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Rated: 13+ · Chapter · Fanfiction · #2158730
Young Padawan Baez have to face his dark thoughts while trying to obtain a cyber crystal .
After a long night of meditation, with the warm red morning light hitting his face, Baez walks the ancient stone floor of Caamas. As he was reaching close to fellow Padawan Den, he hears his COMM ring. "Hey kiddo, Master Aldebaran here. Come to the landing pad and take warm clothes, we are going to Illum." Baez quickly puts the COMM back into his pocket, and starts waking with a quick pace towards his room. As he enters the room he sees his coffee cup half empty, and smile like meeting an old friend again.

"At least not completely empty." he thought to himself.
Then he jumps for the cup and drinks the cold black coffee, almost choking while taking big bites off a piece of hard Hubba bread, with the crumbs falling on the floor like rain.

As Baez makes his way to the landing pad he realizes that this is the first time, that he will see his Master after the battle where the Master lost his right eye. Although, Baez knows that his Master is in the good care of the healers of the Order, a quick feeling of worry hits Baez's chest. But the young Padawan with a deep breath dismisses the emotion, knowing that those emotions must be controlled if it is for him to be a Jedi.

As Baez approaches the landing pad, he sees Master Aldebaran standing there with his relaxed, but somehow, also straight as an arrow posture. His dark as a starless night hair arranged in braids with ornaments, and a long pony tail behind. His tanned face marked by three scars across his left eye, and his right eye covered with a brown eye patch.
Baez stops in front of the Master and bows with great respect, then with a warm smile." Hello Master, I am happy to see you again. How are you recovering Master?" Tries not to look to much at the eye pad covering his right eye.

The Master gives Baez a flippant smile while keeping his left hand inside the folds of his robes. He takes a moment to gently yawn while pulling his hood back, offering Baez a gentle sight of his left emerald eye. Then he starts talking in a laid-back tone. "Pretty good kiddo, and you? I heard you had been training Shii-Cho with Padawan Den."

Baez quickly forgets about the eye patch as soon as the Masters emerald left eye looked at him. Baez could not hold his mind from examining his Masters left eye, emitting the confidence of a whole army that has just heard the most inspiring ever told speech before battle. The look of a man that stands on the other side of fear, gazing at the rest of the world relaxed yes, but also in a matter of fact, way ready for whatever is ahead. A thought came to Baez mind, of how the confused from their messy inner chaos Sith would react to the Masters one eyed gaze at the battlefield. He imagined that the Sith would be like muddy stream of water, hitting a tall thick tree that has been there in the same spot for millions of years, getting hit a million times. It would shake it if it was plenty and with enough momentum, but if it wanted to pass through, it would have to go around it.

Then Baez realizes his Master is still waiting for an answer while he is writing an epic story in his mind, and responds with a quick pace.

"Yes Master, Den was kind enough to spend his time teaching me the Shii-Cho."
Makes a small pause and with a thoughtful look.
"I think I feel comfortable with this form Master, it kind of creates a safe space while slowing things down in a pace that makes room for me to be more focused".

Master Aldebaran smiles gently while saying.

"Oh my, oh my, it looks like you are everything instead of focused. So, do you know why we are going to Ilum?"

Baez makes the face of a man asking something "Yes, I've heard about the planet being the source of crystals, for our lightsabers. "

Master Aldebaran focuses his one eye at Baez "Indeed Kiddo. Let's go then."

During the trip to Ilum in the ship, Beaz got quickly used to the isolation of traveling, getting maybe to comfortable remembering his past as a pirate. Meanwhile, his Master did his routine from napping to intense workouts then to meditation. The routine, that kind of described his personality, from relaxed yawns you see in cantinas to intense sure looks of man in battlefields, from kid like chuckles to serious looks, the ones that ancient statues have.

On the other hand, Baez must have laid while reading his book in every surface the ship had to offer. Leaving trails of black coffee and crumbs from whatever he was eating, if a hunter was after him he would be the easier animal to track down. Baez was not eating a lot but constantly consuming small pieces of cake, then a couple of bites of Qrikki, whatever made the stomach hold against the constant flow of coffee.

Finally, after a day, and a couple of hours Baez and his Master got out of hyperspace, in front of them the white planet made its appearance. Baez thought that the planet looked just like one of the ice tubes that Gimmy used to put in his special drinks as he called them. The ones that when he drank, the whole ship smelled like smoky alcohol, and when you saw the damn drink it was in a tiny glass, barely visible. Baez kept the thought to himself not wanting to make his Master regret bringing him here.

As the exit door of the shuttle opened an aggressive wave of cold air came at them.

