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2,230 Public Reviews Given
2,555 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am meticulous about trying to give some useful pointers as feedback, if not about writing, at least about what I felt when I read the piece. I will not do line-by-line edits but will give examples of the typos or errors, if seen at all. I prefer not to read explicit details or abusive language although I will review anything asked, personal preference disregarded. My own forte is for writing short stories, observational humour. But if I review what is outside my capacity or comfort zone, I research the norms before commenting. I do not intend to hurt or denigrate, for I respect writing too much to do so. Nor do I feel I review except as fellow word-lover and writing-student. If I forget a commitment, feel free to knock on my door to remind me!
I'm good at...
... virtually nothing except honesty in attempt to be of help!
Favorite Genres
Comedy, Children's, Fantasy, Crime/Thriller, Romance ... as far as reading goes!
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica and Dark Dark stuff!
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry at a pinch, but not from any ability as poet.
Least Favorite Item Types
Scripts, Essays, Others! What is an other? If you don't know, how can I tell?
I will not review...
GC and XGC stuff, 18+ is my limit I also have an aversion to slang, swear words, yucky stuff that does not push the story forward!
Public Reviews
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Review of To My Son  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello BRENNAN - welcome to a review from {item:1451629 }. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: A tribute will make one pause and enter to respect and honour. Perhaps titles are not all that important in such items, they need not try and haul the reader in by the use of a deft combination of words.

*Flower5* The Beginning: It began as a free verse poem, did it not? Well, that's how the lines were arranged. Then it became more and more sedate, ending as formal prose. For no discernible reason, too. The beginning lines are all the more powerful for that arrangement.

*Flower5* The Meaning: A wonderful tribute to a son, I have rarely seen one that ran the gamut of emotions better. From the fear of parenthood, to love anxiety, tenderness, anguish in illness, hope and joy.

*Flower5* The Choices: One possible item type choice is 'Letter/Memo', you yourself call this a letter to your son, so why leave the item as 'Other'? Also, I would make a choice in format, either poetry or prose, the gradual migration from one to another is a tad confusing.

*Flower5* The Words: Honest, Simple, powerful, moving. A fitting tribute.

*Flower5* The Item as a Whole: I can only say that it gave me blurred vision and a lump in my throat. *makes a silent gesture of approval* *Thumbsup*



Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
SAJ Group Review Signature by Zandralynn
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Review of Feast of the Moon  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello kip - welcome to Member-to-Member Reviews for February 2009. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: The title is exquisite, it creates atmosphere even before the tale is told. To be sure, it need not necessarily be a dark tale, but anything to do with the moon has the shiver of the not-quite-earthly.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Well, this is a preface, all of it is the beginning. But, this has two distinct parts - The proposal and its acceptance. The gauntlet thrown and the gage accepted.

*Flower5* The Setting: This is well done, the foreshadowing of the eerie is heavily underlined. Simple words, quasi-normal attitudes and apparel, yet it all adds up to a dark mystery: "Duggan narrowly eyed the stranger among them, standing silently, unmoving, his black cloak flowing restlessly with the wind."

*Flower5* The Characters: Only Dugan and the 'stranger' are seen, in sharp relief from the mas huddled around the fire. A silhouette merely, but well-outlined.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The beginning was especially commendable for creation of the right atmosphere. "Duggan tossed some worm eaten wood upon the blaze. It roared upward. Sending showers of hot embers into the chill night." A hyphen might be required for 'worm-eaten'.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I am intrigued enough to want to read that, whenever it is ready.

*Flower5* What I liked: The creation of the atmosphere was deft, the promise of something eerie to come. The title of the tale proposed to be related by the dark stranger - "A Lone Man Walks a Dark Road." {c/}

*Flower5* Suggestions: The conversation is the middle part, too long to reproduce here, was a bit scrambled. Please look out for periods to end sentences, even after 'Duggan said' or 'said the dark stranger'. It is rather confusing otherwise.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Letters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MKT . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.


*Flower5* The Title: This title is short and terse, but it caught my attention because I began to think of the many ways in which this could be developed. I am not sure I would call it unusual or unique, but it served its purpose. Do you feel this story could have any other title, which while equally apt, would atrract attention on a more consistent basis?

*Flower5* The Beginning: I found myself amongst those bored students, hypnotised by that droning pedant, fanning myself with a leaf from my notebook. The effortless creation of that far-off classroom was great. The deft use of the ceiling fan and heat to underline a world unlike the norm when talking of classrooms. *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Setting: Like I said, the beginning did a fine job of it. "The other students were gazing blankly ahead, past the teacher droning on in the background, through the walls of the classroom and off into the far distance."

*Flower5* The Characters: Sally and Wantimi were the ones that stood out, so they should, they were the lead characters.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Some bits deserve special mention, perhaps the description of Wantimi was the best such example: "And his eyes, his eyes were an unusual black: the pitch black of a cold room with no windows and a tightly sealed door." This tells us how isolated this boy was, the perception of his eyes is so unfriendly.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: Well done, the letters are a symbol of opening communications and opening perceptions.

