Hey
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your WDC Anniversary!
This is a good start to a much long work, but it really needs updating, and editing! I'd love to read more, or to do a 'Vulcan Mind Meld' with you, and know where you will take this story.
While the story itself is very interesting, there's a bit that seems off. If this building is underwater, and slowly flooding, then it would flood until it could ride no higher due to the air pressure holding it back. But office buildings aren't air tight, so it would flood completely, drowning John (See my first comment below).
There were a few areas in the story where you got 'wordy'. Not run-on sentences, but you used way too many words to describe a simple situation. You might want to go through this carefully, and see if you can correct those.
Be careful when describing ocean creatures. Sure, Tuna are a fish, but you would not call them Tuna Fish, just Tuna. And a whale shark? Whale sharks are not native to the area around Houston. Yes, this is 30 years or so in the future, but it seems improbable that they would have moved to this area so soon. My last comment? This may be a WIP, and that's fine, but you should still give a reader some idea of what to expect in the description.
1. When John woke, he was in a building that is underwater. If he was more than about 30 feet underwater, he wouldn't be able to see very far, definitely not as far as you've mentioned here. Office buildings aren't necessarily watertight either, so your main character would be dead from drowning instead of waking with water covering the floor. Additionally, since the rest of the city is damaged, it seems at least one window of this building would have been broken, resulting in severe flooding.
2. He was still dressed in his hospital gown, so he closed it up in the back and tied it shut with. Tied the gown shut with what?
2. A whale shark swam lazily past the remains of an 18-wheeler still hanging from one of the sections that were still intact. If you decide to edit this, remove one of the uses of 'still'. Using it twice in such close succession doesn't work well.
3. Exploring the rest of the rooms in Wexler Labs seemed like a logical next logical step, so he went back into the corridor and started trying doors. I think the point I'm trying to make about this sentence is obvious.
4. I’m sure right now that you have about a million questions and are very angry and are very angry The same here, the minor edit needed is obvious.
5. There is a short round key on the key ring on the ring of keys that I have provided for you. I think you tried to say one thing, but ended up doing it two ways. You need to use one, not both here. Perhaps something like this? There is a short round key on the ring of keys that I have provided for you.
6. He wondered what the Hell the doctor's game was. Hell does not need to be capitalized.
7. Early on, the floors are flooded, and John is on the 23rd floor. Later he's walking around the office areas, and when he looks over the railing, the flooding appears to be at the 10th floor or so? If that's the case, why is the floor flooded at his level? Additionally, he walks around the office area, but I think he'd be sloshing through the water, not really walking. Of course, it depends on how deep the water is.
8. One service bot, however, seemed to have a solar back-up system and it greeted him as he approached. Solar powered back up, but the building is underwater? How is the sun reaching the solar cells?
9. “That’s very fun, Tin Man,” laughed John. Fun should be funny.
10. For on line reading, consider double spacing your paragraphs. It makes it easier to read on a computer monitor.
11. When John leave the offices he woke in, he unlocks the chained doors. They were chained from the inside? If he was alone in that area, no bodies or anything around, how were the doors locked from the inside?
Sum1
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