*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://p15.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lexijewlgia/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
Review Requests: OFF
1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
Previous ... 10 11 12 13 -14- 15 16 17 18 19 ... Next
326
326
Review of Among Friends  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Ellen,

I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note3* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Wow, what a tough twist this poem takes! In the beginning I assumed the poem would discuss friendship and happy memories. I was quite surprised by the outcome. Nicely done!

*Thumbsup* Unfortunately, I think that everyone experiences some sort of peer pressure at some point. It's easy to relate the emotions you show in your poem.

*Thumbsup* Your ending is strong! It really ties the ideas together.

*Note3*Suggestions:
Swinging on an old patio swing that I swung on last July.
*Bullet* You have a form of the word "swing" in this line three times. Also, the opening word already implies that it's swinging. Consider changing that up just a bit:
*Idea* Swaying on an old patio swing that I sat on last July

And offered me a free turn that I turned down.
*Bullet* Again, consider using a substitution word instead of using a form of "turn" twice in this line:
*Idea*And offered me a free try that turned down

*Idea* Think about placing this under a few more genres to help target your readers:
*Bullet* friendship, drama, emotional


Thank you for entering round 35 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
327
327
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ocean,

I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note2* Comments:
*thumsbup* I think your poem tells a sad story. Often, others just someone to lean on and that can make all the difference.

*Thumbsup* Even though they seemed like strangers in passing, there was an aspect of companionship built between the two people. I felt that the person who was confided in really understood the other girl's problems.


*Note2* Suggestions:
I sat down by her on the ground.
She looked at me, but made no sound.
*Bullet* Though the first line is fine, consider changing it up just a bit. I think it flows smoother like this:
*Idea* I sat down beside her on the ground.
She looked at me, but made no sound.

The girl looked deep into my eyes,
As if searching for my lies.
*Bullet* Consider making a small change in the second line and also adding an adjective to modify lies:
*Idea* The girl looked deep into my eyes,
As if she was searching for hidden lies.

My soul is gone for no one cares
Consider placing a comma after "gone". Without it the words run into one another and it's hard to make sense of right away. When a comma is placed there it gives a natural pause for the reader.


Thank you for entering round 35 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
328
328
Review of Death's Claim  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Ray,
*Thumbsup*You do a good job in presenting a dreary and dark picture of death through this poem. For some reason, it comes across as Final Destination meets the Grim Reaper.

*Note5*Suggestions:
Death is strange, the way he settles in
at the moment you least expect.
*Bullet*"In at" seems a bit awkward. Consider a small change here:
*Idea*Death is strange, the way he settles
in the moment you least expect.

nor the soul that he'll select
*Up* "Nor" means neither, so or would make more sense here.

Thank you for entering round 91 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck!
Write on,
~ Lexi
329
329
Review of Gone  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Fey,
*Thumbsup* Toward the end your poem gets stronger. Really a nice finish that connects with your idea nicely. There certain aspects of this that relates to many broken relationships.

*Note1*Suggestions:
as reproach did their eyes
*Up* The way this line is worded threw me off a bit. Also, "reproach" seems like an awkward choice for this particular line. Consider something like:
*Bullet* as disapproval consumed their eyes

we were too young they said
yet love shone on that day
brilliant despite the rain
and blind to the future
*Up* Within these few lines I keep stumbling. Perhaps, a few words changes and some added punctuation would make it a bit clearer:
*Idea* They said we were too young,
yet love shone upon us that day,
brilliantly, despite the rain
and our blindness to the future


Thank you for entering round 91 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck!
Write on,
~ Lexi
330
330
Review of LITTLE WHITE MOTH  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Meg,

*Thumbsup*Awe, this is adorable! You tell such a cute tale through your poem. I think this will be enjoyed by both adults and children. You added some nice visuals to your poem with the image as well. I didn't notice any errors in grammar or spelling. I think it's fabulous when someone else's writing inspires you. Nice work!

*Note2*Suggestions:
*Idea* As I said before, I think children will enjoy this too, so think about placing this under the children's genre.

Thank you for entering round 91 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck!
Write on,
~ Lexi
331
331
Review of New Winter  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Richard,
*Thumbsup* Wow, this had to be a difficult challenge! You poem tells a story of courage and turmoil. Scenes of war are vivid through your words. Nice work!