*Flower5* What I liked: The exact words and feelings are not conveyed, just the general mood. I at first expected the letter to be read out and be explicitly displayed, but this was a defter handling.

*Flower5* Suggestions: I would ask only that you consider a one line space in between paras. All the rest is impeccable.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello jlynnxoxo. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* You have the item type, genre choices and content rating all perfectly chosen, so you are a seasoned hand. I had a quick peek at your port and you seem to be an accomplished and appreciated writer with lots of purple stars decorating the face of all your items. So, why did I get a feeling of indecision, of haste, with this piece? Maybe because you haven't been back for a second look after posting it?

*Flower1* The item is like the seed of a story, the nugget of unrefined gold found in a rich vein of a mine. It needs nurturing. It needs refining and shaping.

*Flower1* The story is excellent, there is a Problem, there is a Conflict, the only thing lacking is a Resolution. The ending can be used as it is, it just needs to be highlighted and made more poignant.

*Flower1* Everything is 'he', she', 'me'. Naming the characters would create some needed empathy. A little description would make it more three-dimensional.

*Flower1* The last four lines were good, it took the ending into the kind of detail that should be applied to all the parts. The suspense, as it builds up is perfect and to leave us hanging there is also acceptable, just give us a longer rope! *Laugh*

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of A White Christmas  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sticktalker . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Ah, you did it with such finesse! You well and truly 'got' me. I am so glad I read this one despite being disappointed by what I thought was a trite title. After the read, I am down on my knees, groveling, and pleading for forgiveness. That was one deft title! I will not say why, I want others to find out for themselves, by reading this heart-warming tale.

*Flower5* The Beginning: Another thing that was well done, the characters introduced and the scene set in a few masterly words.

*Flower5* The Setting: I don't even know what a food bank is, correction, I didn't before I read your story. The entire tale flashed before my eyes in thee-D. For example these line gave us so much information: "The Food Bank opened at 10 am as usual and already he had handled about 20 clients who had come in for one of the special “Christmas Basket” boxes. Another two hours, and it doesn’t look like we’ll get a break even for lunch, he thought."

*Flower5* The Characters: London, Barbara, Roger, the chiseling lady who claimed more dependents than she had. All of these jumped out of the pages and introduced themselves. Well done.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Again you do a lot with few words. "The man looked up at London, smiling, showing the gap where he was missing a tooth, “What?” he said, cupping his right hand behind his right ear, “Am I next?”" Here we see an amiable old man with diminishing hearing and a gap-toothed smile.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: If it was true, it was recreated with gentle hands. The story was touching and heart-warming without being mushy or over-sentimental.

*Flower5* What I liked: You do not attempt to moralise or have the volunteers go overboard with their good deeds. The 'White Christmas' you created was just enough to make my eyes prickle but not overflow.

*Flower5* Suggestions: The only thing I found that made me pause and wonder if it was correct. Even now I am just wondering, the rest was flawless - I might be wrong.
"and not having a hearing aid was not exactly at the top of the list of “Things That Needed Done”." I thought it would be: "having a hearing-aid was not exactly at the top of 'Things that Need to be Done'."

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of A 6"x6" Box  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shannon . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: This arrested my roving eyes, that were in lazy search of a good read. A 6'x3' box I could understand, it was clichéd - but the image was recognizable. But a 6"x6" box? I delved into the story to discover a wonderful tribute without the gushing 'make-overs' that death demands. I had tears in my eyes at the end, for the dilemma faced by a daughter with only that 6'"x6" box for memories and understanding.

*Flower5* The Substance: The beginning was a list, it told us a little about the owner. Then came the story and the list repeated, now with more significance. The person was revealed with kindness but honesty and the whole was something any daughter can choose re-read with love.

*Flower5* The Emotions: It had no false sentiment and yet the feeling was one of gentle sadness for what might have been, if one got all that one deserved. If love begot love, and if children could be sheltered from harsh realities.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: You wove a deft tale. You call it an essay, in the genres of experience, emotional, death. Spot on. Yet I found a story in it, one of a loving and caring person who sees the best in others and tries her level best to be the best for them.

*Flower5* What I liked: Thank you for creating this tribute, to show us how there is sometimes so little that we can leave the ones we love, to remember us by. We should work hard then, to create memories worth the remembering. The photograph shows a young woman who was thankfully unaware of events to come.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of My Angel  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello F. Allen Angel . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* It is labeled as a 'chapter' but it is a mere outline or 'draft', you might want to have a second look at item choice. Far be it from me to dictate what you should do, but every choice of item type or genre, even the title creates some expectation. If your item does not live up to these it might not get either favourable ratings or meaningful feedback.

