Patrece ~'s (patrece) Reviews

Patrece ~

Review Requests: OFF

413 Public Reviews Given

414 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

***To be continued***

I'm good at...

***To be continued***

Favorite Genres

***To be continued***

Least Favorite Genres

Sci-Fi (for the most part.) ***To be continued***

Favorite Item Types

***To be continued***

Least Favorite Item Types

I am not very fond of reviewing poetry items due to my lack of knowledge concerning poetry.

I will not review...

Anything containing cruelty toward animals and children. Explicit sexual content, nor anything over GC.

51

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14 days may be credited.

#4133275

Review of Kevin's Big Idea

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Oh, how I wish I was better with the punctuation aspect of writing. I tend to be a little comma happy. I will do my best to review this piece, as requested, but please know I may not have the punctuation suggestions perfectly correct. More on this shortly.
This is a cute little tale, about a boy trying to decide what to 'be' when he grows up. Thankfully, he is only five years old, so he will have plenty of time to decide. I thought it was cute that his parents were so encouraging. Why be a kill joy when the child is yet so young?

What I really liked:
My favorite part is when the father humors the son and brings out all of the supplies to accommodate his son's fantasy. Wings! Of course a dragon needs wings.
I also was impressed that the young boy was able to identify possible problems to the suggestions of his parents.

Suggestions, spelling, grammar & punctuation :
I would like to suggest that you run this through an online (free) grammar checker, such as paperrater.com. (There are many others available as well.) I noticed what I felt was some missing punctuation, but since this isn't my strongest area, I do not want to mislead you.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I would like to see this expanded a bit. If your aspirations are to become published, it needs to be a bit longer, if you want to be able to sell this work. I would love to see this story portrayed in a printed book, with illustrations for each idea for future job. With this added in, it might be plenty long.

Thank you for sharing this. With a bit of punctuation work and editing, this will be a wonderful children's story.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

52

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14 days may be credited.

#4132532

Review of The Art of Disingenuous Apologies

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"
Charlie, it is always a pleasure to review your work!

Initial impression of your piece:
Haha! No kidding. Don't ya just love those fake apologies, where it is all turned around to be "your" fault?! (I'm sorry...but..." The "but" just takes it back. So why do people bother apologizing in the first place, if they are just going to turn it around and deny responsibility for what happened anyways?
Well written, with great examples of the subject of this piece. I could share a few myself.
Such weak excuses given for the wrongs committed, and they actually thought that made it all okay?

What I really liked:
Although presented by way of example, the subject of this work is so real! I get riled up just thinking about it, as I have had many fake apologies over the years too.
I am so glad though, that Johnnie stood his ground, and forced his roomie to get his dog back! Of all the nerve! I am sure that guy will be one roommate Johnnie will not miss for a moment!

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
No errors noted in this area.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thanks again for sharing your witty work! I has been such a pleasure to review so many of your creations! I look forward to reading more of them again soon!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

53

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14 days may be credited.

#4132472

Review of Thanks! What Is It?

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Wow, talk about a totally oblivious group of people. It was almost as if poor Leah wasn't even there among them. So caught up were they all in their own little click, they didn't hear a thing she said to them regarding the gift. How sad and hurt that must make her. No wonder she wanted to just get it all over with and go spend her holiday with her boyfriend and his family. And oh, what a terrible gift to give, especially given it was damaged. Makes the reader wonder why her family has so little regard for her. One could almost understand the older two siblings being close, but for the parents to also be so tuned out to her is pretty bad! If I were her, I'd never go to another such gathering.

