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 |  A running blog on a real newbies adventures with the WDC website |
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I became a newbie writer just starting to learn the tools of the trade. Silly me thinking, I could just jump right in, and start swimming, with what I remember of my six grade English. After all what use did a professional computer repair person need of grammar, to fill in blanks, dot “I’s”, or cross his “T’s” with. I was forced into early retirement. Because of Agent Orange encounters from Vietnam, and a bad hernia repair. You cannot learn anything being a mugwump. What is a mugwump you say? It is a person sitting on a fence; with their mug on one side of the fence, and their wump on the other side. One day I received this interesting email from the Newbie Academy Group. They recommend I engage in contest activities. I thought to myself why not! I went to the contest list and found the writer’s cramp contest. At the prompt: here's a new restaurant in town with an interesting theme. What's the theme, how is it expressed, and how's the food? I read this and get all excited. I started thinking of all the Chief Gordon Ramsey shows I had watch with my wife. Out of nowhere pops a memory of a silly menu I had in my funny joke collection. It was a road kill menu for Uncle Roberts fine cuisine dinning. I decided to use my hillbilly name. I and my wife had a moment in our newly married life, when we were teasing a neighbor friend. We started calling our redneck friend Deny-Bob. He called us JoVonna-Bob and Brett-Bob. I decided to call my contest entry “Brett-Bob’s Road Kill Express” to me the whole idea was a joke and after all what a great thing to write about. To me the trick was to keep it rated ‘E’ as this was a requirement of the contest. I had in my mind decided to keep it as a fake road kill diner they would serve real food as fake road kill using the out of season as the excuse to use their specialty dishes for them. When I wrote it as with all my writing I am becoming world famous for run-ons and miss spelling. Part of the problem is MSoffice I blame its terrible spell checker, and the horrible grammar checker, since it cannot even do second grade error correction. Like I told one of the Newbie Academy Ladies I’m a senior citizen writing as a first grader. And even a first grader has trouble reading my work let alone the poor teacher. Beside whom else can I blame? None of us want to point that finger at ourselves. We might get ashamed and do something about it. One of the funnier parts to my story is I didn’t read it had a thousand word limit. I just assumed that they wanted whatever you could produce in a short time. Just like Nanowrimo. It had a twenty four hour dead line. I figured you didn’t need to worry, if it was a rough draft, or a finished work. This was probably my misreading of the contest rules. I’m betting the judge expects to judge finished works by more experienced authors other than newbies. Basically I’m trying to say, I set myself up for failure. But the best part of the story, and funniest is the judge’s comment: “You met that goal with an interesting piece. However, since I'm a vegetarian, it was unhappily a bit unappetizing in both humor and description. Sigh.” I know I thrive on rejection. But my very first contest. When I am trying to fit in, and receive that comment. It was about the funniest thing to happen to me. Being a new writer I understand not everything I write is golden or is going to make me incredibly rich either. I did install the sense of shame. I went visiting my email and asked the kind judge for help with run-ons. She took pity on me and provided a link to myenglishteacher.net. She also recommended a class from WDC’s own recommended school. She also recommended asking for help in my groups forums. The truth is I really don’t see even the kindest writer here, having the time to teach me sixth grade again. Then I realized I don’t need the whole lessen. I just need to learn to recognize what I do in my writing, and fix that issue. As I write I can auto correct instead or totally relearning English. So I went to some of the forums in the Newbie Academy Group. Since I have no life anymore I sometimes expect the same of everyone else. But the sad truth is it’s the week end, and all the nice people are out being nice people. I am going to have to wait until Monday to get my help. My contest entry received eight reviews; of the eight, two actually showed me areas to improve it, and of course one judge’s review. I think the poor lady felt sorry for me and I got the newbie prize of 250 gp with the review or it won third place. I in my vanity like the third place idea; the truth is I’m just guessing. I hope I haven’t offended any one with this story. It is another attempt at a funny story. I don’t have any hard feelings with the judge she was honest, truthful, and even extremely helpful. Some points of interest; only one person didn’t find it funny, the judge. Only the judge and one retired teacher gave me a link. They both gave me really helpful reviews with writing style help. I am still holding on to three reviews of the eight. I still get a laugh every time I read the third email. I just love her closing line: This story is fun, and I still have a silly smirk on my face. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm building at "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise"  Great place to read.I'm docked at "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond"
, a safe port for bloggers to connect. |
