StephBee - House Targaryen's (sgcardin) Reviews

StephBee - House Targaryen

Review Requests: ON

3,942 Public Reviews Given

4,155 Total Reviews Given

151

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4696558

Review of The Tale of Two Nice Mommies

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Mother Pig and Mother Bunny are the cool mommies every kid wished they had.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the endearing qualities of the mommies and their families.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Pandurang Pig and Bihari Bunny

What I loved about Pig and Bunny is their heartwarming friendship. It's a good message for little readers.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The word prompts were listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

152

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4696556

Review of The Tale of Peter Piglet

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A teacher is telling the children's story about a little piglet called Peter.

WHAT I LIKED

I love how the kids interrupt the storytelling. It's very natural and I could easily picture this happening.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the teacher. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

It's all dialogue.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: classroom setting

This is something that is be clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Teacher & kids

The interruptions by the kids are very endearing.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Great character voice to suck the reader in. A warm hearted children's story. Good use of the word prompts in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

153

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693841

Review of Taken In The Bayou

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A Rougarou captures John. Can he escape?

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author weaved in the legend of the Rougarou from the Cajon culture.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from John's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "cypress trees grew everywhere, their bulbous claw(s) like trunks partially out of water."

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: bayou

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

John

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He makes the Rougarou a promise.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. In literary writing, spell out the word "okay." OK is good for journalistic writing. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

154

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693411

Review of Preparing For Comprehension

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Karen is taking a student, Jill, to be "ascended."

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the premise of the story. There's a nice light sci-fi touch. The quotation inspiration was weaved into the story in such a way to support the ascension.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Karen. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five senses. What did the summer camp smell like, for example?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Karen and Jill

There's enough here to understand Karen's motivations, but Jill is a very important character as well, and I'm curious as to her motivations.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and the ending leaves the story on an intriguing note. My big suggestion is maybe to clarify Jill's motivations a bit. I enjoyed reading the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

155

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693408

Review of The Awakening

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A determined nurse tries to help an artist in a catatonic state.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how Tracey brought Shannon out of her shell, so to speak. The quotation inspiration fits the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Narration shifts between Shannon and Tracey without line breaks which is a tad confusing. I might suggest using line breaks when shifting point of view narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: hospital setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Shannon and Tracey

There's enough here to understand Tracey's motivations. As a nurse, she wants to help people.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. While sad, the ending does leave the reader with a hopeful message. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

156

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693407

Review of Blind Faith

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Taking a philosophical angle, Karen, a scientist, struggles with faith.

WHAT I LIKED

I thought this was a good character study in regards to faith. The quotation inspiration fit the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Karen. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: clinical setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Karen

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She is torn between believing in God or not.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to tell the story.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening intrigues the reader. The ending is hopeful. A solid psychological study. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

157

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693406

Review of The Last Vein

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Reg is a deadbeat, but he's a likeable deadbeat, which ultimately gets him in trouble.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the setting and felt like I was there. The story fit the quotation inspiration prompt, but the prompt itself (the actual words) was not worked into the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Reg. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: The Australian outback

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Reg

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's a drifter due to his personality. He's likable, but ultimately, his greed gets the better of him.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A solid character driven story. Good luck in the contest.

158

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693400

Review of Her Eyes Can't See Her

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Middle Schooler Kimberly Morrison has become blind, a challenge that invites her to explore inward the type of person she wants to be.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author fit in the quotation inspiration quote into the story. The title was appropriate to the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Kimberly's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Kimberly

The story is a psychological examination of Kimberly's psyche, though I'm still not certain, as a reader, as to how or why temporary blindness overcame Kimberly, and perhaps that could be made a bit clearer to the reader. I thought Patrick was a good friend to Kimberly.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to present the story.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

For me, I thought this was a pretty heavy topic for a 12 year old in middle school, and I wasn't sure about the how the onset of the temporary blindness occurred. The opening engages the reader. Good luck in the contest.

159

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693399

Review of Galahad

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Galahad lives on the street and sticks his nose in business that isn't his.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the friendship between Glad and Alberto. The title was appropriate to the story. The story takes inspiration from the quotation inspiration but the quote isn't used in the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Galahad. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: the streets

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Galahad

Galahad really does have a good heart, but he doesn't have a good track record of making good choices.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A realistic look at life on the streets. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

160

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4693397

Review of Mareana's Eyes

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Mareana longs for Uranus.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author built in a "longing" sensation into the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

Narration drives the story.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: 2000
PLACE: Mississippi

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Mareana
For me, as a reader, it was hard to determine Mareana's goals or motivations. I understood the story is meant to be a tad nonsensical and lighthearted, but it was hard for me to follow.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening needs to be reworked. I might use the first person for Mareana to perhaps capture a quirky kinda of character voice and sell the premise of the story that way. (Perhaps Mareana can channel her inner "Phoebe Buffay"). Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

161

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689195

Review of Anticlimax

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Cupid must not rythme with Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Love should last a year yet it's thwarted every season.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: OKAY. On the outer fringe of the

. Cupid is a "cruel joke."

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem that has no rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Cupid's slam seems kinda tame.

Cupid was not rythmed with stupid.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

162

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689192

Review of Cupid Outbid

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Cupid must not rythme with Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Love is not for the poet, so Cupid should find someone else to target.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. On the outer fringe of the

. Cupid could be a unicorn in utopia for all the media hype he gets.

STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem set to "Cupid Outbid." I liked the creativity of using an acrostic poem.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

ALmost nice, Cupid's slam seems to come off a bit easy.

