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675 Public Reviews Given
681 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to find the WOW-factor in your writing. No in-depth analysis, just my thoughts. #19 PR June 2016. #29 PR July 2016. #10 PR August 2016. Newbies Academy Reviewing Classroom, Winner June 2016. First Place The Newbie Academy Review Contest June 2016. Second Place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest " July and Aug 2016. #9 PR Sept 2016.#20 PR Oct 2016. First place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest" November 2016.#22 PR Nov 2016.#36 PR Feb 2017.#67 PR March 2017.#56 PR July 2017.#41 PR Aug 2017. #77 PR Oct 2017. #53 PR Nov 2017. #53 PR Dec 2017.#96 PR Sept 2018. #38 PR Aug 2020.#26 PR Sept 2020. #56 PR Oct 2020. #80 PR Nov 2020.#76 PR Aug 2021. #47 PR Sept 2021. #69 PR June 2023.#53 PR July 2023. #45 PR Nov 2023.
Favorite Genres
short stories, some poetry
I will not review...
reads > 2000 words
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 3 4 5 -6- 7 8 9 10 ... Next
126
126
Review of Out Of Place  
Review by
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, another fantastically great story. It was really creepy and believable. But very subtle. I loved reading this!
127
127
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


Hi Espero ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Title and sub-line are well chosen. It fits its content. I think this story will benefit in adding some details into the encounter in the woods and the fear it bestowed upon the main character. With those thriller elements, the story would become more interesting.

General impressions
A nice story of a weird encounter in the woods.

Favorite Parts
Like a ghost, or apparition, I slowly crept along, stepping softly, not wanting to make a sound or let a leaf give me away. The droning was becoming louder and I imagined I could smell the scent of smoke. Was my mind playing tricks on me? No, my gaze saw a flickering glow ahead in the distance. Was I encroaching upon a fire that had started in the woods? If so, I needed to summon help, but i continued on to be sure.

The first part of adding some suspense. I liked that.

Suggestions
One sentence didn’t make sense to me: I jumped as a deer, more frightened than I, fled the approaching phantom. Perhaps you could look at it again?

Recogtnize = recognize.
droning hum or chat = chant.
You sometimes use i instead of I.

Because it is such a brief encounter in the woods and your description of it is very brief also the reader is not feeling the fear you describing. Therefore the story stays rather flat. Perhaps you could make this a more thriller-like story by adding more suspense. Perhaps more Showing than telling?

Final thoughts
A nice snippet of a strange encounter. It could benefit by adding some more thriller elements. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
128
128
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


Hi Jay O'Toole ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Title and sub-line are well chosen. It fits its content. Although the sub-line makes the reader expect a more developed ending. I missed the rest.

General impressions
A nice short story on the start in life of Stan. There were some nice sentences I liked and the choosing of the names was rather funny.

As a foreigner I didn't know what those abbreviations were so I had to look up 4F and GED:

Many civilians as well as military personnel are familiar with the term 4-F (also called 4F). 4-F is a classification given to a new U.S. military registrant indicating that he or she is “not acceptable for service in the Armed Forces” due to medical, dental, or other reasons.

General Educational Development (GED) tests are a group of four subject tests which, when passed, provide certification that the test taker has American or Canadian high school-level academic skills.

Favorite Parts
He screened every opportunity.
He worked his fingers to the bone.
Yet, there were still no answers.

A rather prose poemy start to this snippet. I loved this strong and powerful beginning.

Suggestions
A very short story that isn’t quite finished yet. It reads like the first few paragraphs into a longer story on the whereabouts of Stan. Perhaps you could make this a longer story? What happens after he created the name? The start of the business is yet to come, you don't write about that at all.

Final thoughts
A nice beginning of a story but not finished. I hope you will end this story in the future. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
129
129
Review of Fighting Abel  
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


Hi Rakkit ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title Fighting Abel is a good one, it fits its content. The sub-line is intriguing, it makes me want to read on.

Although it didn't hurt the story I thought the Cain and Abel reference wasn't necessary to the story. It blurred the plot in a way. To me, Cain and Abel are brothers from ancient history where one killed the other. God wasn't pleased about that. Here there is this reference to a demon called Abel who is killing people to please his God who is the Devil. To my opinion, Abel could have had any other name in this story.

General impressions
Wow, what a dark and intriguing tale. It made me shiver. You are a master in building suspense and grabbing the reader by the tail. From start to finish it was an unsettling experience this tale about a police psychologist who is studying both the murder suspect and the acting police officer in a high profiled murder case.
The description of the murder case itself, the encounters between the psychologist and the officer and the changes in behavior of this officer are very well written.

It was a bit confusing at the beginning since there is dialog, and thoughts of the main character, and answers of the officer and the suspect who apparently can read minds while under the influence of the demon. But I thought you made a good effort in distinguishing those.

The development of the character of the officer is well developed and its building up into the possessed demon is believable.

