StephBee - House Targaryen's (sgcardin) Reviews

StephBee - House Targaryen

Review Requests: ON

3,942 Public Reviews Given

4,155 Total Reviews Given

76

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4735334

Review of Thank You Anonymous

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem was a heartfelt way to say "thank you" to Anonymous here on WDC.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the tone of the poem. It was easy to read and it was heartwarming.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with 4 line stanzas and a ABAB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "He comes through like a flasher, just giving me a peek."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I love the unique graphic signature added at the end. It's a great way to leave an impression here on WDC. A very upbeat poem!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

77

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14 days may be credited.

#4735333

Review of Oh Cupid My Cupid

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Blindfolded Cupid hit his target in an open field.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. Well, Cupid is blindfolded.

Cupid's arrow is like a heart tipped missile.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

With an ode to Shakespeare, and a couple of thees and thines, the poem tells a story of a wayward arrow with a bad result. Bad poetry, but the slam is a little tame with a heart tipped missile.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

78

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4735145

Review of Without Peer

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE LIMERICK

A warmhearted Limerick dedicated to the founding of Writing.com

WHAT I LIKED

A very lighthearted and sincere limerick.

STRUCTURE

A limerick is a 5 line poem with a AABBA rythme scheme with the 3rd & 4th lines shorter and sharing a different rythme. Most have a comedic spin.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A really nice limerick that tells the tale of Writing.com. I would use this as an example in showing newer writers what a limerick is and the format.

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army.

Review Signature

79

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14 days may be credited.

#4735134

Review of Cupid's the worst

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (1.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid is kinda smelly when he goes into action.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. His best is like a fart that smells worse than the rest. It's descriptive but it's only 1 slam and doesn't quite raise to the level of Ugly.

STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem that has an ABAB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While intentionally bad, the cupid slam comes off a bit tame. Worthy of a 1.5 star.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

80

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14 days may be credited.

#4735133

Review of Cupid Unleashed: Never a good mishmash.

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid gets drunk with shooting off his arrows.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. Cupid put on women's clothing as he got dressed.

It's a slam, but could be more creative.

STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem with an ABCBC rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While intentionally bad, the cupid slam comes off a bit tame. Worthy of a 1.5 star.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

81

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4735125

Review of Love's Worst Marksman

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid has a history of poor matchmaking hijinks.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY ENOUGH. Cupid has flimsy wings, tattered and fragil. A love guru he's not.

The poet gives plenty of reasons for Cupid to retire.

STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem with an AABB rythme scheme. Each stanza has 4 lines.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The slams are ugly enough to be ugly, but I've seen uglier. Worthy of a 1 star review.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

82

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4734963

Review of The Curse of Cupid

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (1.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid is back to do his yearly duty.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY. He's a little creep with pudgy cheeks and wears wrinkled Huggies with tattered lace.

Great descriptions! Easy to visualize.

STRUCTURE

The first 3 lines of the stanza rythme with the 4th line rythming with every 4th line. Subtle, yet catchy.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Well done ugly. Cupid's slams are visual and "ewww" worthy.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. A well earned 1 star!

83

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4732612

Review of MEMORIES

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE MEMOIR

A dedication to a beloved pet.

WHAT I LIKED

A very heartfelt memoir that connects on an emotional level.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of reflection. A beloved pet touched the author's heart and will be missed.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

The author drew a picture of how they've grown from sharing their life with their pet.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between the paragraphs and using WDC ML to make it easier on the eyes to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The writing is candid, honest, and sincere.

84

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4731736

Review of Sports, Music, or Both

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A young girl has a weighty decision to make between music and sports.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the presentation. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read and understand.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Bionna's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I know why you keep having these bad dreams," said Trionne as she look at her daughter.

MY SUGGESTION: Trionne looked at her daughter with a sympathetic smile. "I know why you keep having these bad dreams."

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I know there's a word count, so I might suggest a strategic edit using a good economy of words and focusing on the five senses. How vivid was the dream? What does the power ball field smell like? What's her sense of touch after the accident?

SETTING

TIME: futuristic
PLACE: fantasy setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Bionna

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She enjoys both music and sports and is torn about a career.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. There's a run on sentence starting with the paragraph, "Several hours later..."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. This is a very creative and imaginative that the reader can empathize with as Bionna goes through her struggles.

