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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
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Review of 103 point 5  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon - welcome to a review from "Invalid Item" . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I loved the title, I am not much of a radio listener, so I didn't get the allusion immediately and instead thought of it as the weather or something. Once I understood it, and I generally get the point when it is made as lucid and clear as you do it, I found it delicious!

*Flower5* The Rhyme: Well you have attempted much more difficult schemes like the Ottava Rima faultlessly. aabb was a piece of cake for you. It is end rhyme, direct all the way. Well done.

*Flower5* The Meter: You have achieved it elsewhere, so this was a deliberate decision to eschew what is often a handy way to ensure cadence in reading a poem aloud. It is not far, most lines hover around the fourteen mark, if required a little pruning and padding would bring them all into line. For example:
"I reach into my glove box and there I find a gun.
As madness over takes me, I think of how much fun"
I make those lines thirteen syllables each. To bring it upto fourteen, without disturbing meaning:
I reach into my glove box; there I find my trusty gun.
As madness over takes me, I think that it would be fun ... the next line is ... "to rid the road of sluggards that I pass along the way" so the lines fuse seamlessly into that. Just a suggestion and illustration of how it would not be difficult to reach for that device.


*Flower5* The Bit's and Pieces: I love the thread of humour that is inherent in all these poems. I think the most difficult poetry to write is comedy, and the most difficult comedy to write is poetry. The images that accompany each are perfect, they 'illustrate' the subject as words try hard to do. One picture is worth ... and all the rest of it.

*Flower5* The Subject: Not Love, either unrequited or fulfilled, not Loss or Sorrow; just an ordinary everyday commute that takes on Walter Mitty shades of the unreal.

*Flower5* The Poem as a Whole: It had just enough of what I like in a poem, some rhyme, a 'setting' achieved with deft words, a modicum (more is fine, this is the bare minimum) of humour, and an eye-catching title. Loved the bit about 'in the silence snakes another voice that whispers warningly to me'.

*Flower5* What I liked: The zany humour - it spoke to the irrepressible creature within me who insists on making everything I view funny, I shush it, but it bubbles up at odd times.

*Flower5* Suggestions:
Just one quibble, you start off by denying any voices that exist inside your head, and talk of the ones from the radio station instead. But some time later those very little voices pipe up, they cannot be coming from anywhere other than your head! Or is this the ultimate subtlety - like the madman who insists he is sane?


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
A Simply Positive multi-signature.
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277
Review of Twisted  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello samcatt . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* The title is apt, arresting and enough to make one peep into the piece; even without the information provided in the intro, which is blatant where the title was subtle.

*Flower1* The initial verses are especially striking and powerful with terse lines and vivid images. The lines increase in length in the latter half, and inexplicable, lose some of that power.

*Flower1* The focus seems to jump around from victim to abuser. The first part is all victim, the last all abuser.

*Flower1* Since you do use punctuation, commas at the end of some lines; why not use them mid-line as well? For example in between the words suggestion effect like 'screaming, bleeding'?

*Flower1* There was just one tiny typo - "Suffering dieing." Should it not be 'dying'?

*Flower1* It was though=provoking and eye-opening. A good read, it deserved to be published for its impact, if not its form.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Introduction  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Dana Williams . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Well, well. I would have liked to know a little about you, and the 'why' behind this series you intend to write. This felt like the prelude to the big event, only all the characters were masked and cloaked from head to toe, they just bowed and went away. They failed to excite or generate an interest in the forthcoming show.

*Flower1* We got to know your name, but little else. Hmm ... let me glean the facts. It has been ten years since some life-changing experience, or the last ten years have been significant. You will write a series of articles, keeping them short to retain interest, separated to allow easy browsing. That is it.

*Flower1* No other facts per se, just a little of your philosophy, laudable in that you do not want pity for troubles that you have faced. Tell us a little more to 'show' us your face, detail a little of the past so that we are prodded into coming back when the series gets going.

*Flower1* A couple of typos: "so that you will not get too board." 'bored', I presume?

*Flower1* I would suggest you start the series in book format, to keep everything in one place. That could then qualify as 'Inspirational', this introduction might be 'Experience' or 'Personal'.

*Flower1* I think the writing might prove cathartic for you and help you shed some of the burden you carry. I think you are unselfish to think about helping others by detailing your own problems. Best Wishes for writing on.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Narcolepsy  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello greenevevegiebea. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Narcolepsy - what an unusual subject - hence striking title! I had to delve into this one!

