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367 Public Reviews Given
386 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is fairly detailed. I am not the sort to only give praise. My goal is to help you explore your characters, plot, and the overall structure of your work.
I'm good at...
I'm good at offering balanced advice. My reviews will explore those aspects of your writing that work well, and the areas that need more improvement.
Favorite Genres
I prefer darker work, horror, science fiction, fantasy, and erotica. I will accept any rating of work you wish for me to review.
Least Favorite Genres
I don't care for light hearted, feel good romances.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction. I like reading poetry, but please know that I have very little knowledge of poetry structure, so my reviews will be based strictly on a reader standpoint and how it sounds from the reader's perspective.
I will not review...
I'll give anything a try.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of Art  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Lani,

This poem caught the feel of artistic endeavor well. I like the clean cut verses, and I really like the poetry information that yo provided at the bottom. Mostly I write short stories, and so Poetry is a different world for me. I know what I like, but none of the technical details.

One small thing you could change is that there is a space missing between carving and shaping. Aside from that, this was a well thought out poem that conveyed the subject well.

Thank you,

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102
102
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hi Christina,

You did something with this story that I really wanted to commend you on. The characters in it understood the importance of balance. In so many faiths, religions, beliefs, favoring the light above all else is usually the central message. But, without Darkness, what is the meaning of Light? Good cannot exist in a world without Evil. You were able to capture that concept very well in this story.

One thing to watch out for is to be careful about using the same word too close together. An example would be: The scent of the Colombian red roses and the hand-picked red apples penetrated her nostrils and she inhaled the sweet scent, feeling somehow safer. I would change the second scent to fragrance or aroma, that or change the first to the light perfume. Either way, watch out for using the same word too many times. I do this a lot myself, and always go back to catch any double, and at times triple use.

I like how much information you give, but I think that the beginning of this story is a little bogged down with too much of an information overload. It slowed the story down, but once she got out into the cemetery it picked up again and become exciting.

I love the ending. It is the warning that any practitioner of such things must understand. You might be able to call up great beings, and they might even do something for you in exchange for a good Offering, but sometimes they come back. Control is often an illusion, and when stepping off the well marked paths of reality, anything can happen.

Thank you for another fascinating story,

~Noyoki

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103
103
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Christina Daltro,

This ghost story was interesting, and almost delightfully misleading. As I was reading, I felt the parallels to Little Red Ridding Hood, and half expected her to turn out to be the big bad wolf. Instead she was a saddling ghost accepting a ride to her resting place. Nice twist at the end.

I would work on the title a little, and the name of the school. Maybe go for something more subtle. I’ve found that innocent titles make a horror story pack a little more punch. I think one of the scariest horror movie trailers I ever saw was for ‘The Crazies’ not because the movie was that frightening, but because of the song they chose to play over it. “Mad World by Gary Jules” It is a very soft almost tired song, and the contrast of the song to what was playing on the screen heightened the horror dramatically. Also, the title is what first catches the readers’ eye, so you want it to be something that will lure them in deeper.

The descriptions you used to set the scene were beautiful, I particularly like the first paragraph and felt drawn along with her as she walked. One last suggestion would be to maybe rework the end. There is a curious thing about people, especially adults, and that is the almost instant rejection of the mind to when something otherworldly happens. The rational mind is swift to dismiss such things, and I think his mind may quickly have begun leaping to different excuses to try and rationalize what just happened, instead of screaming.

Overall this was a great ghost story; it hit strongly, and was misleading enough in the beginning for her being dead to be a shock to the readers. Great job!

Thank you,
Noyoki

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104
104
for entry "Weakling Cub (chap 3)" 
Review by Noyoki
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello C Scott Gray,


**Reviewing Chapter 3**

I’m not sure if it tells you what chapter I’m reviewing or not, so I thought I’d include it here.

This chapter was very good at showing a gritty reality. It shows the tension of a community where being different is cause for death, and reflects a truth of our own world.

The portrait of the wolf pups entrance was well done. I like that you showed the wolves as having unique personalities that were not dissimilar to people. You had a good mix of pups, not all bounding out and being all dog like. I wish some talented artist would draw the miscolored wolf, he sounds amazingly beautiful.

I think that this is my favorite chapter so far. You played the scenes like a fine interment, bringing it up and drawing it down into a soft croon. Very magical.

Thank you,
Noyoki
105
105
Review by Noyoki
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello C Scott Gray,

In this chapter you’ve introduced us to a new group of people who inhabit your world. I like the idea that while not bound to land, they are deeply bound to each other by links of custom forged over the length of their existence.

You might want to further explore Ayliah’s unhappiness at her betrothal. Cultures such as this generally have an air of acceptance towards betrothals, it is what is expected of the women and so it isn’t something they think to want to challenge or change. While some matches might be bad, it is akin to childbirth, just an unpleasant fact of being a woman. I would go more in depth into her reason to buck against these life long traditions. You mentioned her father was one reason, but perhaps exposure to some of the other cultures could play a part as well.

