Hey, Lesley Scott  . Thank you for your entry in "Words with Wings"  . I am reviewing this story as the judge of the contest. Please note that this review represents my views and is not meant to offend in any manner.
Since this is marked as non-fiction, I am assuming this is a true story. The piece explains ride of the mule "Top Hat" with coon-hunters. The story tells how the mule and you faked its first coon-hunting ride as a pro. Although the story was interesting to read, it was very confusing to keep the track of names. There were Barry and Jim who were the coon-hunters. Then there was Frank(Fred) and Alice. There was somebody named Beverly, Virginia and Harold too.
Firstly Harold's brother was named Frank or Fred? You have used both. Secondly who were Virginia and Beverly. They just appeared in the mid of the story without any reference. I will suggest you make it clear in the beginning who all were going to make it easy to understand the things.
My honest opinion will be that there are too many things happening at the same time. I mean there are too many characters to keep track of in such a few words. I had to read it twice and still I was not clear about who fell and who waited.
Due to the presence of so many characters, nobody is developed fully and that includes even the mule, Top-Hat. Although,m you described the Top-Hat a lot, the reference of smooth-gaited mule/horse took away the show. Also, I was confused till the end that whether there were two brothers of Harold, each with their Girl-friends, or only one brother. 
Sufficient for the piece. In fact there were sections which were too detailed.
There are few missing things in the piece. I have highlighted them below in the dropnote. Also, there is a constant tense change throughout the piece which makes it a bit difficult to understand.
Line Edits ▼
Today two of our Coon Hunters, Barry and Jim, on their small mules planned to navigate the group through the dense woods in the Manchester State Forest, where they hunt coons at night. You have already mentioned the coon-hunters. The second part is like an overkill. I felt it shouldn't be too tough. After all, the two coon hunters could navigate the dense forest. They didn't worry about being gobbled down by the dreaded Hippomunchus. I felt the why should I missing here.
Top Hat, born on the fourth of July, 1999, sports sported a wide liver colored stripe on his back, black and white stockings, comma is not needed here. striped feet and what the Native Americans called a “Medicine Hat” because his head and ears are were colored and he looked like someone had splattered paint on his body. His eyes each had black circles, making him look like a spotted rabbit.
Our South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society always a crowd pleaser Not clear about this sentence and we had a lot of fun. Our group holdsheld picnics, shows and our favorite, trail rides. Most people who look at my loud colored A hyphen should be used between lout-colored mule tell told me they have never seen a mule of his color.
Before long, our group stopped on the top of a steep hill, all covered with fallen leaves and a few scraggly tree saplings The subject is missing here. was beautiful and impressive.
With a TWH, with a lateral gait, it was like sitting on a rocking chair. Most horses move in a diagonal gait which turns into an up and down trot. A TWH is so smooth because of her lateral gait, both legs on the same side moving. I think the second part of the sentence after the comma is the description of lateral gait. If yes, then it should be preceded with dash. Else there is a auxiliary verb like were missing there.
We decided Virginia, who was a veterinarian and Beverly's daughter, rode her Marsh Tacky mare, Susie, a bright red bay with a black mane and tail. Susie would take the hill first because she would go anywhere asked with no trouble. She is, one of the few Marsh Tacky breed left down south, originally from Spanish Barbs, brought here from Spain, The period will be better here in place of comma. The Marsh Tacky is slender and small with uncanny coordination. The Marsh Tacky horses are almost all gone now. They are tough as a knot and easy keepers to feed. Bred to larger horses for stamina and smooth rides until not many Marsh Tacky horses are left in the wild.
Susie took her time, her rear end sliding along the steepest part, as a Marsh Tacky would do naturally. Harold Funderburk’s Saddle Bred mule, Huldy, though she was spirited from her hot Saddlebred mother and her color and size was by a large Mammoth Jack, made the steep hill no problem. Man, we had it made. This was a piece of cake and was going to be fun. No one thought any more about the hungry hippomunchus.