*Flower1* The problems of narcolepsy must go far beyond just being unable to read a book. Yet that is the only one highlighted. Do you wish to take a humorous slant on this condition? Or do you intend to focus on the problems? It is not quite clear from the tone of your poem.

*Flower1* Some words and phrases repeat, intentional or not - hard to tell. For example: "No mater the effort I make
Oh what an effort it took" It should be 'matter', not 'mater'. Since there is no counting of syllables required for meter, why are the sentences so stilted? The logic is puzzling - no matter how much effort you make; oh, what an effort it takes?

*Flower1* It is arranged in quatrains with alternate rhyme in all the lines - abab pattern.Direct rhyme all the way, but one word repeats as its own pair - 'way' in the last verse, it occurs as rhyming pair with 'day' twice more, once in the singular, once in the plural. In such a short poem, repeat of rhyming pairs implies insufficient search for a good rhyme.

*Flower1* The solution for the struggle is unique - don't. Don't struggle, just give in and let the sleep take over and thrive that way. Or did you mean something else?

*Flower1* This would have been a good opportunity to garner eyeballs and attention for a little known sleep disorder that has a devastating impact of lifestyle. I thought you threw it away.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Token Open Hearts  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello AdamAnt . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* The meaning, the central premise is a laudable exhortation that millions of mindless gifters should heed. Yet let us be thankful that at least such holidays loosen miserly purses and enhance charity.

*Flower1* I liked the cadence in the opening lines of each verse, followed by a deft enjambment. The alternate lines have action in terse crisp images, then a philosophical thought, repeat as required.

*Flower1* I like the simple solution to the token gifts that you despise - "Share, offer, give
and plant each day a beautiful seed.
" Would that many listen to this simple plan to have an infinite giving.

*Flower1* Each line has its own beauty and the poem starts to grow upon you with each reading, some new meaning suddenly shines upon you - "Shine, open heart,
feel the warmth and light it brings
"

*Flower1* The last lines seemed a rather simplistic solution, but here's to reaching that Utopian state of equality. Thank you for a profound and enjoyable read. Rather a paradox, but achieved with ease here.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of A boy now a man  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wolfsister . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I think this is is a poignant piece, it makes an effective, and tear-jerking, tribute. But lyrics above all other forms of poetry must have rhythm. To set it to a tune, there must be the beat, the cadence. I could not find it, but then I am musically challenged. I will accept your word for it that is fits a tune, if you have indeed tried that out.

*Flower1* The personal pronoun 'I' is sometimes sued in the lower case - 'i'. It is not with any pattern. I thought at first that the narrator feels diminished by the loved one's departure, but even after that there are a couple of capital 'I's.

*Flower1* "who now lays Arlington" Would that be 'now lies in Arlington'? I suppose that military graveyard is well-known enough to be used without foot-note explanation? I would consider a footnote for those not familiar with that information.

*Flower1* I understand that crying and bereavement is to be portrayed, but 'I began to cry gain' occurring twice? It seems repetitive to me.

*Flower1* The emotion was well evoked, a little editing and polish would lift it to further heights.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Sad Melody  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello TheGyrumBard . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
** Image ID #1419093 Unavailable **


*Flower1* I liked the title, it repeats throughout the poem as a leit motif. I just wondered if the word 'sad' was the most appropriate one for such an inspirational poem. Would not plaintive be a better choice? It makes sense when combined alliteratively with soft melody later, but in the title - it made me wonder.

*Flower1* The rhyme and meter scheme are striking and unusual. Of your own devising, I presume? It is complicated enough for one to ask for elucidation, especially the meter. 6-10-9-15-12, 6-10-9-15-12 was it not? Such an irregular arrangement should have some logic to it, either arithmetical progression or regression like the 2-4-6-8-2 of garland cinquains, or the 3-6-9-12-12-9-6-3 of Trois-Par-Huit.

*Flower1* The rhyming was also hard to discern, one went through six lines to find one rhyming pair. Then one sees it, abcde-abcde. The choice of rhyme seems a bit 'forced' and not quite apt. In the lines:
'And only by going through trials and troubles,
Can we become ample.' You use the word ample to signify complete and capable, but it does not quite fit. It is required by the use of the word 'example' five lines back, as rhyming pair.

*Flower1* The words 'melody' ,'sad' and 'soft', recur. If you mean it as deliberate refrain, that would be acceptable. Yet it does not occur in all the verses. Otherwise some alternatives might be better used.