*Flower1* The theme and seed for the story are promising. I would definitely like to read more of this.

*Flower1* The little description that is there is intriguing and vivid. The emotions of pain and loss in this one line itself are amazing. "I shut my eyes and tilt my head upward, feeling the rain on my skin. Maybe I could stay here forever, in this cemetary, never moving. Maybe it would rain forever. "

*Flower1* The ending is chilling and stops on a note of high suspense. Well done.

*Flower1*Suggestions: "but even if I claimed he was my target of hatred" The more commonly used phrase would be 'the target of my hatred'.

"I sat in the cemetary" Any form of spell-checker would inform you that the word is 'cemetery' and in fact suggest it.

"I wish someone had told me that before I got my self so involved in it" I would not say the usage was 'wrong', just that one generally say or write, 'myself'.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of flame watcher  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello weepingwillow - welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

Your current handle and your user name seem to be diametric poles apart, I hope your mood reflects your beautiful user name.

*Flower5* The Title: I liked the title. I thought of a sunset immediately. Is there any particular reason why it was all in lower case? 'Title case' is by definition the use of capital letters for the first letter of every word. The use of small caps is sometimes taken to signify something of lesser worth. Characters who are supposed to have low self-esteem, would write of themselves as 'i', if writing in the first person. The use of all caps would be taken, in sharp contrast, as over-emphasis or shouting. If done for a reason, with intent, fine; otherwise conforming to norms is the middle and safe road.

*Flower5* The Beginning: I continue to review this with the elements pre-built into my template because this is what I look for in a short story and you classify your item as that. Even 55 word stories can have all these in place. The beginning was good, sets the scene for gentle memories.

*Flower5* The Setting: The setting is well done, both the reminiscent mood and the actual cabin.

*Flower5* The Characters: One does not get a glimpse at the characters physically, but the emotional make-up is suggested. Someone with a love of outdoors and mountains, a deep love for their roots. You, as grand-child, were cherished by both.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: The cabin rose in front of the mind's eye. Indeed the flame watch proved just that, but your memories included the sunset.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: It is a nugget, one that can be crafted into something of beauty. It just has the golden promise right now and needs refining to reveal all its glory.

*Flower5* What I liked: The descriptions, vivid and detailed. "The fire is reduced now to crackling embers and my nose is cold"

*Flower5* Suggestions:
"Swaddled warmly inside my afghan that my slavic grandmother knitted." Strictly speaking this sentence is not complete, what is it you do in this attitude? Also 'slavic' should be 'Slavic'.

You do not have a space after the sentence ending periods. Does not your word processor protest or suggest? Or is this another deliberate device? It made the whole write seem 'crowded'.

"Red wine(,) just a hint(,) left sitting at the bottom like a crimson pool(;) I gaze at the color and my eyes focus on red haze(.)" I feel breathless just reading that. Do you not think some commas are required?

"Gazzing now about the beautiful cabin " 'Gazing'

"grandfather built for my slavic Grandmother" Why is the poor man not dignified by the capital 'G' that is given to his spouse?

"it now has a working stand up shower" Hyphen missing, it should be 'stand-up'.

"The cabin is in a gully between to mountains" two

"staring at the fires orange flames" 'fire's orange flames'

" see the sun fully in it's beauty" "It's" expands to 'it is', I think you mean 'its', the possessive pronoun, instead?

"regenerates into a dancing flame again" The use of the word again is not required, the implication is already present in 'regenerates'.

There are other points that need a second look these are mere examples. If you wish I would be happy to come back and re-rate after the edit.
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Sticktalker . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* The title, it was the unusual combination of words that caught my attention; I knew nothing about the first and quite misunderstood the import of the second, but it had done its job. I had humped into the story with eyes searching like ... headlights in the fog! *Laugh*

*Flower1* How could you write like this? A fantastic gripping write about nothing in particular and yet so informative and entertaining. I would only ask for one thing more, tell us about the prompt that inspired this.

*Flower1* It started of with some excellent imagery and then a description of how something so natural can become disastrous. The Catch-22 situation of whether or not slow down was perfectly laid out. The possible carnage was like an image jumping at me in 3-D!

*Flower1* Then it slows down again as you talk of the chippies and one has this gentle smile at your description of their eccentric behaviour.

*Flower1* The ending was the best part, I laughed my head off. Thank you for a great read.

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Eli Mellach . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I understand that you are an accomplished writer, the words and ideas are well chosen and presented. Why would you not make the effort to classify the item type for this piece. Not that it is a federal crime not to, just that site searches are often item specific. Try "Essay" or "Editorial" or "Article" for this one.

*Flower1* I like your catch phrase - Get the story out! Sure, do that, but meticulous editing and polishing must follow, unless your ambition ends at getting the story out.

*Flower1* Your style is light and yet informative. You have decided opinions and leaven the whole with zesty humour.

