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1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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351
351
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Drifter,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions!

*Note6* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think that you address an important factor here. You show your gratitude and your beliefs in this short story by telling us the reasons you think you were saved.

*Bullet* Coming close to death could make thoughts and questions rise in us. I think it's good that you show your thoughts being reflected in the aftermath.

*Note6* Spelling & Suggestions:
But I turn the swich and continue
*Bullet* switch

kind of full of self esteem
*Bullet* self-esteem

I hear a car sirene
*Bullet* siren
*Up* There's a few places where you have "sirene" instead of siren.

car coming right towards
*Bullet* toward

and I speed up my step and get to the sidewalk
*Bullet* Consider one minor change here:
*Idea* and I speed up my step to get to the sidewalk
tappes my shoulder and interrupts
*Bullet* taps

We walk on towards the school
*Bullet* toward

Write on!
~ Lexi
352
352
Review of "Your Loss"  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Mohan,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think that your poem shows emotional support to your family. Losing a loved one is never easy, but you let them know they have you to turn to.

brief description- who lost there spouse
*Bullet* their

It came out of sight
Which made the pain even worse
*Up* Consider making one slight change in this line:
*Idea* It came out of sight,
making the pain even worse

*Bullet* You have the word "dos'nt" throughout your poem. I think you mean: doesn't

will for a while
*Bullet* awhile

Happy New Year & Write on!
~ Lexi
353
353
Review of Falling  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Fading,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* It's unfortunate that people have to endure abusive situations. Nice display of emotional anguish.

past even though i trie
*Bullet*try

though i carry the pain
*Up* Since you use "though' in the previous line how about changing this up a bit:
*Idea*I carry the burdens of your shame
*Idea* I carry the pain and your shame

that burn's on
*Bullet* You don't need an apostrophe here because you don't need to show possession.

*Idea* Consider capitalizing the word "I" throughout the poem and placing apostrophes in your contradictions. It'll really improve the appearance of your poem.
*Bullet* I'm, can't

Happy New Year and Write On!
~ Lexi
354
354
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Aubrey,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You bring awareness to an issue that quite a few people may be disturbed by. You have some detailed information here that could help those in need.

The answer to this quesion
*Bullet* question

*Idea* In this article you have two areas where you list symptoms and recommendations. Consider placing the introduction lines in bold and maybe possibly placing the following lines in color. I think it'll add some spice to the presentation. For example:

Treatment and Recommendations:
Take a walk outside during lunch or break time.

see your doctor and or get a recommendation from a mental
*Up* Think about using one or the other here, instead of "and or".
*Idea* see your doctor and
*Idea* see your doctor or

Write on!
~ Lexi
355
355
Review of Chapter one  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey Jeff,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I do think that you present the reader with vivid scenes in this. It was easy to gain a mental picture through your words.

*Bullet* I'm curious about what will happen to Brad now, and what kinds of things hell come across in his line of work. I'm sure you have some interesting twists up ahead.

*Idea* Your first three sentences begin with "the". Consider changing that up a bit.

unsetling quiet as the remanants of fifty strong voices disolved
*Bullet* unsettling quiet as the remnants of fifty strong voices dissolved

female vioce pierced
*Bullet* peirced

song slowly icreased
*Bullet* increased

built like a linbacker
*Bullet* linebacker

back into realitywith
*Bullet* reality with

grunted a non comittal reply
*Bullet* noncommital

how fast he disappeard
*Bullet* disappeared

smiled contendedly
*Bullet* contently

Brad talbot loved this
*Bullet* Talbot

standing crowd was dificult
*Bullet* difficult

He side stepped a few people qiuet easliy
*Bullet* quite easily

of his latest endevour
*Bullet* endeavor

nonchalantley usher him
*Bullet* nonchalantly

*Idea* You double spaced in between every line. In a short story, I think the best presentation is to only do that in between paragraphs. Also, you may want to recheck your punctuation.