*Flower1* Some of the words seem to be used as deliberate paradox, for effect. It made me stop and ponder the meaning though. It is not so much a bad thing in poetry, as it is in prose, to have the reader stop and think. " And the road that my sore feet must tread with a slow, cautious dare" or " He turns all your fears and sorrows into frail coal."

*Flower1* Some of the thoughts and words were vivid in their imagery - "A soft melody rings eerily through this void," . The whole has the ring of the inspirational. Congratulations upon developing this arresting new form.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* "Simply beautiful - beautifully simple". I think it is for efforts like this, that words like those were written. The title is a gentle echo of the sentiments within.

*Flower1* I can empathize with those words, there is no sight to compare with that for tender joy, hope, nurturing, comfort, a feeling of accomplishment that is humbling and empowering at the same time.

*Flower1* The verses are arranged to form echoing thoughts separated by one deft verse that lifts the emotions of the first, just when you though nothing ever could. An alternating rhyme that is accomplished with direct end rhyme, all the way.

*Flower1* I love those ending two lines, what quiet satisfaction, what tender love, is seen in those simple words.
"Rocking your baby,
Stroking his head
And when he's asleep
You put him to bed."

*Flower1* I had the shine of unshed tears in my eyes, you painted such a 'real' picture. Thank you for that tender and delicate read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Secret Garden  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello kiyasama. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Isn't it amazing what flights of fancy prompts judges to set guidelines for their stories or poems? What prompts a prompt? This one was pretty specific and yet all the entries managed to be so different from each other. The human mind is creative and infinitely capable.

*Flower1* I thought you stuck to all the required parts of this prompt:
*Note2*While unpacking at your home: Well - you weren't actually unpacking, but you were shifting your effects into the house - so that's fine. *Check2*

*Note2*you find a box: You sure do. *Check2*

*Note2*left behind in the corner of your new bedroom closet: Not difficult at all - *Check2*

The story is about:

*Note2*What's in the box: It is something truly inventive and central to both story and title. *Check2*

*Note2*What it tells you about the previous residents: I think this part was missing. It is just one brief speculation - "Perhaps the original owner of this bedroom had left the binoculars as a gift to his or her successors."

*Note2*What you do with it: This is more hinted at, the resolution is left for us to imagine. It is implicit in the way the narrator hides it to be savoured when alone and leaves the way open for further adventures.

*Flower1* I liked the use of the present tense, it drops us right in the middle of the action.

*Flower1* The interaction between the siblings and the parent child relationship, were both well detailed. Real to the core. An enjoyable read on the whole, congratulations on your deserved win.

*Flower1*

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Kate - Writing & Reading . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I am so glad that the best comes as the last. It will leave me on a note of high contentment.

*Flower1* A double acrostic? Wow! Double Wow!! I have found only one other on this site that I would rate as anywhere near to this, by another accomplished poet. It is always difficult in this form to not force the ending words to go the way one wants. Except for perhaps the word 'each his own journey wrote', which I felt would be more natural as 'each his own journey writes', all else came along smoothly.

*Flower1* Some of the words have brilliant imagery: "Leap and dance in company of fecund limbs gilded with sap" & "Walk with care along the trail to twilight’s cerulean maw"

*Flower1* A lovely poem with hidden inner meaning about walking along Life's pathways, and superficial beauty besides.

*Flower1* Thank you for this wonderful read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ms.Magi _welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title:Love the title, it is audacious and arresting.

*Flower5* Rhyming: You keep to the named rhyming scheme well. The humour enhances this.

*Flower5* Meter: Pentameter means five feet of two syllables each. I thought I might be wrong in my counting so I went to a helpful site that agreed with my assessment. This was not a ten syllable construction. I am not even going to follow the stressed and unstressed syllables.

*Flower5* Grammar: Nothing at which to caivl ther.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Pushkin Sonnet, that is achieved in all but the meter.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I enjoyed the reading, it brought a smile to my face. You deserve to perk that bonnet and wear it at a proud tilt!

*Flower5* What I liked: The concluding lines are good and 'cap' the effort neatly.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Try to count the syllables and see if they need tweaking.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Violet Rising . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
** Image ID #1431092 Unavailable **


*Flower1* I feel I am back in English Literature class with my teacher having to direct me to foot-notes to understand Greek and Roman allusions, or some sublime message that I had not received. It was too profound for me, I fear.

