Hi, my name is Just an Ordinary Boo!  and I am reviewing you as part of the Power Reviewers for February. Please accept this review in the spirit in which it is made - a gesture of friendliness.
 The Title: A good title, it immediately tells us about the theme of the story. It does not tell that it is about a young boy's struggles, but that is not a necessity. Not sublime, but good. The intro has a tiny typo, but enlightens us further about the story. Both together, create enough interest to make us want to read further.
The Beginning: A good beginning. I just had a minor quibble in there. Pat knows his father is talking to his mother, why when he hears of 'pay' and 'food' does he then think: "his dad was talking to someone who needed some money to pay for some basic necessities" Maybe he thought he was talking 'of' someone who etc. etc.?
The Setting: I thought that the impact of this lessened because trivial things were described in great detail, but major events got a line or two only. I think we need some idea of the kind of house they lived in, exactly how Pat's Mom made the long commute when she finally got the new job, a description of Pat's actions as he found himself alone on remote courts in early morning hours. There's a lot of 'telling', not much showing'. For example: "His coach realized Pat wasn't concentrating and asked him what as wrong, but Pat resisted and wouldn't open up to him" 'Showing' the same thing would something like this: " Pat missed his third two-pointer and Coach threw a worried look his way. Pat refused to meet his eyes but walked up for another try with lips pursed and arms tensed. The ball hit the rim, rolled lazily along and dropped off. He caught it and slammed it to one side in frustration. He rushed off the court before Coach could reach him and start an inquisition.'
The Characters: Pat is well detailed, but the teenager's age is mentioned at the end only. One doesn't get an idea before that, which would helpful for us to decide how maturity one should expect from him.
The Descriptions: Some contradictions described in succeeding sentences. For e.g.: "Pat suddenly had the urge to cry and had to furiously blink his eyes to stop his tears. But, he couldn't hold it back and beginning to sob helplessly, it all came out. His father tried to comfort him as best he could, but Pat felt all alone in the world." He has to blink to stop his tears - the effort is futile. He is comforted by his father - but he feels all alone. Some reasons for the contradictions must be given. Perhaps he thinks of how his father is finally treating him as a equal, explaining things to him, inexplicably he feels like a little child, he starts crying. Then as his father comforts him he realizes that he will be so different from his all his friends, alone and unable to expose his parents' inabilities. Just suggestions, you know best what you want to say.
The Story as a Whole: Excellent and inspirational story. No wonder it is dignified by an awardicon. But I wonder how Pat feels his 'first fifteen years' were those of deprivation? His troubles came along only in teen years and were more or less resolved by college time.
What I liked: The fact that your story sends out the message that courage conquers difficulties.
Suggestions:
"Pat encounters some tough times during his early years and has tough hurtles to pass" "tough hurdles' is the commonly accepted term; 'hurtle' is a verb.
"But, as soon as he bound out of his room, " do you mean 'bounded'? 'Bound' would be either a past tense of 'bind' or a boundary, like in 'his joy knew no bounds'.
The seventh para, the one that begins : "Pat's father reluctantly came to the conclusion" , is missing its first line indent.
"After several months of having only half of the usual income, it was clear that the family would have to cut costs" Both parents earned exactly equal amounts? Should they not have cut costs the moment Pat's mother lost her job?
"so Pat's father had a bone marrow test performed. The results came back: CANCER." It was a cancer discovered by a bone marrow sampling - so leukemia? Then how come "When they took another CAT scan, it indicated that the cancer was not spreading, but was actually getting smaller." Something not quite right, there.
"She thought that this was just a caller trying to tease her, but this was not the case. As the caller continued speaking, Sarah finally gathered her composure and was able to speak, though in a shaky voice. When she accepted the offer and hung up the phone, she was smiling from ear to ear." Another example of a lot of words to convey something. Could you make it something like: " Initially she thought it was a prank, as the calm voice continued she was able to compose herself enough to accept the job, a shaky smile appearing on her face." I am not against lengthy stories, but the crisper the sentences, the more vivid the images.
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo
 May your words go on to shine!
 Effort brings colour to Life
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)in in any poem for kids.