Master Aldebaran put his hood on while yawning and then turned to Baez “So Kiddo, do you know the Tapas ability?”
Baez starts to move his head up and down “Yes and by looking around I am happy I did that class.”

Baez starts to take a deep breath in, and while letting the air out slowly making his body and mind relax. When he feels his body is relaxed, he starts to examine one by one every emotion and thought, and then letting them one by one fade away. Now with a clear mind, he focuses on the calm energy within him glowing like a small sun. Then slowly starts expanding that energy towards the edges of his skin, so the warmth of the produced by his body is sealed and can counter the cold environment. After he feels he have applied the ability, then starts walking by his master’s side with their foot dropping into the snow knee deep.

The Master stopped for a moment and pointed towards a large mountain range in the distance, in front of them. “There it is; we are getting close.”

Baez looked at the mountain with a squinting face. “Oh, okay.” then looked at his right to see his Master, but the master had already moved forward. So Baez start to move faster to catch up.

When Baez cached up, and got to steady his pace again, he turned to Master Aldebaran “So Master, what should I expect there?” Takes a moment. “Did you go through the same cave to get your crystal? I am sure it was easy for you.”

Aldebaran stops instantly, and looks Baez with his one eye intensely. “Look kiddo, when I was as young as you are, I had to face terrible things. I lost my first Master at the Jedi order. He was a Nautolan known as Khadim Mi.” He grabs one of the ornaments hanging with his hair, showing respect. “I let the rage took control over my path, almost killing the mercenaries that murdered my Master.” Takes a moment while looking ahead, then turns the gaze of his emerald eye back to Baez. “After that, I left the Order for few years… But, later, when I came back, I had to see how my own dad led by his aggressive ideals killed my mother in front of me.” Aldebaran puts his hand on Baez's shoulder. “I don't want to scare you kid, but maybe something similar could happen to you. The Force may show you what you don't want to see inside that cave, maybe premonitions of your future, maybe your darkest secrets… who knows. Never underestimate the Force.” Aldebaran tightens his grip of Baez's shoulder. “But trust in it, and don't let your emotions cloud your vision.” Then the Master turns suddenly and moves again forwards like he was talking about the weather, leaving Baez with an open mouth.

Baez stood there for a moment trying to process what his Master told him, then he felt the inside of his mouth getting colder and realized he let his mouth open way more than needed. As he was moving forward he felt like all his curiosity about his Master was answered in a couple of seconds. But as a human being the thing he remembered most from the flood of information, was the part about the force showing him something he might not want to see, and not be afraid from it. Baez tried not to let fear take over him, but the damn feeling of fear had a sneaky way to creep up on him. So instead of thinking what the Master said he altogether put the information aside, and focused on maintaining his body warm.

About a half an hour later the two men, Master and Padawan, arrived at the mouth of the cave that was located at the base of a towering cliff face, with the entrance build from all gray stone. Two tall sculptures of robed hooded human figures holding sabers were sitting there on each side. The one on the left, had the saber in front of him, but raised with the tilt over his head, and the other one again in front of him but close to his body and face.

A few steps further in, Aldebaran stopped and looked at Baez with a serious look that matched the steady and resolved tone of his voice. “So kiddo, from here on is the path that you must face alone. Follow your instincts and trust the Force to guide you.”

Baez looks at the Masters one eye, and the eye had the look that made it clear that this is not a debate but a final decision. But Baez already knew that this is how it must be, so he turned to his Master with a serious look. “I understand Master.”

Aldebaran lest a breath out. “Okay then.” Looks around downwards for a spot “Now it’s time for me to take a nap, may the Force be with you.”

As Baez walk deeper in, the total contrast from all white from outside, to the all-black of the cave, was the first thing Baez noticed. The interior of the cave looked like it was made of some kind of shiny black stone, maybe a volcanic rock that swallowed light instead of reflecting it. Baez felt unsure the deeper he walked into the cave, the more the distance grow from his Master, the more confused about the whole situation his mind became. The darkness around him started to feel intimidating and sinister, the echoes of his movements followed him like a shadow, making his loneliness more apparent. As the echoes of his footsteps hit the walls of the cave, the same way the echoes of his thoughts start to take his mind back to his past. The scene of the pirate ship crew in the afternoon, half of them awake, although in the same small ship in truth more isolated than ever. Baez alone in his room reading, even if he was accidentally ejected to space no one would ever notice. His mother for days in her room sleeping and drinking, and Baez rarely getting the attention from Gimmy when he asked about a book or a writer.