Favorite Parts
"Thirteen victims before he murdered his wife. Each was ripped apart joint by joint and arranged into various designs. Now--here's where it gets weirder--the coroner has told us that it was these wounds, or amputations, if you would prefer, that were the resulting deaths. No human has the strength to rip individuals apart, but there was no evidence of machines used. In fact, each piece of each body had hand shaped bruises much too small to have been made by your crazy murderer."

This description of the strange murder preludes the dark twist in the story. The reader suspects that there is more that meets the eye. The suspense is building up.

Suggestions
There are no grammar or spelling errors I could find.

Final thoughts
All in all a great dark story with loads of thriller aspects and a good building of suspense. I liked reading this story. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
130
130
Review by
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Weirdone-Back in the games ,I found your writing as part of the I write in December, January and February Challenge. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Title and sub-line are well chosen and cover its content.

General impressions
A lovely well-crafted Sfi story set in the future. I liked the whole setup and the introduction of AI in the community.

Favorite Parts
The thoughts of the AI itself and the explanation of the well-being rates of the children were very interesting.

Suggestions
I only thought this story was not finished. I hope you will find the inspiration to add a real ending to this story.

Final thoughts
All in all a great story. I truly enjoyed this new world and your world building in the future. It was really believable and even funny. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
131
131
Review of Who Could Tell  
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


Hi Angel ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title and sub-line fitted its content. A man sees a picture in the newspaper that could be his missing nanny from years ago; he's accusing his father of being a murderer.

General impressions
I thought this was an intriguing part of a longer story. It is not finished though so I hope you will try to make this a short story instead of a snippet.

There is one thing that is bugging me and it has repercussions on the whole write: what kind of picture is the newspaper showing if they don't have an identification? The picture of a dead corpse laying underneath a house and rotting for years? It would be the picture of dead bones, not recognizable and definitely not fit to show in a newspaper. So what triggered the main character in believing that the corpse was his nanny from years ago? Perhaps the address of the house could have triggered his thoughts but that was not written in the story. This is an important omission in the plot and it causes the reader to doubt the truthfulness of the story, I simply started to doubt if this story could be true.

Favorite Parts
He had phoned the number given in the paper and explained who he was, and who he thought the woman was. They transferred his call to the detective dealing with the case and slowly Martin explained that he believed that his father might have killed not only this woman but maybe his mother too. Detective Anders asked him to come into the station to make a statement; so today was the day when he would tell someone that his father could possibly be a serial killer.


An intriguing notion in the story.

Suggestions
Perhaps you should make this an outline for a longer story. And you should try to envision what sort of picture is shown in the newspaper and deal with it to make this a believable story.


Final thoughts
All in all an intriguing part of a bigger story. It is not finished and has a part in it that doesn't work for me (the picture in the newspaper) which you should address. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
132
132
Review of Lost in Thoughts  
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


Hi Naveed ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title and sub-line were well chosen,it worked for me and it fitted the content.

General impressions
I loved this beautiful and sad tale full of sorrow, the monologue of an old man reminiscing on his life and his misfortune. Your language is very profound, it almost read like prose to me. I liked it that it's not only describing thought but also action where the man hits a drainage pipe and is covered in poop. It adds to the sorrow and misfortune.You writing style is very appealing, the pace is swift, the main character's development is very well taken care of. It all adds to the identification and liking of this old man.

Favorite Parts
Today was, perhaps, the hottest day of the year. The intensity of the sun was at its peak, and the scorching rays of the sun were certainly too much for anyone to bear. No sign of shade and no gust of wind. No clouds in the sky and no people in the streets. This heat and weather were too cumbersome for every one...every one except me. Yes, the heat doesn't affect me any more, nor does the cold take a toll on me. Actually, nothing affects this seventy two year old body now, for it has seen it all. Rough weather is nothing compared to what I have experienced. Accident, poverty, deaths of loved ones, homelessness, hunger, loneliness and what not. There's no kind of pain that fate has not made me familiar with.

A great start and introduction of the man.

Suggestions
Typo? so as to show the children that if the(y)don't behave
Is it a monologue instead of a short story?

Final thoughts
All in all a great piece on the thoughts and difficult life of an elderly man on the streets of Pakistan, or any other country in Asia. It is a humbling piece on some of the conditions in life for some. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
133
133
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi A. C. ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title The Boy and the Ice-Maid is a very good title. It immediately brings into memory other fairytales. I was intrigued by the title and the subtitle, that too fits its content. I was ready to dive into this tale.

General impressions
Wow, what a great story as your first write at WdC. Congratulations on the creativity of the story, it was a very good read. I loved your poetic language in most parts of the story, the words were well-chosen. The pace was good, your writing style was appealing. I loved the world building of this ancient society in another age, with the main character as a participant. It also was sort of a love story, I very much liked that.

Favorite Parts
"Where are you from?" he asked her one day.
"I, the ice-maid, come from the lake," she replied. She thought that it was rather obvious, so she was puzzled at why he asked.
"No, before the lake," he laughed.
"I was bore from the womb of the lake. I am old as it is, because I was born when the lake came to be."
"I am only ten and six winters." Merith was still for a moment, then she became a torrent of laughter. Suddenly he laughed, too. He did not know why, but they began to laugh together, and their laughter became two playful rivers flowing together.
"Are you ever lonely, Merith?"
"If I was, I should say I am no longer."