*Flower1* Loved the bit about the 'Poof-reader', as long it did not have any particular section of society up in arms! I thought the bracket needed closing. Did you? "Remember I was a Poof-reader (of course I can spell proof but then it wouldn’t be funny."

*Flower1* The sub-title was evident to all of those who were born long enough ago to remember the pencil as writing instrument! I too often hit that 'Caps Lock' by accident and merrily GO AHEAD TYPING IN THE WRONG CASE. I thank "Word" for having a 'toggle case' option.

*Flower1* This was informative and gave me a glimpse in your writing heart. Looking forward to more wisdom, and congrats on your upcoming six hundredth birthday! (I spelled it out too, so you know I was paying attention!)

Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered. This is review 5 of 5


*Flower5* The Title: I liked the promise of a good story in this one. I knew it would be about a small child and the fears that loom large when alone. Deft title. I had to end the reviews with something sublime, I found this to be perfect.

*Flower5* Rhyming: A poem about a child, for a children. The rhyming therefore was simple with no highfalutin word choices. Quatrains gain, with abcb rhyming.

*Flower5* Meter: Nope, this seems to be your tradmeark - the semblance is there with a natural rhythm, but when it comes to word count, one finds one is mistaken.

*Flower5* Grammar: Absolutely no fault to find.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Quatrains with abcb rhyme, I have said it before.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I appreciated, I tensed, I enjoyed, I smiled, I even had this welling tear of emotion.

*Flower5* Remarks: Another one -*Thumbsup**Check2*

*Flower5* What I liked: The atmosphere is well-crafted. The story develops smoothly. The child opting to sit in the father's chair, for added protection? The denouement was expected, not the exact nature but the general let-down; yet it did not fail to produce the required smile.

*Flower5* Suggestions: *still shakes head* Wow, I have never been this consistent, all due to your perfect presentation skills.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Make God Smile  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May _welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered. This is review 4 of 5

*Flower5* The Title: You certainly made my day. I like the titles because they make me stop to think - what is this one all about?

*Flower5* Rhyming: Faultless, the rhyming was simple and direct all the way.

*Flower5* Meter: Ah, this one was eminently 'readable', in that it had a rhythm akin to that of "Night before Christmas". Most lines were four or five syllables and with that length a little difference can be overcome while reading aloud. I loved it.

*Flower5* Grammar: Could not spot any 'biggies'

*Flower5* Poetry Form: This was a slim poem, a cylindrical centered set of lines in two long verses. Attractive to both eyes and ears.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I just loved what you were trying to say, the tale of how your daughter made your day bearable and how you think it is necessary to do the same for God. I may not agree if my faith is less, but the premise is put so succinctly that anyone can appreciate the message.

*Flower5* Remarks: I'll give you another of these - *Thumbsup**Check2*

*Flower5* What I liked: Loved the build up of tension in both verses. If I had to pick these would stand out as my favourites: "Peace came to my heart,
And love made me smile.
"

*Flower5* Suggestions: *shakes head firmly* Still nothing. I'm spell-bound.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Daizy May . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered. This is review 3 of 5.

c:violet}*Flower5* The Title: A conundrum, a test of faith. A puzzle that only He can solve and yet just the posing of the question can give new direction to Life. Bravo.

*Flower5* Rhyming: Each poem has chosen a different slant on the rhyming choice. Quatrains are like that, they allow you an infinite variety of choices, from aaaa, abab, abcb, abac, abba, aaaB - you name it. Here you choose the attractive abab.

*Flower5* Meter: I counted out the syllables just to make sure. Once I read this poem with incredibly ragged lines, yet when counted it had an impeccable eleven syllables per line. But the first four lines were 8-11-11-9, no discernible pattern there. Yet, the centering of the lines took care of the visual aspect of uneven lines, the natural cadence took care of the lack of meter. All in all, a choice that took away nothing from the appreciation of this gem.

*Flower5* Grammar:Rules relax in poetry and I thought it was appropriately punctuated. The spelling and language were immaculate.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Quatrain with aabb rhyme pattern. Nothing named, but this is not as easy as it seems.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I loved this, again a comparison, but of children this time.

*Flower5* Remarks: I'll just keep my hand in this position for the entire duration of the reviews - shall I?*Thumbsup**Check2* Well, it makes typing more difficult, which is why I take the help of WritingML.

*Flower5* What I liked: The leap of imagination was powered by the boundless depth of your faith.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Nary a one.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Daizy May . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

This is review 2 of 5
*Flower5* The Title: Ah, this title has a bit of imagery in it. I expect something more from it too, knowing that this simple, almost cliche-d description cannot be what you want to convey.

*Flower5* Rhyming:Quatrains again, this time centered for better effect. a simple abcb rhyme, for the most part direct.

*Flower5* Meter: I did look for it, the ragged line length should have told me that it was not there. Centering often hides the unevenness of line lengths.