What I really liked:
Leah was mature enough, that once she was finally acknowledged, and asked how she liked her gift (even though she had already tried to tell them), she replied in a positive way, knowing anything else would just rock the boat and that it wasn't worth bothering with.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
What I noted ▼

*** Error in this sentence: "...Her parents had begin taking..."
***Here: "Her parents had begin taking expensive trips and talking about what wines paired with what cheeses since she left home for college. They were finally free, both physically and financially." It would read much better if you put a period after the word "cheeses" and Begin the next sentence with the following word. For example: "Since she left home for college, they were finally free, both physically and financially."
*** Missing comma here as indicated: "...Their mother had made a rule after last year (comma here) that gifts could not be..."
*** I THINK a comma is needed here: "...over with (comma?) so she could go join..." Again, I may be mistaken here.
***Comma needed here: "...Finally (comma) she got to the actual gift..."
***A semicolon could help here: "...don’t have the common decency (semicolon) the way they were..." Otherwise working doesn't seem quite right.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I appreciate you sharing your craft with me, and allowing me to review it. Write on. I hope you find this review to be helpful.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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54

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14 days may be credited.

#4132376

Review of Circuitous Fire

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
This is an incredibly creative and powerful story. It is well written, easy to follow, and drives home a couple of points that are important in marriage. There are very good morals to be gleaned from this story. I will address these points in the next section of this review.
Ray was extremely cunning (and not exactly honest) in his methods to getting his wife to 'come clean' on her affair.
Livi, being an intelligent woman, should have been more concerned about where all of the gifts had been coming from.
It is plain to see (read) that this couple lacked adequate communication in their marriage for a long time. Perhaps had it been better, it wouldn't have ever had to come to this point. Livi, obviously ignored that fact that her husband felt emasculated, being the one to stay home and care for the child and home, while she worked. This much he had communicated to her, but she brushed it off.

What I really liked:
This is a clear example of how open and honest two-way communication is vital to a strong and enduring marriage. Clearly, there was no one person in the wrong, but Livi took it too far with the affair. Ray needed to feel like a man, she needed to feel like a desired woman. Livi filled her needs by way of an affair, as Ray suffered in silence. It's a shame he didn't do little things for her before things were so far out of hand, and it's a shame, she didn't relent on enabling him to work outside of the home. So many valuable lessons here: Honesty & Communication. Respect and treat well, the one you love. Each bad action one makes, can and likely will be met with an equal, yet opposite reaction.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
No errors noted here.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Even though Livi was lonely and felt undesired and unappreciated, she messed up big time. In the end, she was unreasonable to expect her husband to just accept things and carry on as before.
I really liked this writing! Thank you so very much for sharing!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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55

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14 days may be credited.

#4131221

Review of The Ten Year Drought

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Such a hot topic, and such a very real struggle for so many. It is sad to thin that after 10 years of sobriety, a person can still have to fight so hard to stay away from alcohol. It is also so very sad, that his desire for a woman, who likely doesn't share his feelings, is what pushes him over the edge or resistance. A shame, when buying a round for the rest, he didn't sit that round out, or drink a tasty non alcoholic beverage that would have made him appear to be following in the path of his coworkers. Alcoholism is a powerful addition, and this fact is very well portrayed in this story.

Your references to the ex-wife and daughter certainly makes a reader want to know more, especially the reference to the daughter, and the guilt he lives with daily over that. Inquiring minds wanna know!

What I really liked:
You excellent writing skills, and ability to draw the reader in to the story are wonderful. I (think I) noticed a couple of missed comma's, but punctuation is NOT by strongest point, so I can't be sure. I did point them out below. If I am mistaken, PLEASE advise me of this! But either way it was an excellent piece of work!

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
*** I could be mistaken, but I believe there is a comma needed in this sentence: "...think about all of that now though (Comma?) as Michelle spotted..."
*** Same here: "...It wasn’t long though (comma?) before Michelle..."
***And here: "...she only didn’t offer him to (comma?) because..."

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Keep on keeping on with your writing. It is a beautiful gift.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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56

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14 days may be credited.

#4131187

Review of Gift for Natalie

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Wow! Talk about a plot that takes an unexpected twist or two! And done so well in such a short story. Great job! A nicely written short story, with a great hook. You easily kept my interest throughout. The prompt was integrated very nicely into this tale.

By the way Paul's co-workers and boss reacted to him in the office, one would have never guessed that he was the psycho he turned out to be. I started catching on that something wasn't quite right when Paul had to walk over to his wife's house. But even then, you had me fooled, as I thought perhaps they were separated or divorced and he was trying to win her back!

