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Review Requests: ON
3,530 Public Reviews Given
4,107 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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301
301
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again Dawsongirl,

Here's yet another one where we learn a little about the similarities, between birds and politicians, which we hadn't thought much about before.

And your sister sounds like a lot of fun. Can only imagine when you're out somewhere together. Hilarious. I have one sis like that we end up laughing at things most people never notice.

Then there are some days when she is Ms. Grumpy pants.

Thanks for the laugh.


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302
302
Review of Silence  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Myles Abroad,

I just read your item and I became increasingly interested as it progressed.

It's written well. We have some good imagery, showing us both worlds. Showing a change in how one can interact with others.

I loved that we also got dialogue in this and you have given the homeless a voice.

You (or the character) saw both sides of an existence--one of plenty and one of absence. Bravo!

There was a few errors, which are easily fixed. I was so caught up in it that I forgot where it was. I will look again and send an email later if you'd like.

Good job. Thanks for the read.


Note: I have a personal experience involving homeless people in San Francisco. I will provide a link below in case you care to read it.

Iam not sure if I have already written about it before. I couldn't find it. It was too long to write here so I'll just go ahead and recreate it.

Here it is:.
 San Francisco And a Homeless Lady.   (13+)
An unexpected encounter with the less fortunate
#2243827 by ~SilverMoon~




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303
Review of Spaces and Voids  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Thomas Seeker,

I found your item "Spaces and Voids"  [E]. You know me so well and I didn't view this until now. I wanted to have time to consider whatever you'd written in it.

I noticed this first:

Finding and holding on to love during Covid ha(s) been so difficult for so many people(,) including me. Being,(add a space here) or t(r)ying to be with someone is so hard. Especially if they're scared to death of Covid(.)

Reviewers Note: I hope you don't mind if I go through it from the start so hopefully I don't forget what might need editing, and also what stands out for me. Anything you write I look forward to reading as your heartfelt thoughts comfort, raise important questions and concerns for so many.

Here we see the frustration. It acknowledges the feelings combined with logic. It's an internal battle.

You wrote: The spaces and voids are making me into someone I don’t like. I can’t go on like this anymore. I find myself with a anger from a frustration from within

đź“ť In the sentence below I would add an extra linespace just before it to indicate a new place/perspective/time.

= What is this place? Where am I?

*Pencil* Th(ose) times don't exist anymore.

*Idea* Change can be scary, yet sometimes we need change to recognise all there is or what we realise has been or becomes important to us.

Familiarity brings its own comfort or in some cases misery. Only you would realise which is which.

*Pencil*
You wrote: A world where you don't need laws for everything, because you wouldn't even consider harming another. Your ideas and urges would be for the benefit of all. Truly being you brothers keeper.

*Idea* It's a lovely thought, yet it doesn't always feel like it's happening. Yes, there are people caring for more than themselves and willing to share, but unfortunately there are opportunists and manipulators. In a perfect world (or another plane of existence) we wouldn't have that problem.

I don't know if you read some of my newer items but I wrote sonething called Forty Years. I've been dealing with a void of my own for some time. A lifetime without the one I loved and love. That is what's lasting. At least for me. I'm not getting what makes me feel more alive, but things don't always happen when, where, or how we expect. That doesn't mean it won't.

But what is love if you can't share it with your loved one? I totally get that. For me I know I will feel this way for time infinite. Still I must live my life regardless and enjoy what I can.

Of there are more errors they would be similar to the ones I mentioned.

Thank you for sharing this.
Be Blessed.





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304
304
Review of The Party's Over  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Soldier Mike

It definitely was a sad day and certainly horrifying for many. It was all over the news. I did end up watching or hearing those people making their phone calls to thier loved ones. I sat there crying my eyes out even though I didn't know them personally.

It's been a long time since it happened yet it seems like it wasn't that long ago. I'm betting there's alot those family's are dealing with still after this happened.
Thanks for sharing.



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305
305
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Web Witch,

I read the second one first as it was featured on Richard's newsfeed posting.

Either way it looks like I'll be watching your port for a while so I can get my detective fix sated.

I like that we have dialogue plus we get to hear what's going on inside P.I. Lou's mind.

He's quick thinking and ready for action. The tension mounts then subsides lurking in the background then something worse starts to happen but even that ends nice and neat. Okay. Not nice on normal terms, but you know what I mean. I hope.

And Gloria gets to live another day. She's bound to get sweet on him after all he's saving her life.

I found no errors itr just didn't notice them as I was caught up in the action.

Nope I didn't see any problems.

Good read!

Thanks again.




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306
306
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Web Witch,

I found this like ttle gem in your port and just had to read it. I'm liking the detective stories especially noir.

