*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://p15.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/noyoki/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
367 Public Reviews Given
386 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is fairly detailed. I am not the sort to only give praise. My goal is to help you explore your characters, plot, and the overall structure of your work.
I'm good at...
I'm good at offering balanced advice. My reviews will explore those aspects of your writing that work well, and the areas that need more improvement.
Favorite Genres
I prefer darker work, horror, science fiction, fantasy, and erotica. I will accept any rating of work you wish for me to review.
Least Favorite Genres
I don't care for light hearted, feel good romances.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction. I like reading poetry, but please know that I have very little knowledge of poetry structure, so my reviews will be based strictly on a reader standpoint and how it sounds from the reader's perspective.
I will not review...
I'll give anything a try.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 ... Next
26
26
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello MOSSPIGLET ,

This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's *BalloonR* Free-For-All Anniversary Party Raid! *BalloonR*!

*Music1*My Thoughts:

We enter this story with Selmo in a pretty bad place. It doesn't get any better from there for the poor man.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

> I love the play on the name Friendo who is a great betrayer.

> Using Haw instead of ha was one of those little touches that makes your story stand out.

> Pearly blades is a delightfully unique description of sharp teeth.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> I would change He had given up to he gave up.

> You use the word but to start two different paragraphs, maybe think of rewording one.

> There's a bit of a question with Cousin Jeremiah. Does he always look demonic? If not, I think you should maybe work in how his features changed from their normal configuration.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This was a dark, intense story from start to finish. Great job!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

27
27
Review of Forgotten colors  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello bas


This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's *BalloonR* Free-For-All Anniversary Party Raid! *BalloonR*!

*Music1*My Thoughts:

Our dreams always make great fodder for stories. I think this would be a fascinating story that delves into the sleeping mind and explores what our subconscious is capable of.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I like the plot of the purposed story. The dream added a good deal of tension because of the two totally different moments you show. First, the joy and happiness of children at play, and then the devastation of the blast.

That the explosion came from the colors themselves adds a chilling sort of depth to the whole thing. It's the feeling that something so innocent shouldn't be able to hurt us and we feel the hurt and betrayal when our simple joy turns to destroy us.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> The first line is a bit choppy. Maybe try: Nina woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat like she had so many times over the last few weeks.

> The second line is a bit fragmented. Maybe try: It was the same dream. A room filled...

> Small edit: Laughters should be laughter. Also you need a space after the period here: cries for help. The...

> Break up the line starting Everybody want... Try ending this line at the windows are locked. May the next line flow like this: The smoke thickens and the cries get weaker. A few minutes later...

> Add a question mark here: What was she dreaming of? Was it...

> The last line is a little awkward. Maybe try: Join Nina on her quest to decode the dream on a journey that will make her face realities she never could have imagined.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

You have a good setup for a story here. I hope you pursue it sometime. I wouldn't mind following Nina through the tangle of her dreams and out the other side. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you,
Noyoki

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

28
28
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Fivesixer ,

This review was done for the 30 Day Blogging Challenge Scavenger Hunt.

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This poem explores Norb's life. We learn of his passion, and it flows through all the lines of this work.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

> If the ink still bleeds. This is a vivid line, one I think many writers will relate to.

> then I can blow up these walls around me with a good beat that has a surrounding similar to the love of a family... I love this line. It takes two very different things, and draws a unique parallel between them. The sound of music, and the love of family. Very powerful.

> I like the layout of this poem. It feels semi-chaotic, and mirrors life that way.

> I can't wait for it to be my turn. My Thanksgiving. I like how you drew on the holiday, yet gave it a new meaning and life.

> The last eight lines were strong. People often look at love as a soft emotion, but you gave it power.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

This was a great poem, I have no suggestions.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This was a perfect example of free form poetry. You were able to explore the shape of the poem and let the truths of your life flow free. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


29
29
Review of So Little Time  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Finn O'Flaherty

This review is for the 30 Day Blogging Challenge Scavenger Hunt.

*Music1*My Thoughts:

In this short story, we have a wish with a twist. Then again another twist.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

> I love this story. It's so different from the typical wishing star story. There have been some stories of stars becoming human, but you were able to push the limit and have the star become something totally unexpected. You gave life to nature in this story.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> I would break this line up: She did not know she was a wishing star. Suddenly, she felt an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her centre as she launched towards the planet of her dreams. (note: removed the adverb swiftly)

> Watch out for adverbs. They're a lot like dandy lions. One on a lawn looks pretty, but they have the bad habit of breeding in your story until they take over.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This was a very short story with brilliant twists and turns. We went on a journey with a Star from the heavens to a single tear. Well written. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


30
30
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hello Geoff

*Music1*My Thoughts:

In chapter three we find that the first two chapters appear to have been a dream...perhaps. I'm not quite sure. This story appears to be a river of thought spilled onto the page. Its direction is unknowable and ever changing.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I really liked the way you described the girl after she appeared. The description painted a vivid picture of her that seemed to dance across the page. Great job!