85

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4731494

Review of Oh Tiny Little Flower

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about a flower, how it grows, and how it spreads love.

WHAT I LIKED

There was a nice rhythmic flow to the poem that made it easy to read.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with rythming couplets making up the stanzas.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "the windless summers warming heat shines on all your colors."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I liked the title and thought it was reflective of the poem. I also liked the ending line where it reinforced the power of nature. A very expressive poem.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bee Hive

Bee Hive Graphic

86

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4731380

Review of Hard Rain Back Home

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem dealt with life's adversatives and offered solutions.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the examples the poem gave as we've all been there - climbed a mountain, visited a beach, watched a sunset. It was a very relatable poem.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with couplets as the stanzas. The rythmes worked well.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "you can lose yourself in that exhausting pain."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The end offered hope which I appreciated. This was a nice poem that will challenge the reader to reflect on their own life.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bee Hive.

Bee Hive Graphic

87

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14 days may be credited.

#4731142

Review of Not for the first time

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Serena finds a remote beach to spend some "me" time, and meets Ryan, but she doesn't really get to know him until there's danger.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the connection the characters made. The author did a great job making it feel natural and warm even though they just met.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Serena's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

The descriptions were just right! Great visual description to open up the short story and keep the reader reading. I felt like I was at the beach with Serena and Ryan.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Unnamed Australian beach

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Serena and Ryan

They're both private people, and yet they seem to gravitate toward one another on a deeper level.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a spacing between each paragraph to make it easier on the eyes. Font and size were good for reading.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and piques their curiosity.

88

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4730712

Review of The friendly whale

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about a visiting whale.

WHAT I LIKED

I love whales. What I liked about this poem was how visual it was and how easy I could see it play out in my mind's eye.

STRUCTURE

This is an 8 line poem with an AABB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make it easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A heartwarming and endearing power about the inquisitive nature of whales.

Reviewed by StephBee from the Bee Hive
Bee Hive Graphic

89

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14 days may be credited.

#4730348

Review of Cold

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A girlfriend takes a boyfriend's treasured possession.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt?

Place word count with the item.

WHAT I LIKED

Loved this metaphor: "Still fresh in my mind like a mountaineer on Everest."

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

For me, I picked out the theme anger and hurt, and how one deals with those emotions.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

I could tell the narrator was upset and anger, but, to me I thought there was a bit of melodrama in his reflections.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title, "Cold" intrigues the reader. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

90

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4730082

Review of Last Few Moments

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

The narrator comes face-to-face with the end of life.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt?

Placed word count in the item.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked progression of thought - it reminded me of the stages of grief, which felt natural.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of acceptance. It isn't easy to look at your own mortality.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

I went through the emotional beats with the narrator.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening keeps the reader engaged. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

91

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4730081

Review of The Next NEXT Wednesday

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

The narrator is confused which Wednesday it is.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt?

Placed word count in the item.

WHAT I LIKED

The title is interesting and piques the reader's interest.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

Sometimes we let our thoughts wander and entertain just about any scenario that pops into our mind.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

I think the narrator is a bit agitated.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything, I might increase the font size on the item to make it easier to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. I can honestly say I was just as confused as the narrator when it came to the next NEXT Wednedsay. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

92

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4730080

Review of A Crack in the sidewalk

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A young person emotionally deals with the death of a parent.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on a picture prompt?

Placed word count in the item?

WHAT I LIKED

The ending was very hopeful.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

I picked up on a theme of dealing with loss.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

The narrator worked through some heavy thoughts to find comfort.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader by noting the crack the sidewalk which can be a parallel for the crack in the narrator's emotional well being. The writing is candid and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

93

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14 days may be credited.

#4730079

Review of I'm Frank's Friend

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

Frank's friend wishes he was somewhere warm.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt?

Placed word count in the item?

WHAT I LIKED

I appreciated the rambling musings. Sometimes, when I get on a topic, I start to ramble. Very realistic in that regard.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Frank's friend. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

For me, I got a longing to change one's 'state' of life, and I think that's something we all can appreciate. There are times in our life when we could use a change.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

The author tugs on the heartstrings as the narrator works through their thoughts.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

94

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4730074

Review of Waiting for the Bus

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A man mulls over a break up as he waits for the bus.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture?