The dialog is very convincing and the love story is emerging.

Suggestions
Two typo's: It (and) slid around on the floating piece of ice
I was bore (born) from the womb of the lake

Confusing POVs (Point of Views) Please look into that again: It had been a long time... It is not accustomed to have multiple POVs in one paragraph.

As she HAD looked into his eyes.

Different tenses - present tense and past tense is used. Please look into this again and choose one instead of using both in the story.

Could you please space out the text more. Add blank lines where it is due to make paragraphs. It will benefit the read.

Final thoughts
All in all a great story, especially considering your age. Very, very good! I hope you will have time and inspiration to write a lot more in the future. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
134
134
Review of I Need Coffee  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi River ,I found your writing because you are the Showcase of the month. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
I liked your title and it was the one thing that made this story in the comedy genre. The subtitle clarified things a bit, although the main event was the giving blood. Since I also have to give blood every 4 months and my veins are extremely difficult to find too I enjoyed this read very much. You always hope for a nurse that knows how to inject, but you never are quite sure, are you...some nurses do a better job than others.

General impressions
A smoothly written piece on an early morning where the writer has to give blood before even having a decent cup of coffee. I loved the extremely realistic part of giving blood. The reader was there giving blood also, with a struggling nurse. Really a horror scenario.

Favorite Parts
She tied a rubber strap above where she planned to drive the needle into my vein, scrubbed an alcohol soaked gauze over the area then looked at me and said, “Just take a deep breath and take it easy.”

As I inhaled deeply I felt the prick of a very sharp needle enter my vein and immediately tensed up as it popped out again. She began moving the needle around under my skin twisting it this way and that trying to get it back into the vein. Then she muttered under her breath and withdrew the needle and stuck a piece of gauze and a band-aid over the hole in my arm.

After two more attempts, she decided to try one of the larger veins on the top of my hand. She stared at me menacingly and said “Like I told you before, just take a deep breath and take it easy.”

Very well written, I can feel the needle go into my own arm. Yikes! The sharp pain and the ordeal you go through while dealing with a nurse who cannot find your vein is horrifying.

Suggestions
No grammar or spelling errors found. There is no need for italics in the last two paragraphs, so you better lose that.

Final thoughts
All in all a very nice read of a real and realistic situation I totally can identify with. The coffee and the donut must have tasted like heaven afterward. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
135
135
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Wanderlust Twenty-Something I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Today, on Election Day I found your excellent and polite letter to one of the candidates for President of the United States, Donald Trump. As an outsider, but a very concerned global citizen from Europe, I have to thank you for this clear and very personal letter. I agreed totally. With the words of CNN on election day polls and reactions audible in the other room, I am going to dissect your letter. Stay tuned!

General impressions
I love this open letter to Donald Trump with your concerns and thoughts about what might happen if he wins. I like it that you don't lower yourself to his level of contempt and hatred to make your point, although I could have understood that as well, but you didn't. You chose your words carefully and kept being polite.

I like it that you are thinking of what may happen in the future with your future kids. Donald Trump is by no means a role model and you make sure that is understood.

Favorite Parts
Truth be told, Mr. Trump, I need to first and foremost begin by thanking you. I am a registered democrat from the great state of Pennsylvania and, admittedly, up until recently couldn’t have cared any less about politics. The reason I need to thank you is that due in large part to your campaign for president, I deemed it necessary to do my homework and educate myself. I delved further into not only each party’s platforms but also each candidate’s. This began way back in the beginning of the primary season and continues on a daily basis. Not only do I need to thank you for sparking my newfound interest in politics, but also for helping me come to the revelation that the party I belong to and the candidate I support is, without question, perfectly aligned with my own personal beliefs and opinions. Fair warning: proceed with caution. That is, I assure you, the first and final compliment I have for you, Mr. Trump.

Indeed, if you have to thank Trump for doing anything, it is for making you enthusiastic about politics again. I think it is understood that politics, how sordid sometimes it may be, is so important in our everyday lives. It affects everything. Him being the one that pulled you back into the realm of politics is indeed worthy of a thank you.

I loved the returning "Truth be told, Mr. Trump." It gives this letter it's own rhythm.

Suggestions
No grammar or spelling errors found. This letter has a beginning, middle, and end.

Final thoughts
I am hoping the Democrats will win this election, and I am very apprehensive since it's going to be a close call. I wish you wisdom in voting, although you made it perfectly clear who you are voting for. Thanks for sharing and have a great (victorious) day!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
136
136
Review of Asylum  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi The prodigal son returns 2023. ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Asylum is the title for this short story but it's only the place the main character flew from. It has hardly bearing on the follow up of the story. Perhaps you could consider another title? The sub line is probably ironic but it also has nothing to do with the story. If you chose another by-line you could lure more readers into reading and reviewing. Just a thought.

General impressions
It's a nicely construed story with a main character that starts from within a vacuum. The reader doesn't know anything about her just that she is fleeing in the forest hunted down by evil men and ugly creatures. She doesn't even have a name so it is very hard for the reader to connect or sympathize with the girl.

