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Review Requests: OFF
849 Public Reviews Given
1,002 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
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201
201
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!

Hi there. Welcome to WDC. I was going through the newbies section when I noticed you post. I am sharing my views on in it. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Message conveyed
I thoroughly enjoyed the feelings and doubts of a person who lives as a shadow to his/her friends and experiences life through their eyes. The format, and the form you selected complements the message.

Language,Grammar
The poem really flows well. I just hve one small suggestion.
People know my name and not much more.~But will be better here than and.

My favorite section is where in you descibed the absent things of life starting from "the first date...."

Other suggestion
Your poetry really communicates the feelings well. Thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*
202
202
Review of The Burden  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **

I am doing this review as a part of Nuclear Package gifted to you by blue jellybaby . Please note that this review just expresses my opinions and is not meant to offend. Feel free to correct me if you feel I am wrong somewhere.


Plot
A wonderfully engaging plot!!!
A beginning, a middle and an end - all woven perfectly.
But the story has a room for expansion after the end too. I was left hanging in the end. I wanted to know whether she took the right decision or not but I guess that is a story for another time. *Smile*
For me, I will love to see a romance budding up!! ( You can probably guess that I am a sucker for romance)

Characterization
I could totally relate with Mariel. Her loss, her confusion was clearly evident in the story. I could visualize Bran too and feel his agelessness. Albert was a not too defined but that may be because you did not want to define him clearly.

Description
I loved the descriptions you painted. Specially the scene where in you described release of the dragon because of pendant. The only thing you can elaborate upon is may be the Protection Spell sentence.

Grammar/Punctuation/Language
There are few sentences which I think could benefit from some editing. But I am still learning myself so I can be mistaken too. I will point them out

1) A circular shape shone behind the barnacle-like growths smothering it. ~ "Shone" does not seem right here. Probably the word glinted or winked. Moreover you have already used the word "shone" in the story later.

2) Mariel's mother was a closed book, never speaking of her past or why she made them move once a year ~ Since the rest of the para is in past perfect tense, I feel "was" should be replaced with "had been".

3) If your mother told you what she knew, this would be so much easier ~ It should be "had told you".

4) That’s the window a Drago has every year to make their choice when they inherit the burden ~ I found that sentence a bit unclear. I understand what you are trying to say but it is vague.

5) I want only to be myself once more, instead of condemned to this torment.~ It should be "instead of being condemned".


Other Suggestions

Please finish the story. I want to know what happens next. *Smile*

Keep writing!!*ThumbsUp*



A Review added to "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"  recipe!!
203
203
Review of Daffodil Laughter  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.
An "Invalid Item"  Review

Hi. Saw ur WDC anniversary is this month. Happy anniversary!!! *Laugh*
My review for your entry. Please note that I do not mean any offence. If you find I m wrong somewhere, do correct me.

1) Image created : You created a wonderful imagery. The words are descriptive enough to paint the garden and the happy daffodil.

2) Language, Rhyme used : I dnt think u hv adhered to the eight syllable per line. There are lines which have nine or seven syllables only like Multicolored blossoms dancing"(nine syllables) ; "A yellow bud gleefully laughs"(seven syllables)

The only line which I found a bit unclear was ... In the gale force gusts blossoms sing. I think u mean "as" instead of "in"

Totally loved the second last para. *Laugh*


3) Grammar and Punctuation : Punctuation nicely followed. The only grammatical error I can see was in the sentence My mood transformed from dark to light~ it should be in the present tense.


You have written a beautiful poem. My rating 4 for the amazing presentation.

Hope to see more of ur work around.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .



I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!
204
204
Review of Love's Birth  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!

An "Invalid Item"  Review


Hi. My review for your entry will follow. Please note that I do not mean any offence. My review just states what I felt after reading your poem. If you find I m wrong somewhere do correct me.

1) Image created : Nice picture painted. The words are descriptive enough to create the right picture in my mind. I can feel the yearning well in the poem.

2) Language, Rhyme used : The rhymes you have used are fab and flows with the poem. No rhyme seems forced or misplaced. The only sentence which seemed a bit unclear was "As with these two of nature". I think you meant was a comparison with these two but it did not come out clearly. Sorry, can't suggest as I m not sure about the meaning.

3) Grammar and Punctuation : You have not used punctuation anywhere at the end of the sentences. M sure you did not mean these sentences to be read without any break.

I will try to suggest the punctuation which is correct as per me. Most of them, I have put in bracket .