This part I got a kick out if--Now I have to walk around all day with this flowery package in my pocket

I'd say typical man. But that might sound sexist. Oh well I said it anyway. I say it jokingly.

Everything progressed like you'd expect any we got enough of the right imagery too.

The other amazing thing is this was doing using thoughts and dialogue.

I have nothing to suggest about this item. It was really enjoyable to read.

Thank you. And please write more.


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307
307
Review of Deja Vu  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Norma Jean,

I just found Dejavu in your portfolio and here to give you my thoughts on it. First I will say the formatting looks good. I didn't see any errors. You also have good systence rythym.

The premise is one almost a time can relate to so it f feels real.

The couple's interaction in this also seems like one anyone might have given the frustration of not knowing w where you are and which way to go.

I've had it happen except it was on foot. You've inspired me to write about an adventure with a friend if mine while in San Francisco.

Anyway, by car is another example especially when you suddenly realise things look the same or they've changed the names in almost any street after a certain distance.

It often felt like we have our own asphalt Bermuda Triangle and we are like fish caught in a net. Haha

You mentioned another one.

The only suggestion I might give is if you could place a link at the bottom for anyone wanting to read more. I've done that.

Thanks for the read.


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308
308
Review of The Ghost Hunt  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Spiritual Dawning,

I found this item in your portfolio.

Formatting looks good in this. Each line leads us on this search for ghosts and such.

There's a place not to far from San Francisco. It's called Winchester House. Many people go there. I've not been there though. It's famous.

Well this piece looks good as the searcher longs for an adventure.

Thanks for sharing.



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309
309
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Spiritual Dawning,

I came across your item in your port--Yearning for More.

The poem is simple in firm and the message is clear. It's a request for some moments to spend with another person.

It is a longing many people can relate to.

Nice example. Thanks for sharing.





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310
310
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello n.lea,

I just read The Destination. I am not good at creating poetry but I sure can appreciate it.

I like this one as it's short but concise and reflects the feeling in it.

I especially liked the last part. Here it is:

Allow them to be plucked
That you always remain
In hearts you touch along your way


It's so meaningful.

Thanks for sharing.


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311
311
Review of The Dreamer  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Norman.

I just read one of your poems--The Dreamer.

I don't know a lot about poetry but I do know I liked this..

It has a nice uplifting feel to it. To believe in yourself is important. God knows I fall into a slump now and then but it's true. Believe in yourself even if everyone around you doesn't.

We see it happen today. I always say even a multitude of people can be wrong. Granted it's their right to believe what they will.

Anyway, your poem looks good on the page. There's a nice rythym to it. (hope I spelled that right).

I didn't notice anything that needed editing.

You did a great job on this. I especially liked the last stanza.

Thanks for sharing.


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312
312
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lurie,

This looks much better. You now have some dialogue.

Example: What did you saw?",
I think you meant see.

Also you need to use comma inside the ending quotation marks, not outside.

Also if the dialogue ends with things like questions or exclamation marks then do not add a comma.


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313
313
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Lueie Park,
Your titelr is appropriste.

The premise could happen but because we don't know these characters wellits kind of unusual to kill someone over one incident, yet not impossible.

The emotion is revealed when Pearl turned red and she clenched her fist then punched a wall but jealousy tends to sneak up on you and at first you don't want to believe someone's cheating on you.

Unfortunately even sisters or other relatives can get things wrong. And then bad things happen if it's acted upon.

But in your story we see an ending yet certainly not a happy one.

With a little editing this could be even better if show a slow buildup to this tragedy.

Plus I'd use dialogue when the sister finds out what she found out about Myra Bell.

That being said, it's your story to do as you wish.

Thanks for the read.


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314
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Cheryl McCarriston,

I just read your story called No Password Needed.

First, I would suggest that you capitalize the title as shown here.

Title: is appropriate to story content

Premise: A girl is solitary as all that's around her are boys. This promises to allow her to experience a lot of different things she might not if there were any other girls.

Format: It could use some editing. Add line space between paragraphs.

I liked that we got a little bit of dialogue and it's done well. A little more could be added so you're showing and not telling. It makes it feel more real.

* I like that she decides to earn her admittance into the group when someone suggested it.

*. This looks like it will be a good adventure as we see these kids interact and how things change later if they do.

Nice job on this beginning if it's part of a longer story.

Let me know if you edit and add to this and I can either rate and re-review it or its next parts.

Thanks for sharing.



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315
315
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Winchester Jones,

I found and read "The Red Haired Men" .

I read this twice as I didn't realise what happened.

I didn't see any errors in it and the formatting looks good too.