*Flower5* Grammar:The commas and punctuation seemed immaculate. a little apostrophe trouble loomed.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: I did not recognize a named form, sixteen lines precludes a sonnet. Just a quatrain.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: The deep faith is revealed again.

*Flower5* Remarks: I think I will make a rubber stamp of this: *Thumbsup**Check2* No question that you deserve that encouragement again.

*Flower5* What I liked: The first verse was one of grateful thanks, the second a peaceful acceptance, the third a celebration of God's grace, the last a welcoming into the fold of newcomers. Each had its own colouring emotion.

*Flower5* Suggestions:
"Or the morning sunrise' glow" Hmmm ... is that the way to do it? Not 'sunrise's glow'?

"Grace from God's for everyone," Grace from God's what?
Should it not be just 'Grace from God'?


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Daizy May _welcome to the five reviews I have owed you for so long, thank you for waiting so patiently. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
This is review 1 of 5

*Flower5* The Title: Excellent title. It tells me right off, the theme is inspirational. It also gives me such a hopeful picture of a benevolent God, who will bend down from his august abode to listen - to little ol' ordinary Me!

*Flower5* Rhyming: Just the last lines rhyme, it repeats the last word again after three verses, but since there is comparison between Earthly and Heavenly Fathers, that echo is underlining of effect.

*Flower5* Meter: It could have been there, most lines wandered between 6 to 8 syllables. But, it is your choice not to use that device.

*Flower5* Grammar: I did think there were places where a comma would not have been inappropriate. Yo do use these after certain lines, so consistency demands that you make that effort. I would suggest laying out the lines as if in prose, punctuating as required, and then rearranging as before.

*Flower5* Poetry Form: Quatrains, with a pleasant verse repeat (with minor changes) and echoing rhyme.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: I felt humbles by the heartfelt faith in this poem. That's the kind of feeling that can be a solace and guiding light at the same time.

*Flower5* Remarks:The last verse was my favourite, but the whole was enjoyable. No quibbling there - you deserve a big *Thumbsup**Check2*

*Flower5* Suggestions: I found nothing that I'd need to point out.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Lorenr . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: I thought this might be an article or an essay. The title would be apt enough for that.

*Flower5* The Beginning: The poem that began the article - I am still thinking of it that way - was great. Thanks. This was like a header image or banner. It draws attention to the piece itself and is attractive enough in itself to entice the reader further.

*Flower5* The Grammar: Most of the language is full of imagery, and puts one directly into the picture. A few errors of commission/omission dealt with in "Suggestions" below.

*Flower5* The Substance: The condition is little understood even by medical professionals. It was a an eye-opening and detailed write. The personal details drove home the message without the boredom of plain facts and figures. Some needed counseling was added at the end for those who have never experienced this devastation.

*Flower5* The Item as a Whole: I think there was a honesty in the merciless detailing of past life experiences. (Not past-life!) I laud the effort.

*Flower5* What I liked: I learned a lot of new things. The term 'migraineur', for one. After this read, I can think of one thing worse than migraine headaches, it is to not have the option of medication during such an attack. I had these headaches during my pregnancies and all I had for relief was ... pain balm! But they were headaches, not migraine.

*Flower5* Suggestions: A spotted a few errors/typos:

"Thirty minutes has passed." 'have'.

"The test the doctor’s had to run to see " If it was the doctor's tests, the apostrophe was required. But here it is doctors in plural who are running the tests, no apostrophe required.

" I was, for all intensive purposes, a different person once I had the blood clot" I am sorry, I did not understand this; do you mean 'for all intents and purposes'?

"They were easily overlooked; However, I was different." If you use a semi-colon, no capitalization of 'however' is needed. If you want to, use a period instead, and retain the capitalization.

"That rouse went fine" i think the word is 'ruse' as in stratagem or trick. 'Rouse' means to provoke or awaken.


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello onechance _welcome to WDC. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

*Flower5* The Title: Titles are supposed to do more than state the nature of the contents within. They can shock, they can please, they can be poetic or stark; the one they should have is impact. This was a title that was 'expected' in that darkness is oft termed 'unfriendly'. How about if you termed it 'Friendly' instead. It still gives away nothing of the story, less in fact. Because of the twist in the story it is equally apt. But now the inherent paradox makes a casual reader determined to read on and find reason behind the see-saw statement.

*Flower5* The Beginning: There was some confusion of tense. Is it past tense or present? If the first few lines are a prelude, fine. But even the next para continues the roller-coaster ride of tense. "These thoughts spin through my head as Steven traps my arm in the door. The fight had started out small; the usual stuff. He wanted drugs, and i had voiced my concern just as i always did. " There are a number of personal pronoun 'i's that need capitalization.

*Flower5* The Setting: The emotional setting is well depicted, the physical setting is ignored. In such a short story, with the emphasis on feelings, this need not be considered as anything lacking.

