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176
176
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
A hopeful message inspired by the season.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the line, "Speak with a kindness in your heart;" - it is a guiding premise for all.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest checking the WDC ML at the beginning of the poem.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. The poem looks back and challenges us to look forward with hope and inspiration. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
177
177
Review of Silver Bells  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
Waiting on Christmas, Waiting on New Year.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the hopeful and heartfelt feelings I got from reading the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. Silver Bells fit both Christmas and New Year's. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
178
178
Review of SILENT NIGHT  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
Brief words paint a picture of the season.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem evoked holiday visuals with simplicity of words.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. The poem is a nice reminder that the things we do can bring goodwill and heartfelt emotions to the season. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
179
179
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
A personal poem about the season and a reason not to be "bah humbug."

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked message of love.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. I enjoyed the presentation of finding love even though a person's instinct might be to find the "humbug." Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
180
180
Review of Bah Humbug  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
Is Christmas a time to be holy or a humbug? The poem challenges us to unburden our minds and let our heart rejoice.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how the poem asked questions and made us think about how we want to be like/act during the Christmas season.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While there are rhythms, there is no set pattern. A nice spin on "Bah Humbug." Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
181
181
Review of Star of the Night  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
A gentle visual of the "Star of the Night," Jesus.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the ending lines, "Love here shining forth, Star of the Holy Night," succinct and heartfelt.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase. In this poem it is "Silver Bells."

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. The poem paints a warm vignette of resting with Jesus the night of his birth. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
182
182
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
This paints paints a warmhearted, yet cold visual of a winter wonderland. Nice word play.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the visual. It reminded me that even cold can be beautiful.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Good use of WDC ML to add color into the poem.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. The poem captures a moment well and stirs heartfelt emotions. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
183
183
Review of Ring those Bells  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM
This is a poem about a personal meaning of the ringing of bells at Christmas time.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the heartfelt emotion of the poem and how it gently reminds us the reason for the season.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

There is no specific rythme scheme. Very inspiring! Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
184
184
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about fear inspired by a quote from Samuel Johnson, "O, how vain and vile a passion is this fear! What base, uncomely things it makes men do."

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I like how the first line of each stanza addresses a "trait" of fear.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no structured rhyme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Very expressive! A poem about fear that sums up the worst of it. A creative take on the prompt, but for the contest, I believe a short story was the requirement for the contest.

Glowing Steph

185
185
Review of Contest Entries  
for entry "The Handful of Dust" 
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Milly tries to overcome her fear of dust.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

A freaky spin on the prompt.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited person by Milly. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Just watch the just please," Mike said with a sigh.

MY SUGGESTION: "Just watch the dust." Mike sighed.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "...unsettling passed between them, as a wolf and tigress might stare at each other in the night."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: unsure
PLACE: unsure

This is something that could be a little more clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Milly

There's enough here to understand his motivations. She's afraid of dust. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt for inspiration. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.

Glowing Steph
186
186
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The ghost of mental illness lives in the narrator's mind.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the quote inspired the story. Very suspenseful.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Bruno. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "A shadow appeared before me, staring back at the me with balls of fire where eyes should have been."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that that could be a little more clarified for the reader.


*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed Narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's a little weary having to deal with Bruno. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Very freaky psychological spin on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.

Glowing Steph
187
187
Review of Who Dunnit?  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A Cop Shop Mystery, Chef Cawpa has been murdered. Who dunnit?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

A creative way to solve the Cop Shop Mystery, by telling the tale in poetic form.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The poem has 5 stanzas with 4 lines and a couplet.
There is a rhyme scheme but it varies from stanza to stanza.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "I believe since there is no Colonel Mustard, the evidence would be clear."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The open stanza engages the reader. Sentence count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Cop Shop Contest

Glowing Steph
188
188
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Little Robby had a secret. Poor Chef Cawpa.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I can picture little Robby plotting his schemes with a smashed smile and an evil, husky chuckle.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: banquet hall

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Little Robby

There's enough here to understand the character's motivation - he's jealous. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story was short and easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Good opening line entices the reader to keep going. Sentences were listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
189
189
Review of Regrets  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The author reflects on life and love, and how he nurtured one aspect of his life and not the other. Now he finds himself with regrets.


*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

Each stanza consists of two lines which rhyme. The "shortness" of the stanzas heightens the emotional regret of the poem.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "attenuated fingers brushed over the stone, teary eyed, dejected, he emits a moan." Great visual, heartfelt emotion.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Well written. The poem does a great job of evoking emotion. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army SEP 2022 review challenge

Review Signature
190
190
Review of Let's Go.  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Mickey and May manage to make some time to get away.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the simplicity of Mickey and May's relationship. It was a very sweet story that tugged on the heartstrings.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by May. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Good use of words that tapped into the five senses. I especially liked: "May thought Mickey's crooked teeth made him even more appealing."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

May

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's very responsible but also needs her time to be "just a kid." *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

My only suggestion, and this is minor, would be to expand the scene where Mickey takes May to the Cadillac. Did they ride bikes? Walk? Stop by to buy gum? Build up the suspense a bit more as Mickey takes May to the car. I thought the story captured the "grittiness" of the song & it's inspiration well. The opening easily engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Review Signature
191
191
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The narrator and a red haired friend travel to Portugal.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the prose. I felt the story danced to it's own rhythms and pace.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

Narration drives the story. "I don't care -- anywhere" vibes as dialogue, used strategically, makes a point.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Portugal