*Flower1* I liked the beginning with a half question and ellipsis. It seemed to come from within the thoughts of someone.

*Flower1* 'Bowls all the vowels?' That was 'aeiou'? A scream? There was much talk of blood and violence that seemed unmatched by the 'E' content rating.

*Flower1* The words seemed to jump in POV and tense: "Had God wept on us?
…. I believe He is."

*Flower1* I can only look on and wonder and wish I was back in that class, for I cannot unravel the mysteries of this poem.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of Death is Life  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello sara fawad khan . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* Oh, dear. Her favorite piece, she says, the only thing I liked about it was the paradox in the title. It is briefly echoed in the piece, but too fleeting a mention to make an impact.

*Flower1* There is need for editing, to make this single para into different its different points.

*Flower1* Some spell checking would not go amiss. ( "wait till theyre" apostrophe missing - they're)

*Flower1* Yes, after death comes life, if that's what you believe; what will make it in any way a better life?

*Flower1* Expand on each point a little, I think that will help us to understand your point of view. It is too brief for convincing argument.

*Flower1* I am glad you have be spurred on to write, may you write long and may all the words be strong.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello care_a_lot . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* If this was a real place, you would have to come up with a snappier name. Are these assignments not including the names?

*Flower1* This was a class assignment you say? To draft an advertisement? Well most adverts I have seen do not have just copy, but also colours, attractive large fonts, pictures and what not. Or maybe it was to create only the 'copy'?

*Flower1* You do not have 'leisure time', do you? You are looking after a lot of animals. What you might have is a leisure area.

*Flower1* The swimming pool for colder weather, there's no mention of it being at a regulated temperature or indoors. What is to prevent it being as cold as the lake?

*Flower1* Which guests are the ones taking care of themselves? It might achieve humour if you mentioned that you encourage feline guests to wash/groom themselves.

*Flower1* The last line showed a zany humour that was above the rest of the piece and indeed so different, that it might be misinterpreted!

*Flower1* If I was to grade this as an assignment, I am afraid I would ask you to take it back and try harder. There are hints of effort, not enough to justify a good grade. I would be willing to re-grade after that effort. (Read review and re-rate)

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
** Image ID #1431092 Unavailable **


*Flower1* The genres, content ratings, item choice are are well chosen. It is so important to do this to gain maximum readers on site. The mention of the word that hints at weapon might require a change to slightly higher rating of ASR, better a tad high than a tad low.

*Flower1* A sad piece that is hopeful, have you heard of such an anomaly. Well I just read it. This is one excellent example of that genre.

*Flower1* It begins with a little back-story and 'setting', emotional setting that is. I loved the description of the "Dagger of Disappointment". No, not lovedappreciated.

*Flower1* The story takes on a note of hope only to be rent again - you guessed it - by the Double D of the Dagger.

*Flower1* The philosopher in this heart makes it beat gain, this time with a gentle hope that says there is light at the end of the tunnel.

*Flower1* Even if there is a tunnel at the end of the light, in the inevitable cycle of Life! Well said, well written. Thank you for a profound thought.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Maryann . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I am sure you have seen umpteen of my reviews for the Power Raiders, Cap'n? You are then aware of the importance I place upon a deft title? This one escapes censure because the nature of the piece is more an essay or argument. For such an item, 'tis enough, 'twill do.

*Flower5* The Situation: I have watched neither Gilligan's island nor the other show. One would think that people would be clued in by the title and not dive in if they were uniformed, wouldn't one? But for the foolish or the lost wanderers, could you add in an introductory few lines? I resorted to that Oracle - Google - for information!

*Flower5* The Argument: Extremely lucid, after reading about the characters, I found the sequence of events that you relate or assume to be logical to the very end.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Entertaining and relates well to the original argument, if 'a' then 'b'.

*Flower5* What I liked: I do not now what was the inspiration for this enjoyable appetizer of a read. I just know it was worth the delving.

*Flower5* Suggestions: None, not a single one.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Beck Firing back up! . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I loved the title, it wasn't full of profound meaning, any 'pun-ny' quirks or lyrical beauty - it just did the job of getting my attention and tempting me to read of something I saw all around me! *Thinks:I gotta see if these are as bad as mine!*

*Flower5* The Beginning: I quite forgot that this was supposed to include these movie titles, it flowed together so well. The beginning was deft in setting the scene immediately.