Cupid was not rythmed with stupid.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

163

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689191

Review of Please, Mr. Cupid

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Cupid must not rythme with Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid's dart, if aimed well at the poet's beloved will cause a massive fart that will burn down the town.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. On the outer fringe of the

. Cupid will have to be launched into space.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem that has an AABB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

ALmost nice, Cupid's slam seems to come off a bit easy.

Cupid was not rythmed with stupid.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

164

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689189

Review of Why me, Cupid?

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Cupid must not rythme with Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

The poet asks "Why me, Cupid?"

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: I couldn't find one. Cupid kinda does his thing while the poet protests.

STRUCTURE

Well structured. This is a free form poem with couplets and the last line of the couplets rythme AA/BB/CC/DD

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poet pleads for Cupid to find another victim.

Cupid was not rythmed with stupid.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

165

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689182

Review of Vexatious Valentine

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Cupid must not rythme with Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid's love is just a charade, Real love doesn't need a bow and a dart.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. On the outer fringe of the

. Cupid is a "love sick treasure."

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem that has an AABB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

ALmost nice, Cupid's slam seems to come off a bit easy.

Cupid was not rythmed with stupid.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

166

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689179

Review of Shadow and Light Poetry

for entry "Cupid Did Not Miss "

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Despite Cupid missing the

, the poet fell in love.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. Cringe worthy start with "Roses are red, Violets are blue..."

STRUCTURE

Foul. This is a free form poem that has an irregular rythme scheme in each stanza.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but the punctuation leaves a little something to be desired.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

How do you fall in love when the arrow misses? Slam: Doesn't come until the end of the poem with poor old cupid and his stupid arrow. It could been a bit more "slammy."

Cupid and Stupid were rythmed.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

167

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689178

Review of Slamming Cupid

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid's roaming around looking for a hit.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: Bad. Unlike Santa, the author wishes Cupid would just go away.

STRUCTURE

Mainly Awful. This is a free form poem that has a regular rythme scheme in each stanza.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

It's bad. Great speculation: Is Cupid a pervert, alien or something else? Slam: Just a tad off the bullseye but on the

Cupid and Stupid weren't rythmed.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

168

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689176

Review of I Hate You Please Come Back

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid's girl left him and he wants her back and he doesn't.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY. It's just an bad all around. Iambic pentameter mostly-ish.

STRUCTURE

Plain Awful. This is a free form poem that has an irregular rythme scheme in each stanza.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

It's ugly. The chick left him, but after reading the poem, you kinda understand why. Slam: Hits the

Cupid and Stupid weren't rythmed.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

169

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689175

Review of Vesper, The Evil Valentine Cupid

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (1.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Vesper the Cupid turned to revenge when a handsome cupid stole his valentine away.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. It's just an bad all around - about love gone bad and now revenge soothes the heart.

It's a heck of a story, of love gone bad - and when this cupid's arrow strikes it's divorce court.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem that has an irregular rythme scheme in each stanza.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

It's bad. The poem tells a bad story of love gone bad and now love must avoid Vesper's arrows. Slam: Vesper's no cupid, but he's on mission of revenge.

Cupid and Stupid weren't rythmed.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

170

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4689174

Review of My Typical Valentine's Day

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid missed - or did he?

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY. Cupid missed and hit the poet's brain.

Hit the brain and fart a poem. That's an ugly visual.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem that doesn't have a rythme scheme but there are rythmes.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

It's ugly. The poem struggles with structure, rythmes and it's just an awful visual, BUT sometimes, Valentine's Day isn't for you.

Cupid and Stupid weren't rythmed.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

171

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4685437

Review of Stormy Lady Poetry

for entry "stuck in the snow for the bard's hall contest "

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Jason Lee and his family discoer there are aliens out there...

WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the imagination behind the story. It had a "Red Dawn" feel to it.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. I might suggest an edit for past tense. Most professional editors suggest using past tense to tell a story. Present tense can get confusing for the reader.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses to build suspense and tension.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Jason Lee

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to defend his family and homeland.

MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The title fits the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

172

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4685432

Review of Cabin in the Woods

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Phil's car gets stuck in a snowstorm and he finds a cabin to keep warm...

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It wasn't what I expected.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Phil. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. As a suggestion, you could build on the deep expanse between the cold and heat and compare it with it with Phil and Samardijic.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Phil

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He gets stuck in a snow storm and seeks out shelter.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Character voice was short, a bit quirky, but engaging. The opening draws in the reader. The title is a nice fit for the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

173

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4685430

Review of It Happened One Night

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

An unnamed narrator gets stuck in the snow. Good thing there's a cabin nearby - and a dog.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the story. It was very heartwarming and uplifting.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense was used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately. I might suggest tapping into the five senses, for example, touch and how the cold might have played with her perception.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. For example, what kind of dog was it?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Unnamed Narrator

There's enough here to understand their motivations. It's time to find a place to hunker down for the snow storm.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. While the narrator didn't need to be named, it would have been nice if the dog got it out of the narrator.

The opening engages the reader. The title was a tad vague for the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

174

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4681717

Review of Candles of Eight

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM
A look at Hanukkah and what it brings, prayers, cheer, and goodness.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the line, "Eight candles lit on the final day." It created a visual for me of accomplishment and satisfaction.

STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. The poem captures heartfelt emotion. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph

175

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4681716

Review of Silent Night

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about nature and rebirth.

WHAT I LIKED

A nice visual of nature. It was easy to picture the scene in my mind as I read.

STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. The acrostic of "Silent Night" paints a nice scene of a silent night in nature, waiting for rebirth. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph