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Review Requests: ON
3,529 Public Reviews Given
4,106 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review of Inside or Outside  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey Max,

I told you I'd be haunting your port. Haha. I found this jewel.

I'm happily discovering and rediscovering the information you've provided in it.

This is excellent. Now I want to print it out and add it to my collection as a reminder.

Funny that when I read the part examples hat starts with: 'John hesitated in the hall for a tremulous breath, and his nose tingled with astringent...,

all I kept noticing was the sentence rhythm, and so I was glad when I later saw the edited version. Whew!

Regardless, you really showed the difference with imagery and action too.

Thanks for sharing.

152
152
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello again Max,

I noticed this item in your portfolio and had to investigate further. After a bit, I was a willing person in this adventure.

When I first started reading this item, I thought, wow, Max has the language and actions right on.

I especially like the vivid imagery. It made me feel like I was there, even a dinner time This for example:

Tommy was leanin' against his Camaro, smokin' a cigarette. His denim work shirt hung over his shoulder, and sweat soaked his grimy undershirt. He flicked an ash and stood up. "Bout time you got here. What'd you do, stop and gossip in the lady's room?"

I liked the personality of these two characters as they interacted.


I can remember when I was just a young girl, people talkin like this in Ohio, where I lived out in the country. Even I talked like that.

It wasn't until later on that I got the feeling this seemed familiar and as I kept reading I then realized why.

Good job on portraying it. What a cool song. I heard it when I was a teen and it was easy to follow and sing along. Very unique. I'd say classic.

Oh, I'm not sure, but I think denim work shirt should be hyphenated. Denim-workshirt. Hmm okay, maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, thanks for the read. I'll probably keep raiding your port if I keep finding things like this.

I just noticed there's no eating in this. Darn, I wanted to give it a five-star rating. There I go again with the hyphen.


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153
153
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello TJ,

I'm here to read and review your item. I didn't findany errors unless it's comma errors, which I'm prone to do also.

You can tell where to put a comma by reading your work out loud.

Anywhere that you pause is where a comma needs to be.


For me, the song holds meaning. I know that feeling of home. I recall a saying that goes something like "A house without love isn't a home", or maybe I have that backward -- A home without love us just a house"?

I think that holds true.

Sometimes people are separated from each other, yet long to be with one another, or at least feel that feeling again in renewed love.

Hopefully, you understand what I mean.

At first I thought you were talking about another song. I love both of them. The most part that stands out for me is where he simfs "I will always love you."


Here's a link to yours. https://youtu.be/Rs-OhnxZ6t0

I like it, but also this one.
https://youtu.be/eiBinM-f-Pk


Stay warm. I can't wait til spring is spring. Lol


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello incurable romantic,

I read your item but I have to say I don't totally agree with you.

I'm not sure what you mean by it's nothing to be scared about.

I care for someone who has had grandmal sizures more iftem than not, and I never quite get use to it. I had to learn cpr, just in case he stopped breathing, which he has before, but only a number of seconds. His lips had turned blue. Bottom line is that if he can't breathe, he can die. By the time an ambulance comes he'd either be dead already, or out of the first stages, yet still unresponsive.

They'd told me to video it. Things happen very fast and there's no way I could do that.

But one day I had my phone on and he started into a seizure, so I grabbed the phone, but still only caught the later stages of it.

And I am scared to death that he could easily die.
Nobody realizes that it truly is a life or death situation.

Even he doesn't realize the danger as he usually doesn't remember only part of it.

Although I don't agree with what was written, I did not see any errors. I was more concerned about the message.

Please realize that not everyone has had the experiences you had. It is a big issue and I would never say that it's nothing to fear.



Bathroom duties are worse, when they go into sizure. My son sat on the toilet, fell off the side between the toilet and the bathtub. He could easily smother if left in that position. He's bigger than me, he's naked. He is non-responsive. And I have to move him fast, without help. I'm wondering if I might accidently pull his arms or legs out of joint. I managed to pull him away, but also struggled to turn him over to make sure his chest is not compressed.

He lived through it after the usual stages where he either can't see or can't talk.

It can still be dangerous because they don't have all their senses even after they are standing. We have stairs. One time he tried to go down the stairs. I tried to stop him, but he pushed me away and went anyway. And yes he fell down the stairs. Since then I placed a rubber mat down there. If I can't stop him then at least where he lands might not be as bad. So he lives with me, and one time the EMT told me that at a certain point you can give them something with sugar in it bto help his system get back to normal.

I was told to NEVER put anything in his mouth during siezure. That information use to be said about siezures. They said it is not safe. They could swallow it. They also said they don't or can't swallow their tongue.


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155
155
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again Soldier Mike,

There you've done it again. This one was short, but you had me wondering, with all the flashing lights. I, too, was dreading the opening of the door.

What better gift could a parent get?