| Power corrupts, so does money, beauty, sex, freedom and health. Prompt: Have you had any experiences with a person who has become morally or politically corrupt? Do people need to be persuaded like Shakespeare's Macbeth or does it happen on its own? Pretty funny Lyn. All the above help, but the main factor is greed! Once you taste power or riches or great sex your greed takes over and there you are one of the new low lives bottom feeding on your fellow humans. For example look at Obama need I say any more? Absolute power: corrupts absolutely! We have seen this all through out our history. Why do you think history keeps repeating itself? |
| Prompt for Monday: Tell us about something you follow. (Interpret this anyway that grooves your noodle) Wow something I follow. Well I follow pretty ladies walking down the street with my eyes. I always love poetry in motion. As the Big Bopper says, a giggle when you talk, a wiggle when you walk, makes the world go round. The other thing I follow is my cats to see what they need especially when they meow at you consistently. Poor things I wish I could go up and down stairs like I used to in the good old days. I end up getting someone to meet their needs but al least they know I get the job done one way or another. The other things I follow are a good book series well written with a good author. I current am following two the "Prince of Thorns" and the "Adventurers Wanted" series . |
| How about a little poetry or maybe a short story .. What kind of character seems foreign to you... a homeless man, a zen monk, a suburban housewife, maybe a murderer Whoever you choose.. that's the persona I would like you to adopt. Try writing in his or her voice. The Un-Natural Enemy We were born in a our racial spawning pool. We are what you humans call a one cell animal. (Snicker!) We were born with a mind of great power. If you can think it we can do it. (Snicker!) Our main object is to feed. We have a great hunger for all living things. We are not picky eaters, be it plant or animal we will eat it. We really love humans. (Slurping noises with lip smacking.) In the universe where we were born in. It was teeming with life. Our food could be found everywhere. Ah, those were the good old days. My race is very procreative and we soon out grew our food sources until an alien landed. One of my abilities is that one of us can mimic anything we eat. You can guess who was on the menu that day. The one took his shape and acquired his memories. Now, we knew everything about space travel and traveling to other worlds. Most of this we passed on to my family soon we were building our own ships and we began the great food hunt. Burrrrppppp! Oh excuse me. (Snicker!) Man did that world of animal life taste good. We started bringing spawning pools with us and hiding them on the planet we were going to conquer oops eat. (Snicker! Snicker!) We have no idea how we got started in fighting with our food on all the planets. Come on food doesn't fight back unless it is harmful to the system. And this universe full of good food continued fighting back. Until we learned how to shape change into their leaders and direct the attacks on to other food sources to soften them up for feeding by us. We got really good at mind control. It was just too much fun making them walk into our mouths and stand still while we devour them. They couldn't even make a sound or relieve themselves. It was all such fun. (Slurp! Slurp!) (Snicker! Snicker!) As you notice we are not a nice people. (Snicker!) But we do believe in the thrill of a good hunt. We are giving you a sporting chance. (Slurp! Slurp!) You are warned that we are coming for you with my family, and we are very hungry!(Snicker! Snicker!) |
| It seems Lyn is missing my blogging. Heaven only knows why. I do so love putting a twist on things. You know some days you just cannot win. I open my e-mail and there it is my warning I haven't updated my blog lately my how time flies. Well with the heat down here in good old Salt Lake City. Once it reaches 90 degrees my internet, phone, and TV go belly up. This started in July 5th. I'm not going into the whole story of it all but last night was the last straw. So I may have to go back to the old services and put up with their bs again. But at least I will never have to put up with no service when it gets hot. The prompt for today is something about Hemingway. Lyn wanted our favorite quote from him. Well to be totally honest I could just use my writer creativity and make something up but then I would be misleading my friends and the WDC family. I like being honest so the only Hemingway I am familiar with is the free writers aid www.hemingwayapp.com. They now have a standalone pc version I bought for $5.00. Now I can write, edit, or just fool around off line it has been a great aid in my editing. My favorite quote is "When your offline go Hemingway!" I know it isn't quit what you had in mind Lyn, but, hey it's the truth. Besides I really don't remember the writer or much of his work I think the last time I read anything by him was over 49 years ago in high school English lit class. Beats the heck out of me what he was even about. So rather then spend all day researching him and getting no blog post done today here you go! |
| Tell us what images you have formed. Yes, what image do you have in your mind. Please try to not to be hurtful but give us an inkling.... Um, err, um, you got me there. I just think of Charlie as a normal young man in his twenties. He has a great sense of humor the same as Mitch and Fivesixer. The ladies? Well, I picture them as super models, very pretty, with a great sense of humor. All of them are interesting and a lot of fun to tease. They are more open about most subjects then us men are. The most important thing is they are very supportive of each other and even us old men and the younger men. When I see the talent they have, I am in envy, but I know it is learned. So I have to catch up. That motivates me to work harder at my writing skills. Lets just say I enjoy the nice people on this site and only think good thoughts about them. We all have children and either finished raising them or still working on it. My last child of eleven children, is sixteen now and thinks he's thirty. I'm going to miss that child when he finds his special someone and gets married. I still have three boys that I'm waiting for them to settle down one of these years. |