*Note5*Suggestions:
Catastrophe so immense and overwhelming that it
Decimates everything we’ve ever known is coming from the past winter snow
*Bullet* I think a few changes in wording and a few cut backs makes this line sound much smoother. Consider something like this:
*Idea*Catastrophe so immense and overwhelming,
Decimating everything we’ve known, coming from past winter snow

Falling forth from angels faces and
Glistening in the autumn rays of the sunlit morn
*Up* Consider using an apostrophe to show possession in "angels" and making a few minor adjustments in wording:
*Idea* Falling forth from angels' faces,
Glistening in autumn rays of sunlight

It breaths in, then roars
*Bullet* breathes in

*Note* You have this listed as an acrostic poem, but I believe it's an alphabet poem. Acrostic poems spell put a word or phrase.

Thank you for entering round 91 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck!
Write on,
~ Lexi
332
332
Review of The Storm-Part 1  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Isan,
*Thumbsup* You've packed this with action as you tell of happenings from a storm. Nice use of similes in your poem!

I saw in the middle of an ominous cloud the brightest glow,
*Bullet* Consider making a few adjustments to this particular line:
*Idea* I saw through an ominous cloud with the brightest glow

I remebered to keep my head
*Bullet* remembered

Thank you for entering round 91 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck!
Write on,
~ Lexi
333
333
Review of BUGS  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Boom,

*Thumbsup* This is a silly little poem! I'm wondering where you're writing from that bugs attack you*Laugh*

*Note4* One quick thing:
So they can’t bother me any more
*Bullet* anymore

Thank you for entering round 91 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck!
Write on,
~ Lexi
334
334
Review of Dreaming for you  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to Writing.Com, ForeverWishing. I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.


*Note4* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think you have a good beginning of a plot in this story. It'll attract plenty of young readers. The characters you have introduced are an interesting mix.

*Question* I know Jake was involved in a car accident, but I wasn't aware if he was injured at all. I assume he is still capable of dancing since he's at the dance hall, but did the accident cause him to lose some of his abilities? It'll be interesting to see his character come back into play, if Samantha can forgive him, and if she takes him back as a dance partner.

*Question* Will something happen between Dylan and Samantha? I know she's crushing on him right now, but I'm wondering if they will fall for each other. How did Dylan break her heart? Also, if Dylan dances, will he become her new partner instead of Jake?

*Bullet* In the story, you mention that her family is there to support her, but you say the person she wishes to be there the most isn't. It's sounds like it's a crucial moment in the story, but you didn't tell us who that person is. From what I have read this far, I can only gather that it may have been the person to die in the accident with Jake. I think that if you address this more it'll become clearer to the readers.

*Note4* Spelling
brief description- re-united with mystory
*Bullet* reunited with mystery

*Paragraph* 2
Howerer, Samantha was
*Bullet* However

*Paragraph* 3
When the car finnally rolled
*Bullet* finally
watched their childrens moment
*Bullet*childrens'
*Up* You're trying to show possession and it's more than one child.
they were able to suceed
*Bullet* succeed

*Paragraph* 5
Finding herself dweling
*Bullet* dwelling
sixteen year old boy
*Bullet* sixteen-year-old boy
She smiled with happyness
*Bullet* happiness

*Paragraph* 6
Samantha squeeled
*Bullet* squealed
But you havn't
*Bullet* haven't

*Paragraph* 7
you havn't chaged
*Bullet*haven't changed

*Paragraph* 8
took to the dancefloor
*Bullet* dance floor
rather raunchy ruitine
*Bullet* routine
After the ruitine
*Bullet* routine
become quite nausiating
*Bullet* nauseating

*Note4* Suggestions:

*Paragraph* 1
Looking at the friendly teddy, she couldn't help but think of the boy it represented; the boy who had long ago left footprints in her heart.
*Up* Think about changing your semi-colon to a comma here. Semo-colons are used to separate two related and complete thoughts. The second half of this is a fragment, so a comma works better here.

*Paragraph* 5
She had never quite forgiven him for how reckless he had been, involving himself and a friend in a fatal accident, whilst attempting to drive drunk.
*Bullet* Consider rewording this sentence a bit. I think it sounds much better like this:
She had never quite forgiven his recklessness, involving himself and a friend in a fatal accident while attempting to drive when he was drunk.

turning around slowly, she found herself staring
*Up* You may want to capitalize "Turning" since it's the beginning of a new sentence.

