odd combination and hence the more striking and it was about some youthful investigators. All appealing. I would suggest the intro deepens that instead of giving us what is now irrelevant information, we may know of neither the contest nor the one who ran it. A link within would be much more helpful for that.

*Flower5* The General Impression: This had the entire story of the picture prompt laid out for us, and more besides. Talk of both being faithful to the prompt and taking it in an unexpected direction.

*Flower5* The Things That Worked For Me: The tone remains that of young girls, the POV was one of the two running this agency. Their confidence, the diligence, the hope and the banter with the customers spoke worlds of two lovable little girls. They are lucky as well as smart, but that's not a bad thing, all detectives get lucky at some point!

*Flower5* The Things That Made Me Stop and Think:


*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"“Where is buster? He is usually right by your side," It is a name for a dog, it should start with a capital - Buster.

"It was a good thing that Buster is a gentle dog." 'Buster was a gentle dog', surely?

"We want to save up money so that we could buy a big playhouse from Toys R Us" You are an accomplished writer, so I might be wrong, but is that another tense jump in there? Should it be 'so that we can buy a big playhouse'?


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
97
97
Review of A Truer December  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello bkcompton, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group [E]. The review is made in a spirit of friendliness, please accept it as such.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: Enigmatic and the end syllables rhyme, it captured and retained attention.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: I had to go and search to see if it was there, it did not leap to the eye until the rhyming pair of expectations/relations. The rhyming of 'sea' to 'see' is not quite so obvious. I might have had a whiff of it at 'wide' and 'side' but it took those aforementioned words to drive it home.

*Flower5* The Meter Again, it was not obvious in its presence or lack. I went through the first verse 6-8-6-7-7. Still possible to be a pattern if impeccably followed in the second verse. But alas, that one went 7-7-6-8-7. Anything hidden in there would have been mentioned, so I am assuming you were not attempting some cryptic code meter. *Laugh* This is not a drawback, many poets choose to eschew this handy device. I try to retain it for only one reason - it makes for a natural cadence when reading the poem aloud. The finer points of stressed and unstressed syllables are beyond my level of expertise, but even just even syllable count can take the write to a new level.

*Flower5* The Imagery: There is some metaphor, eyes are described as a window to a whole new world. Yet, there's nothing that is striking, that raises a huzzah of appreciation. A little description of those eyes, or even of the new world, it would have made a difference. Or a metaphor more removed from expectation - one poem I read compared the eyes to melted chocolate, striking - and one immediately thought of the loved one as someone richly sweet and desirable. Not dictating anything, just suggestions to make the words linger in the mind, that's how quotes are made.

*Flower5* The Form: I think there was no recognized form, three 5 line verses, with one four liner as 3rd verse, stuck in haphazardly.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: I found it a bit hard to determine the mood you wished to evoke. There was romance, adoration, there a sudden surge of reality and it ended on a bitter-sweet promise to return. I found myself giving an inward cynical smile - Yeah, right! Even the intro implies that there might not be a return, it is just hope. But this is not written from the POV of the one hoping, it is written from the POV of the one creating the hope. It must be stronger in implying the return. The allusion to waves would come in handy here, no matter how oft the low tide draws them out, the next high tide brings them back in.

*Flower5* What I liked: I love anything to do with the sea. It has soothed many emotional wounds by its lulling melody and whispering surf.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

The first verse begins with a metaphoric reference to love and eternally rolling waves, it ends on weary eyes unable to see a love-ly (allusion?) vision. The progress from one to the other would be better appreciated if the journey was visible.


Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
98
98
Review of A Slower Return  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello bkcompton, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers. I am reviewing this as part of your auction win, at your request. It turned out I had already reviewed it; I decided to look at it with fresh eyes.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: The title has meaning only after the read, otherwise it might even be referring to a match between Federer and Nadal. Profound is good, with a subtle undershade(s) in meaning. Enigmatic is acceptable with some hint of the tone/topic. Cryptic is not quite the best way to go.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: In tercets there can still be rhyme, in the first and last lines of each verse. Or all the first/second/last lines can rhyme. This composition decides not to use rhyme, a legitimate decision. In fact, one enjoyed the read and later found that it had nary a semblance of rhyme to conform to standard formats. It was powerful and vivid enough to be able to do away with this prop.

*Flower5* The Rhythm: I stopped counting after the first verse, 8-7-9 is not likely to be a pattern. In fact, other than even meter, I think all other patterns tend to be stated by the author, so I wasn't really expecting it. It is entirely your choice, but I feel this can enhance a poem at times. If one envisages the piece being read aloud, then it helps to add this in.

*Flower5* The Form: Again, the only recognizable form was the arrangements in tercets. It made a pleasant change from the ubiquitous quatrains.

*Flower5* The Imagery: Ah, this was the USP of this piece - from the "exposed spine" of leaves, to the "vibrant essence
bleeds life back into the ignorant soil".
There are times when this one aspect is arresting enough to raise the write to memorable levels.


*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: I liked this on my first read, I found even more to appreciate on the second read.

*Flower5* What I liked: The vivid imagery makes a striking impression, the snapshots of evoked images burn their memory on the mind's eye. Well done! *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"Returning love, blossom slow this time." I felt that if there was no other constraint, then some change would make those words easier to comprehend. Either 'blossoms slow' or 'blossoming slow'. Maybe even 'slower to bloom'?



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive reviewing sig.

99
99
Review of My Oxygen  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello bkcompton, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am part of a reviewing celebration for WDC's Power Reviewers. This is part of your requested reviews won from Heartfelt Thanks Auction.