*Flower5* The Characters: The difference in characters is hinted at, the contrast more implied than described, yet the delineation is sufficient.

*Flower5* The Descriptions: Only Steve is described in chilling detail. One understands the reason for this only at the end.

*Flower5* The Story as a Whole: I liked the read, although I did have one or two questions. Once one realizes who Steve is, the question of his being able to create the situation arises: "These thoughts spin through my head as Steven traps my arm in the door" Would he able to do that? Why?

*Flower5* What I liked: The twist at the end is sublime. I could forgive you all else for that inspired end.

*Flower5* Suggestions: The space in between paras is not consistent. You could check that out.

"His muscled frame breathes heavily, like he is in pain" This sentence did not sit quite right, to my mind. How about: 'His muscled frame heaves with each breath, like he is in pain'.

"The swish of a doctors jacket" 'Doctor's jacket', the apostrophe is needed to indicate possession of the jacket by the doctor.

"A familiar() yet unwelcome() voice calls to me" 'Yet' implies that what's familiar must be welcome. Or so it seems to me. Perhaps a little explanation can be added to say ' The familiar voice is unwelcome; it calls me.' If you wish to retain it as it is, commas must be added at the paired brackets.

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello weshall . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
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*Flower1* I suggest that works in progress be kept as "Private, for my eyes only" or access restricted with a passkey. That way it prevents people from giving you hit-and-run ratings in frustration at finding a rough draft instead of polished piece.

*Flower1* I thought the premise behind the story and your development of it into a romance was original. English too has the saying - "Dog in the manger".

*Flower1* A small suggestion, an ellipsis is just three periods in a row; that is sufficient to indicate pause and thought. I will not even go into the intricacies of 'en' and 'em' dashes.

*Flower1* Mmm ... a lot of questions posed in there, here's hoping you get the answers all planned out and invite me back for the read. I would love that opportunity to revise my rating upwards.



Jyo
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*


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Review of Just a Farmer  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Ben Langhinrichs . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.

c:violet}*Flower5* The Title: This title becomes sublime only after the entire poem is read through. Yet it is different enough to entice by creating a 'How can' moment - how can a poem be written about such a self-deprecating look at oneself?

*Flower5* Rhyming: Quatrains lend themselves to numerous attractive patterns, the abab kind requires laternate rhyming lines. you have most in perfect direct rhyme.

*Flower5* Meter: Great! There's meter too, tetrameter at that, one of my favourite counts. It is difficult because there are less syllables to play with.

*Flower5* Grammar: Goodness me, this part is impeccable too - is there anything this Wonderman can't do?

*Flower5* Poetry Form: I do think there's form beyond the quatrain, but feel free to correct me oh, Learned One.

*Flower5* Poem as a whole: Laughing riches! I read your name as that when I first espied it; I shall always think of you that way.

*Flower5* Remarks: The ending is so superb it deserves a BIG *Thumbsup**Check2*

Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Dear Me  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello LdyPhoenix Thank you for submitting your entry. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  [E]

*Flower5* The Title: I find no rule that says the title has to be limited to the salutation, unlike last year. I would love to see an innovative title

*Flower5* The Resolutions: You never made any, oh wait, you did. You just did not name them as such. Three main areas tackled and well detailed as to the 'whys' and 'hows'.

*Flower5* The Unique Telling Points: There's a touch of of unmistakably 'you'. Whether it is the way you compare and contrast your various needs, or the name you give to resolution, or the superb conclusion. Kudos for that deft stroke.

*Flower5* The Grammar: Some bits that slipped out of place. I detail them in "Suggestions", below. The comma confusion was a more or less universal fault, but some of the others might have benefited from a second look.

*Flower5* The Bits I Salute: Loved the ending and its subtle self-deprecating humour. I also think you deserve a pat on the back for your attitude to reviews.

*Flower5* The Bits I Pondered: I guess experience is a harsh teacher, I am glad you take your knocks as stepping stones and rise above adversity.

*Flower5* The Whole: I'm such a glutton, I enjoyed the taste enough to want more. But this one felt strangely complete, even though it was a mere mouthful.

*Flower5* The Rules:

Letter format: *Check3*
Begins with "Dear Me," *Check3*
Size Between 2 & 12 KB: 4.49 KB *Check3*
A Static Item in the port: *Check3*
Submitted only once: *Check3*
Edited only up to the deadline: *Check3*
Rated 13+ or below: 'E' - *Check3*
Please, puh-lease, remember NOT to edit until the contest results are announced.

*Flower5* Suggestions: " Do not think however that you can now sit back out on the patio" Confused preposition combinations are one of the prime causes on 'Huh' moments. The kind that make you stop and wonder what was said. I'd drop either 'back' or 'out'.