*Flower5* The Setting: It was achieved with those two lines at the start, and the rest was all conversation. Well done.

*Flower5* The Characters: Two characters in the action, although a lot of actors are waiting in the wings and just referred to, in this short piece. The topics of interest and banter show the characters almost as well as physical description might.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: There wasn't much of the Eyes:Bluish Green, Hair:Auburn kind of description, the passport officials would not be pleased! But, the reader gets a good look at this zany couple and their dysfunctional family!

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I loved the inventive story, it had the requirements all down pat. The ending was also eminently 'real', many arguments end just so, in sudden capitulation after a frenzied tossing back-and-forth of insulting memories!

*Flower5* What I liked: My Cousin Vinny, the way you took him seamlessly into Cheaper by the Dozen via the unexpected Eight Heads in a Duffel bag! Hrrgh -hrrrgh hrrrggghhh! *Laugh*

*Flower5* Suggestions: I have absolutely no quibbles, no stop-and-ponder moments, nothing but a vast admiration for this deft tale!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of THE DARE  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: The title was the best part of the poem for me. I wanted to dive right in, to see what kind of dare would be eulogised in a poetical form.

*Flower5* Rhyming: Absolutely spot on, you are too accomplished a poetess not to be able to do this with eyes closed and one hand tied behind your back! I winced at the use of care and daycare as rhyming pair, I do not like repetitions, even in longer poems. If it was rhyming of the end two syllables, as you do in that last verse, I would not have blinked an eye. This was a repeat because one word is derived from the other in combination with a third word - 'day'. But that is just a personal choice, many use it freely.

*Flower5* Meter: The first two lines were an even twelve syllables and I was giving you a rousing sheer of admiration, then the third and fourth lines went slightly awry. Not a big problem, this is a choice best left to the individual poets - to meter or to peter! *Laugh*

*Flower5* Grammar: This part is impeccable, I have rarely seen prose so appropriately punctuated, no errors of construction or spelling either.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Four quatrains in monorhyme. Unusual enough in the rhyming pattern, even if the number of lines in the verse was the stolid firm favourite on-site.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: This is where I had my major quibble. Trying to picture this as a story. The problem was the thoughtless dare, by a person unseen for reasons unknown. The exact nature is not known but it involves the firing of a gun in a crowded area, or at least one that is populated. The Conflict is that there is a little child who gets in the way and dies. The Resolution is a guilt-ridden and repentant prisoner on death row. So far, so good. Now we come to the actual description - the first verse says he didn't 'see' the little girl as the shot was fired. The third verse has details of a sweet smile and the embrace 'just before'. So did he spot her, did he not? This was such a major issue that I felt the poem lost all flavour. Otherwise, as I said, an evocative story, well told; it just collapsed like a punctured balloon here.

*Flower5* What I liked: Unusual theme, was it based on a true incident? Sadly the events seemed so 'real'. I might have read of just some such thing in the headlines. I will not say I 'liked' that, I will applaud its capacity to simulate reality.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Just a look-see at what baffled me. Of course there is bound to be some simple explanation that my convoluted brain overlooked. But just in case, I mentioned it above.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Midnight Hour  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ~WhoMe???~ . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Would that your title was as inventive and attention grabbing as your user name. Titles are the first parts seen of any item, I feel they need to grab the readers by the eyeball and haul 'em in breathless and panting for the read! The intro should underline or accentuate that effort. One of the examples I can give you, of an author who titles work well, is Robin Cook. Think of "Coma"; just one word, but it made you flip the book to the synopsis on the back page - *Ting!* - another reader caught! Ditto with "Outbreak", "Blindsight", "Chromosome 6" - each one a winning title. Poems can do it two ways, delicate little haiku titles: "Crystalline Hearts", marvels of lyrical words. Or else, prosaic and strikingly out of place for a poem, like: "Why I Hate Men".

*Flower5* Rhyming: I did not recognise any form, none of the usual devices are in place. It stands alone, only its words must attempt to make an impact all their own.

*Flower5* Meter:This too was not used.

*Flower5* Grammar: This was perfect. If laid out as single sentences,, each verse would make an impeccable sentence.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Centered lines of varying length. It is uniform in having the first line much shorter than the others, just two syllables. It makes an impact and then the slow dissolve of explanation. I assume the use of Midnight twice, in the first and last verses is deliberate, a sort of mini-refrain. For emphasis and effect.