This review is made as a gesture of friendship and community, please accept it as such.

*Flower5* The Title: This one had a level of meaning beyond what something more expected might have established. "My Life's Breath' is not as eyeball-arresting as this title. It was not difficult to understand what was meant and yet the meaning was profound. Well done.

*Flower5* The Rhyme: Pish, it wasn't there - so what? This poem had something more, it captured emotions so well one was beyond looking for mere rhymes, or rhythm.

*Flower5* The Rhythm: There is a freedom in the lines that could not be captured within constraints of syllable count and stresses. Free verse is rightly called so. There is an offshoot, called blank verse, that has no rhyme, but adheres to meter. It too has a curious attractiveness of form. I had nothing at which to cavil, here the absence of meter did not manifest as shortcoming.

*Flower5* The Form: A tribute in free verse, I add my salute as tribute to this wonderful read. Thanks for giving me the this glimpse into your heart.

*Flower5* The Imagery: I'd say this was the one touch that took this poem from the merely good to the empyrean heights of sublime perfection. Each verse contributed its image to the cascade of emotive snapshots - from the metaphor of winter overcoming the warmth of life, to the apron being relegated once more to its hook, the pervading smells and the mother who nurtures even after physical absence. I found each line worth a second and third read, to extract every drop of its meaning.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: It humbled me, I always wax at length about rhyme and meter. These are devices and props that enhance poetry, but in the hands of a true poet, even free verse can be evocative and distinct from mere prose.

*Flower5* What I liked: Imagery, that'll do it every time. In stories it is descriptive metaphor or pithy saying, in poetry it is vivid imagery.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Remember these are made, not from any lofty pinnacle of ability or erudition, but more as a hiccup seen in the smooth enjoyment of a concerned reader -:

"as the humid air cedes
to another dry winter’s day."
If it was another dry winter's day, was it from this winter or a previous one? For I imagined to be the start of winter, otherwise the humid air ceding ground to winter does not ring true. This is a mere quibble, it need not be addressed if you feel happy with your construction.

"the sweet harmony begins
with a single, tender metallic
ping! Such soothing
unharmonious melody ensues."
When sweet harmony has begun, how can unharmonious melody ensue? How can it then be soothing? I must be missing some hidden meaning, but there might be others who do too.



Any comments are only an individual opinion. Please sip it all, allow what you find sweet to take the edge off what you think is sour.

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
This sig was made by Sherry B.
100
100
Review of Moonlight And You  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jaya - this is review of for the package you won in "Invalid Item . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: This was what drew my attention, not just that it was the most recent addition to your port. I loved the image of a loved one, bathed in silvery moonlight.

*Flower5* Rhyming: You chose to go with rhyming couplets in quatrains, a pattern of aabb ccdd eeff gghh.
It is a difficult task, especially since you made liberal use of enjambement in the poem. All the ryhmes were direct rhymes, some use of assonance would have been permissible, even attractive. I would liken it to a precise arrangement that is given a touch of the unusual by a deft placement of one or two peices laid aslant in a deliberate insousciance.


*Flower5* Meter: The first verse had lines that hovered around the 11 syllable mark, it would have been a not too difficult task to make them all 10 or 11 syllables. Now meter is not something that many writers search to achieve. In fact, many of my earlier writes did without it. After learning to use it, I try to keep to at least an even count, even if stresses and meter are not possible. It allows for easy reading aloud, gives it a natural cadence that is pleasing to the ear. This is mere suggestion, to try and use this device to add something to already pleasing piece.

*Flower5* Grammar: I know grammar rules in poetry are often relaxed. But one thing about which I am careful is that, if I use punctuation, I am careful to use it in a consistent manner. I write the poem, place in all the rhyme and meter without punctuation, then remove the line breaks and revert to sentence construction. Then I place in all the commas, the periods, the semi-colons and dashes, and proof read it once. I then restore the line breaks to make it a poem once more. Voila! The form is poetry, but the grammar would please the sticklers amongst us. Here the commas and placements went a bit awry.
Try this exercise:
"While the white radiance spread over the land
my very heartbeat, my fair child held my hand

danced with me twirling round and round,
your tinkling laughter, a delightful sound."

Make that sentence formation: "While the white radiance spread over the land my very heartbeat, my fair child held my hand danced with me twirling round and round,your tinkling laughter, a delightful sound." Does it still look impeccable? Is not a comma or two required in there? For calrity of meaning at least?


*Flower5* Poetry Form: I wonder if there is a specific form, for four quatrains of rhyming couplets? Quatrains are the most common choice for poetry on site, yet there are innumerable forms within that choice. Envelope couplets, Monotetra, Pantoum, Quartern and offshoots from it like the Sonnet or Ottava Rima .

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I loved reading this write, it reminded me of the time when my daughter, an infant of seven/eight months, would wake in the morning without crying or fussing. I would find her in her cradle, gurgling in tune to the chirping of brids in bushes outside our window and trying to catch dust motes in the sunbeam that peeped in at her. You created the mood of childish pleasure and mother-son bonding very well. If it is from personal experince, it is well told; if it is from imagination, then 'twas even better envisioned. Bravo.

*Flower5* What I liked: I liked the use of the little known device of enjambent, used in more than one place, to full effect.

*Flower5* Suggestions:
"as you waved to the lord of the night to start

frolicking with him in the heavenly stream
of silvery delight, in a land of golden dream(s)"

The one bit that caught my attention for a bit of glorious imagery also had the only niggle in a well written poem. It is acceptable to have the ending word plural in a rhyme, is it not? I would advice that one small liberty, here. It destroys the meaning not to do so.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

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