After some time that Baez could not be sure how long he had been inside the cave. The Padawan reaches a point in his journey that he had to choose between three different paths. Baez stood there for a moment before he took of a small flask out and drank a sip of water and a small piece of Qrikki. Then, he took the meditative position on the ground in the middle of the three paths facing the middle one, and focused on the calm wave of energy within him letting the Force show him the right path. Baez felt the less threat in the middle path through the force, so he picked up his gear and heads into the darkness of the middle path.



The dark interior of the endless caves started to seem like a nightmare, more and more as time passed by. His thoughts were spilling in a messy way all over the place. A scene from his past came to his mind, the time Fira, Verena and Pirias were talking about his mother without knowing that Baez was listening. The three most double faced people Baez ever met, all three tangled in a relationship that clearly only Pirias was enjoying, but somehow he always found a way to keep the hatred between the two woman contained. Maybe the story that Pirias shot his first wife in the head made them think twice. Pirias always said it was by mistake playing drank a silly game.

The three of them in front of him were always saying. “Darling, Baez, your mother is our poet Queen, our pirate mother, our princess of ale and Hutt bile.” And behind her back she was the Queen self-distract, the mother of the naivest boy that has ever been born, the princess of bad breath from an empty stomach and bad ale.

After a time period that might been hours or days, Baez was walking slowly deeper into the cave. He sees a dark figure at the ground sideways with his back to Baez. Immediately he starts running towards the body on the ground while getting his flask of water out. When he reaches the body he quickly turns him to see the man’s face. “WHAT!!?” Baez gasps, and his heart starts beating at a mad rhythm almost making his chest hurt. The face of the man shock Baez to the core, building a knot in his chest made by a mixture of anxiety and horror. He saw his own face pale with purple spots on the chicks looking at him with the cold empty look that only corpses have. Baez stands up faster than he could even imagine being capable of, holding tight to the flask, but spilling most of it because in his thoughtless reaction getting up, he did not realize he was holding it anyways.

A sharp but short spark of anger raised within him in the sight of the water on the black ground. As he stepped backwards a couple steps, he gathered himself and started to think of what he saw. Before he came to a conclusion the body vanished, leaving nothing behind but the path empty for Baez. The Padawan put his flask back into his pocket, and started walking. He knew this was some kind of vision that the force showed him, but on the other hand it felt so real to him, that it made him more confused about it. The feeling of the instant horror left his chest and stomach, but that adrenaline boost left him with traces of doubt raising in his mind.

Now the thick darkness around him was starting to swallow the light that Baez was holding. But in front of him he saw something shining, and as he got closer he saw another man laying down, again with his back to the Padawan. This time Baez was sure it can’t be him because he clearly was wearing a spotless silver armor, but again his gut feeling told him the man in front of him was dead before even seeing his face. Perhaps a Padawan that did not make it out? Baez rolled the man over and instantly his stomach got tangled in a knot, his chest felt like his heart was trying to escape his body. Fear no more creeping in, but crashing the doors of his mind wide open, came and took over. The dead man in front of him had again his face, but this time he was older with gray hair and brown bags of skin under his eyes. He had an eye patch covering his left eye, and deep cuts all over his pale face. As his gaze left the face and began to move downwards, he saw a huge hole were the stomach area used to be with the flesh around the hole rotten black, like something burned its way into the stomach.

As Baez was looking at the hole with wide eyes and a trembling mouth, voices started to raise, at first, the voices were like echoes from farther deep into the cave, but then the voices started to get clear. It was Master Aldebaran talking to someone.

Baez stood up and screamed, scratching his throat from the effort. “Master! Master!” The same way a crazy homeless man he once saw screamed, in an alley outside the spaceport at Nar Shadaa. Although, Baez screamed a dozen times the Master continued to speak to someone. The Padawan with the anxiety pulsing within him, stood there and listen to what the Master was saying.

“It's a shame that Baez died, but we must move forward without him. There is nothing we can do, he is gone.”

Baez screamed with his eyes welling up. “No Master, I am alive don't leave!” But the only thing he could hear now is his desperate voice echoing, hitting the black interior of the cave and quickly fading into crashing silence. He turned to look the corpse again, but the corpse was gone.

If the mind had a sound similar to a bone breaking, Baez would hear it right now. His mind broke into pieces. His mouth dry, his head aching in a mad pulse. His stomach a knot of anxiety and fear. He started to take a deep breath to somehow find some balance or even comfort for just a single second. But even if he took a hundred deep breaths, his mind was as unfocused, scattered everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He stood there a long time, hands on his knees, his heavy breathing: the only sound echoing and traveling down the endless darkness. As he listens to the echoes he realizes there is no point of just standing there, so he starts walking forward deeper into the cave.

Baez walked and walked, at this point it felt like he was in here for most of his life. His mind in a mad swirl of scenes from the past and finding the crystal, then crew, then back on finding the crystal, then back to his mother and the empty hole that his father has left. Mother never spoke a word about him although all her poems were about him.