What I love about the story are the sense of urgency and the beautiful scenes you described her flight by. This story, which to me is not finished, has to be told, there is a pushing forward in this story with the chosen words. The reader wants to go with the tale. But to where?. Why do you stop? I hope this is part of a longer tale where you would describe the rest of the untold story.

Favorite Parts
Like overhead searchlights, columns of sporadic sunlight penetrated the forest canopy, threatening to spotlight her fragile figure among the backdrop of primeval terrors that surrounded her. None the least of which were the humans who followed her clumsy trail. Who, when they caught her, would no doubt shoot her with the flint-lock rifles they carried. Unless she reached the river in time. And even they, with their guns and knives, were less of a threat than the real monsters who hunted her--creatures who sniffed the air with scaly, narrow snouts and drooled saliva from jaws filled with long, dagger-like teeth.

A beautiful passage into her flight. It tells it all.

Suggestions
Please name the girl, that way the reader can identify a little bit more with this thrilling journey into the forest.
And maybe you should try this as a sequel, come up with more details as to where to the girl is heading, what she encounters and where she will find her place.

Final thoughts
All in all a story with a good building of suspense but with an unfinished ending. I hope to read more. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
137
137
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Blake ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
At first, I thought the title had something to do with the painter Wassily Kandinsky who painted Yellow-Red-Blue http://www.wassily-kandinsky.org/Yellow-Red-Blue.j... Since there is an important painting in the story it caught my eye and I was intrigued to read on. My initial thoughts were wrong of course but the story was interesting enough to keep reading. The sub-line clarifies the content.

General impressions
A very intriguing story with a looming atmosphere of its own. From the description of the house in the neighborhood to the plans of the man to enter the house, up until his encounter with the girl in the painting and what that did to him...it all made sense in an interesting story with a nicely build up suspense factor.

I liked the writing style and the pace of the story. You are rather telling than showing in this piece of writing but for some reason, it seemed appropriate.

The story had a clear beginning, middle and end.

I had to smile at the word "jank" when the main character tore off the painting from the wall. It all made him a little bit more sympathetic because of his obvious longing for the painting.

Favorite Parts
He didn’t know why or how, but he suddenly started to move unconsciously to one of the paintings and just stare. All the man noticed were his eyelashes fluttering up and down; his body felt suspended in time, while his mind raced to thoughts about love and sincerity. The girl’s golden hair mixed with her deeply defined eyes reminded the man of a lost love many years ago. She seemed to call to him on an intensely personal level he had never experienced until now. Excitement began to build up within the man, and with it came hope. Hope for his love to come back and bring with her the meaningful aspects of life he had so desperately missed. Yellow was no longer the color of hope; to him, blue now embodied everything purposeful and lovely. His deepest desires began to reveal themselves in cinematic pictures within the pupils of the girl. Visions of success fused with a happy marriage and kids danced jovially within the dark tiny circles. These events were something that had eluded the man for years and now that he was seeing them play out, it oozed feelings of passion he never knew existed. His mind was lost in a dreamlike state, but eventually reality settled back in.

It is the heart of your story.

Suggestions
The man felt as if the girl where (was) looking at him.
To him the terrace was more that (than) just a hangout.

My suggestion would be to look over your story again and add some blank lines within the paragraphs. Spacing out the text would benefit the read. Now they are just big blogs of text.

Could you give the man a name? It would add to sympathizing with the main character in his quest to find out what the house is all about, now he is anonymous and the reader has more difficulties to relate to him.

Final thoughts
All in all an intriguing story with a mysterious atmosphere I really liked. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
138
138
Review by
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star**Star* Rising Stars Member to Member Review! *Star**Star*


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Seuzz ,I found your writing as part of the *StarY* Rising Star *StarY* Program 2016-2017. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
I found the title and sub-line very good, it wetted my apatite to read on to this folklore tale. It is a dark Eastern fairytale with its own unique use of words and sentences. The way it was written fitted the tale and highlighted its reading. There were a few words I had to look up in a dictionary but I didn't mind since I learned something from reading this wonderful mysterious tale.

General impressions
Beautifully written prose in a telling rather than showing writer's technique. In this case, it was okay since it was a fairytale and the ancient way to tell those tales. It fitted in the realm of those old masters of storytelling with an all-knowing perspective.

Favorite Parts
The parting of Kaori and Tarou was bitter indeed, for the marquis resembled nothing so much as a fat, grey toad, and Tarou scorned the girls in the village. The night before Kaori's departure they met secretly in a ruined temple that lay near the road between the village and town. There they swore an obscure oath, and separated.

It is the most important part of your tale since it gives a hint of the occult outcome in this story. It is also the only hint of this occult practice, to my taste too little to go on.

Suggestions
There are three related things that stuck to my at the end of reading this story: 1. Why was Tarou so mad, so filled with anger that he did his horrible deed? Why did he unleash the dark powers and was responsible for rape and murder/suicide by/of Kaori? 2. The occult practice is never explained in your story and it should. Now the reader is left with how this was possible: in what oath did they join and how was the burning of the bone responsible for the rape and death of Kaori hundredths of miles away?3. Explain in some more detail the sentence: he laid on the altar the bone a self-immolated suicide.