*Question* Have you thought about a title for this story yet? Since I am not certain where you plan to take this story I am reluctant to offer a suggestion here, but I did think of "The Camera Never Lies" just because of his line of work.

Happy New Year & Write On!
~ Lexi
356
356
Review of As time goes by  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Karina-chocolate,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments and Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* Interesting mixture of characters here. I think that you explain Priscilla's heartache clearly in this.

That morning of June had made her think of her planned marriage.
*Up* Consider making one small change in this line:
*Idea* morning in June

intelligent creatures able to fulfil
*Bullet* fulfill

While the telephone was dialling
*Bullet* dialing

To meet Sean Priscilla had to leave the
*Bullet* This sounds like her first and last name because there's not a comma in this line.
*Idea* To meet Sean, Priscilla

Something told her that that was the catastrophe of which she thought that it would never happen.
*Up* In my opinion, something makes this sound a bit awkward. Also, you have the word "that" twice in a row. How about:
*Idea* Something told her that this was the catastrophe she thought would never happen.

She knew that all her dreams of a romantic life with Jonathan had been dreamt a little too long.
*Up* Consider changing this up a bit:
*Idea* She knew that all her dreams of a romantic life with Jonathan had just been a fantasy.

*Idea* You double spaced in between, but think about doing that in between all of your paragraphs. It's really easier on the eyes.

Happy New Year & Write on!
~ Lexi
357
357
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Shelly,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Suggestions & Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think that you address a tough and unfortunate issue. It's sad but it has become more of a common issue.

*Bullet* I'm curious where you'll take Casey and Carter in the later chapters. What will happen when Carter awakens (if he does) and what'll happen to Casey and the baby.

sixteen year-old Casey
*Bullet* sixteen-year-old Casey

Snotily she asked
*Bullet* Snottily
*Up* Also, you might want to check the spacing in this line. The sentence drops to another line in the middle of the page.

.Said Carter, anxiosly
*Bullet* anxiously
*Up* Consider changing the period to a comma before "said". It's a continuation of the sentence, but you have it as a new beginning.

your retarted sympathy
*Bullet* retarded

forbidden to see eachother
*Bullet* each other

was practically unconcious
*Bullet* unconscious

two had suspended liscense
*Bullet* license

Carter laid unconsious
*Bullet* unconscious

it just the begining
*Bullet* beginning

Merry Christmas and Write on!
~ Lexi
358
358
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Pogue,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Nice imagery used throughout the story that presents a fantasy setting!

*Thumbsup* I like that you showed the troubles that Daniel had to endure in the beginning of your story. It helped me connect with his character. It was interesting to see Daniel befriend an unlikely character!

*Note6* Suggestions & Spelling:
brief description- step father
*Bullet* stepfather

a peacful little place on the country side
*Bullet* peaceful & countryside
*Up* "countryside" and "stepfather" are closed compound words.

Our story resides with a young boy. Daniel.
*Up* In the previous line you have already used a form of "reside". Also, consider combining these two thoughts:
*Bullet* Our story begins with a young boy named Daniel.

angry man called Narcissuss
*Question* Did you mean Narcissus?

Most likely for the reason that Daniel constant reminder of the man that came before him.
*Bullet* Most likely for the reason that Daniel was a constant reminder of the man that came before him.

lankey boy with carmel-colored hair
*Bullet* lanky

He ran deeper and deeper into the forest, darting between trees, jumping over protruding roots, and doging thorns and brambles
*Bullet*dodging
*Up* Also, this particular sentence seems wordy. In keeping with your idea, how about something like this:
*Idea*He ran deep into the forest, darting in between trees and jumping over protruding roots, while dodging thorns and brambles.

he couldn't hear his step fathers bellowing rage
*Bullet* stepfather's
*Up* You're trying to show possession here.

afew dried logs
*Bullet* a few

I suppose I could lye down for just a moment
*Bullet*lie
*Up* "Lye" is a soap component.