*Paragraph*6
Samantha smiled to herself; Dylan always did have a certain charisma to himself.
*Bullet* For some reason, the second part of this sentence sounds awkward to me. How about something like this:
*Idea* Samantha smiled to herself; she always admired Dylan's charismatic charm.

*Bullet* There are a few places where you didn't capitalize the word "I" and a few of your character's names. You may want to give that another look. Also, there's a few apostrophes missing in your contractions.

Good first chapter. I look forward to reading chapter 2.
I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
335
335
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Velvet Hammer,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Great title! It hooked me in because it's ambiguous in meaning and was original. The title didn't give your piece away; it did intrigue me though*Smile*

*Thumbsup* Nice imagery that allowed me to envision pieces of nature. Your alliteration gave a good rhythmic beat to your poem.

*Thumbsup* I though that you showed a woman reflecting upon her life and happenings very clearly.

*Note6*Suggestions:
I will run with the young ,
And laugh with the soft summer breeze,
Where the spirit is high and all songs are sung,
Or will I sit here and wait for the winter freeze.

*Bullet* The first half of this stanza states what you are going to do, but the last line takes a turn and makes this sound like a question. Consider switching it up a bit, either keeping it consistent with the question:
*Idea* Will I run with the young,
Laugh with the soft summer breeze,
Where the spirit is high and all songs are sung,
Or will I sit here and wait for the winter freeze?

*Bullet* Or keeping it consistent with only stating it. Another thing you may want to try is to cut back on a bit of the wording where the lines are lengthy and possibly adding a bit to the first:
*Idea* I will run with the wild and young,
laughing in the soft summer breeze.
My spirit soars when songs are sung;
I no longer wait for the winter freeze.

*Up* Also, the above plays with alliteration some more, so it lets the words flow almost like a song. You did that in a few places in your poem and it added such a nice touch.

Write on!
~ Lexi
336
336
Review of Escape  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Sopa,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6*Comments:
*Thumbsup* I like the connection you showed between Kiley and Jason. It's important that you let us know that he could sense certain things about her. You've established a strong relationship that could be helpful in the later situations in your story.

*Thumbsup* Your ending hooks the reader! I want to see who the man is and why he stopped Kiley from screaming. I'm wondering if your meaning to have this man save Kiley and her brother from the kidnappers, or is he'll become a threat to them also.

*Note6*Spelling & Grammar:
must have waken when she walked in
*Bullet* must have wakened

Mr. Everson would over look it
*Bullet* overlook

along with their kidnapers
*Bullet* kidnappers

as they did almost everynight
*Bullet* every night

it was always when seh
*Bullet* she

that she got cought
*Bullet* caught

Kiley stubbornly stayedplanted
*Bullet* stayed planted

quickly grew impacent andshoved
*Bullet* grew impatient and shoved

taking her by suprise
*Bullet* surprised

*Up* I know that you said there were some errors in spelling, but I'd thought I'd point them out to you.

*Note6*Suggestions:
"Just out to make sure the animals had enough feed for the night.: Kiley said coldly, thinking of the chore of taking care of the farm animals that she had been degraded to.
*Up* Consider ending the first sentence with "coldly" and starting a new one. Also, think about changing the second half of this up a bit. In my opinion, it sounds much smoother like this:
*Idea* "Just out to make sure the animals had enough feed for the night," Kiley said coldly. It felt degrading to be given the chore of taking care of the farm animals.

Mom. It had been so long since they had seen her. It must be close to one month now. But they had killed her.
*Question* I find this a little confusing because it doesn't really say who killed their mother. I'm assuming you mean the kidnappers killed her, but it's stated ambiguously. Maybe change this around a bit so it becomes clearer.

The 1 interson (close to 3 trillion in USA $... its a rich country) ransom.
*Up* This is a bit confusing to me. I'm uncertain what you mean by "The 1 interson". Maybe some rewording will make that clearer.
*Idea*it's a rich country- because you mean it is a rich country

*Idea* Think about double spacing or indenting in between each new paragraph. It makes the story easier to follow. You may want to take another look at all your names/proper nouns. There are a few places where they aren't capitalized.