Perhaps you could elaborate on this some more when revising the story?

One misspelling: grey toad should be gray toad?

Final thoughts
All in all a very beautifully written piece of folklore. It is mysterious, full of dark atmosphere and in a wonderful setting. I liked your writing style and the pace of the piece. It had its own flowing. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig
139
139
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi dougo ,I found your writing as part of the Writer's cramp for that day. You were my competition. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
I didn't get the title and the sub-line, since the story has two parts and I was hanging in part two on Bob Dylan. Or the question would be Who Dunnit? In that case, the story is not finished.

General impressions
I liked the story very much. It is swift paced and the gruesome murder at the start is very intriguing. I thought the conversation on Bob Dylan and the Nobel Prize was very convincing too. You combined the two parts but after the last sentence, the story was not finished to me. Who did this murder, why was he quoting Dylan, the hunt for the murderer is left wide open and should be answered so I hope you will finish this story now the Cramp is over?

Favorite Parts
“Yeah, that’s what he said. I was hiding behind that pile of crates over there,” the small, balding man said, his voice still shaking. “I was afraid he was going to see or hear me so I stayed quiet. After I didn’t hear anything for a while I peeked over the top of that crate.”
“You saw the guy do it, right?”

Very convincing start to a murder scene with this witness. I totally wanted to know more.

Suggestions
“That’s not the point. They awarded a stoned out hippy the same award that went to the likes of Camus, Faulkner, Elliot, and Kipling. I’ll bet these guys are crapping a brick in their graves.”

“Come on, didn’t Winston Churchill win one of those things? He wasn’t even a writer, was he?”

“He won it because he wrote biographies or something. That’s not a good example.”

Very interesting you took the news of Dylan getting the Nobel Prize into the story as this news indeed was played out in the real life with the two camps, pro Dylan and contra Dylan for the reasons you mentioned.

Final thoughts
Please, please consider writing the ending of this story. I want to know more about the murder. Because of this, I found the story a little unsatisfactory. But I understand why you had to finish with the quote because of the Cramp's prompt. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
140
140
Review of The Iron Rainbow  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Biblioboy ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
I didn't get the title since this is part of a larger project? Maybe you should care to add a plot description or synopsis for the total play with every piece, so the reader knows where the story is situated into the whole play.

General impressions
This was a fun experience for me because a theater play is something completely different to read and appreciate than a short story or a poem. This was my first at WdC although I am familiar with writing plays myself since i wrote a (Dutch) lunch play in the past that actually was performed by a local theater group. So I was thrilled to read this piece.

I loved it you added music to the scenes. i am going to Google search later. Great way to add to the atmosphere of the play.

I had to read it out loud. That way I could understand the play better (one of the main differences with reading a "normal" story). So, I dived in.

* First chuckle: the New Castle United remark.
* Jason: "or in danger of being lifted." Didn't understand this remark. Is he in favor of gang attacks? What does this mean?
* Jonathan:"But don't you think....his muscle." Didn't understand this remark.
* Jonathan: "At the apex of the ARC ...worth having he." What's ARC?
* Susan: what is Subbuteo?
* prairie fire myth? What does that mean?

The text is working towards riot between somebody. Great building up tension into the fight between Marti and Lee.

It is not easy to write a theater play. A lot of text from the mouths of the characters. Maybe too much sometimes? I would suggest adjusting some remarks as they are too long to hold the attention of the reader or the audience of the play.

Try to find ways to make them more like real personalities within the text. The reader wants to feel something for the characters.

I loved it you manage to give your characters a personal voice. Very well done.

Final thoughts
All in all a great effort to create the first episode of a larger play. It is not finished so I wish you luck with the rest of the story. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
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141
Review of Blessed by Stress  
Review by
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Jay O'Toole ,I found your writing as part of the I write in Aug, Sept, Oct Challenge. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

Wow, what a beautiful, beautiful verse this is in the old language. It is beautifully rhymed and tells a tale of the stressy times of today in the USA, that of the election time. To accomplish this the poet tells the biblical story of seeking a king and turning towards the olive, fig, vine, bramble for answers. The poet ends with the plea to hold the people's trust into Jesus Christ.

It also had a funny streak at the end, where the poet refers to Dr. Seuss and the actor Keanu Reeves of the Matrix (I am a big fan). Hilarious.

It is a beautiful story in a not so common use of the language (for me as a writer from a non-English speaking country). I loved its pace, creativity, and the writing style.

I was blown away by this poem and am going to submit it for the "Invalid Item"  contest AND submit this poem for the Quill Awards 2016 later.

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful poem.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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Review of Family Vacation  
Review by
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Schnujo is Late to Lannister ,I found your writing as part of the I write in Aug, Sept, Oct Challenge. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
A good title and sub line taking care of this prompt. I liked the idea of this poem and the way you executed it.