Place word count with the item? --- No word count placed in the item.

WHAT I LIKED

Honest character voice. You could hear the "numbness" of emotion

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of dealing with heartbreak and disappointment.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

Breaking up isn't easy to do and emotions can really get heavy.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening draws the reader in with something we all can identify with. The writing is candid with a touch of heartbreak. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

95

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4729998

Review of Park Bench

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A man reflects on his life and losing the love of his life, during life's quieter moments.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Wrote internal dialogue based on the picture prompt?

Did not modify the item after 1 FEB and put in the word count.

WHAT I LIKED

Nice character voice. Nice free flow of thoughts and contemplation.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of reflection, and that of looking backward to find motivation to look forward.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Great; Good; Okay.

Great! Resonates with strong emotion.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening draws the reader in. The writing is candid, honest, and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

96

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4729996

Review of Immortal

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A man gets sucked up in a barren landscape while searching for immortality.

FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue?

Word Count posted and item not modified after 1 FEB?

WHAT I LIKED

Great character voice. It drew me right into the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

Sometimes when you take a chance, you take a wrong chance, probably due to the fact you didn't think the situation all the way through. I've done that a couple of times.

EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? Good;

The author drew a picture of frustration after making a rash choice.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening drew me right in. I loved the creativity and imagination inspired by the photo prompt.

97

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4727914

Review of Time

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army.

THE POEM

The poem deals with the passage of time and how it can effect us.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the hint of Dr. Seuss. It made the poem very engaging.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. I noticed a general ABAB rythme scheme, but there were 2 stanzas where that didn't follow the pattern, still, it didn't take away from the presentation or the message.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "In circle's of life's wind, we trust."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I enjoyed the word play. The first line is especially appealing, "How did it get so late so soon?" The questions in the poem dare the reader to puzzle themselves out against the backdrop of the reader's life.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

98

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4727724

Review of GRATEFUL HEART

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about thankfulness and those traits associated with being thankful.

WHAT I LIKED

This is a very expressive and upbeat poem. I especially liked, "Every experience has a good reason For all of us to keep moving on."

STRUCTURE

This an acrostic poem. An acrostic poem is where the first letter of each line spells out a word or a message.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Honest, sincere, and heartfelt. A nice outlook to have on life.

Reviewed by StephB from the Bee Hive

Bee Hive Graphic

99

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4727212

Review of Someone Jacked Your Sleigh

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

This review is #4 of a 4 poem port raid from Package 3 from the Bee Hive Honey Pit Raffle.

FORUM

Steph Bee's Honey Pit

(E)
APR 2024 - hang out with fellow Bees and enjoy the Honey.
#1474097 by StephBee - House Targaryen

THE POEM

The poem tells a story of how Santa's sleigh was stolen.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the title of the poem. It sucked me right in and I had to read it!

STRUCTURE

This is a 24 line poem that follows the melody of "Jingle Bells." Well done.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Someone jacked your sleigh, took to flight, so late at night." I could so picture this happening!

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Written for a contest, the poem it's a perfect "Bah Humbug!" The poem is lighthearted and fun. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephBee for the Bee Hive

Bee Hive Graphic

100

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4727211

Review of The Forlorn Sea

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

This review is #3 of a 4 poem port raid from Package 3 from the Bee Hive Honey Pit Raffle.

FORUM

Steph Bee's Honey Pit

(E)
APR 2024 - hang out with fellow Bees and enjoy the Honey.
#1474097 by StephBee - House Targaryen

THE POEM

The author uses the sea and the conditions of the sea to reflect how rocky a bad relationship can be and leaves the reader with a bit of hope at the end.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the tone. It was very somber and reflective.

STRUCTURE

This is a 16 line poem with every stanza having 4 lines. In each stanza the 1st and 3rd lines rythmed.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Where the foamy white caps turn black." Visually descriptive, it also reflects how a life of promise can turn sour.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem tells a tale of life and the emotional path life can take one on. I appreciated the hopeful ending. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephBee for the Bee Hive

Bee Hive Graphic