It seems like there's some sort of symbolism going on with the three eggs. Though I don't know their significant, it does sort of hold the story together.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> I'd keep the spacing consistent between paragraphs. You have an extra space between some, and no space between others.

> To differentiate between thought and the rest of the story, I'd put the thoughts into italics.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

G's story is a curious one. I'm not sure who he is, or what he's doing. The narrator seems like the realest character of the group. Your style is unique. Please keep writing.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

31
31
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Geoff

*Music1*My Thoughts:

In this story, we follow a man whose life is being narrated into a surreal adventure that is kin to Alice in Wonderland, only with a darker flare.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

> The last paragraph of the first chapter starts to bring things together. The last line was well placed and gave us some hope.

> Surreal is the word I'd use for this work. I'm not sure if you should use any of my following suggestions because I only sort of got where you were going near the end. (I don't have an accent, I just can't spell good) I can't say I captured the whole of this story, but I'm getting an inkling of what you were going for. I feel a bit like the man, with a slight headache and not quite knowing up from down.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> It looks like the formatting got a little lost on chapter two. I'd go back and add the extra space between each paragraph to sharpen the look.

> I'd add a comma here: In front of him, what?

> The next line has too many commas. It creates a series of speed bumps for the reader that make reading it uncomfortable. Try this: Large factories appeared not far down the street. (You can also add some description to set the tone, like this) Their shadows seemed to loom over the narrow path like hulking beasts. Unlike the modern factories of shining chrome, glass, and steel found in the big cities. These were old factories, the kind that stood at the edge of old towns, where old people with old minds held sway. Something like that.

> Withered like whethered sounds a bit odd. Maybe try Withered like the sand (or wind) torn scales of some large red beast...

> I would get rid of the specific measurements. They're more distracting than helpful. Try this: The sidewalk began normally enough, the blocks marked out with cracks the man counted as he walked. But, it dwindled. The cracks melted into gravel and his restless eyes sought something else. They touched on the strips of weedy dirt bordering what used to be the sidewalk.

> I would cut the entire segment that starts: Since he is walking east to west ... and ends: none of this has anything to do with our story. You will lose readers here and they might not continue reading past this point.

> Small edit: but we cant be sure. Change cant to can't.

> tiney should be tiny.

> storey should be story.

> Each time the dialog changes from one speaker to the next, you should start a new paragraph.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This isn't a style of writing I would seek out on my own, but it is an odd adventure in its own right. You asked me to review chapter three, and I will. But, I hate starting in the middle of a story, so I had to read one and two first. It is a fascinating work, please keep writing.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

32
32
Review of Sin  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Jeff

*Music1*My Thoughts:

In this poem, you explore the seven deadly sins. Through your words, we see why each sin is dangerous, and how it can lead to a person's downfall.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

One of the things I love about this poem is it reminds me strongly of the Umpa Lumpa Song in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. You don't just tell us about each sin, you show us how to avoid committing them too, and what the risks of going through with them are.

It felt like you gave us a lot of thought provoking information for a short poem. Great job!

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> Because this is the companion piece to "Virtue" I would think about changing the name of this poem to "Vice"

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

The seven deadly sins aren't only for religious people. They will damage your life no matter what you believe in, and I think it's good to be reminded of that. Thank you for all your hard work and for sharing it with us.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

33
33
Review of I Write  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello 💙 Carly

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This is a poem about moving on, excepting the past, and embracing the future.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

One of the things I like about this poem is the sense of growth. In the first stanza, we see the narrator poised between past and future, both look dark and frightening. Then, moving into the center of the poem we find that the past, while painful, had its own lessons to give. Finally, we come to the happy conclusion, where the future - unknown though it is - is embraced. The narrator ends on a hopeful note for the things yet to come.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

This was a well written and well thought out poem. I have no suggestions.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This piece was powerful and held a depth of emotion. Thank you for having the courage to share it with us. Please keep writing!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

34
34
Review of Tom Horn Paper  
Review by Noyoki
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review was done on the behalf of: "The WDC Angel Army" 

Hello Ryan Monahan ,

*Angel* My Thoughts:

I don't often read non-fiction work, but your description of the piece caught my attention and was intriguing enough to have me click and read. I think the part that hooked me was that it was about a trial. Most Wild West stories are about train robberies, or shoot outs, and the like. They don't usually go into the trial process.