*Flower5* What I liked: The poem is so short that quoting any lines would rob readers of its charm. I will just say the first verse is my favourite, with the image of one day's power waning and another one's waxing.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I have none, thank fyou for the enjoyable read.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Imprints  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Fictiøn Ðiva the Wørd Weava . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.


*Flower1* Ah, the title, it is exquisite. It has a word that can be interpreted straight or convoluted, seen as apt or as echo. One deft word that has a vivid connection to the supernatural tone. Good job.

*Flower1* Good lord, a mystery and its entirely in dialogue? I had to read it to believe it. I struggle to make my characters speak a few lines to each other, you had them chatting up a storm and revealed the entire story effortlessly.

*Flower1* The characters were drawn, the psychic's mischief and teasing invitations to learn the new skill for one, the open minded and sincere cop for another. The jeering cynical superior, the fumbling suspect, even the poor victim was well seen. Only the older victim, the one that sparked off another tragedy years later, was in shadow. We never learn of the motive there.

*Flower1* It flows naturally from development to development and the end is entirely plausible. I was happy to note that we might be seeing more of the sprightly couple.

*Flower1* I noted nothing to query or highlight as area that needed a second look. Exemplary work. Kudos.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of VIRGIL BEAVER  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Maria Mize . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: The title is the name of the character, a common enough choice for tales. Oliver Twist was a prime example. But think of "Alice in Wonderland", would it be as striking as just "Alice"? Or without the qualifier of "Through The Looking Glass" in the second book? Think of even the unusual name, like Virgil Beaver, of "Huckleberry Finn", it was presented as "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn". In other words we expected adventure. If you made this "My Good Friend, Virgil Beaver", a similar hint would be imparted to potential readers. I do not say this is required, just that I am apt to make that one of the things I value in a story - it's title's 'depth'.

*Flower5* The Beginning: I had absolutely no quibbles elsewhere is this deft story. The beginning was impeccable. The lead character was introduced in a soft and loving manner, his foibles gently accepted. The lingo was hillbilly with being in your face about it.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting is created well, the language has already set the scene. Then the descriptions slide past with the ease of molasses on a warm day. Each little detail builds up each element with fine detailed brush strokes. Kudos. "Whenever we came out of there, we were black as the coal we mined and weary clear down to the bone. Hard work can be most satisfying because your personal time becomes valuable, new found treasure." The rambling philosophy that followed, on how the simples of things become a pleasure if one is weary and 'bone-tired' was exquisite.

*Flower5* The Characters: Even the minor characters get enough description to bring them to life: "Virgil’s mama was fannin’ herself and swishin’ around in one of them MuMus she always wore. She was big as a house, a grand piano in a four-room shack" Is that what is was called down south? MuMu? I always thought it was Hawaiian and called muumuu. But the metaphor and imagery is nevertheless vivid.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: You sprinkle the writing with a lot of em dashes; while this is an effective and versatile tool, overuse tends to make it an irritant. Each little bit of description is good, it serves as one more layer of detail, gilt upon gold. "With hearts poundin’, we’d be trippin’ all over each other, flashlights bobbin’, as we scrambled outa’ there like two wayward firecrackers on the fourth of July --- through the yard and into the house. Boom! "

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I went in and peeped in at all the alternative endings. I agree with you that you have the best one in here.

*Flower5* What I liked: The understanding of relationships, a culture and people, of past times, all show a mature hand with words.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I felt a couple of places needed a look at punctuation at comma issues, other than the em dashes. You do well to keep the sentences short and simple, for the most part.
For e.g.:

" Whenever Virgil brought out that floaty pen() he lit up like a Christmas tree with a flashin’ star on top." Wouldn't you say a comma was indicated there?

Or here:

" We stumbled back into the bar and drank a few to calm our nerves() before finally partin’ ways for the night"


Thank you for an enjoyable read.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Maria Mize . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.


*Flower5* The Title: I like titles to work extra hard for the stories. It is not enough that they be apt, yours certainly was; they must also generate interest and catch the attention of an eye roving the site for something to read. If this was "Burning Issues" - that would have a double meaning, if you tacked on "In A Mayfield Summer" to that, you would have made it distinctive to your story. Or "Burning Issues, Mayfield 1985." You need not change it at all, but think of what might stop a potential reader in his tracks and make him want to click open that tale.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Beginning sentences are like Caesar's wife, they have to be above reproach. The grammar, construction, spelling, meaning, all have to be spot-on. The double set of quotes in the second sentence kind of threw me off the smooth read. Why not have him think the second set of words and demonstrate it by using italics? After all it is muttered under his breath. It is a deft comment that adds the unexpected leaven of humour that relieves tension in suspense.