What I really liked:
The way the plot twisted and kept the reader in the dark and guessing until the very end, was impressive. Your write in a way that is easy to read, and flows well.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
*** You missed a needed space here: "...Just one more thing.I ..." you need a space after the period.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Wonderful work on this short story, that came to you in the form of a prompt. Your creative mind took that prompt and ran full out with it. Thank you so much for sharing your work with me and allowing me to review and rate it! I would have rated it a 4.75 had that been an option!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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57

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14 days may be credited.

#4131143

Review of A Helping Hand

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
An excellent short story that grabs the reader by the eyes, and doesn't let go until the end. Great work! The reader cannot help but to worry for and pity Rob. He is already going through enough with his recent break-up. Now, he is an accessory to a murder, and seen as such, with the shovel in his hand as the officer approaches them. One can only hope for Rob's sake that the officer overheard the conversation prior to him making his presence known. However, there is nothing to indicate this is the case. Moral of the story, be cautious as to when and how you will lend others, even family, a helping hand.
Very well written, has a nice easy to follow flow to it, and leaves this reader wanting to know more!

There is a certain amount of sympathy to be given to Mike, as he was trying to protect his children from a terrible future. However, he went way too far and went about it entirely wrong. A lesson to be learned by others, without learning it the hard way.

What I really liked:
I like that Rob, in his heart of hearts, wanted to deal with the situation in the right way, even though he let it get too far out of hand. This teaches a moral lesson. Do what is right, even if it is difficult.

Spelling, grammar, punctuation & suggestions:
In my humble opinion, I would have liked to have read more description of what was being seen by Rob, when Mike dragged him to the bathroom, and seen by the officer upon his arrival. Maybe a description of how Rob and Mike 'felt' when the officer arrived. It would just help the reader feel more like they were right there in it all.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
You have a wonderful talent, and I have enjoyed reading this short story very much! Thanks for sharing. Now...Just let me know when the novel that it belongs in is released!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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58

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14 days may be credited.

#4129221

Review of It's Too Late

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Initially, Kevin seemed much to polite and proper for one to believe he had committed the various accusations against him. He was mild, polite, and low keyed when being questioned. But later, when what was going to unfold in mere hours was unveiled, It made a little more sense. After all, anyone who knew what he had known, would want to make the most of that time. It would possibly tempt the most gentle person, to explore their dark side a bit, with no consequence to be faced.
It's a shame Dave hadn't known all of this sooner, and have had the opportunity to be with those he loved before the end came.
This piece grabs the reader, and keeps interest alive throughout. It is nicely written and easy to enjoy.

What I really liked:
The continued suspense of the story is wonderful. I really had to wonder why Kevin hadn't shown more concern for his dire situation. There was enough tease there to let the reader know, he knew something that no one else did, but yet, not enough for us to guess what it was.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
*** Here "...his clothes that didn’t match..."It would read smoother without the "that" in it, considering the rest of the sentence. (This in in paragraph one.)

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Super read! Thank you so much for sharing and allowing me to read and review this work or literary art. Write on! If there were a 4.75 rating to be given, that is what I'd have given you.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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59

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14 days may be credited.

#4129044

Review of The Rag Picker

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
What a powerful and moving message you have created in this piece. It is also a real eye opener too, if only the reader takes the time to focus on the true message being shared here. It matters not what privilege or opportunity you are born into; if you do not respect and cherish it, it will be lost to you in the end. Likewise, even if you have nothing but hope in life, you can make your dreams a reality. It's a simple matter of wanting to be the best you can be, and making it happen, no matter what. While most born into the more unfortunate scenario would not find the kindness the young Indian boy did, it doesn't change the fact that if you want it bad enough, you can make it happen. It all begins with a positive attitude.

This was an easy and pleasant read, with a smooth word flow and good structure.

What I really liked:
The wonderful moral shared in this piece. I do hope others read this for what it truly is.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
I did not find any errors in this.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Keep on writing. You have beautiful messages to share, and often beautiful messages are best shared in the way of a fable or story.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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60

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#4128136

Review of Rendering

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
I think this is a wonderful piece! It has the perfect amount of mystery to it, yet not leaving too many unanswered questions. It held my attention well, from beginning to end. I, personally gathered from this story, that she painted things as she wanted them to be, or in some cases how they used to be, and that would become the reality.
Very creative thinking and writing!