General impressions
A funny poem about this family vacationing in their back yard. You took the prompt literary in the poem, not adding many new facts to the prompt .. But I loved the rain and the scene of the dog.

Favorite Parts
Ben hoped to succeed in vain
and it got worse with the rain.
So they packed up and went
back in the house that they rent.

A funny end, not so funny for the family though, of their outing.

Final thoughts
All in all a nice poem, a little bit flat though, with a rhyming of ABAB. I liked the ending (C). Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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143
Review of Unaware  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Whitemorn ,I found your writing at the Please Review Page. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
I didn't quite like this title. The dad found daughter bit in the story is just a detail at the end, although a nice detail. So I suggest another title to lure people into this wonderful story. The sub line is well chosen. I was interested to read on.

General impressions
Wow, i loved this story. It started very interestingly with this film director looking for his movie character on the bus. I loved the plot, the description of the scenery, the dialogs and the character development. A lot happened in those five short chapters. It held me to the edge of my seat.

Favorite Parts
Ben always avoided airplanes. He suffered from serious earaches whenever he flew. That being considered, he'd purchased tickets for a Greyhound Express bus trip from New York City to Portland Oregon, his first boarding scheduled for October 15th at 6:10am. Ben liked the kind of folks who rode buses cause they were real people with interesting stories and missions, better than airplane passengers, and the train makes fewer stops, while the bus stops often, offering breaks at fast food joints and mini marts along the way.

Nobody would ever have guessed that Ben was a multi millionaire. He was scruffy looking and a little unkempt, with his long grey ponytail and four inch white beard. Most folks would have taken him for a homeless old man even though he was only forty eight. He showed advanced signs of aging from years of working on his dad's farm in Idaho ... too much sun and long exposures to excessive heat and cold had left him wrinkled and leathery, like an old alcoholic.

Very strong beginning of a very charming tale. I loved it.

Suggestions
You don't have to use brackets when people are saying things (in some parts of the dialogs). You can just let them talk.

I found the part where Ben found out about having a daughter a little two abrupt. The phonecall was all we hear about that important discovery. Maybe you can elaborate a little about how exactly they found out about Trina and her daughter. This part I find a bit unbelievable.

I think there is no need to divide this short story into five parts.

Final thoughts
All in all a great story with a vivid image on the whole looking-for-a-movie-character. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
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Review of Time Before Time  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi A. D. Sharp ,I found your writing on the Please Review Page. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title Time before Time didn't make any sense, the same with the sub line, since there was no time travel involved in this Sfi story. Is it part of a larger story? Maybe you should reconsider another title for this chapter.

General impressions
A very agreeable read about a fight in an alley in a Sfi setting. I liked the action of your main character and his attacker very much. It was very realistic. You have to be careful with "funny" remarks, they can be somewhat tedious. Like: My level of consciousness, not to mention my dashing good looks, would not hold up well to many more punches.
There is one sentence that makes no sense, in context: I also learned I'm not very good with following orders. You can leave it out I think, it has no purpose here.
I loved the ending where it is suddenly revealed the main character has dodged the bullet several times in the past.

Favorite Parts
Actually I tried facing him, but apparently I hadn't put as much distance between us as I had thought. Before I could completely turn around a large fist smashed into my face. The force of the punch unbalanced me; the force of the second punch sent me staggering backwards into the alley. A third one landed me on top of the trashcans.
I had to do something quickly. My level of consciousness, not to mention my dashing good looks, would not hold up well to many more punches.
Reaching behind me I took hold of a trashcan. I spent a only a fraction of a second contemplating what would happen if it was tethered to the ground, and hurled it at the approaching figure. It didn't do any damage, but it distracted him for just a second.
That was all the time I needed.
I lunged forward and threw all my strength into my punch. It was followed up immediately with another. While he was slightly off balance from my punches, I drove my left heel into the side of his knee. His leg buckled and he went down. I jumped on top of him, keeping him on his back with my knees on his chest. He tried to wiggle out from under me, but physics were on my side.
My adrenaline made me land a couple more punches to his face before I actually took the time to see who my attacker was. If it had I would have known those punches were doing more damage to my knuckles than to his face.

Very good action scenes. It read like a charm and was a very vivid image.

Final thoughts
All in all a nice Sfi action piece with a pun at the end. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
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145
Review of Harsh Judges  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title and sub title are very intriguing, so I was drawn into reading this article on the perception of a man in a turban. It was about prejudice and hate and as you know it is very much a hot topic today, so many years later. I thought it is very good you wrote about this since it is a topic that is not going away. In my country it is hate and prejudice against Muslims in general, the women being very visible wearing their dark gowns and head kerchiefs on the streets.

General impressions
A very good but very short article on a very important subject. You probably could have written more on the subject, but you chose to limit it to that scene in your classroom in 2002.

Favorite Parts
In January 2002, my sixth grade teacher put a picture on the chalkboard. The picture was of a man with a long black beard, and a black turban on the top of his head, with a blue background. The guy looked like someone from the Middle East. The teacher said, “Look at him, and write down who you think he is.”