I did notice something. I could be wrong but this part here:

You wrote:
Red and blue lights chased each other across the windows, reflected in multiple directions by the banks of snow that, come springtime, would once again be bushes and shrubs

* Read it out loud.
Put the comma where you pause briefly.

*Idea* snow(,) (which) come springtime, would once again be bushes and shrubs.

Notice the placement of commas and the word change. It's an easy thing to fix.

Good job regardless. Done well.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
156
156
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Soldier Mike,

Looks like you did a great job of keeping with the prompt. You also kept the topic in target.
The idea is one that most people can relate to also.

I have no suggestions for this piece. It's perfect as it is.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Soldier Mike

This really worked out good for the song. It was fun reading it too.

Baseball reminds me if the times I'd watched a foster brother play games.

Years ago a friend of mines' son was on a team. I think he was going for professional, but something happened. When his team won, someone on the opposing team started a fight with him and knocked his front teeth out. I can only imagine the parents stress watching this happen. So horrible.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
158
158
Review of Shopping  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jacky,

I came across your story and decided to read and review it.


I liked that you not only told us what the cart guy was doing and that he was annoyed and was jerking the carts and stomping around and also ignoring that carts were in the way for a driver.






When she moves her hand whe holding the pendent with the symbol it seems almost magica. It looks like the attendant got paid back for ignoring the driver, yet we see another person move the carts. Good to see someone doing good rather than cause disharmony.

I saw no errors or other grammatical problems. Formatting looks decent with correct line spacing.

I might have liked to see some dialogue, like when Jane's husband leaves the car and when he gets back, or maybe Jane herself thinking. Oh. I do see at least her whispering. Good.

*Idea* Theresa!need for commas at the introductory clauses. Read the sentence and see where it pauses.

Example: As she sat there(,) an employee came out to round up (the) carts.

* In the below example I would take out this first part as it feels repeated and we already established its reference.

Jane sawThe employee glance(d) back, but then continue(d) on as if he hadn’t seen her.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review of TJ was here  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello TJ,

I saw this while looking around on wdc and because of the title I had to take a closer look. I'm glad I did.

I love these old desks.

A sister of mine had one, but it had this accordion-like slider (for lack of better terms), which came down from the top to close it.

It also had a lot of nooks and crannies to store things in. Looks like you got a good find. Best of all, it reminds you of your loved ones.

I saw no errors or other problems in this item.

Well done.
160
160
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello pumpkin,

First I'd like to say after reading this I didn't notice any errors if there were any.

I, too, am a fan of old westerns. Specifically called spaghetti westerns. I used to watch almost all the shows you mentioned, plus the movies.

Clint Eastwood was a favorite, also some of the others who had tv westerns. I first saw him in Rawhide. He was one would good looking cowboy. But much later he became Dirty Harry and Bronco Billy.

Lately, I've been watching alot of DVDs of Sam Elliot and also Tom Selleck, who both were stars in westerns. Love thier voices and acting. I met Sam Elliot one time driving around in Colorado. He never said it was hi
But I recognized his voice. He was tall and thin. I'll tell you more if you ask but it was a brief moment in time.

I did see Clu Gulagar in person. I believe it might have been at Universal Studios. Not sure. I might even have a picture if him at a distance. I recognized him from one of the tv programs but can't place which one. He was talking to a young lady fan.

If you like westerns you might like to read some of Louis La' Mour's books. I hope I spelled that right.

Here's one of his quotes:

'When you go to a country, you must learn how to say two things: how to ask for food, and to tell a woman that you love her. Of these the second is more important, for if you tell a woman you love her, she will certainly feed you.'
Louis L'Amour


Anyway, thanks for sharing this information.




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161
161
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Squeaky,

I just read this part of the interactive. I have to says I got a giggle out of Melvin's misshap. It reminds me of someone I know named Melvin. He's not a nice person.

Of course I'd never wish bad things on someone but this is fiction...it is it? Haha. Jk

Anyways good job.


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162
162
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Charlie,

I just read your item titled. "What is it?"

Boy, isn't that the pits. What a horrible gift. A broken one at that.

Seems like they then want to be thanked for it. Obviously, they had to know it was broken.

I remember one time getting this piece of board. It looked like something you could use for firewood. At the time, I was upset thinking my sister wasted her money on it. Money should could have used toward her own needs. I even had called the company wanting them to give her back her money. Boy, was I shocked to know it was a free gift, although poorly made.

When I mentioned it to a other sister, she said to send it to her. I told her I wouldn't even waste postage to do that.


When I gift I like to think of the person and what they might like. On occasion I overspent, but since I wanted to do something special for them I went ahead and bought a few items.

I sent one off to one of my relatives. It was an Austrian crystal birthstone necklace. It wasnt cheap, but not so pricey I'd be broke afterward. I also decided to send one to another relative.