*Flower5* The Setting: What exactly is a 'setting'? It is the era or time period in which a story is set; along with the locale where where it takes place. Do you feel you have brought that sufficiently clearly in front of the reader's eyes? The information may be in there, but is it presented in a manner that recreates the element mentioned?

*Flower5* The Characters: Exactly who is the protagonist here, the lead character,so to say? From whose POV is the story told? The editorial 'we' is used a couple of times, who are the 'we'? "We all knew deep down that those boys could have been anyone's sons." Who is the narrator?

*Flower5* The Descriptions: I see you have some random words and phrases italicized, it is not required by the storyline, hence I assume it must be required by a contest prompt. A word in explanation might help avoid what I like to call 'huh?' moments. When one spies a word or phrase that isn't quite what one expected, or where one expected. Then one slows down and does a kind of 'double-take' to ponder the issue.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I like the soft tribute in the ending, it closed on a gentle reminiscence after the mayhem. I am not sure if one wants to forgive children who committed such a heinous crime, but was it up to the community to forgive them? It's more than a case of just 'playing with fire', it was deliberate arson, a series of such incidents, until finally somebody got hurt.

*Flower5* What I liked: It has a lesson in there that is succinctly portrayed.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Just a couple of places that I thought needed a second look.
"Mischief began to run amuck," The word is pronounced exactly that way, but I think you'll find it is spelled "amok".

"Property damage had run up to about half-a-million --- a few barns, fields, a tree farm, a few old farm houses and a church." I have no idea of property prices out there, but are you sure the damage you mention justifies the figure that precedes it?

"While their intentions were ominous, they had too much time on their hands and not enough supervision." Ominous translates as 'boding of evil, threatening', is that what you wanted to convey here? It just did not seem to go with the following phrase of 'having too much time and not enough supervision'.

"her eyes mimicking a catatonic stare as she cuddled their baby brother" Someone in a catatonic state might hold an infant, but would not retain enough emotion to cuddle. Why not simply have the eyes open in a catatonic stare, instead of mimicking it? Or if you are making the point that only the stare was lifeless, say 'she rocked her infant as much to comfort herself as to put him to sleep; her eyes wide-open in seeming lifeless stare'.

"She was distraught but after a night of horror, her boys were going to live. Each time a nurse came in to change bandages, the boys screamed in agony." The sentence does not make sense, the use of 'but' is a qualifier. Like 'I am fifteen but I am yet to be allowed to stay up after ten.' Or 'She is beautiful, but there's no heart behind that glorious facade.' Changing the position of that 'but' to after the 'night of horror' and just adding 'she had been told' there would make the meaning clearer. Thus: "She was distraught after a night of horror but she had been told her boys were going to live"

It was only of that night that you were speaking, how come the nurse changed the bandages so often? I thought the accepted line was to have burns dressings are either left open under a frame for the bed-clothes; or the dressings changed in the OT, probably with sedation, if not anesthesia.

A line space between paras will help to present the matter better, you have the first line indent in there already.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Time to live  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Madhulika . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.


*Flower5* The Title: Another excellent title. I thought the self-realisation was well encapsulated within these two words. To state it as clearly as you did at the end of the story would be to give away the story and its punchline, this was an acceptable and deft compromise.

*Flower5* The Beginning: To start this with the height of emotional response, the fear and loneliness, the despair in the dream - it made an effective beginning.

*Flower5* The Setting: The tale was related by the protagonist, a narration that was induced by a numbing litany of philosophy, an epiphany if you will. The metaphor used with the moth, the lizard and the spider was a piece of art.

*Flower5* The Characters: The focus is not upon the characters at all, not even the narrator, it is upon the pronouncement that promises to upset their existence. The musings of the narrator as she deals with the crushing future are what engross her, and us.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Like I said, this is your forte, you use unusual combinations of words to make a common sight unusual: "Yet it was merrily engrossed it its incandescent soliloquy."

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I might not agree with some of the portrayals, I might think there was an over-simplification of the solution, but it all pales before the brilliant detailing of the wanderings of this troubled mind. Bravo.

*Flower5* What I liked: The story shows maturity and understanding. The ending was hopeful in the face of acceptance of the dreaded verdict.