What I really liked:
Emily is a very likeable character, with an extraordinary talent with painting.
I love the twist at the end, where hidden in her pond painting, was the man that had been asking about her, and I assume, whom she had been trying to distance herself from with the move.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
***I noted a spacing error, in the paragraph beginning with "Saturday morning, Sarah Peabody straightened the pretty picture..." It is located further into that paragraph.
There were a few areas where I felt there might be a comma missing, but since I am not the 'best' with punctuation, I hesitate to try to correct you on these. Perhaps you could scan back over it, and will catch what I thought I found there. (Or, there are always free online grammar checkers, or good friends here at WDC.)

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Wonderful, creative and engaging! Great job with this story! Thanks for sharing, and write on!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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61

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14 days may be credited.

#4128125

Review of The Broken Goose

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
I found this to be a heartwarming and charming story. I have previously read and reviewed two other stories you have shared. This was quite different. When I looked at the date you published it, I understood! You have grown tremendously as a writer since this piece. While this IS very lovely, it could use a bit of editing and polishing. I did however, truly enjoy reading it.

What I really liked:
Funny, it seems most of the best 'stuff' in a short story comes at the end. I thought it was wonderful, that even though Angel never quite found the 'happily ever after' she always wanted, she realized that she was now, quite happy with her life.
I also loved the part where the geese took up residence in her canoe, and she looked after them daily.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
*** In the first, second and tenth paragraphs, there are sentences that are very long. While they say great stuff, they benefit by being broken into two sentences.
***"...over looking the ocean (comma here perhaps?) would have..."
***Here, I have indicated where there are capitalization's, that shouldn't be in use: "...“Here Momma Goose, Here Poppa Goose, Quack,..."
***"...Poppa Geese..."(Should be Goose).

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
While I did find some areas for improvement, I think this is a wonderful story. I am very inspired to see the incredible progress you have made over the years as well. You asked at the end if you should continue this. I say YES! Especially with the skill you have now. A bit of editing, and polishing will make this beginning great! I want to know what happens after Angel's family comes back home to live and help her run her business!
Thank you for sharing!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

62

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14 days may be credited.

#4128088

Review of Of Grey Eyes and Garnet Hearts

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Very impressive work. No candy coating, no fluff. The facts, emotions, physical feelings and personal observations and experiences. I was right there, beside these two military journalists throughout the piece. You bring the sense of urgency alive with you frankly stated words.
Strange, isn't it, how we make life choices to better our circumstances, yet at times, just end up with more of the same, only in a more detrimental way? (Escaping the heat and sand of AZ, where he was safe, only to face the same in a deadly and dire situation.)
Writings such as yours, help bring awareness to what is, in my opinion candy coated, or even glamorized when presented to the general population. Far too many people, take for granted or even deny the hell our troops live (or not) through when subjected to a life of war.
Your work on this, kept me riveted throughout the reading of it.

What I really liked:
This piece was written in a way that is just so real. And the ending, well, was unexpected, but so touching. The mother of the female journalist was offering comfort to him, although her daughter died protecting his very life.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
No errors noted here.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I truly look forward to reading more of your work! Thank you for sharing. I honestly have zero criticism or improvement suggestions to offer. Write on!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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63

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14 days may be credited.

#4124887

Review of Digging For Clues, Ch 2

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Again, I enjoy the humor you spin into your writing, even the more subtle humor. It really makes this story great! The more this tale progresses, the more it grabs hold of the reader. You use a wonderful variety of working and keep things spinning. Wonderful job! I look forward to reading chapter 3, when it comes out.

What I really liked:
While you keep it worded tastefully and with variance, even the most uneducated reader can easily follow this piece, yet it does not insult the intelligence of those more educated. Again the humor is appreciated and keeps this story in good balance.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
Things I noticed ▼

***"...large and intimidating (comma)in his gray..."

***"...The Chief Collins caught the..."
***"...the round (comma) oak kitchen table..."
***"...counseling center (comma) as well as community..."
***"...I haddn’t even realized I was carrying..."