In this paper you explored the life and eventual death of Tom Horn. You were able to provide a clear time line of his exploits, and gave us an unbiased history. We learned that his history was a curious duality of working with law enforcement and previous allegations of wrong doing.

*Angel* My Favorite Part:

This piece read well. One of the dangers of school papers is the risk of dry reading and bland facts. I think you were able to stick to the facts with out it becoming a boring monotone of recited points.

While reading this paper, I was able to see how Tom Horn's life could be made into a pretty good wild west historical fiction. He lived in intriguing times and was a man of action. It would be interesting to flesh it out and make him into a version of an old west assassin. It could be fun to try in any case.

It was clear in this paper that you did a lot of research. You were able to provide names, a concise version not only of the trial but of Tom's prior history. You also brought us to an interesting end. I think that a lot of people would have closed with his hanging, but you dug further still and found another golden research nugget. You learned that they'd conducted a mock trial, and that if Tom were alive today and the crimes happened, he would have been found innocent. It's facts like this that make a research paper interesting. Great job with going further than needed to provide the perfect end to this paper.

*Angel* My Suggestions:

> Small edit: I would change later be famous for his pursuits to later become famous...

> This part is a little wordy: Tom Horn who was the killer of Willie Nickell. I would change it to Tom Horn who killed Willie Nickell.

> I think that it would have been interesting if you included some of what Tom said when he confessed to Willie during the drinking binge. I'm not sure if that info is known though, but if so, I would add a quote or two to add flavor to the piece.

> I'm not sure why there's a 3 at the end of your paper.

> I think you should have looked up the headlines of some of the papers from back then. Using some of the headlines would have really illustrated the way the media was attacking Tom and how that ultimately lead to turning the Jury against him.

*Angel* Final Thoughts:

I think that if you wanted to do more research, you could probably craft a short novel out of Tom's life. I know I'd be interested in reading it. He would make a great character. Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!
35
35
Review of Steam Goggles  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello TJ Marie

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This is the opening chapter of a grand adventure. We have a hero, Darius, who's been given a quest. One that at first glance seems impossible. You've set the stage well, and have opened up endless possibilities for our new hero.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

The goggles. I think this is a unique item, one that is wholly unexpected for the start of an epic journey. There's so much you can work with here, and it is an angle that is unusual. Great job! Finding new angles to write is one of the hardest things in the world. Most epic stories start with a weapon, so I think that starting yours with the goggles was a brilliant touch.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> I would only use one extra line between paragraphs. Right now it feels like too much space.

> Add a comma here: Turing in the bed towards Darius, the monk...

> Change much more clearer to: Thing will be made clearer. Much, more and the er at the end of clearer all mean the same thing, so it sounds strange using all three.

> You fluctuate between present tense and past tense. This is a problem I used to have and it can be hard to catch. Example: Darius moved closer towards the monk and checking his breathing to make sure he is still alive. Most of this is in present tense, but the word moved is past tense. ED is always in the past. Change to Darius moves. I would also change towards to to in that line. So it would read: Darius moves closer to the monk and checks his breathing to make sure he's still alive. Checking is also past tense.

> Formatting: I would move the letter down and have it be its own chuck. Put the writing in italics to indicate that it is writing.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

There are areas that need some work. It looks like you prefer writing in present tense, but you might want to consider switching to past tense simply because it reads easier. You have a good start here, and I think there is potential. Please keep writing!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

36
36
Review of Grieving Solitary  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello peachmetaphor

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This poem took the harshness of the desert and showed how it can reflect a shattered heart.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I love the last line. That sums up the futility and hopelessness of this work. You were also able to bring the cycle of life and death into this poem. Even though the subject will die, their body, tears and all, will return to the desert. Even in death, they will contribute to the struggling hope of the rest.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

I would break up the last line of the first stanza. It is far longer than the rest and looks odd sticking out like that.

This is also a good poem where you can play with color and fonts to enhance the words. Play with it, and see how it turns out.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

You captured the desolation of the desert, and the pain we can feel when we think all is lost. Great job!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


37
37
Review of The Moth  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello River

*Music1*My Thoughts:

For a short poem, this had a lot of depth.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I like the sense of time passing. It feels like it started late afternoon with the rain, then moved on to the storm clearing in time for sunset, then moves forward into night where we see the moth's endless attraction to the light.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

>I would change pour to pours.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This was a good poem. I felt a kinship between the person and the moth. Both felt lost in the wider world and perhaps driven by something neither quite understood. Thank you for sharing!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


38
38
Review by Noyoki
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This was a fun quiz, even if I didn't know many of the answers. I've never read the Tower series, which I suppose is shame on me. Still, it was interesting to see some of the questions you chose to use. I didn't know much about the movies either. I prefer the books.