"Dust yourself off and stretch out those sore muscles(,) for the year of 2009 has arrived, and by the looks of things(,) its going to be the best of your life." Other than a couple of extra commas, there's a mistake even seasoned writers make. 'Its is the possessive pronoun, "it's" is the word you want - expanding to 'it is'. In case of doubt expand and test the sense, then restore to abbreviated form.

"Unfortunately, it is the human condition to judge one another," I thought that the mot juste might be 'tendency'.





Hoping you have a great 2009!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Dear Me  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth Thank you for submitting your entry. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  [E]

*Flower5* The Title: I find no rule that says the title has to be limited to the salutation, unlike last year. I would love to see an innovative title

*Flower5* The Resolutions: Well constructed and detailed, mostly about writing, since the inner voice behind them is the Muse.

*Flower5* The Unique Telling Points: Some excellent simile and metaphor in there. I loved the compelling opening. This bit had me smiling at the description, too. "dancing around like a kid three customers back in line at the Baskin Robbins" And the preface, the little dance before the courting, oh, was it great, or was it great?

*Flower5* The Grammar: I had to go back to look for any errors, the first read was so enjoyable a ride, I did not notice the scenery. No biggies, nary a slip-up.

*Flower5* The Bits I Salute: The leading into the main course was a array of delectable appetizers.

*Flower5* The Bits I Pondered: You have it numbered 1-2-3-5-4. Any particular reason to reverse the natural order of the last two?

*Flower5* The Whole: In this case three was a wild and zany reunion, not a crowd.

*Flower5* The Rules:

Letter format: *Check3*
Begins with "Dear Me," *Check3*
Size Between 2 & 12 KB: 6.01 KB *Check3*
A Static Item in the port: *Check3*
Submitted only once: *Check3*
Edited only up to the deadline: *Check3*
Rated 13+ or below: '13+' - *Check3*
Please, puh-lease, remember NOT to edit until the contest results are announced.

*Flower5* Suggestions: Uh-huh, no work for me, here.


Hoping you have a great 2009!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Chill Out!  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Elisa the Bunny Stik Thank you for submitting your entry. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  [E]

*Flower5* The Title: I find no rule that says the title has to be limited to the salutation, unlike last year. I would love to see an innovative title

*Flower5* The Resolutions: The mood was set in the title itself, a stern admonition to relax. The various stressors are identified one by one and plans to detach from them are enumerated.

*Flower5* The Unique Telling Points: Making a list of activities to stop was a most unusual resolution list.

*Flower5* The Grammar: No real biggies, yet some points did come up.

*Flower5* The Bits I Salute: It takes courage to slow down and lay down the load for a while. Good for you.

*Flower5* The Bits I Pondered: Instead of repeating the words 'you need to chill out' and then detailing the activity, you could make them : Chill Out #1/#2 and so on. Avoids the feeling of repetition of phrase and yet reiterates your point. Another word that cropped up often was 'area'.

*Flower5* The Whole: This could have had humour added by making about 'stoppers': Stop dithering, Stop taking on more than you can handle, Stop being so hard on yourself, etc. etc. I wish you all the best with your 'Chillers'.

*Flower5* The Rules:

Letter format: *Check3*
Begins with "Dear Me," *Check3*
Size Between 2 & 12 KB: 5.30 KB *Check3*
A Static Item in the port: *Check3*
Submitted only once: *Check3*
Edited only up to the deadline: *Check3*
Rated 13+ or below: 'ASR' - *Check3*
Please, puh-lease, remember NOT to edit until the contest results are announced.

*Flower5* Suggestions:
"that's not something you can afford.Now is the time to cut back." Space missing between sentences.

"You need it chill out in regards to this" 'You need to chill out in this regard' - would you say that made better sense?

"It doesn't help that because you can't resolve everything yourself it makes you a less than adequate leader." Hmm, something awry here. Let me see, is this what you mean: 'It doesn't help that you feel less than adequate as leader when you cannot personally resolve all issues.' I give up on the comma placement there.

"So stop angsting about your lack of involvement in 2008" New word for me. "Angst', yes. Angsting, no.





Hoping you have a great 2009!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Dear me, myself.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Unwritten Thank you for submitting your entry. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  [E]

*Flower5* The Title: I find no rule that says the title has to be limited to the salutation, unlike last year. I would love to see an innovative title.

*Flower5* The Resolutions: One grand scheme for life. A fresh and innovative approach, however the exercise was the setting out of goals for the coming year, credible ones with defined paths.

*Flower5* The Unique Telling Points: Some near philosophical metaphor in there, it starts out well, then goes nowhere. Like the bit about the heat and cold in the beginning. What exactly was the point being made there?

*Flower5* The Grammar: Could not find much at which to cavil.

*Flower5* The Bits I Salute: The bit about not wanting to have the same year twice.

*Flower5* The Bits I Pondered: Excellent resolve here, would that it had gone on for a little longer. It is not enough to merely fall into acceptable contest requirements, one has to rise above to make an impact.