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you once again for sharing. You have a very creative and pleasant writing style. I have no doubt you can go super far, in this crazy world of writing! Write on!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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64

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#4124819

Review of Treat or Trick?

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A Raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Wow! Excellent writing is demonstrated in this piece. You must have worked very hard on the editing and creation of it. If you did not work hard on editing, then I wish I had your knack for grammar and such.
I did notice, that during the dream, Kyle told Lisa to relax, that he wasn't going to bite her. But yet at the end of the story, when her friend Kate announced she was coming over, Lisa noted that the puncture marks on her heck, were nearly faded. Hmmm, that's curious for sure. Especially when to Lisa's knowledge of the dream, she was told she only drank of 'his" blood.

What I really liked:
Believe it or not, my favorite thing, is that Lisa did not eat her cat! . Okay, so I am an oddball to choose this, but, I do so love animals, and just don't like it when they are victimized.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
No errors noted here! Great job.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Strange, that one who passes out at the site of a scratch on her knee, or her monthly cycle, is now offering to commune (via her own blood) with her best friend. It did seem that initially, Lisa was trying to figure out how to hide what happened from her friend, but by the time her friend got there, it was implied, that she were sharing her own fate with Kate.
Lots of plot twists, and turns are incorporated into this work. It definitely keeps the reader on their toes!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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65

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14 days may be credited.

#4124762

Review of Sweet Larceny

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
A really cute story, which I enjoyed reading. I learned a lot about what I need to do and not do if I ever go out hunting for honey.

What I really liked:
I really liked the way the characters spoke when conversing. It made me feel like I was witnessing the conversation, in the cute way in which they spoke.

Spelling & Grammar:
What I intendified ▼

Anything underlined and green needs to be added for proper grammar / punctuation. Anything with a line through it, should not be there.

***Here: "...whole section of (the)tree was..."
***Here: "...Yow' he cried (need comma here) racing..."
***"...one on the edge of you(r) glove..."
***"...After all(need comma here) having had a piece..."
***"...was(a 'or' the) food of the Gods..."
***"...before-hand (beforehand)..."
***"...thought there(;) or (comma) as the..."
***"...sugar bags (comma) some sort..."
*** The third paragraph has several incomplete sentences. Let me know if you need help identifying them. It may work better to use a colon and then separate with comma's, when listing the needed items for the honey hunt.
***Here:"...The smoke tins were wav" What is wav?
***Other suggestions would be to leave a space between all paragraphs, as you began to do early on. In the center of the story it looks like one huge paragraph, and is very distracting to the reader.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
With some editing and polishing, this story will shine like a beacon. It is very, very cute and deserves to shine! Thank you for sharing it!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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66

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14 days may be credited.

#4123367

Review of The Diner

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
You used wonderful descriptive statements in this story. It makes one feel as if they are there, viewing the entire scene. Great job! I can only imagine his thoughts, as he waited for her as she requested, until her shift ended. The waitress, determined to find out what kept drawing him in, left with him on her arm. My guess is that 'she' was the draw for him, even if he were to shy to convey this fact.

What I really liked:
I love the opening quote! ("The first symptom of love in a young man is shyness; the first symptom in a woman, it's boldness." ~Victor Hugo) It is so applicable to this story, it's crazy! Had her boldness not presented itself, they may have never interacted, nor 'hooked up'.
What a lonely existence it seems he has had. Being in college and yet never having had a significant other.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
***Here, the first letter needs capitalization: “would you sit back down, just for a few minutes?”

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Nice work! Thanks for sharing. Remember to keep on writing! True potential is at your creative fingertips.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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14 days may be credited.

#4123310

Review of River Run

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Wonderful! This writing is captivating and kept my interest the entire time. There is excitement and danger. It is very well written, easy to follow, and made me feel as if I were right there in it! BRAVO! The content of this writing, is much different than most stories I read here. A refreshing change, to be sure. I see that this was written based on a photo prompt. I am very curious as to what the photo was, for it to inspire this piece.