I think this is a very strong beginning since the reader immediately tries to answer the question herself. What would I have written, knowing that it was the time, only one year later than the horrific events of 9/11. But as you stated, also ten years later after the capture of Bin laden, and now in 2016 after those horrific events in Europe for the past two years what would have been the outcome. I think and am afraid nothing much has changed. There is a lot of hate and prejudice against Muslims in general just because a minority group amongst those choose to behave in a horrid fashion. It has repercussions on the whole Muslim community and that in itself is wrong. But times have changed and because these times grow more and more dangerous for ordinary people it is somewhat understandable that people are cautious. But that must never be a reason to exclude a whole group just because of their appearance.

Suggestions
I would love for you to flesh out this article some more and give it a thought on prejudice and hate towards minority groups. This is a topic that deserves more space.

Final thoughts
All in all a good attempt to start a discussion on hate and prejudice. It is about awareness. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
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146
Review of Near and Dear  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Dwelling in Solitude ,I found your writing at the please review page. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight* This is the reading of only one individual, so take out what you can use and disregard the rest.

On Title/Subject
The title was a mystery to me. I didn't get it. And there was no sub line clarifying the story. Maybe you would reconsider? The content of the story was interesting, about a man gone haywire on his girl friend and her unborn baby having another girl and unborn baby at the side.

General impressions
Unfortunately the story drowned in the words I had to look up in a thesaurus. They were so many I stopped looking them up, having trouble really getting the different meaning you displayed in this short story. To my taste too many difficult words to fully appreciate the story. It hindered the reading. Pace and rhythm were a bit off because of it.

Favorite Parts
Yes. Two become one. Like butter melting on toast.
Like water trickling through wine.
Blood to blood. Bone to bone. Flesh to flesh.
Sear and crisp up her skin like bacon in the sizzling olive oil.
Simmer the joints and bones to create a broth that gels.
Mince and roll the marinated meat into balls.
Mill the bones into fine powder as condiment.
Grill the sliced and seasoned tenderloins with rich gravy.
Consume all, once and for all.

Very scary, indeed.I loved this almost prose poem like part in the story.

Suggestions
I had trouble believing this story because I didn't follow the psychology of the main character in doing and behaving like he did. Also because of all the dictionary words you used, it wasn't a realistic story but a construed one by a writer. That hindered the pace and the impact tremendously. Maybe if you added more motive in the story?

Final thoughts
All in all I had trouble reading and fully appreciate this short story. Psychology was absent and therefore very unbelievable. Too bad since in itself the plot was great. Also I totally missed any emotion in this horrific tale.

Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
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147
Review of Google It!  
Review by
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi FaeRose ,I found your writing ad random. I’m reviewing also for "Invalid Item"  this time. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Google it! is an excellent title for this essay. The sub line made me google the word autoethnology. Google answered: Autoethnography is a form of qualitative research in which an author uses self-reflection and writing to explore their personal experience and connect this autobiographical story to wider cultural, political, and social meanings and understandings. It is very interesting so I jump right into this essay and read it.

General impressions
A very well written essay on Google and what it's effects are on society and people's minds, specific on memory. You have an appealing writing style and the essay has a beginning, a middle and an end. It is good paced and has lots of interesting facts. You even cited some research findings in a comprehensible and easy manner. It was not a simple content but you made it look like it's easy to understand. Very well done. It is paramount you are experienced in computer and its use and technology, but better still you are able to explain things in a comprehensible way. Excellent teaching material. I liked it also you had a youtube feature starting the essay and a list of sites you used to end your article with. Almost academic like, it made this article complete.

Favorite Parts
When I was child if you wanted to know how something worked, how to spell it or even what it's meaning is you would pick up a book. Whether it was an encyclopedia or a dictionary a periodical or an essay. This isn't really true any longer. With the emergence of the internet all this changed. Now if you have a question like this you just turn on a computer, a tablet, or a cell phone. You bring up a web browser, I myself tend to use Google but there are multiple to choose from. I've been pretty deep into technology since I was about 12 years old in the early 1990's when we got our first computer. At the time Google didn't exist it was msn or yahoo, but I didn't automatically turn to that I would still seek out a book.

An excellent start of the essay in explaining where you and most of us were coming from: from the world of books and essays and the written word in a physical volume in stead of a computer based virtual one. Although lots of young people are post Google now and don't use the physical reads as much as we did. Things have changed in a short time very quickly indeed.

Suggestions
No spelling or grammar errors found.

Final thoughts
All in all a very interesting and well formulated easy to read profound article on Google and it's use for us customers. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

** Image ID #1950616 Unavailable **
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148
Review of Paperboy  
Review by
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi D John Richter ,I found your writing in the Newbies Newsletter. I’m reviewing also for "Invalid Item"  this time. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
After carefully reading this short story I don't think the title fits the bill. It is not the paperboy, but the newspaper that is the main feature here. Maybe you could change the title? The sub line is clarifying the content. I was intrigued by this story so I jumped right in.

General impressions
A charming short story on a business man trying to escape what seems to be fate. I totally believed this fantasy.

Favorite Parts
Steve opened the front door and stepped outside. "Donna? There's no newspaper again", Steve yelled.