*Flower5* Suggestions: There are a few places where the sentences were not perfectly constructed, but it took nothing away from my enjoyment of the story. I know you will want to know which bits I mean, so I give you just one example below. You are too accomplished a writer not to be able to catch the others by yourself.
"A tiny glint from the corner of a shelf reminded me of the trophy, a relic of the rare occasion when I had actually won any competition." The glint did not remind you of the trophy, it came from the trophy. It reminded you of the only or sole occasion when you actually won a trophy. I am not saying the usage is 'wrong'; just that it was perhaps not the best choice of words.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Summer Blooms  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Madhulika I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: This is the kind of title I enjoy seeing. It has meaning on different levels, the superficial one and the one that dawns upon you after the story is through. It is apt and heavy with metaphor. Good job!

*Flower5* The Beginning: The beginning was the back story for this deft ale. It was required to clue us in regarding the protagonist's marked reserve and dislike for her mother in law.

*Flower5* The Setting: All the various settings are well depicted, the physical ones, the emotional ones. The garden is the main focus of both parts and the descriptions are almost lyrical. I wondered if all those blooms appear at the same time, weather and season wise, but you are probably better informed about them.

*Flower5* The Characters: Just three main characters and two secondary characters - the gardener and the lady from the nursery. In a story of this length that gives them all enough words for a detailed description. Each should have been painted for us as if with minute brush strokes. I could not visualise them that well though, all the focus went on the floral vista. The Phelps nursery lady came across the clearest: "a tall woman, smartly dressed in a deep-blue dress. Her eyes were a cold grey, their severity accentuated by horn-rimmed spectacles. Her salt-and-pepper hair was pulled back in a neat topknot, making her look like a school ma’am. She carried a leather bound journal that she now opened "

*Flower5* The Descriptions: This is your forte, you use metaphor and simile to good effect. There is some incidental description slipped in,; it would have been more effective if the physical details had already been given. "Peter’s mother would stay indoors, knitting enough woollens to keep a small regiment warm."

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I wondred why you chose to set it in far-off land. Perhaps some place you saw in your travels inspired this tale? It was poignant without being mushy and hopeful without being trite. Kudos.

*Flower5* What I liked: The ending. I think the story demonstrated the bonding between the two women who understood what was happening, unlike Peter who was a silent and bewildered spectator.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Just a couple of minor quibbles.
"she descended down the creaky wooden staircase" A bit of a tautology, one does not descend up anything, does one? So the 'down' is not required.

"Nancy sat up, as though struck by lightning" This was the only comparison that did not sit well upon my understanding. Do you think it is apt? Would someone struck by lightning be more apt to sit up straight?


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of A day in summer  
Rated: E | (5.0)
HI, it has been such a long time since I was in your port. I see you have refurbished and redecorated it with old items making way for the new.
*Flower5* The Title: The sweltering Indian summer, not perhaps understandable to all as a pleasant image, but to a fellow Indian the feeling is recognizable. The title could perhaps be more evocative, rather than the bland statement that it is now. You have some excellent metaphor in the poem, choose one to echo in the title.

*Flower5* Rhyming:I was so tired of seeing impeccable quatrains on the site, this group of tercets pleased my eye immediately. The first and third lines of each verse rhyme - all in perfect end rhyme, with perhaps just a shade of the the forced rhyme at 'holler/manner'. It should be 'manners' if one were to quibble about word usage.

*Flower5* Meter: Ah, impeccable pentameter. You have learned to use this device with a flourish. I did not see evidence of iambic or other rhythm, but I am willing to be corrected. Determining stressed syllables was never one of my acquired skills. Counting syllables was hard enough. *Laugh*

*Flower5* Grammar: Flawless, here too. I take my hat off in admiration. Or I would if I had one!

*Flower5* Poetry Form: I think we will call this the Madhu form, you have demonstrated a mastery over it.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole:A cascade of sharp and brilliant images, that bring a summers day in full cycle before one's eyes. You have a penchant for completing a cycle, whether it be a day, or of season's or even life. It might be said to be your forte, the images stay with the mind, long after they would have faded from the eye.

*Flower5* Remarks: The images are so vivid, the words are lucid and evocative. I especially liked:
"As sleep ebbs away, bright hues sting the eye
Birds hold council in deafening clamour
Perhaps exchanging notes before they fly"
You get a fervent *Thumbsup**Check2*

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*

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