What I really liked:
I like the fact that even though written by a man, credit is given to the female partner as seeming to be a step ahead most of the time. It is all too often that women are portrayed to be "weak", and that just isn't always true. Thank you for that!

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
***Here; "My stomach reached," It should be spelled "retched".
***The fifth paragraph up from the bottom of the story is a really long sentence. It would read better split into two shorter ones somehow. It is the paragraph that begins with; "With the rest of the day a bust..."

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I am very much, enjoying the reading and reviewing of your written creations! You have an excellent talent, and I appreciate you sharing it! Write on!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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#4123265

Review of Anomanunka

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. It is meant to be helpful in a caring way. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A raid review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
I have to say, this is a very well written piece. It is easy to follow, reads smoothly, and keeps the reader engaged; (at least this reader), from start to finish! I would have enjoyed reading more details about what the farmer found upon his return, after the Indian raid. Show me the scene he returned home to, thus bringing it to life for me. Show me his physical and emotional reaction to finding that his wife was taken. I, as the reader, felt left out of this part. I would have liked to read more details too, of Anomanunkas' capture, and his experience of a week on the pole. It is lovely, that his wife snuck out to feed, care for and be with him when he was on the pole.

What I really liked:
I love the ending! The explanation of "Anomanunka", and how it explains his patience and cooperation over the many years he was a servant to the chief. All the while, wanting nothing more, than to have his wife back.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
There were no spelling or punctuation errors found. The only thing I found that I questioned, were a couple of sentences that were a bit lengthy. For example, the first paragraph. It is fairly short but, only one sentence made up the entirety of it.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Again, very well written. If the "show" factor was included a bit more in a couple of places, I would have rated this a 5! Thank you for sharing your talent, and allowing me to review it.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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#4122285

Review of An Extraordinary Day

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
This is a truly engaging read, that held my interest throughout! Great job! I see that although it is fictional, it is based on a true story. One must hold Nellie (and her real life inspiration)in high regard, as she handled herself and the situation exceptionally well. Given her age, she was lucky to survive the heat, fumes and lack of hydration and oxygen, while in the trunk of the car. I also enjoyed the fact that you shared her thoughts with us, the readers. That goes a long way toward helping the reader "know" the character and a bit of her personality.

What I really liked:
I LOVE the spunk of the main character, Nellie. Even in her advanced years, she was unwilling to allow herself to be victimized without repercussions. Without that spunk, she may well have never survived. But, my absolute favorite part was her statement in the very last sentence. "Gettin' old is not for sissies!"

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
Run On Sentences ▼

***The opening sentence is very long. It would read smoother if it were broken up into 2 sentences, rather than one long one.
*** The second sentence in paragraph two could also benefit by being split up into two.

Punctuation ▼

There are some areas where a comma should have been placed. If you google a free online grammar checking program, and enter your story, it will help you find these areas. I wish WDC had a built in program to help all of us in this area.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I truly enjoyed this short story, and look forward to reading more of your writing. Thank you for sharing, and allowing me to review this! Keep up the great work! (Or is it play?)

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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14 days may be credited.

#4122233

Review of I (TRY TO ) MANAGE MYSELF AS MY WORD

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece: It is refreshing to read something here on WDC that is intended to be inspirational, positive and uplifting. Yet, it is done in a way to help others help themselves. Great job! You share many great ideas with the reader, and you obviously put a lot of effort into encouraging and cheering us on to become the person we want to become. Thank you for that!

What I really liked:
Your passion to help others to achieve the personal 'greatness' they desire, shines through like a beacon!

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
***The following excerpt from your piece, is a little difficult to follow as worded. I had to re-read it a couple of times to grasp what you were telling us. "WHAT & HOW YOUR LIFE YOU WOULD LOVE TO LOOK LIKE."
***It would also be easier to follow if you took out the "I__TRY_TO___MANAGE_MYSELF_AS_MY_WORD_htm"
which is in here several times. It is a bit distracting to have the page broken up by this so much, as well as the large spaces between lines.
***As for punctuation and word choice, I noted some errors. It could be helpful for you to run your piece through a free online grammar checker, to assist you with identifying these areas.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
You share wonderful advice and a very encouraging essay with us, the readers. With a bit of editing and the use of a grammar checker, this piece can shine through and through! Thank you for your kind heart and for allowing me to review this work. Keep on keeping on!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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14 days may be credited.