Daniel layed down
*Bullet* laid

Write on!
~ Lexi
359
359
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think that there's an emotional story brewing behind this idea. Every story needs a bit of drama, and Paul's issues with alcohol is good thing to use to show conflict.

*Thumbsup* Toward the middle your story shows that Chris seems to feel out of place. The egging scene shows that he's dealing with some difficult times.

Brief description: His only passon is base ball
*Bullet* passion is baseball

First *Paragraph*
It went far over everybodies heads.
*Bullet* everbody's head
*Up* You're trying to show possession here.

Everyone on the field watched as if flew over.
*Bullet* as it flew over

A player stood direcly
*Bullet* directly

It was OK." Chris ansured
*Bullet* answered

It was pritty much
*Bullet* pretty

Other than that, the only things in the fridge was some bannanas, and a jar of jelly.
*Bullet* Other than that, the only things in the fridge were some bananas and a jar of jelly.

His father ansured
*Bullet* answered

No, I couldent." He ansured
*Bullet* couldn't & answered

Chris layed his face into his hand
*Bullet*laid his face into his hands

old newspapaers
*Bullet* newspapers

Second *Paragraph*
Chris kicked the boddom
*Bullet* bottom

Then he slapped the windsheild
*Bullet* windshield

The car pittered
*Question* Did you mean puttered?

The guages came to life
*Bullet* gages

Paul sat and watched threw the window.
*Bullet* through the window
*Up* Threw is the past tense of throw.

He finaly stopped
*Bullet* finally

Third *Paragraph*
He walked threw the isles and looked at the shelfs
*Bullet* walked through the aisles and looked at the shelves
*Up* Isles pertains to islands.

He grabbed the delux
*Bullet* deluxe

The lady infront of him
*Bullet* in front

Chris walked up to the registar.
*Bullet* register

Fourth *Paragraph*
Chris laughted
*Bullet* laughed

two dollars and ninty
*Bullet*ninety

Last *Paragraph*
An egg busted on the wind-sheild
*Bullet* windshield

dodge anouther egg. It splatered
*Bullet* another & splattered

anouther egg hit the wind-sheild.
*Bullet*another & windshield

The car pittered and pattered and started.
*Bullet* The car puttered and pattered before it finally started.
*Up* You're trying to show how difficult is was for Chris to flee the scene. I think if you said it this way it becomes more apparent to the reader.

they thougt Chris was shooting
*Bullet* thought

Chris ansured
*Bullet* answered

found anouther way to
*Bullet* another

Befor I call the cops."
*Bullet* before

*Bullet* In your paragraphs there's a few places where you didn't place apostrophes in your contractions. Also, there's a few places where you didn't space in your proper names. EX: Mr. Richards- there should be a space between your period and Richards.

*Confused* Your ending to this chapter seemed a bit too relaxed to me. They're in a middle of a huge fight, and then the chapter ends with Chris shrugging. The two guys are obviously angry with one another, so I was confused by that.

*Idea* I think if you end it with more of cliffhanger, or at least a stronger reaction by Chris it'll hook the readers better.

*Idea* Add a few genres to help gain exposure. You can target your readers if you do that (sports, action, drama, etc.).

I do hope you continue this story. I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
360
360
Review of Troubled  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Elle6,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I like that you show emotions through imagery in the opening lines. It really shows the reader a sense of sadness and confusion. Nice work there!

Brief Description- when i livedin england
*Bullet* I lived in England

then the book told my secrets that only those two know
*Bullet* I'm confused by what you mean here. I think you're trying to show that your secrets became apparent to people who didn't know about them. Did you mean something like this:
*Idea* then the book told my secrets to those who didn't know

the matches dissapeared
*Bullet* disappeared

i was being wierd
*Bullet* I was being weird

last to long
*Bullet* last too long

Now my arm will tell you
*Question* Are you talking about what comes out through your writing? If so, then consider trying this:
*Idea* Now my hand will tell you
*Up* I think it works better because you write with your hand and not your arm.

that staind all my clothes
*Bullet* stained

*Down* Some of the followings would help improve the appearance of your piece.