*Thumbsup* It'll be interesting to see where you take this in the next installment.

Write on!
~ Lexi
337
337
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A-Sunshine, welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I smiled when I saw your main character's name*Smile* I thought it was interesting to have the band play an important part in Lexi's life. It made sense to have the director come to her aid since they resembled a close-knit family.

*Thumbsup* I like that the back story of Evert Green wasn't really mentioned to the end. It didn't give away too much information too soon.


*Note6* Suggestions:
brief description- personal expirence
*Bullet* experience

everyone is there for eachother
*Bullet* each other

she dreamt about "The Monster
*Bullet* dreamed

After a while though
*Bullet* awhile

She didn't want to leave the house, but because her mom had to go to work and her dad was away on buisiness no one would be home to take care of her if she faked sick.
*Bullet* business
*Up* Also, consider placing a comma after "business"

*Idea* You may want to list this under action/adventure and teen genres as well. It'll help target your readers.

Write on!
~ Lexi
338
338
Review of Walk Away  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ardion,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think you make some valuable points in this poem. When there are problems it often seems easier to walk away from the situations. However, if we take a step back and evaluate things it helps us see things in different aspects.

*Thumbsup* Nice use of imagery in your poem! It enabled me to envision the events taking place.


Brief description: hurting and carry on with our day's
*Up* In the word "days" an apostrophe isn't needed because you don't need to show possession.


Eyes filled with a lifetime’s pains
*Bullet* Consider changing this line up just a bit. I think your poem flows smoother with the line reading like this:
*Idea* Eyes filled with a lifetime of pain

Write on!
~ Lexi
339
339
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Meg,
I think that plenty of people will be able to relate to this. Many tend to shut the door and close themselves out when they lose someone they love. It's difficult to confide in family and friends because of all the different emotions that are filled inside us. I think you have captured that wonderfully here.
Write on!
~ Lexi
340
340
Review of A Kiss  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Jen,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You speak of the softer side of love and show us all the reasons you desire this person. Romantic take on how much this kiss means to you. You show that a kiss can be worth more than words. Nice job!

*Idea* Consider cutting back on some of your filler words. I think your poem reads much smoother without them. Also, how about replacing "oh so" with something a bit more flavorful? Take a look below to see what I mean:

Gently your lips touch mine
An endless kiss to stop time
Kisses that make my heart skip a beat
Your lips they taste oh so sugary sweet

*Up* I think it has more impact on the reader when there's less fillers.

*Idea* You may want to list this under the romance/love and relationship genres as well. It'll help you target your readers.

Write on!
~ Lexi
341
341
Review of Untitled  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to Writing.Com, Pac! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think this poem expresses just how much the unknown can cause someone fear. Time flies by so fast that we aren't always ready for what the future holds. I like that you showed nervousness through imagery.

*Note6* Suggestions:
Can’t be a person for I see no face
*Bullet* Consider placing a comma after "person". It adds a natural pause and makes the line read smoother.

Wiping sweat from my brow now I’m breathless
*Up* I know that you are following a rhyming pattern here, but this line is much longer than the rest of your poem. Think about something like this:
*Idea*Wiping sweat from my brow
now I’m breathless
*Idea*Wiping sweat from my brow,
I'm breathless now

*Idea* I know these are simple suggestions, but how about "Uncertainties" or "What Lies Ahead" for a title?

Write on!
~Lexi
342
342
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
BrokenPirateGrl,
Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.


*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I like the friendship you created for your two main characters. They've been so much, but they are still driven to succeed. I think it was a good idea to give a background on the two characters before the story. It helped me get to know them first.

*Thumbsup* I thought it was interesting to have them involved with the Coffee Palace and an art gallery. The settings mixed well in the story.

*Thumbsup* I'm curious if anything will happen between Johnny and Arianna. It's obvious she's smitten with him, but he's taken with Vanessa.

*Question* Will the next part have Arianna and Johnny come together, or will Vanessa be introduced to the story? That could make for a dramatic love triangle if he falls for both ladies. Also, who is Isadora interested in?

*Bullet* I thought it was a fun idea to create this while taking different aspects of people you are fans of.