As the rose bush in winter
(s)Stands naked showing only its thorns(,)
(s)So my heart lies hard and dormant
(a)Awaiting, hoping, for love to be reborn.

As the acorn, fallen, lies waiting(,)
(h)Half buried within the earth(,)
(s)So waits my love, asleep, entombed(, or ;)
Once alive now seeking rebirth(.)

As with these two of nature
Within me dwells an emotion
(s)So sweet and strong, beautiful and majestic(,)
(a)Awaiting release upon our reunion(.)

My final rating will be four for the beautiful description. But do try to include the punctuation.
Hope to see more of ur work around.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
205
205
Review of Sugar Memories  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!

An "Invalid Item"  Review


Hi King. My review for your entry. It will be a bit longer, so please settle down. Also please know that I dot mean any offence. If you find I m wrong somewhere do correct me.

1) Image created : You created a wonderful imagery. The words are descriptive enough to create the right picture in my mind. I can sense the yearning and the betrayal in the poem.

2) Language, Rhyme used : You have used very simple rhymes which. The only jarring rhyme is "memories and free"- this seems a bit forced.
In the sentence "Your voice would melt ice with it's heat." you should replace the word it's with its.
"To late I learned how you felt you see." ~U meant "too".

3) Grammar and Punctuation : You have ended all your sentences with full stop. My teacher once advised me that I should write poetry as the prose to get the feel of the right punctuation.

I will try to suggest the punctuation which is correct as per me. Most of them, I have put in bracket .

It's you I remember so pretty and sweet.
Your voice(that) would melt ice with it's(its) heat.(,)
(a)All your beauty that captured my heart.(,)
I couldn't live without you from the start.

I gave love and wanted yours as mine.
Our love grew over the passing of time.
You had no reasons for staying with me.
To late I learned how you felt(,) you see.

Blinded by loving feelings I had for you.(,)
I did not know your love was not true.
If I had known what soon was to come.(,)
I would have secured my heart and run.

After you stole my loving heart from me. (,)
(t)Then you found another and set me free.
You left me alone with my broken heart.(,)
Scattered in many pieces and all a part (apart).

Now all I have left is my sugar memories.
In the recent years they're now sugar free.
It's hard to forget about that precious time.(,)
When you walked with me and all was fine.

I feel a poem is not only about rhymes though that matters too. Punctuation gives the heart to the poem.

Hope to see more of ur work around.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
206
206
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The story is good enough. As a reader I was unable to grasp your jump from the beginning to the 60 year old lady. May be this is clarified in later chapters but it is too vague in here... How did u jump to 60 years later on and were Jasper and Fay married and all? I am left with the feeling like what happened.
Your language and description were good that I could continue to read till end. I am going to read the next chapter now. May be I will get what I missed.
207
207
Review of Of Water  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Amazing concept! I never thought water can be expressed like this. *Laugh*

The only line that did not appeal to me was The silvery drops, the crystal drops.... It kind of broke my flow in between. You may change this as "As silvery,crystal drops" but this is just an example. Keep up the good work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
208
208
Review of Side by Side  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there...Beautiful poem... but I would have selected the title as "Right by my side" .

Only one comment.. In the last you have written "I will always know" which doesn't go with the rhythm and the tense of the next line.

It should have been

"I know,
you will always be
right there by my side." But if this breaks your rhythm, you can use some sentence like "I know, be thick or thin ". Just a suggestion.
*Smile*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
209
209
Review of Crude but True  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pretty difficult poem. I usually have not seen poems with large sentences. But the message came out clear.

My observations:

1) what I did not understand was the use of word conventional. It somehow, did not suit the meaning. sorry, I do not know what should have been here but something is missing

2) It is "labyrinth". Just a small sp mistake.

3) My favourite line was "We'd still be huddled around our artificial cruxes and synthesized comfort"

P.S. - So deep thoughts at the age of 17! *Smile*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
210
210
Review of Impossible Love  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Amazing Idea. If u ever wrote a story about it do inform me. I will love to see it being written in whole words. Thank u for sharing.
211
211
Review of Speechless  
Rated: E | (3.0)
You captured that feeling of speechlessness beautifully...*Laugh* Just a few comments and observations

My comments and observations :- 1) Not matter how hard I try to change I think this should be no matter.
2) "Where my speech and every word have failed :-It should be "has failed."
3) The flow and usage of the word "vows" does not match from my point of view.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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