*Flower5* The Whole: neat, fresh, thought provoking. A note to oneself of life goals. If that is what you set out to achieve, 'tis well done.

*Flower5* The Rules:

Letter format: *Check3*
Begins with "Dear Me," *Check3*
Size Between 2 & 12 KB: 2.07 Just scraped in, but that's good enough. KB *Check3*
A Static Item in the port: *Check3*
Submitted only once: *Check3*
Edited only up to the deadline: *Check3*
Rated 13+ or below: 'E' - *Check3*
Please, puh-lease, remember NOT to edit until the contest results are announced.

*Flower5* Suggestions:


Hoping you have a great 2009!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Dear Me  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ShiShad Thank you for submitting your entry. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  [E]

*Flower5* The Title: I find no rule that says the title has to be limited to the salutation, unlike last year. I would love to see an innovative title.

*Flower5* The Resolutions: A round dozen resolutions. Since these were witty one-liners, rather than weighty issue-wrestling paras, it was not oversized.

*Flower5* The Unique Telling Points: Funny, the ha-ha funny type. I sniggered at the first, the seventh and the last! Of course, the same twist appeared in some, but 'twas middling inventive, 'twas enough, 'twill serve.

*Flower5* The Grammar: I found one tiny error at the beginning, one slap bang in the middle, one at the end. Otherwise a deft piece of writing.

*Flower5* The Bits I Salute: The beginning made me expect a serious letter, the list was superb. With a good title (Yeah, for the list too!), I would have risen to my feet as I clapped.

*Flower5* The Bits I Pondered: "Do something successful for a change. " I thought your wiser side was a bit harsh upon you. There are gentler ways of motivating even losers, you're not one by a long chalk.

*Flower5* The Whole: Refreshing, it is amazing how many different 'takes' I have seen of this prompt. Organized in zany fashion. Guaranteed to put a smile on the most morose reader's face.

*Flower5* The Rules:

Letter format: *Check3*
Begins with "Dear Me," *Check3*
Size Between 2 & 12 KB: 2.47 KB *Check3*
A Static Item in the port: *Check3*
Submitted only once: *Check3*
Edited only up to the deadline: *Check3*
Rated 13+ or below: 'E' - *Check3*
Please, puh-lease, remember NOT to edit until the contest results are announced.

*Flower5* Suggestions:
" We both know how forgetful you can be anymore."
Maybe you mean 'nowadays'?

"We both know how you tend to loose track of things when they are out of sight lately." I think that is 'lose track', or I hope it is. *Laugh*

"Your Wiser Side Of Yourself" Either 'The Wiser Side of Yourself' or "Your Wiser Side".


Hoping you have a great 2009!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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Review of Dear Me - 2009  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JACE Thank you for submitting your entry. I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece for "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  [E]

*Flower5* The Title: I find no rule that says the title has to be limited to the salutation, unlike last year. I would love to see an innovative title

*Flower5* The Resolutions: Supposedly just two; both had some mini-resolutions within. Along with the stated but unlisted ones, I'd say you had a comfortable six there. The enthusiasm to get to the tasks, after the doubt and hesitation (feigned?) in the beginning, was contagious.

*Flower5* The Unique Telling Points: Unusual. A dialogue format. It is actually a monologue because the voices are inside your head, but who could understand you better than you? *Laugh* Good comic timing. Timing is all important. Realistic conversation. A firm *Thumbsup*

*Flower5* The Grammar: Excellent use of italics for the inner thought, and bold for emphasis, in such a zany conversation, use of any device to separate the inseparable was laudable. The comma, ellipsis, and other gimmicks of punctuation were well employed. Kudos

*Flower5* The Bits I Salute: You create this quirky muse/inner voice/whatever that allows you to shuffle of responsibility for - shudder -dark deeds. I loved the suspense created as you deftly led me down the wrong path. Not for long, but 'twas enough to be enthralling. Never did like highways, the meandering road has surprises.

*Flower5* The Bits I Pondered: Well, it was a letter, if both sides were equally vocal, to whom were you addressing the letter. Who was author, and who the reader?

*Flower5* The Whole: I'd say this was one of the most inventive presentations of resolutions. Thank-you for making my day chortle-full.

*Flower5* The Rules:

Letter format: *Check3*
Begins with "Dear Me," *Check3*
Size Between 2 & 12 KB: 5.93 KB *Check3*
A Static Item in the port: *Check3*
Submitted only once: *Check3*
Edited only up to the deadline: *Check3*
Rated 13+ or below: '13+' - You did well to remember this one. It was only suggestive of violence, but it required this rating despite the innocent outcome. *Check3*
Please, puh-lease, remember NOT to edit until the contest results are announced.

*Flower5* Suggestions: None, go on and write more!


Hoping you have a great 2009!


Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo

*Flower3* May your words go on to shine! *Flower3*

*Flower1* Effort brings colour to Life *Flower1*
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