The embankment, though steep, was just another great challenge. Gus, Top Hat’s half brother, Gus, Two times use of Gus makes the sentence look weird. all white and silly, was always looking for the dreaded Hippomunchus hiding in wait. We nicknamed him "Controlled Chaos." He surprised us when he tumbled head over heels down the steep embankment, Beverly tumbling with him. They both seemed to be laughing. Beverly, who has been riding all of her life, bounced from sapling to sapling, and Gus, like a ping pong Ping-pong shall be hyphenated. ball was behind. I was wondering how we could move Beverly to the hospital. She must have broken something. But Beverly was tough and not afraid of anything. She mounted Gus, who didn't act silly, and said, “What are you waiting for? Let’s get moving!”
Top Hat, still at the top of the trail, was the last to tackle the hill. He watched the others and I could see and feel he was thinking. Carefully, he put each foot on the ground and the slick leaves at the edge of the top of the steep hill weren't any problem. He slowing picked his way down without a stumble. Everyone watched Top Hat and noticed he was extremely calm as he tip toedtiptoed down the steep incline. I felt silly, thinking he would refuse. He was determined to keep up with everybody. Also, being a typical mule, he knew where to put each foot. He was careful because he didn't want to step on the horrible hippomunchus.
Harold Funderburk’s brother, Fred and his date seemed okay.She rode a quiet Tennessee Walking Horse mare, blue roan colored, and the smoothest ride in our group. The lady's feet were swinging, blisters on her ankles, and she was a bit frightened. She was worried about the hippomunchus and her feet. “How much further?” She asked several times. No one dared tell her we were a long away from the farm. I 'm sure she wanted Scotty to beam her up! Is this the same Alice or not?
Then, we all heard Harold calling loudly for help. No one could see him, but he hollered loudly. We could hear him calling Huldy's name.They were around the bend and we all hurried to help. Apparently, Huldly strayed from the trail and was stuck in a deep mud hole. Right away, we all thought, “Quick Sand!”
We kept this among ourselves, not wanting to upset Harold anymore. The more Huldy tried to climb out, she seemed to sink. Beverly, strong as an ox, Virginia and me I should be used in place of me. tried to help her out by pulling on her reins, but that made the mule sink deeper in the sticky mud hole. It didn't look good. This type of situation can could mean permanent vascular damage and would make her unsound forever. Harold was beside himself with worry. That mule was the love of his life ever since his wife passed away.
The two little mules, Penny and Gypsy, finally pulled a shaky Huldy out of the mud hole. Beverly, except the coon hunters was so covered with mud, she looked like Al Jolson. Harold mounted, mud or not. Huldy was tired for the first time I've ever seen her, yet she kepkept up with everybody. We rode on, following the coon hunters, an eye out for this elusive hippomunchus and more mudholes.
This happened to be on a trail only Jim and Barry could see where they were headedm headedand it was like following a goat path. Barry, a stout man, looked over his shoulder and loudly announced, “We usually do this in the dark.” The trail was thick with underbrush, low tree limbs and vines every where everywhere is a single word.. "The mules take care of us," he explained. No hippomunchus worried the coon hunters.
Virginia, riding her tough Marsh Tacky, Susie were was cruising along. Gin was paying attention in front, and she didn't see the large vine catch the back of her saddle. One minute she was riding and the next minute Virginia was sitting on the ground still in her saddle! Luckily, Susie stayed with her and we helped her saddle up again. Gin was quiet for a while and paid closer attention to the limbs and vines. The hippomunchis missed his chance.
Favorites and Not-so-favorites
I loved the paragraph where you described Top Hats ride down the steep.
Other thoughts and Suggestions
I was hoping you would exsplain what exactly Hippomunchus is, but I will treat it in sync with the word trouble. 
The story needs some editing work to be perfect. I am giving two and a half stars for now as there are many small mistakes. That in no way mean the story is not worth. I can see that this experience is special to you. Just some small tweaks in the editing and the story will shine.
In case you decide to rewrite and want me to rate/review again, do drop me a mail. I will be happy to look over it again. Also in case anything I said is not clear, I am always available for discussion.
Thanks again for participating in the contest. I hope to read more from you.
** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable ** |
| (3.5)
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
I am always surprised when I read your poem. You can make even a simple topic hilarious with your poems. This poem also made me smile while the man tried to decide the best fragrance for his body. 
. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner. 
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