"Just pick one up on your way to work", Donna said as she poured him a cup of coffee. "You will just need to leave a few minutes earlier than you normally do."

"I like to read the headlines as I drink my coffee, though."

"Well, get a cup of coffee at work, and read the paper as you drink it", Donna said with a smile.

Steve Lyons was the type of person who had a set routine. If anything messed with that routine, he was instantly grumpy. Donna, his wife, on the other hand, liked to be more spontaneous, which could really bother Steve. When going on vacation, Steve would have every activity planned out to the minute. Donna always liked to suggest something else, just to bother him.

I liked the way you set up this dialog to clarify their relationship and their roles. The dialogs are convincing.

Suggestions
A few things.
First: the adding chapters to this short story seems unnecessary. The story is a short one and doesn't need chapters. It slows down the pace of the piece. Maybe you could take them out?
Second: you mixing present and past tenses throughout the story. That also slows down the rhythm of the story. You better chose one, or present or past tense and stick to it throughout the story.
Third: a problem with POV: you write: She still had material that she was going to use to make a shirt for our son when he was little. Now, our son is twenty-five years old, and the material is still in the closet. I think you meant: a shirt for THEIR son; Now, THEIR son is (was) twenty-five years old.

Final thoughts
All in all a charming tale. With a little adjustment you get the pace and rhythm back into the story. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

** Image ID #1950616 Unavailable **
149
149
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Izzy's Writing ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Title and sub line are helpful to this story. You could try a different title for each chapter, that's up to you of course.

General impressions
A nice second chapter to the first one I read. I recognized a lot of it from the first chapter. Make sure they don't look too much a like, there is a lot of overlap: the way the girl reacts to the brothers, the way the brothers are worried for their sister. Not the fact that it is the same but the responses are almost identical, you have to be careful not to bore the reader with too much overlap. Try to come up with different words for giggling and chuckling.

Favorite Parts
“What Jordon did was rude, inappropriate, and unacceptable. Especially when it is done to a three-year-old girl who is having a hard enough time as it is with her autism. This needs to be addressed: wither it’s someone on the other team, your own teammate or your own family member: if they have autism and you make fun of them for it, then you are an idiot. If you want to trash talk someone on another team, that’s fine. But do NOT trash talk them for having autism. If I hear someone doing that, my team or the other team, I will make sure they get kicked out the league. And no, I am not just saying it because of Niklas’s sister, I have someone in my family who has it. And they were made fun of and things almost ended very badly for them. But they got helped and realized that they were perfect just the way they were. So I don’t want to hear about anyone in this locker room making fun of Izzy or anyone else that has autism. Because they will get kicked off the team.”

Great speech, but is this speech not coming too soon? Only after one indiscretion of Jordan. Maybe there has to be more incidents to have a realistic response like this?

Suggestions
The sentence.."He never realized how much autism could affect a family..he knew now that's for sure. Maybe you should throw in some examples? Now the only "unusual' thing that is described is the flapping with the arms. I am sure there are more examples of how autistic behavior can affect a family.

The notation **Time lapse ** is in my eyes unnecessary.

Final thoughts
A nice sequel to the first chapter. Read them one after the other to make sure there isn't too much overlap in responses of the characters.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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150
150
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Izzy's Writing ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
One life, one love is the beautiful title of this very beautiful story. The sub line clarifies the content. Since I have a few autistic family members and a few diagnosed with autism in my immediate surroundings I was very much interested in this short story.

General impressions
Wow, what a warm and beautiful story of a brother and family of a little autistic girl. The love of this family, of this brother towards the new born girl is very, very touching. The story is so powerful it made me cry a little bit, that's what impact this has on me the reader.

The setting and atmosphere of this story is overwhelming, due to the intense and very well worked out mechanics of show don't tell. I am part of this story and develop feelings for this family throughout the story. Character development is great, both with the brother as with the little girl.

The pace and flow is great and you have a very appealing and warm writing style. I loved it!

Favorite Parts
The part where the two brothers are waiting on that Sunday afternoon to hear about the news is my favorite. There is a suspense in the story, anticipating the return of the parents and Izzy. I felt for them both.

Mom and dad were quiet for a minute before mom finally spoke. “Boys, your sister has autism. And, if you are wondering what in the world I’m talking about, autism is a developmental disorder that appears in the first 3 years of life, and affects the brain's normal development of social and communication skills. This means she could have a hard time making friends in school and a hard time communicating with us. You’ve noticed that sometimes she has a hard time asking for what she wants? It’s not only because she’s young, but because her brain isn’t wired in the same way ours are. The doctor also told us she could have a hard time at parties and in big crowds, so we’re going to have to be careful on where and when we take her to places.”

Great way to describe the condition of the girl. It was also the moment I felt tears coming up in my eyes. Very touching indeed.

Suggestions
One thing, since I don't speak or read any Swedish, I would translate the "Dettaärhäpnadsväckande'. You can easily put the translation right behind the saying. It will benefit the read.

Final thoughts
All in all a great story on a loving family. I assume it is your own family you are writing about and the love is showing. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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