It's obvious the people in Mr Morisons neighborhood don't like him after all it's his fault for them losing their homes, but then he starts getting new items for his house.

A crowd is watching and they're angry thinking this guy won the lottery but the red headed guys are drinking and laughing each time something is delivered. You know they've been up to something, with wearing those fancy watches.

I wonder when the IRS shows up haha.
Good job on this short story. Thanks for sharing.



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316
316
Review of The Wooden Sphere  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello.

I just read *1611261*.

There'snothing about this story I would change.

We are drawn into the story and experience the feelings and see the tension miubdubgbtul it goes past unbearable, yet somehow the situation changes.

I might have used commas where you had dashes, though.

I especially liked this visual imagery--

between one blink and then another, I saw light—felt fresh air—and was popped out onto my living room floor like a champagne cork.

Good beginning, middle, and end.


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317
317
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello pumpkin,

I noticed a response in the newsfeed so I thought I'd check out your portfolio. I found this little gem.

* The title is appropriate.

* Story prenise is believable. Many children remember visiting and staying with grandparents or relatives.
* The format looks good with proper line spacing and good length of paragraphs.
* There's a variety of sentence lengths which helps reader to keep interested.

* These two children portray happy ones who meet each other one summer. They become good friends and supportive of each other.

Unfortunately the summer ends and thimfs sometimes happen, they often go each other's way.

Poor Louella us grieving and
Jim.is do sad to found this girl and is find of her then has to say goodbye.
Might be gone, but not forgotten I'm thinking.

* Might have been interesting to see one or both touch something the other had, maybe a ribbon from her hair that had fallen and was left behind, or something of his. I wonder if these two will refind each other again later on in life, and just how that goes. Friends or more.

Since the writer wrote this for a prompt it looks like they fulfilled the requirements.

Good job. Thanks for sharing.



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318
318
Review of Life  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi thoughts and feelings,

You are one that you can rely on no matter what anyone says or thinks. I learned that the hard way.

Not everyone is out to get you. There are some decent people out there. I've met some. They believed in me when I thought nobody did.

The haters well it's their problem. Nobody knows for sure why these people can be like that but it's a reality. Life can be difficult and dissapointing.

It can also be joyous and exciting.

I have my days too. Yes sometimes it's a distraction that helps, but we can't always depend on people, especially people having their own hopes and fears causing them to react. Unless they are just plain mean and inconsiderate.

I kind of think if our bodies. If we don't take care if it, then it won't take care of us. Same with the mind. Fill it with good things. I'm thankful for everyday things-- a sunny day,,the scent of a flower, an unexpected message from someone distant.

The love of my life isn't in it but that love doesn't dissapear. Doesn't change. Just the relationship changes.

Hang in there.
Keep writing.





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319
319
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi thoughts and feelings.

I noticed this in your port. I'm.a believer in Dreams. You can be miserable and still dream of something better.

You don't forget the bad stuff but trying something different helps. Or changing a perspective.
It's not clear what's causing the problem. I feel.the person is feeling a loss. It's something a lit of people can relate to at one time or another.

The hurt comes from burning the happily ever after and something changed it. That doesnt mean there is no happlily ever after. It might not happen when we want it the way we want but there's hope that it will eventually happen.


In your item you wrote life isn't perfect. Life can be like a roller coaster ride with it's ups and downs, sometimes exciting or scary.

It can seem to be imperfect yet often things look differently with a few changes and over time. We might not get over whatever it is, but we can hope, have faith that one day things won't feel so bad nor be so bad.

I rated this for it's honest feelings. Not so much as form.

Thanks for sharing.


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320
320
Review of Harry the Hamster  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Robert Edward Baker,

I just read "Harry the Hamster" .


What a unique premise, personification and perspective!

I was drawn in from the beginning wondering just where this was going but ea h action kept me going.

There was just enough dialogue in this to see these two interact and let us know a little at a time where this might be going.

I liked the tension brought in by the guys checking the room.i found myself silently rooting for little and mighty Harry

Later inside the vent he again has to think and react

I didn't notice any errors or other problems in this.

Who would have thought that Harry, with a few extra powers could come in handy and save the world from disaster?

He's sort of like a special ops individual as he infiltrates the lab.

I love this idea. It was fun to read as he went about and cleverly found ways to move around and solve problems.

This was such fun to read. I could read more of Harry's adventures. ;*)

Thanks for sharing. I'd love to know when you're writing something else. Or even continue.


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321
321
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wintersage,

I found this piece and had to take a closer look.

These two look so cosy together, yet each is looking forward to this anticipated change. Each are ready to talk about it.

Unfortunately they aren't quite on the same page it seems. Quite an embarrassing moment which you have created well.