The second relative who recieved it contacted me, and was very thankful, but then she told me the other relative got hers but what she had said was, " You know it's not real. She'd never spend that much money on either of us. "

When I heard that I felt like someone had just shot me down. It left me with a bad feeling because what I did out of the goodness of my heart had just got ruined by hurtful words.

Worse yet the recipient wanted to see a receipt for it. "As if." I said, "That is not going to happen and you can tell her that too." Then I let it go.

So now I'm a bit hesitant since my gift of time, energy, and thoughtfulness meant nothing to them. Such is life.

I saw no errors in this. It's fine the way it is. Loved the balance if dialogue and exposition.

Thanks for sharing.




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163
163
Review of Jingle Jangle  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with The Sci-fi Writers Guild  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello again Stuckintime,

I decided to see what else was in your port. I found this item. I'm here to read and review it.

This piece shows us where we are and what, for the most part, is happening and then we see a flashback, which by the way was done well.

Trauma at an early age is upsetting and now the child is being haunted, yet Colin figures out a way to stop these hauntings.

The formatting looks good with appropriate line-spacing where needed, except in one area.

*Idea* Here I would place an extra lime space because that's a transition between the present and past. An time there's a change of time, place, or person, you need a linespace. To indicate a passing of time you add an extra one.

* crashing against the polished wooden floor.


“Colin,” it whispered now directly behind me. “Look what I have got, come on have a peek. Don’t you want it back?”

(Here we're back to Colins POV).
I could feel it’s breath as its mouth almost touched my ear.
(Remember to keep each characters actions with thier dialogue.

If it's someone else's actions keep it separate too.)

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
164
164
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Wierdone,

I noticed your item while browsing in WDC.

I liked how you explained the form of this poem.

It's worded simple enough for anyone to understand.

The poem is short but meaningful. It also has a rhyme going on.

The person goes into the rain avoiding puddles yet still feeling the wetness. There's a bit of almost innocent child-like joy as the person finds her way then realises she forgot something and again goes back out into the rain.

Good job on this. I don't usually write poetry but sometime soon I'll try this, if I can remember the pattern.

Thanks for sharing this



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165
165
for entry "~ Basic Training ~" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth.

I just read Basic Training. That's interesting what happens. I'm sure it's all for a purpose. And glad you got your ribbon too.

Words and thoughts are powerful and you asked in Jesus name and did get the ribbon.

Good job.



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166
166
Review of Signature  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Thomas Seeker,

You say it so well. I like that you wrote this. It's perfect the way it is so I have no suggestions. Except to keep it up.

I see you still have the signature you used a while back. ;*)

I'd use mine but I changed my name. Lol.

Thank you for sharing, my friend.



167
167
Review of Bad Touch  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Jeff,

I just read your item called Bad Touch and an here to review it.

I liked the beginning of it. It felt natural. Zara's coolness on the surface made her seem cautious yet amused. And increasingly she warmed up to Tom.

Still she kept her cool and the reader wondered why she seemed almost standoffish. This was a good thing because then reader wondered if she was up to no good, especially when she followed the drink drunk into the alley. That added more tension and curiosity.

The premise itself is unique. Many people wonder about the things the story touches on. Her name was cleverly done to match the Angel if Death name.

It had good dialogue, and sentence rythym. It was simply presented in words used that anyone could understand; and was formatted well.

I especially liked this part:

"How can God’s intelligent design result in people dying before their time?”

“Who’s to say what their time is?” Azrael shrugged. “Like it says in that book so many of you are so fond of reading: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

I liked Thier rapport and fun responses. Your style reminds me of someone who might react in that way on stage. It like it very much

*Pencil* I did feel that in one place it needed a comma, yet for the life of me I can't find it.
Maybe it's just me and I'm comma happy.

Thanks for this fun story and interesting premise. I look forward to seeing more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
168
Review of What Matters  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello again Thomas Seeker
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

* BASICS

* Title: Good and appropriate
* Premise: those things that matter most.
* Format: the format Looks good on the page.
* Flow: The words are like music, and flow gently.

* What I liked: I liked how this image is the backdrop. The
world The last line had impact. and the whole piece is powerful and well thought out.

* What felt like it needed editing and revision:
someones heart should probably be someone's heart.

*Thoughts/Comments/Other:

Suggestions: There is nothing I can say, except it's done well.

Bravo for your effort and creativity. I hope that this review was helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
169
169
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Patrice,

I just read your item about your own experience concerning autism.

I like how you explained everything by giving the reader examples. It's often misunderstood and certain things like changes in almost anything can bring an episode of meltdown on.

Worse yet, if not handled right, it can make things worse. I can only imagine what it feels like to them living thier daily lives and not understanding that they are safe.

Even a small change such as moving thier chair, blanket, or buying food that's almost the same kind, but isn't, causes a problem.
One person out if control is bad enough, but two out of control is chaos. Someone needs to stay as calm as possible.