His mind was like a tornado swirling thoughts all around, but in the middle empty, dragging his aching body to what it seemed an endless journey.

The darkness around him thick, but something white started to show up ahead of him, making a contrast in the black surroundings. Baez narrowed his eyes the way someone does when bright light hits them. “No surprise.” He thought, “Another dead me”, and with his body too exhausted to even feel fear, he moved closer to the white clothed figure. Before even getting there he recognized who was there lying down, the white clothes of the corpse was exact like his, and when he got close, the clothes had the same black stains as his, even a small one from the coffee he drank on the ship. He turned the corpse around, and as he expected it was him with a thin and pale face from exhaustion, with a yellow crystal in his hand.

Baez examined the corpse, thinking what could all of this mean. He sat down next to the corpse and tried to find a connection to the force, but felt emptier. Then the flask he was carrying, and that flask was empty for so long that it must be dry inside by now. With no hope he put his head back to the walls of the cave with his hands on his knees. The same way he sat for hours next to his mother's bed. Him sitting there and her sleeping for what it seemed days, with her stained poems and drawings in a chaotic mess along with empty bottles all around the room's floor and walls and furniture.

“Oh naïve.” Baez he said, with his voice sounding exhausted.

Baez closed his eyes, his mind drifted for a long time until the image of him, Master Aldebaran and Den were sparing, talking about the nature of the Force. It was almost like he could feel the cool breeze of Caamas hitting his face. Then, he remembered the sense of purpose, and letting the Force guide his every move. He could see like in slow motion the sun's flares sneaking from behind his Masters movements, hitting the ancient stone walls, the green grass, the gently moving leaves of the trees, all in harmony synced in the Force’s will. Like a tune with perfect harmony, every note moving with purpose contributing to the whole. That thought carried his mind to a different space, were the cave did not matter, himself being dead did not matter. Then as the mind stood away from the previous dark thoughts of him and the past, he could see clearly how afraid of death he was all this time. The loss of his father made everyone around fear death in an oppressive way.

“I am just a note in the Forces harmony.” he whispers with a calm voice of surrender. “I do not fear death.”

Baez opened his eyes, and put all the strength he had to muster. First on his hands then his legs. He started to walk with his right hand on the black interior of the cave, with the fingers scratching the walls and the fingertips and nails getting black. He pushed his body forward with each step being painful. As he walks forward at some point with each step he felt how a flicker of a familiar calm energy within him appeared. With every step the Force raised within him, and he redirected the energy towards his aching body and clouded mind. A small shining light appeared far ahead of him, so he pushed even more his body to move forward. Now close to the shining object, he looks at it with awe, in all this darkness the object shines, like someone breaking the silence by singing his defiance, like a laughter in the face of fear and anxiety.

The young Padawan reaches and gently touches the crystal, and from his touch started a domino of crystals lighting up until the whole room was bright as day. The force now strong within him and all around him, a wide smile formed at Baez's face. He took the yellow crystal in his hand and made his way out.

After a while Baez reaches the exit of the cave, with black marks all over his white clothes, his hands and face looked like he had just finished working in the mines. At the exit the Padawan could not believe his eyes, there he was, his Master taking a nap. In fact, so refreshing the nap seemed that Baez thought if he should even wake the man. But he knew it was time to go so he gently shook his Masters shoulder and with a soft voice he said “Master, Master I got the crystal” and hold the crystal up in front of Master Aldebaran.

The Master opens his lone eye slowly. “Really? Good kiddo. Let’s go then.” He yawns gently, stretching up his arms before widely opening his eye, noticing how dirty and exhausted Baez was. He chuckles lightly before speaking in a playful tone. “Oh my, oh my... you see… never underestimate the Force… you need a shower and a hot drink.” He says while standing up, offering his hand to help the Padawan.

In the ship the first thing Baez did was head to the ships little kitchen area to prepare a nice hot cup of coffee.

Form the other room Master Aldebaran with his relaxed voice said “Kiddo. Next stop is Kashyyyk are you ready?”

Baez noticed his COMM on the small white table of the ship, and checked it for any new incoming message. He saw a message from an unknown COMM that read. “Baez this is your Mother; I never came around to telling this but your father is not dead. He left me just before you were born for another woman. Him and your half-brother are working for an arms and spice dealer called Chanas Brichac. They are hiding deep in the Irugian Rain Forest of Abbaji in the Abbaji system of the Spar sector, a subsector within the inner region of the Zuma sector, in the Outer Rim. Maybe you should go see him before you decide to fully commit to the Jedi Order.”
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