The words "expand my family" felt odd. Wouldn't she say expand our family?

Good story beginning, nice imagery.

I saw no errors.

I hope to read more of your stories soon.

Thanks for the read..


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322
322
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wintersage,

This is certainly an interesting story beginning. It raises many story questions.

It also has dialogue although one sided at the moment.

I was a little confused by the varying mood of the violet caped lady.

She feels the fear, sees the sadness of the girl, and she herself feels guilty, but then later her voice drips with sarcasm.

It does raise story questions, yet I'm not sure why she feels guilty. Or if she has empathy for this girl. Maybe she thinks she's weak and pathetic?

Still, it makes me want to read more.

I like the imagery, the swirls of color. The mystical part of what's happening.

The girls reaction seems believable considering she's in a dark place and afraid.
I hope to see where this leads and how things progress.

Thanks for the read. Please let me know if you edit it or add more.


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323
323
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Roari,

I hope the third time is a charm as I wrote this three times already. First two times disappeared sudeenly.
I'mm determined if anything.

First, I want to say this is looking fabulous.

Second, I have an idea you might like. Or maybe not. Anyway I'll present it and you can decide.

What I liked: rich imagery, character development, use if latin (I think it was latin) the intro draws you in and you just have to keep reading.

I liked the action at the beginning. The interaction and actions seemed to be in a natural way.

I liked the dialogue too but felt that Jessa and Jerran needed to talk to each other a little. It would show rather than tell.

What might need editing:
The words they started walking maybe change to they walked. It feels more immediate.

Here you might want to edit:

* By midday, they could see the village wall.

You might say,
By mid-day straight ahead of them was the village wall.


* Now about that idea I mentioned. I know it says His name is not spoken but could maybe the Veldassae might call him Deus Invictus

It has meaning. God/unconqerable.

I don't know what happens later but this entity might be gone in their existence yet still be in another plane of existence, or same spirit being yet different or maybe it's descendants.
Just a thought.

* I might have liked the story broken up a little. And have chapters, each maybe providing links to each section. It makes it easier for the reader to sit through it...although there was no lack of interest for me.

Good read, interesting beginning, and a hint that's there's more to come. Keep it up!

Let me know if there's more to this story or you edited it. I can see this becoming so much more.


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324
324
Review of Billy  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi WD Wilcox,

I judging by "Billy"  [ASR]
see you write a variety of genres. I like westerns especially the spaghetti westerns. You don't see them too often. I'm wishing they'd make more.

This one being a western allows the reader to view a fight in a oldtime salloon. I can imagine the bar and barkeep and those long behind the bar mirrors, they always seemed to have. It would be easy to watch someone discreetly

I like how Billy is so aware and watching. He picks up on what the other patrons are doing and what they are watching. The bits of info indicates what these guys are up to.

The tension builds as the other two men exchange glances several times. Billy knows they are up to something, yet is discreetly monitoring what's going on.

The actions indicate it's aight over the card game but what else is happening. Billy's in top form to handle it though.

* I didn't find a typo here:
You gonna back up them words?” asked the card (sharp), (I think you meant shark.). It's easily fixed.

Other than that everything looks good. Enjoyed the read. It's not the usual showroom shootout but still you captured the scene.

Thanks again. Keep on writing. I want to see what else you come up with. I have you on my list.
Guessing it means I favorited you. :*)


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325
Review of Try The Uni  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again, W.D. Wilcox,

Since the last story I read of yours I decided to see what other treasures you have. I'm not disappointed.
I found "Try The Uni" .

* The title is appropriate.
* The premise is of an experience eating Uni for the first time, and possibly the last.

* Imagery is at its best. I began giggling here:

size of a hacked-off finger, stretched across a scoop of sticky rice.

Hmm-hmm...sounds good, don't it

* Note: hmm hmm is okay but I'm thinking of mmm mmm which is the sound I make when the thought of something delicious makes my stomach growl-- Please feed me already! Haha

I just got this feeling things might not go swimingly. (After all we later see those little boats and their er.. passengers. {R:laugh}

* You had me at the prolonged bowing, and it continues for me through the japanese patrons partaking of the " manned boats" floating around.

* When you watched the others eating the snot-like edible you decided to also partake.

After several sakes everything really had gotten to be fun and an adventurourus
But then, that first swallow...

Oh boy, at first I thought maybe it got stuck in and scorched your throat, but this was even better.

I can imagine all those experienced execs watching you as you transformed into a mini-missile launcher. haha!!

Yep, I'm laughing at your sad mistake.

I will share what happened to me. I thought I'd written a piece but maybe it was in my blog.

Good read. Thanks for sharing.



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