Isadora Blain:
Occupation:
play the Violen when she is off work
*Bullet* violin

and when Im at home alone
*Bullet* I'm
*Up* Consider placing apostrophes in all your contractions.

Dosn't let Arianna know about it.
*Question* I'm not sure what you mean here. Did you mean:
*Idea* Don't let Arianna

Bio:
popular through out Europe.
*Bullet* throughout

and every thing that had happened
*Bullet* everything

ment that I was left on my own
*Bullet* meant

Went to live with grandparents then when I turned 18 they gave me the money to buy back the museum which resulted in making my art and other artists work
*Bullet* Consider adding some punctuation here and dividing it into separate sentences:
*Idea* I went to live with my grandparents until I turned eighteen. They gave me money to buy back the museum, which resulted in creating art and selling the work of other artists.

Became a millioniare
*Bullet* millionaire

I recived and soon the art buisness
*Bullet*I received and soon the art business

alot more enegetic and adventurous then Arianna
*Bullet*a lot more energetic and adventurous than

someone who will finnally understand me
*Bullet*finally
*Up* There's a few places throughout your story where you misspell finally.

Arianna Calabrese:
Bio:
recieve the best education
*Bullet* receive

Isadora were almost inseperble
*Bullet* inseparable

Chapter One

As for me and Ariannna well we work there and no how everything goes down.
*Up* Adding a few commas will help the meaning become clearer:
*Bullet*As for me and Arianna, well, we work there and know how everything goes down.

I went back to work for a while and then the clock struck 2 and I relized that I had to go and present a new art piece to the Museum.
*Bullet* I went back to work for awhile, then the clock struck two and I realized I had

over at her and nugeded
*Bullet* nudged

I finnally arrived at the entrance of the Musuem
*Bullet* finally & museum

He said pulling me along towards the podeum
*Bullet* toward the podium
*Up* There's a few places where podium is misspelled.

I asked looking around pecifically the front
*Bullet* specifically at the front

I painted many peices
*Bullet* pieces

I said proudfully
*Up* "Proudfully" isn't a word. Did you mean:
*Bullet* proudly

Johnny said gleeming
*Bullet* gleaming

Its known through out france
*Bullet*It's known throughout France
*Up* because you mean "it is known." You might want to go through the rest of your story and recheck that.

opeing the door to the icey
*Bullet* opening & icy

she squeeled with happiness
*Bullet* squealed

Luckliy we raised enough
*Bullet* Luckily, we

we'll be right back with thoses
*Bullet* those

Sit tight and realax
*Bullet* relax

She asked really out of no where
*Bullet* She asked, really out of nowhere
*Up* Consider some punctuation here so your thoughts make more sense.

Saying that to any one makes them act diffrent towards you.
*Bullet* This sounds a bit awkward. How about changing it up a bit:
*Idea* Saying that to anyone makes them act differently toward you.

After 5 mintues we came
*Bullet* After five minutes, we
*Up* In cases like this think about spelling out the numbers. I noticed that there were a few places you didn't do that.

Johnny took an intrest and asked
*Bullet* interest

we were talking about nosense
*Bullet* nonsense

*Bullet* You have some good ideas here. It just needs a little polishing. I look forward to the next part.

Write on!
~ Lexi
343
343
Review of all i can say is  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
MyOwnSkye,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* A true friend is someone that you can depend on no matter what happens in life. I think that your poem shows a strong friendship by the invitation you offered. Things happen in life that can break people apart, but it's something like this that sends an inspirational message.

is i am truly sorry
*Bullet* I'm confused by the opening line here. "Is I am" doesn't make sense. Did you mean to start with the word "I"?

*Idea* Your poem is pretty straightforward. How about dressing this up a bit by adding a bit of imagery? It'll enable the reader to get hooked by envisioning pictures. For example, you say...
but there is this
divide
this great wall
between us
that grows bigger by the day

Here's an example:
but there is this
concrete divide
an indestructible wall,
confining us
to separate cells

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
344
344
Review of Together  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Exevoco,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind me commenting on your piece.

*Note6* Comments, Spelling, & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think this story is appropriate and enjoyable for both teens and adults.

*Thumbsup* You did a good job in creating a lonely environment for Zea, as well as showing her grow in a friendship with Shim. Your decision to incorporate a friendship with two children from different worlds was interesting. Since they went through common emotions the connection was there from the start.