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand the motivations. Their adventurous heart takes them to another country to discover. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML. The prose was easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The story captures the essence of the inspiration well. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Review Signature
192
192
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Sid has to face the fact that Mabel is dying.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story was emotionally nuanced. Sid went through the emotional gambit and the reader was right there with him. Nice characterization at the beginning grabs and holds the reader throughout.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Sid. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to tug on the reader's heartstrings.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Sid
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to give Mabel the best before he loses her. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the font easier for the reader.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. If anything, the ending winded me. I was hoping he would return to the jeweler and ask them to borrow the ring. I wasn't expecting the ending and it let me down, though I suppose the "grittiness" of it is consistent with the song and the inspiration provided. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Review Signature
193
193
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Annie needs a little asphalt therapy to get back in the grove.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the title. I thought it fit the story well.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Annie and CJ. I might suggest a definitive line break when the POV shifts so it's not confusing to the reader. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the characterization and the story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Wyoming

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Annie

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's had a lot of changes in her life that she has to get used to. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story does a good job capturing the inspiration of the song prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Review Signature
194
194
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Warren has no patience in teaching his daughter, Grace, to drive.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the presentation of the story. Good use of WDC ML. The story was easy to read.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Present tense is used to tell the story, which for me, as a reader, was a bit disorientating. Most professional editors recommend telling a story in past tense. Present tense was consistent and the story did not jump tenses or POV narration.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Grace

Grace is the main character and she wants to learn to drive. Her father is exasperated and impatient while teaching her. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for spelling mistakes. As written: "And she does look too well." I think that's supposed to be doesn't.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. My suggestion would be use the past tense. The characterization is consistent, but all the characters come across unsympathetic. I might soften them up by tapping into how each can be a tad more compassionate toward the other. I can see where the story drew inspiration from the song. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Review Signature
195
195
Review of Just drive!  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Georgios meets Maria when her family goes to turn in their olives, but can he get past her family?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending and how it tied into the title of the story. Nice tie in, and made the story come full circle.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Georgios. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "It was good to meet you Georgios," she said stepping into the truck.

MY SUGGESTION: She stepped into the truck. "It was good to meet you, Georgios."

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting in Greece

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Georgios

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's attracted to Maria and wants to make it work with her, despite her family. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation, especially for commas. There are a couple of run on sentences. I would reword the following. As written: She spoke with an accent he had been taught to hate but he loved the way she spoke and the joy and energy in her voice made him want to sing out.

I would write: She spoke with an accent he had been taught to hate, but he loved the way she spoke. There was a joy and energy in her voice that made him want to sing.


*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening intrigues the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Review Signature
196
196
Review of Billy's New Car  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am an official judge reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest  (E)
Use the music provided to inspire your writing!
#2002964 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Billy's getting a new car with a lot of fancy features, but sometimes, new isn't better.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked Sadie. She fit like an old glove. Good characterization and good character voice.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited in Billy's POV. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the story toward the end.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I might suggest tapping into the 5 senses. I can get a good visual sense of the setting, but as a reader, you can put me in the moment with a few strategic sentences that tap into touch and smell. What does the new car smell like. How does Sadie feel? What's the emotional reaction to that?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: the future
PLACE: dystopian desert

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Billy

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's excited to get something new, and doesn't realize what he might be missing. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Review Signature
197
197
Review of C-notes!  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE CNOTES

*Reading* An all occasion batch of cnotes.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the images selected where appropriate for the message.

*Star* ENGAGING

I liked the flower and bee. I wasn't sure what the first one was - a lollipop?

*Star*VARIETY

If anything, I might suggest expanding the folder. If you're going for all occasion, you might pick images for: encouragement, (the yellow you have now can go for promotion) inspiration, get well soon, happy summer, birthdays, etc...

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I might define the tone/mood a bit more, maybe use a graphic or simply say Cnotes for all occasions. A good effort at creating cnotes! I would say the notes are a bit on the higher end of affordability. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Glowing Steph
198
198
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE FOLDER

*Reading* The folder houses the author's Cnotes.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the folder organized the different Cnotes.

*Star* ENGAGING

The introduction to the folder has a nice little gif of a gnome making a heart. That pulled me right in.

*Star*VARIETY

There were a lot of choices between cnotes: just because, halloween, get well, promotion, anniversary, birthday.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

For the Bard's Hall Contest, I was looking to be directed to the Cnotes itself, as this link is to the folder that houses the cnotes. I enjoyed the creativity and the whismiscal graphic the introduction. That made me smile.


Glowing Steph
199
199
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem takes a look at the Christmas hustle and bustle, but hints there is more to the season if you just slow down to listen.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the message of the poem, very heartfelt and honest.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "the season is not all baubles and bows"

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. I liked how the author explored the dichotomy of the season, commercialism/fast pace vs slowing down and enjoying the emotional elements (gratitude/appreciation/kindness).

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army SEP 22 Review challenge

Review Signature
200
200
Review of Haiku-Winter  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about the changing weather.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The poem, on it's face, tells the tale of changing weather, but upon introspection, hints at changing emotions that humans deal with as well.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This a Haiku. A Haiku is a traditional short form of Japanese poetry that engages the reader using a cutting word (kireji) Here, I would say that word is "harsh." There is a 5,7,5 syllable pattern.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The poem is easy to read and encourages the reader to go a little deeper.

Reviewed by StephBee - House Targaryen for the Angel Army
and Submited to Good Deeds Get CASH

Review Signature
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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