*Idea* Capitalize all your proper nouns.
*Idea* Add apostrophes when you're trying to show possession and in your contractions.

Keep writing,
~ Lexi
361
361
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Kez,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Nice attempt with inner rhyming! It gives your story a nice sound and more of a poetic tone.

*Bullet* This kind of reminded me of a strange fairytale. Your use of imagery enabled me to envision the scenes and situations. I found this to be cute and enjoyable. You may want to list this under the children's genre as well. I think they'll find a liking for your tale!

*Note6*Suggestions:
A frog he was you see all slimy and green and cute as could be.
*Bullet* Consider changing this up a bit so it sounds more natural:
*Idea* He was a frog you see, all slimy, green, and as cute as could be.

Just a glimse that he could see through blades of grass was enough for Bertie.
*Bullet* glimpse
*Up* Think about omitting part of this sentence. You're still making the same point, but it flows smoother like this:
*Idea* Just glimpsing through blades of grass was enough for Bertie.
*Idea* Glimpsing through the blades of grass was satisfying enough for Bertie.
*Idea* A glimpse through the blades of grass satisfied Bertie.

roared, suddenly flaoting upwards
*Bullet* floating upward

He called out to her he'd never felt happier but all the time she would never answer.
*Bullet* This line needs some punctuation so your thoughts don't run into one another:
*Idea*He called out to her; he'd never felt happier, but all the time she would never answer.

For as the wind became stronger her body moved like a shiny green monster.
*Bullet* Think about beginning this sentence another way. "For" seems like an awkward choice in this particular area. Also, you some punctuation would improve it:
*Idea* As the wind became stronger, her body moved like a shiny green monster.

And made a rustling noise, he realised he'd maybe made the wrong choice.
*Question* I'm confused by what you mean here. What made a rustling noise?

The wind howled, the monster roared, suddenly
The wind howled; the monster roared
*Up* Semi-colons are used to separate two related and complete thoughts.

Up into the air flapping her arms and her legs and setting off alarms.
*Bullet* This is a fragment and you have it as a sentence. Maybe something like:
*Idea* She set off alarms by flapping her arms and legs.

For as he could clearly see, this was no frog, not even a monster, this bubble of hope and fear had just gone pop.
*Bullet* As the beginning of a sentence "for" really makes a good sentence seem off.
*Idea* He could clearly see, this was no frog, not even a monster; this bubble of hope and fear had just gone pop.

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
362
362
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Whome,
I bet you're getting tired of me*Pthb* I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

Review 6 from "A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops" 

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I am also an avid coffee drinker, so it was easy for me to relate to this. In fact, I often joke that I should have stocks the coffee houses and companies.

Black, cream or flavored too
*Bullet* There should be a comma after "cream"

Sipping silent while reading
*Up* I like the alliteration here, but consider using an adverb instead:
*Idea* Sipping silently

Keep writing*Smile*
~ Lexi
363
363
Review of Above All Others  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Whome,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

Review 5 from "A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops" :
*Bullet* This poem shows the love you carry for that special someone. This is a good attempt for your first love poem.
There is a love,
above all others
I hold dear.
Whose name
if you come close,
I'll whisper clear.
*Up* Consider using adverbs in two area. I think it makes a difference in the tone and flow.
*Idea* My Suggestion:
There is a love,
above all others
I hold dearly.
Whose name
if you come close,
I'll whisper clearly.

Keep Writing!
~ Lexi
364
364
Review of Painted Pink  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Whome,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

Review 4 from "A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops" 
*Note6* Suggestions & Comments:
*Thumbsup* You really had me going here! For a minute I thought this was an intimate encounter *Blush*

*Thumbsup* Nice use of alliteration used in your title. It caught my attention right away!