What bothers me most is that I worry about what's going on inside them often they can't express what it is. The feel something's wrong but it's like they're trapped in this world where most people don't understand them or know how to properly handle the situation.

It sounds like you're doing well considering that you are with them a lot. And most of all, you do it out of love. That's a wonderful gift you give.

You may not think they realize it, but they feel it and at the most unexpected moments you will see this and be astounded and proud.
God bless you and your family.

Anyway, as for this item, you did well. No spelling or grammer errors that I could see. Format looks good. There's nothing here that I would change.

What you've written us both interesting and informative.

Thanks for sharing.


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170
170
Review of A FINE BLACK SUIT  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I noticed your item and decided to take a better look.

It is short, contains no dialogue, but still we know what's happening by what we're told.

There was an opportunity for someone to say a few words or even I love yous. We didn't get to see that, yet the man in the black suit whispered and so did the woman who was dead. Because of that I felt this is where if she was dying, and not dead they could have said thier goodbyes.

I feel that this is all telling.

I did like the imagery. I'm also thinking maybe a clock, like a grandfather clock, ticking by and then sounding off would add to the imagery as time passes by. Maybe it stops working after that.

You use your words well, but I felt it lacked dialogue. People do talk at a gathering like this, but have thier silent moments.

They may talk outside before they enter the building about the lady and what they remember about her. This would help with knowing the person's mother in order to care more about what is going on.

It feels less personal when no names are used.

* Please remember this is my view and not necessarily what you intended it's up to you how you write this.


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171
171
Review of High Violet  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello M.S. Bird,

I just read your story "High Violet"  and I'm here to review it.

At the beginning we take in the beauty of the surroundings, but soon we see a human in his dwelling, and doing his work around the cabin.

Soon he has company of an unusual kind. She has questions for him.

The questions she asks are not easily answered, yet Hisao speaks in simple language that anyone can understand. And makes his point with few words.

This definitely sounds like someone of Japan. It adds to the ambiance.

He is happy where he is. The forest and its animals hold meaning for him.

The story question arises. Wny did all the others chose to transcend?
The issue is they will have to die to do tha, yet they willingly accepted that.

This piece is deep in its own way. It is thought provoking and suggests that there is something more beyond the veil.

I like Hisaos character. I had a hard time picking out what I liked best.

*Pencil* I do think you should keep each characters dialogue and actions together.

Thanks for sharing.











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172
172
Review of Power Storm  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Labradorian,

I found your item on a list I had in group and decided to have a closer look.

I r ad that you wasn't satisfied with this item, yet I see nothing wrong with it.

It has imagery, and creates a feeling. It's formatted well.

There's power in these words as we see the actions of the storm but also the aftermath.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
173
173
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello twerd,

I came to your port to see what you might have and found this one.

Overall it looks pretty good.

I went over this and decided it might need some rewording in order to not repeat words. Paragraphing in it looks pretty good. I saw no errors as far as spelling, but maybe a typo.

I will send my suggestions privately.

This definitely shows passion, yet we're not sure why and if he will follow through or wait until the right time, or he has other obligations. Either way, he's struggling with his own decisions.

The tone is this piece is strong, but I would try not to give too much all at once. A little but can go a long way. Too much and the reader ends up not reading more.

We don't know why these two are drawn to each other.

We'd like to get to know more about them in order to care. We need to see what kind of characters they are. Show them doing something that reveals that.

Maybe they're taking the time to listen to someone needing guidance. Maybe they walk and care for the neighbor's dog while they are on vacation. It could be anything showing kindness for another person, or something brave they've done.

Anyway, this has good potential and could be made into a long story.
Whatever you do, keep at it.

Thanks for sharing.




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174
174
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mary Ann,

What a delightful little poem and shaped well too. It evokes a calm, comforting place to be. Please write more.

I remember when we had a fireplace in our home.


Then someone had given us a golden retriever . We only had him a short time. When I was alone I would let him inside the house with me, instead of having to stay outside in the cold. He would sit by my side.

Unfortunately, one particular night, the person I was with wasn't very nice at all. He never was. At some point my dog growled at him and I'm not sure why. Maybe the ugly look on his face made the dog realize what kind of person he was, or the fact that he was jealous of the dog that the dog got more attention than he did. I petted the dog and told him everything was okay. This didnt sit well with the man.

Anyway, your poem is very nice. I liked it.

Thanks for sharing.


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175
175
Review of sadasdadasdassdas  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
Hello asdad,

I was curious and came to see what this was. I can also say that I'm disappointed. You need to delete this as it's just letters. Unless it actually means something other than someone being bored. I don't know if you're new or what, but please just try one sentence at a time.

WDC has a lot of classes you can take if you need help. You might even get a scholarship to pay for it if you try.

Good luck,


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