Thanks for sharing!
39
39
Review of Never Tell A Lie  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ♫~ Kenword~♫

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This was a fun little game of cat and mouse between an ostrich trying to get a free ride, and the rest of the zoo animals.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I loved how you characterized Chong. I thought it was a great idea to make him into an old cat. This feels true towards the type of animal one might find in a small city zoo. He's got wisdom, but he also has a wicked sense of fun. Even though he's an old cat, he's still got a lot of kick. Great work!

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> One small edit: Change she to he in - Chong's paws were light on the path as she...in the same line change its to his.

> You might want to change Mariposa to male, or correct the description. Female ostriches are a drab brown color. Only the males are black and white.

> One thing that would have been helpful would be to clarify a bit how your world works. I assume the P-Pill are people? Are the animals intelligent and work with the humans like in Animal Farm? Or are they intelligent but hiding it like in Madagascar? Or are there no humans like in Redwall Abbey? The story is good, but a bit of clarity on this point would help bring it together.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

I thought that this was a fun short story. Your characters were lively and worked together very well. Thank you for your hard work and sharing it with us!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

40
40
Review of Arlene  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jeff

*Music1*My Thoughts:

Your poetry paints a vivid picture that matches the photo beautifully.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

One thing I really like is the description of the form you're using. I don't know much about poetry, so it is nice to have that guide to understand the amount of work you put into this. Rondel looks like a difficult poem to construct, and you did it beautifully.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

*Applauds* There's nothing I can do to improve this piece. It was well crafted and inspired both story and flow. There are many poems that don't capture that angle of telling a story, but this one did that perfectly.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

I like the way you reacted to your mistake in the structure of the poem by both adding a correct version, yet standing by the one you did as well and leaving it up for us to enjoy. Thank you for all your hard work and for sharing with us.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


41
41
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello Dance-Monkey ~ We've got this

*Music1*My Thoughts:

The title of this short work matches the piece perfectly. You gave us a quick snapshot of the lives of a crew and family on the run. That certainly is a chaotic situation.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

Even though there isn't a lot of action in this piece, you were able to give us a good view of what's been going on in these peoples lives. You were able to give us the broad strokes of the greater story without sacrificing the word count or getting bogged down trying to give us too much in too few words.

I think you did a great job of giving us as much as you did in so few words. Thank you!

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> One thing you might want to change is add a space between paragraphs. This adds some nice white space, and makes the piece look less cluttered.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

Flash fiction is one of the hardest things to write. It is easy to lose track of the word count, or end up just giving a fragment that doesn't make sense. You gave us a piece of a story, but did it in such a way that it made sense. Thank you for all your hard work!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

42
42
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly

*Music1*My Thoughts:

The way you are doing multiple prompts for multiple contests is really cool. I think that's a great idea if you do a daily blog but want to participate in more than one contest.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

In the second prompt you gave the reader some great advice. I have also found myself putting my writing on the back burner, and your idea is a good one to keep it going. One contest you might want to check out is the I write in June-July-August. This one will play well into the writing you are already doing because you don't have to write anything new. Just submit to any writing contest once a week and review someone else's submission.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

I would like to see a little more detail. Maybe talk about what you like about the different writing contests you're involved in and why you chose them?

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

You have a great blogging style that is easy to read and engaging for the reader. Please keep up the great work.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


43
43
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Emily

*Music1*My Thoughts:

The format on this contest was nicely laid out. I'm fond of the use of drop downs because it keeps things looking clean and keeps new visitors from being overwhelmed by information.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

One of my favorite parts is your logo. It is a great picture and it does feel very connected to blogging.

You have a great use of color and formatting. The use of white space is also well done. You don't have a lot of very large chunks of text, so it is easy for the eye to go through the information.

I also like that you gave the definition of what a blog is. I've never really known, and have been treating my own blog as public journal of what I'm doing day to day.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

Instead of suggestions, this is more questions. I'm new to blogging and I got this link from the blogging newsletter. There are a few things that are unclear and I was hoping you could reply with the answers.

1. Under how to qualify for the top prizes one of the points is: Responses to prompt should be in a separate post. No two prompt answers in a single post. I'm not sure what you mean by this. Are there multiple prompts per day - leading to multiple blogs? Please advise.