*Bullet* The creation of what the dragon eats and drinks was quite creative!

these towering monulithes
*Question* Do you mean monoliths?

12 years of age, Zea was completely friendless and no matter how much she pretended, she still wished that she had somebody to play with instead of always playing by her self.
*Bullet* herself
*Up* Also, consider changing the wording around in this sentence. I think it sounds clearer to the reader:
*Idea* Zea still felt completely alone by the time she turned twelve. She wished that she had somebody to play with instead of only pretending to have a companion.

She imagened the small dragon
*Bullet* imagined
*Up* Also, you use the word "imagined" several sentence in a row. Why not try and find another word that means the same thing to replace it. It'll make a big difference in those sentences:
*Idea* envisioned, dreamed, my eyes captured

It was like a strange breeze flited through
*Question* Did you mean either flitted or filtered?

Jan 7This was all something she felt
*Question* I was confused by this. You may want to revise it to make what you're trying to say clearer.

They must have stared at eachother
*Bullet* each other

but she still cought it
*Bullet* caught

it's hard to sneek out sometimes
*Bullet* sneak

Shim nodded solemly
*Bullet*solemnly

*Bullet* Double spacing/indenting in between your paragraphs will help improve the presentation of your story.


Write on!
~ Lexi
345
345
Review of Whispering Wishes  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Mrs H,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note3* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You have an inspirational message within your words. You still an appreciation for things unknown and unexperienced.

I've lived life being contented
With things God has provided,
*Question* I'm wondering if you meant:
*Bullet* I've lived life being content

*Idea* You may want to list under a few more genres to target your readers (spiritual, nature, emotional).

Thank you for entering round 34 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
346
346
Review of WHISPERING WISHES  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi again, Sherri,

*Note6* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Losing someone you love is difficult, even when we realize that they are in a better place. There's always a void that can't be filled. You show loneliness and heartache very nicely here.

Thank you for entering round 34 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on!
~ Lexi
347
347
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thaddeus,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions!

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You present the reader with a vivid start of the day. I like the elements you showed through the sunrise. It gave me a serene and peaceful feeling!

I anticipate the sight.
*Up* Consider adding an adjective here. The other lines are longer in length and I think it'll show what kind of impact this sight leaves on you:
*Idea* I anticipate the magnificent sight.


Thank you for entering round 34 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on!
~ Lexi
348
348
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sherri,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* Awe, this is both sweet and heartbreaking! I think that you chose a good topic to support the title. Sadly, anyone that has lost a loved one will relate to your thoughts.

*Bullet* When we experience things I think it's normal to feel anger because we're hurting and it just doesn't seem fair. You did a really nice job in showing emotions here.

*Idea* You may want to add this to the relationship genre. It'll help you gain more exposure.

Thank you for entering round 34 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on!
~ Lexi
349
349
Review of Unrehearsed  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Roisin,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You show anxiousness and nervousness nicely in this! I really like the pictures of nature your poem presents.

In the fading sunlight gleams
*Idea* Consider adding a comma after "fading" here. Otherwise, it makes "fading sunlight gleams" sound awkward. When a pause it added it makes sense.

*Idea* You may want to add the nature genre to this as well. It could help target more readers.

Thank you for entering round 34 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on!
~ Lexi
350
350
Review of When You're Gone  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Lover,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Bullet* You show that you are desolate without this person in your life. I think that plenty of people can relate to these kinds of feelings.

title and first line: when your gone
your the only person
*Bullet* you're
*Up* because you mean "you are gone"

yor the only one ths not
*Question* Do you mean your the only one that's not?

*Idea* You have this listed as a poem, but it's formatted like a very long sentence. I think your piece will look better in appearance if you do the following:
*Bullet* Capitalize the word "I"
*Bullet* Consider placing apostrophes in your contractions.
*Bullet* How about creating some line breaks so this resembles a poem, rather than a sentence?
*Bullet* Think about adding some punctuation. It will help make your thoughts sound more complete. Right now it's hard to tell where one thought ends and a new thought begins.

*Bullet* Please keep in mind these are only my opinions. Also, if you do decide to make any changes I'd be happy to take another look.

Write on!
~ Lexi
592 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 24 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://p15.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lexijewlgia/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14