Heating me through and through
*Bullet* Instead of saying "through and through" how about condensing this a bit:
*Idea* thoroughly

Scalding my throat with your caress
*Up* "scalding" seems like a strange word choice here because the other images sound pleasant. How about:
*Idea*covering, glazing, painting

*Bullet* Very nice metaphorical approach!
Write on,
~ Lexi
365
365
Review of All To You  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Whome,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

Review 3 from "A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops" 
*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* Sometimes we meet someone that throws us through a whirlwind of happiness. You show the positive affects of having someone in your life that loves you. I like that you focus on change being a good thing and that not all hope is lost after heartbreak.

I had no reason to say no;
for you I can't resist.
*Bullet* Semi-colons are used to connect two related and complete sentences. In these lines I would replace the semi-colon with a comma and place another comma after "you".

the two of us you and I.
*Bullet* Consider placing a comma after "us".

You gave me back my smile,
that I'd to others lost.
You showed me I still had a heart,
one I thought I had tossed.
*Up* Something about the second line seems a bit awkward to me. Maybe because the natural way to say it would be "that I lost to others". Since you're rhyming here consider something like this:
*Idea* You gave me back my smile,
that somehow seemed lost.
You showed me I still had a heart,
one I thought I had tossed.

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
366
366
Review of Crimson Teardrops  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Whome,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

Review 2 from "A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops" 
*Thumbsup* Unfortunately, this is something that happens to innocent children. This poem speaks out against those horrible acts and shows the turmoil and torment children experience. The tile you chose really supports your topic and gives an added imagery!

*Bullet* Think about making "everyway" two separate words.

Cut me not
with your eyes.
Tear not my heart,
With your lies.
Consider a small change in the third line here to take away the repetition of how it's phrased. Also, I think it flows smoother this way:
*Idea* Don't tear my heart
With your lies

*Bullet* I like the quickness of the poem and how it still leaves a strong impact on the reader. I'm sure your words will reach out to those affected by this subject.

Congrats on the award and write on!
~ Lexi
367
367
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Whome! You've won six reviews in "A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops"  from me, so let me get started!

Review 1
*Note6* Comments/Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You have included a sweet description that helps explain this poem! I bet your sister had a big smile on her face when she read this. Romantic and uplifting thoughts!

*Bullet* I do have a tiny suggestion for you, but I'm almost afraid to offer it here. This piece seems very personal to you, and I know how I can be when it comes to something close to my heart. I really hope you don't mind my suggestion here:
You fell from the sky to be with me
Your two angels guiding your way
*Idea* You fell from the sky to be with me
Two angels guided you along the way

*Bullet* I know this is a dedication and not written for your own romantic experience, but you may want to add a few genres to your poem. It'll help you gain exposure. It's really pretty! In your explanation you're missing a slash here: us is strongWe.

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
368
368
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Miss Originality,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Cry* This is such a tragic event to happen! I really hope that this isn't something that's actually happened to you. I think that you show just how much you cherish your friends.

*Bullet* I think it seems natural to feel guilty because of things that were said, but in no way would any of the happenings been your fault.

In the blink of an eye, as I sat infront of my computer screen, checking my myspace, I found out the devestating news that scarred my life forever.
*Bullet* This makes it sound like you sat down "in the blink of an eye". Also, consider ending this sentence after "space" and starting a new sentence with "In the blink".
*Idea* I sat in front of my computer screen checking my Myspace page. In the blink of an eye, devastating news had scarred my life forever.

