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Review Requests: OFF
198 Public Reviews Given
199 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I point out what I see or what I don't. I like to give advice using examples in your writing. I like to talk about the writing, I will address something if I like it. If you send a request, let me know what aspect you want looked at, and I'll pay more attention to it.
I'm good at...
Recognizing changes in tenses. Punctuation. Description. Story.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, crime, sci fi, comedy\satire.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance.
Favorite Item Types
Chapters, short stories.
I will not review...
Romance, I can't stand it, sorry. Sports articles and the like. I actually see those a lot on here,and I never want to review one. If it's a funny article I will. :)
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of A UFO  
Review by Breach
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, this was an interesting story that seemed like it could carry an entire book, and those are the best, in my opinion.
First I'll say that unless you're joking or something, UFO stands for Unidentified Flying Object, not Unexplained.
Second, this was well written, I didn't see any problems,though sometimes it looked like characters spoke without a new paragraph forming.
On that note, what's with the thin paragraphs?
But this was an entertaining read that just kept advancing. though I must say, if this wasn't a novel teaser, and this was all there was, it would have been nice to know whether he succeeds or not.

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#1300305 by Maryann
52
52
Review of Useless Advice  
Review by Breach
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, i am here on behalf of your request. First, typo in first line: "'Just be yourself ' but who is that in contrast to everyone els" (you missed an 'e')
Second, I like the meaning behind the poem, and it was expressed well, you painted a good picture of yourself (I assume)as what you are around other people. But your third paragraph, with the velvet rope and the "her" character, I don't understand at all. The structuring of that paragraph is strange to me as well. You use "her" at the end of one line and the beginning of the next, making a kind of stumble when reading.

Next, your lines are well rythmed, but not in connection with the line before or after it. I found myself reading (quite a few times) this trying to figure out all the meanings, (especially in the third paragraph)and the sentences don't flow into each other, though they flow well on their own. Let me know if you understand what I mean. I feel like some commas would help this poem, I feel they would help the rythm of it, currently it feels like a long ramble.

But I do like it. It has a good meaning that makes sense, (I to am different around different people,) and after another re-read, the fourth paragraph is actually pretty smooth, well done.

If you found my review helpful and edit this poem I'll be happy to take a look and tell you if it's improved. :)


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#1300305 by Maryann
53
53
Review by Breach
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked this story, it was a good telling from the tree's perspective. :)This was written well, so I can't say anything about that. However I do have an issue with the story.
I know this was just a fun little story, (satire, I believe?)But the whole time reading it i couldn't help but think, "How does it know?" How does it know it will be thrown to the backyard and then burned or sent to the woodchipper? I'm not suggesting you change a thing, it's great as it is, I just wanted to let you know my main thought while reading the story. Well done. :)

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#1300305 by Maryann
54
54
Review by Breach
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
There wasn't a lot of problems with the writing here, but you forget to capitalise some of the beginnings of sentences, like here: 'where have you been?' and early on the paragraph structure is very short, an it seems there were more spaces between words than needed.


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#1300305 by Maryann
55
55
Review by Breach
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Well, I had no idea what went on this story, so I can't really comment on anything that happened. I can say that the story was written fairly well, with only one typo that I noticed, and here it is: "even threw his thick accent I could make out the words," That is the wrong kind of threw. It should be through.

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#1778856 by Maryann
56
56
Review of Superfood  
Review by Breach
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting read, I actually did learn a lot about tomatoes. I didn't know they could turn so many colors, or that the other parts of the plant were poisonous.
I also learned here what foods were technically fruit. I thought beans were their own category.
Nice read, well done.
57
57
Review of Borrowed Time  
Review by Breach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was an interesting story, it was well written and the dialogue was well done. The second line of dialogue has no quotation marks, I was surprised when it was a Unicorn! Up until that point it reminded me of Stephen King's Dreamcatcher. Did you ever read (or see) that one?
58
58
Review by Breach
Rated: E | (2.5)
This was a decently written story, with a few problems. A few of the sentences ran for a bit too long and it didn't feel like the necessary words were used. "Our parents never came back it was on our 7th birthday party did we get the news that they had died the same weekend they left us." this could have used a comma or two, and instead of "did we get the news" I would suggest "that we got the news."
The tone of this story was a bit off, as well. Because I'm not told how they died,I don't feel anything, and am instead thinking, "They were going to different places, what are the chances they both died?"
The narration wads okay, it was consistent. But I have a suggestion, if you care to edit it. Because this feels like a narrated story, it's awkward that it says **ten years ago*** And because the story still reads like a narration, it might have been smoother top say something like "It was ten years ago that..." instead of a a subtitle the way you did. Do you get what i mean?
I did like the detail at the end, where the nightmares come back and Max says "Keep it to yourself we'll talk about it when we get home." as they're walking into a therapy session. That was a good detail on how close they were.
59
59
Review by Breach
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a well written account! I always like seeing true stories, and this one was well described and and had good atmosphere. i like the ending a lot, with what your mother said. :)
This story was easy to read as well, and the paragraphs were well lengthed.
All in all a well written entertaining account of something interesting, well done.
60
60
Review by Breach
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was a well written story for the most part. Early on there is some repitition of detail, you say she gets out of bed twice, and you often say "'Roar!' the dragon roared" one of those could be cut out for a more easier read. I like the end, the dragon wasn't imaginary, and it had it's own family.
61
61
Review by Breach
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
I like the idea of this story, but it needs a lot of work. A lot of sentences were too short, leading to the story sounding very choppy and it read like a list. A lot of words were missing letter, especially the word "they" whenever you would write "they", often you would write "the". A lot of words were capitalized when they didn't seem like they should have been, like "Papers."
Again, i like the idea of the story, but if you fix the things I've mentioned it will be much more enjoyable to people in the future.
62
62
Review of Orange  
Review by Breach
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was a well written story. At first I thought he was just a weird guy who liked the color orange a lot. He started wondering about other colors and than the twist came, and it was funny. That was a good twist, and I read it again to see if all the hints held up, and they did. Well done.
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