This chapter gave a new flavor to the story, setting a new stage. I’m excited to see what the next will bring.

Thank you,
Noyoki
106
106
Review by Noyoki
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello C Scott Gray,

Plunging into a yet unknown world is always breath taking. Thank you for laying a new world at my feet to explore. I like the liquid feel of your names, and the tropical nature of the world you are presenting.

In the first part of the first chapter I think that you should show us a few scenes from Ai’Liel’s life, that would demonstrate what you are telling the readers. Instead of telling us how good he is at all these things, show us. One part really stood out:

he was still able to pick a budding spicefruit off of its stem along a clinging vine, with a single shaft.

Give us this scene, fully fleshed out. Let us feel the wind pulling at him, trying to drag him to the ground, but how he nimbly escapes the teasing hold of gravity. Why does he fly so fleetly though the wooded world? Show us what drove him up into the trees, and give us a taste of his personality when you do.

After the seventh paragraph you really switched gears and brought us right into the forest with Ai’Liel. You’ve played the surroundings beautifully, and though weather and background you’ve set a strong tone for this part of the story. I think that you should also delve more into Ai’Liel’s thoughts, this is a good area to build character development.

Watch out for using the same word too close together. An example would be the word ‘just’ in this sentence: Ai'Liel had come to the conclusion that he had displayed just that, and wondered just how much meekness would be forced upon him, before this was over.

I am enjoying the world you’ve unveiled so far, and I think that you have a really strong base to work from.

Thank you,
Noyoki
107
107
Review by Noyoki
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Spidey,

This poem was multifaceted. Upon first reading it, I didn't think I liked it, but reading it again I find a greater depth. Like looking into a puddle, and stepping into it to find your foot going down farther than you thought it would. It feels like being caught on the edge of the world, held poised between night and day.

One thing to change perhaps is the word swam. I think this is what threw me the first read, it would be better if it was swim. The rest of the poem is in present tense, so the one past tense word gives it an odd stride.

Thank you for sharing,

~Noyoki
108
108
Review by Noyoki
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Christina Daltro,

The twist ending to this story was very well done. I love how the God fearing woman ended up accidentally breaking one of the 10 Commandments. Thou Shall not Kill. In trying to get rid of dark magic, she instead ended up destroying a life. One thing I would have loved to see was her reaction when she heard the news and understood what she had done.

Thank you,

Noyoki
109
109
Review by Noyoki
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Alfred Booth,

The imagery in this poem is very potent.

Saint Peter's beard and flowing robe
the ethereal puffy clouds
angel's wings

This paints a very unique picture, and the whole poem does the same. You captured the essential truth that we never really take stock of our lives until those moments when they may be taken away from us. I heard a quote once that went something like this "You're never more alive until the moment just before you die." You captured that well in this poem. I was struck by the last few lines.

the soliloquy in white would become
a multitude of multicolored conversations
about love and friendship
and all the things that had never been said

This is the perfect end for the drama you painted with brilliant strokes of red over a canvas of white. One thing that I didn't care much for was the erratic punctuation and lack of capitalization. In a way it fits what you were going for, as if the subject of your poem was drifting in and out of consciousness, but I think for it to work fully you would need to really embrace that and make the whole thing more erratic and drifting from thought to thought as he comes closer and farther from waking.

I thought that the message was very well drawn, and that you built up a wonderful amount of tension as the readers feared the worst, yet hoped for the best. Great job!

Thank you,
Noyoki
110
110
Review of Once Upon A Cock  
Review by Noyoki
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi Keaton Foster,

First I would like to tell you that this little ditty made me giggle like a mad woman. I love the distinctly phallic shape of your poem, it is very fitting to the subject at hand. One suggestion I would give is shift the words around a bit more to really smooth out the shape. This was a very humorous poem though, great job!

Thank you,
Noyoki
111
111
Review of You created me  
Review by Noyoki
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Emlye,

This is a great poem. It really demonstrates how easy the path of revenge is, as apposed to the path of salvation. Often times, we'll use that fragile thread to drag down those who hurt us, instead of rising above it and letting go of the hurt and the pain. I think this poem reflects that realty greatly. I also think that the imagery is well done, I like how it shows the toxic nature of revenge and how the once harmed quickly become monsters under its poisoned whispers.

Thank you,
Noyoki
112
112
Review by Noyoki
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Showering Crusader Dutchessbar,

This was a pretty good word search even though I'm not sure who Itchy Water is, I am now interested enough to take a peak at her work. I thought that it was a bit simplistic with almost all the words on the horizontal, but I really did like the twist of having a single word 'contests' on the vertical. It is like a trick some teachers pull on students, giving a quiz where all the answers are C and the students get worried that that couldn't possibly be right. By having most of the puzzle on the horizontal, it made finding the vertical one all the more challenging. Also, having really long phrases makes the game easier because they are easier to find.

Thanks,

Noyoki
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