#4122177

Review of All For Love

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
I really enjoyed reading your story! It is creative and cute, to say the least! I think it is precious that he takes a stroll with his cow each evening, and the affection shared between the two. But then, I love animals (most of them anyhow)so perhaps I enjoy that fact more than many folks would.
The description of the behavior of the two women whom are his cohabitants, makes me really feel for Kevin. No wonder he likes to hide out in his computer room so much! Thankfully he has a wonderful housekeeper and cook, who is very different from those two. She's pretty witty too, playing it off as she suspects there is a woman in the scene.

What I really liked:
I love how Kevin leads the women on to believe that he has a 'human' female in his life. He doesn't come right out and lie, but feeds them just enough truth to keep his secret and keep the ole gals from trying to play matchmaker.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
General errors caught ▼

***In this sentence, "Her eyes dared him to contradict him." It seems that the word 'him' at the end of the sentence, should have been "her" instead.
***Here, the first letter of the sentence needs to be capitalized. "he didn't look to see if the woman was finished or not."
***Here, the Frist letter also needs to be capitalized. "at least tell us a little about her."
***Here, the first quotation mark is not correct. 'Do tell."

Punctuation ▼

***There were quite a few places that I thought needed a comma, which wasn't there. Because I am not perfect with punctuation myself, I hesitate to mislead you by trying to point them out. There's a chance, I can be mentally adding a comma where one isn't needed. Try running it through a free online Grammar checker like Hemingway. It can guide you in this area much better than I can.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I look forward to reading more of your very creative writings! Great job with this story. Thank you so much for sharing this very enjoyable piece!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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14 days may be credited.

#4121910

Review of Dear Child Your Own.

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
What a super lovely piece this is! Cherishing the life you brought into the world and tracking the young ones progress through the years and experiences. I found this to be not only heartwarming, but quite heartfelt in it's execution. I do not typically look at many poetry items, as I am not very experienced with the proper forms and such, but this one grabbed my eye, and held it until the end. It is an amazing thing, how once our children experience going to school, they learn a whole new view of the world. Sometimes this can be a wonderful thing, other times...not so much.

What I really liked:
I think my favorite part was the last stanza. Where the child, would now have a child of her own.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
I did not note errors in this area, but I am not a familiar as I'd like to be when it comes to poetry.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
What a beautiful world it would be, if everyone appreciated their young, as this piece reflects love and caring for the child written about here. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. I am touched by this piece, and enjoyed reading and reviewing it, very much.

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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14 days may be credited.

#4118327

Review of Appearances

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
Please understand I am not a professional editor, so don't be offended or feel slighted by my comments to follow. I do have to add here, that for a story that had to be conveyed with such few words and include specified words, it was a really good work of written art. This piece did a great job of grabbing the attention of the reader (ME!), and making me want to know more. However, if there was a plan agreed upon by the couple for a surrogate, it would make one think that Amber would have been made aware of any 'action' taking place for those purposes. Perhaps, Ted didn't understand that there were more proper and suitable methods for a surrogate to become impregnated? I do understand that if you had more words to work with, things may have been more clear to the reader. As it is, I must assume that Ted didn't go about the surrogate agreement as planned, otherwise, Amber would not have taken it so hard and jumped to the conclusion of Ted cheating on her. I also find myself wondering why Amber's friend Molly was aware of what was going on, but not Amber.

What I really liked:
This written piece really makes the reader wonder what is really going on. Did Amber agree to the methods by which the surrogate was to become impregnated? Was Ted taking advantage of an already difficult situation between himself and Amber? If not, why was she so upset? Had Ted and Amber discussed how the surrogate, Kim, was to become a surrogate and agree upon it? So What I am saying is this really gets the reader wondering why the situation was so upsetting to Amber, if there was an arrangement in place and Ted was not acting outside of the terms of that arrangement. Great job on engaging the reader and making them ant to know more!