| Prompt: Family History - Rip out a page from yours and share some a story or two. I actually did a few blogs back I told you about two Vietnam War stories "Invalid Entry" and "Invalid Entry" . I don't have any family stories that I can remember off hand but I do have some practical jokes I and family members pulled off on our parents.They all ways took us to these family reunions that everyone of us kids hated. I came across this only telephone bell ringer the old hand crank kind. The ladies out house had this metal seat with a metal mesh underneath it. since it was down lower and not connected to the seat I ran one wire to the seat and one to the mesh. Then when my brother signaled I would crank on that generator until we got a shriek out of the outhouse. My dad thought this was pretty funny until mom got caught in the outhouse. I figured out a way to get us some extra time out of school. We had this old tower section of the high school and that tower was home to quite a few bats. it was getting pretty bad up there and no one would do anything about it. Until we lead a cow up in side it packed two bails of hay and loaded them with exlax. Now that poor cow made one heck of mess and after a few days it really started to smell. Soon they had state inspectors all over the buildings. Next thing we knew they closed down the school and gave us two weeks off. While they fumigated the bell tower, removed the bats, and said cow. Next once upon a time I used to have a 420 paper route my sons would help me with it As soon as the papers came I would fold them up either bag them or rubber band them. Then wake up the boys we would load up the back of my little Toyota pickup they would jump in the back and we would drive the whole route while I told them the additions, lost customers, and which ones to try and make a new customer out of. My friends that lived on the other block liked to play practical jokes. Here we were driving along delivering the early morning papers. Splat one juicy, slimy, egg dead center in the drivers window. After getting out to inspect this, I found the egg was suspended in air by fishing line. So naturally no one was around to chase. I pulled the line down, cleaned off my window and finished my route. But the idea had possibilities. I left it alone until one day I got out my fishing reel and ran a line over the power lines and suspended the egg just so when they backed out it would get the back window. then we left. I still to this day don't know if I got them or what. |
| Prompt: How do you feel about genetically modified food? Humm! Lets see just what foods that we eat that are not genetically modified. Fresh fish, any fresh animals and wild vegetables and fruits. Lets face it most of all our grains, fruits and vegies are a genetic modified foods especially the seedless kind. Now here is the rub we have been eating these most of our lives. Since this fact is true, and lets face it the changes have not effected our bodies adversely. What on earth is the big deal? Why is every one upset over cow genetics. Are they really afraid it might make the meat we eat taste better? I know it will add in more nutrients than everyone else's poorly raised, slop feed, and nutrient starved meat. Oh noes we would actually get a healthy $6.00 hamburger. One that is germ resistant, builds better muscle tissue , and doesn't cost us so darn much money to buy. Prompt: Should companies be made to label their food if it contains genetically modified ingredients? Do we see any genetic labeling on the fruits, vegetables, and grains or grain products? Look folks genetic manipulation whether it be by grafting or cross pollination is still genetic manipulation. So we alter our beef and pork. What? We are going to become zombies because we ate genetic manipulated Beef or Pork? This argument is brought to you by the people for better food verses the greedy people who stand to loose from forcing their substandard food on us. When we switch brands and stop buying their over priced substandard meat products. Let those greedy ____ (fill in the blank) loose out I think they earned it after getting fat off of us with substandard product all these years. |
| Vacation or Staycation: which do you prefer and why? Now days we are pretty much forced into a staycation. Mostly because I don't travel well. I need a powered wheelchair and getting one isn't in the budget. My poor wife cannot push me around like she used to. Taking our fifteen year old with us, to push me around does get to be awkward. Staycation is going to be the way for quite a while. Mostly because of airport security, tight airplane seating, and so on. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Prompt: What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done? Umm errr umm. I became an under the covers agent for the FBI (Female Body Inspector). And gave my wife a great inspection of course she returned the favor. My other spontaneous thing was to write this blog entry. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Dear blog I'm so sorry you so lonely you have to send me messages to update you. I do miss the time I spend babbling in here. Your like a blast from my past that I relive the good, the bad, and the ugly with. Did you stop to think that once my therapy was done I might not need you anymore except as a funny memory storage. it is all good and all in fun that I write this my ode to the need to update my blog, blog reminder. |
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