My friends that went to go to an away game out of town was involved in a horrible car crash.
*Up* An away game is out of town, so this seems a bit redundant. I think that a few changes will make this sentence seem less wordy.
*Idea* My friends were involved in a horrible car crash while traveling to an away game.

were now being transported to a nearby hospital and was on life support
*Bullet* and were on life support

The sadness that was being inflicted on me was unbearable
*Up* Try cutting back a bit on some of your wording by making a few changes. The picture you're trying to convey will still stay the same.
*Bullet*The sadness I carried was unbearable

I would give up anything to atleast got to say goodbye to her
*Idea*I would give up anything to at least got to say goodbye to her

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
369
369
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to Writing.Com, Miss Understood! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup*Times can be tough for some people and your poem shows that sometimes there's nothing that can be done, but to be there for someone. Once in awhile we need to just let the people we care about experience things we wish they didn't have to.

Title- Gods Answer
*Bullet* God's Answer

Little Girl
My sweet Little Angel
*Up* How about using another word here instead of using "little" twice so close together?
*Idea*Little girl,
My sweet darling angel

*Down* You use the word "allowed" quite a few times in this poem. How about spicing it up by trying something else:
I allowed the pain to happen
*Idea* I let nature take its course
*Bullet* A good tool to use when trying to find a substitution word is the Ideanary. It's located in your Site Navigator under Site Tools.

Write on!
~ Lexi
370
370
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Epiphany,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think that the length of this piece signifies your message. This is about capturing thoughts onto paper before it leaves the mind, and thoughts leave the mind rather quickly. You phrased your third line very nicely.

Time enough to have one thought;
*Up* In this line I would change your semi-colon to a comma. Semi-colons are used to connect two complete and related sentences. Also, consider one small change here. I think switching these two words around seems to make the line make more sense and sound much better:
*Idea* Enough time to have one thought,

Write on!
~Lexi
371
371
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fun stuff, Steph! I think sometimes things that people create can get overshadowed because there's not always something specific to help showcase that type of item. I think it's great that you have a contest that highlights and pays special attention to those types of things!

*Question* Are the newer type items allowed to enter this, such as quizzes?

I wish you continued success with this.
~ Lexi
372
372
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Megaleggin,
Welcome to Writing.Com! Hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6*Suggestions & Comments:
*Thumbsup* Friendship is about being there for one another. Your poem shows that your friend can depend on you. Cute and uplifting poem!

in ones persons eyes your impecable
*Bullet* in one person's eyes you're impeccable

to anothers your always wrong
*Bullet* to another you're always

your bound to & when your down
*Bullet* you're
*Bullet* One quick to use when deciding to use "your" or "you're" is to read out the phrase. "You are bound to".

theres no need to frown
*Bullet* there's
*Up* because you mean there is no need

*Bullet* There's a few places you didn't capitalize the word "I". You may want to recheck that.

Write on!
~ Lexi
373
373
Review of NEXT IN LINE  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey Sherri,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Bullet* It's sad that situations like this happen, but it is a fact. There's always someone else in the "waiting line" that will put up with what you were trying to escape, even if it's for a short time. It kind of makes you want to warn the other person, but sometimes the only way that people learn is from experiencing it on their own.

*Idea* Think about adding a few more genres (emotional, relationship, tragedy).

The next in line is somewhere waiting for you,
*Up* Consider stating this in a way that seems clearer:
*Idea* Next in line is someone waiting for you

Thank you for entering round 33 of "Invalid Item"  & good luck. Please be sure to keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
374
374
Review of Sneak Peek  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Agnes,
I hope you don't mind my comments & suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Bullet* You show how annoying previews and commercials can be in your poem.

*Bullet* Consider adding a few genres to this to help you gain exposure (entertainment, comedy, etc..


Thank you for entering round 33 of "Invalid Item"  & good luck! Keep your eyes open for the next round*Smile*
~ Lexi
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375
375
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
CountryMom,

*Thumbsup* You filled this entry with holiday cheer! I was able to see all the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping. I thought you had a sweet take on the title prompt.

*Note6* The only suggestion I have for you is to consider changing your semi-colon in the third stanza to a comma.

Thank you for entering round 33 of "Invalid Item"  & good luck! Keep your eyes open for the next round*Smile*
~ Lexi
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