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
I am not the best when it comes to grammar and punctuation (yet not the worst), but nothing stood out to me in this piece as being poorly punctuated, etc...

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
So now, inquiring minds wanna know! I am aware that this was a contest entry, but I wonder if it may serve you well, as a longer piece. So many questions are left unanswered for the reader. You could turn this into a wonderful novella if you wanted to take the time to do so. Great job!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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14 days may be credited.

#4118204

Review of Yellow Umbrella

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
A sweet, heartwarming little tale of joy and sharing, and of caring. It can bring one such joy, to make even a small, positive difference in another persons life. You conveyed that feeling here. I think it would benefit your piece to break down the paragraphs in to smaller ones. It helps to make it easier for others to read, when the paragraphs are a bit shorter. Varying the length of sentences can make it easier to follow as well. You may wish to read back through this and identify sentences that are too long, and split them up a little. I notice that you are new to WDC, and being so, you may also be new to writing. Don't ever give up that desire. The more you write, the easier it becomes!

What I really liked:
I really like that your main character is portrayed as one with a gentle, loving heart. There are not enough people with these attributes in our world anymore. You were able to show how caring about others, can be such a wonderful blessing to those who do.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
Noted typo's ▼

In this sentence, see item highlighted in red:I didnât (should be didn't) even know why I did so...
And the same here: I couldnât (should be couldn't) help but smile...

Grammar and punctuation ▼

There are many areas that periods were used where a comma should be, as well as a comma used where a period should be. Also many missed comma's. There are free grammar checking programs available on the internet. If you copy and paste this into one, it could help you to identify where these errors were, and correct them.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Just know that I found this to be a heartwarming read. I am confident that if you make use of resources available to you, the punctuation will come easier. There are many wonderful people here, that will reach out to offer assistance, if you only ask. And remember, nothing ever written was perfect the first time around. We all must edit several times, even Stephan King, I'll bet! I still struggle when it comes to punctuation and I have taken two college level English comp courses! Write from the heart and be open to editing your work. You will shine!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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#4117924

Review of Kayoko Osaka Prologue

Review by Patrece ~

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were!

A review for you! From: Lady Patrece of House Hightower "Game of Thrones"

Initial impression of your piece:
My initial impression; based on your description, was wondering why you are out to scare the reader away, before they have a chance to draw their own conclusion? I can relate to your need to share this information, but perhaps, do so at the end of the piece. A good introduction will help you draw more attention to your story, and get more readers and helpful reviews. Your efforts show in your story. It is my belief that you have a very good tale to tell here. I would love to see you put more faith in your abilities, and continue on with it. Any stories, even the best, are not ever fully polished until they have been edited multiple times. Get it out there and build upon it. You can shine it up later. The important thing is to stay with it and get your general idea recorded first. This way you do not lose sight of it or interest in pursuing it! You can pretty it up later.
I am gathering that something extremely evil unfolded in the town this little girl lives in. The fact that the woman, Kaoru, was able to guess where Kayoko was from, based on what she had told the woman, indicates it was not a widespread occurrence. It also makes me wonder what had happened. (Part of the hook.)

What I really liked:
I enjoy writing that includes or are based on children and animals. Go figure...just my preference I guess. I really like that with the gift of the necklace, something more would be lurking in the future of the young girl, as you eluded to in the last sentence of this piece. THIS is part of the magic here! This is the stuff that makes the reader want to know more!

Spelling, grammar and punctuation :
I did notice that you have misspelled the word "gemstone" you have it spelled 'gymstone'. Punctuation and grammar can easily be helped by using a free grammar checker online and copying and pasting your writing into it. There are many to choose from. One of these programs will help you make corrections when you are doing an edit.

Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
First, don't scare your audience away in your description! Second, have more faith in your work! It has a ton of potential, and you can make it work. Remember to just get it out there first. Then edit, edit and edit again. Use the tools available to help you, including your friends here at WDC!

Just do the next WRITE thing!

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