2. There isn't much information about the unofficial months. I want to join this contest, but June is unofficial and I'm not sure what that means. Does that just mean we blog for 30 days without prompts or prizes? Or is it just less ridged and random prompts, or something else completely? Please let me know. Thank you.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

I took up my blog in response to someone else's challenge to write 500 words a day for a year. This is something your blogging challenge can help me with, and I think that your prompts will make my blogging experience more fulfilling. Thank you for creating this contest and making it available to us.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

44
44
Review of The Battle  
Review by Noyoki
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello April Desiree-I'm back! ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

Wow. I've never read a poem quite like this before. It looks like an amazingly difficult style to accomplish!

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I love how the last stanza is made up of lines from the prior ones.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> There is a comma missing after the first line of the second stanza.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

I think that this is a great poem. It has elements that could be developed into an interesting story. When reading poetry, I prefer the ones that hint at a greater tale. It makes me want to know more. Great job!

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


45
45
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Jaiam ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This poem takes an interesting path. Instead of complaining about the thorn, the narrator is grateful for the pain that pins them to the correct path.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I loved the first stanza. It is both simple and powerful.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> The line: Yet, always achieves you the goal, sounds a little odd. Perhaps try: Yet always achieves the desired goal.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

It is difficult to take the path less traveled by, but those who do often find rewards and have more interesting journey than those who take the easy way. Keep up the good work.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


46
46
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Harry ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This was an amusing poem about an event that ended a marriage.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I liked how the balloon became untethered.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

While this was a fun poem, I think the story it conveys would translate better in a short story format. You would be able to explore the emotions and stress better that way.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

Thank you for sharing your work. I've always had a difficult time with writing rhyming poetry, but I think you pulled it off well.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


47
47
Review of Unwanted Visitors  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Jellyfish-Vote Green on May 2! ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This was a delightfully creepy little story. Most alien stories we see, humanity always finds a way to thwart them before total destruction occurs. This one goes the other way, and shows the invaders as the undisputed conquerors.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I really liked how the aliens were disguised as children. That is a a truth that would make such a plan work. Adults never notice children who aren't in trouble.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

The second to last paragraph is a little awkward. Maybe try: When the sun reached the highest point in the sky, Lazari stood, and just like his brothers around this oddly watery globe, he unleashed the rays.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

I like this one! You used the prompt in a creative way, and you were able to capture a whole story in so few words.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


48
48
Review of Map of My Port  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This is a brilliant idea. Writers who have a large portfolio should follow this idea to make it easier for the readers to get around.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

I really enjoyed the fact that you didn't just make a boring list. You mixed things up, included a lot of different areas and ideas like the poll. Your formatting was easy to follow and cleanly done.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

It looks like you let this sort of drift away from you. I noticed a number of invalid items, and there's a note saying that you're cleaning up your port and the links will be fixed by Dec 31, 2010 which was a few years ago.

I love the idea, but I can see how updating it regularly could be time consuming.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

This is a great guide for your port, and when my port gets large enough I may make something similar. I would love to see it updated to reflect your growth and ideas over the years.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann

49
49
Review of Judgement Day  
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Khrazzii ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This must have been a traumatic nightmare. I'm sure that you were glad to wake, safe in your bed.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

For a dream, the story flowed well, and had a defined beginning, middle and end. There are a lot of elements that could be used to create a real story using this dream as inspiration.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

> I would add a space between paragraphs. This will clean up your writing and make it easier to read.

> What is Jrotc class? Try to avoid acronyms that the readers might not be familiar with.

> I would re-read and correct the small editorial issues such as capitalizing I, capitalizing the beginning of sentences, and watching word usage their/there, hear/heart etc. You also have a lot of random words capitalized that don't need to be.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

After writing, make sure you go back and read your work to catch the easy errors. This will clean your writing up, and make it easier for readers to understand. The errors turn into speed-bumps that pull the reader out of the story and they are easy to fix.

Aside from that, it was a good documentation of your dream, and I hope that writing it out helped purge some of the darkness that it may have left you with upon waking.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


50
50
Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jellyfish-Vote Green on May 2! ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This flashfiction was a good representation of the photo, and brought horror to a scene that would be difficult to make frightening.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

My favorite part was the fact that you used the tree, instead of bringing in an outside element.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

I would change 'Anne screamed as' to Anne screamed when'

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

Great use of the prompt! You were able to get a whole story into the word limit, and even add background info. That's difficult with such a low word limit.

Thank you,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Write On!!


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


112 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://p15.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/noyoki/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2