StephBee - House Targaryen's (sgcardin) Reviews

StephBee - House Targaryen

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3,905 Public Reviews Given

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#4745970

Review of Against the Unknown

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Against the Unknown"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

A mystery about an abandoned home that stirs the reader's imagination.

WHAT I LIKED

I really enjoyed the word play in this poem. The author has to use some mandatory phrases per the prompt, but does an excellent job weaving them into a poem that stirs the imagination. Reader finds several signs of abandonment, from a lonely dog, to the salt tipped over to the haunting wind chimes and a full mailbox. Things that make you go um....?

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with four quatrains. The 1st and 2nd along with the 3rd and 4th lines rythme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to make it easy on the reader's eyes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I especiallyliked: "The sound of wind chimes, a haunting refrain, a melody lost in the whispering rain." -- what a great visual, that only sets a vivid scene in the reader's imagination, but also stirs their curiosity.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title piques the reader's interest but I don't know how representative it is of the mystery presented in the poem. The opening stanza grabs the reader's interest. An interesting mystery indeed!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4745969

Review of Mystery in the Rafters

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "Mystery in the Rafters"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

The business has a cost overrun and it's up to Hamilton to figure out why.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the ending. Didn't quite picture that.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Hamilton. Good job with narration. If anything I would suggest a minor edit for tense. The opening starts in the past tense and shift between past and present.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "I follow the bread crumbs to the false ceiling..." -- What I liked about this description is how I feel I'm following along right with Hamilton, curious, and determine to get to the root of the mystery.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: computer chip manufacturing facility

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Mr. Hamilton

I loved Hamilton from the start. He's overworked, probably underpaid, a tad stressed, and yet he's the best guy to find the cost overrun.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. When you have quotes, put the period inside the quotes. For example: "start with the basics."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A satisfying read!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4745346

Review of The Survivor of Gilligan's Island

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES FAN FICTION REVIEW

This is a review for "The Survivor of Gilligan's Island"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE FAN FICTION

A cross between Survivor and Gilligan's island - who can outwit, outlast, and outplay Mr. Howell the money man?

WHAT I LIKED

I picked this item because I loved Gilligan's Island and I love Survivor, and of course I wanted to see who would make it into the final 2. This was just a fun little piece that I enjoyed!

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

The theme is: who is going to be the last one "survivor" on Gillian island and it ain't Gilligan - he's too nice. There's a little ruthlessness involved, but ultimately the person who deserves to win, wins.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The fan fiction is easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title is a great fit for the fan fiction and the opening hooked me right away. What a hoot! I really enjoyed reading this and I laughed and smiled as I read it. What a fun item to find in the author's port. My suggestion for what it's worth: If anything, I suppose you could grow this out more with 1K or less entries on each "challenge" and who wins.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews"

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#4745340

Review of Royal Caribbean's Adventure of the Seas

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

GAMES OF THRONES MEMIOR REVIEW

This is a review for "Royal Caribbean's Adventure of the Seas"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE MEMOIR

The author takes us on a fun cruise to the Caribbean.

WHAT I LIKED

I picked this item because I'm going on a cruise in May - the first one since 2005, and I wanted to get a sense of what it would be like. I'm glad I read this, because I got a good feel of what to expect. I appreciated the pictures, if anything I wish they were just a tad bigger! Pout!!

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

THEME

Well, I gotta theme everything. haha. I would say the theme here is traveling. Even if you've never cruised before, you'll learn a lot about cruising and what to expect from the food service, visiting the different places and excursions to what a 'key' is and the upgraded packages.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

After I was done reading this memoir, I wanted to go on a Caribbean cruise!! I'm saving my money for cruising when I hit retirement. I could tell from the conversational tone of the writing the author had a blast and I'm so glad she shared her experience with us!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews"

5

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#4745321

Review of Unexpected Caller

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Unexpected Caller "

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

A man's voice whispered into a phone receiver: "Tonight she dies," but the person on the other end is sure it's not for her.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story flowed. It was easy to read and grew the tension well regarding the mystery.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by a female narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "One of the ways that serial killers and other criminal types hid bodies was to feed them to the cute farm animals because their razor sharp teeth would ensure that nobody was able to find them." -- It's a great description using a good economy of words to tell what happens to a victim without being overly graphic.

SETTING

TIME: contemporary setting 80's or 90's
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that isn't especially clarified for the reader. If anything, hardly anyone uses a "classic" phone with a receiver, so I would clarify that a little as I thought the story would take place in the 80's or 90's.

CHARACTERS

Female narrator

After hearing an accidental threat, she goes looking for the police.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctaution mistakes. I might suggest spelling out "OK" as "okay" in creative writing.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits in well with the story. The opening hooks the reader right away. If anything, I was a little confused near the ending and who the wife, ex-wife was?

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#4745318

Review of Worm Moon

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Worm Moon"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

When a red quartz relic is found, Miss Harris is on the hunt to find out where it came from and what it was used for.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending, because I was totally lost and the ending gave the vinyettes context.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient in 3 vinyettes that tie-in together. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "As you know, during a total lunar eclipse, the Earth moves between the sun and the moon and cuts off the moon's light supply, the sun. When this happens, the moon's surface takes on a reddish glow instead of going completely dark." - it's a very succient description of a lunar eclipse that's easy to understand and visualize in the reader's imagination.

SETTING

TIME: ancient times and modern day
PLACE: college setting and outdoors

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Miss Harris is the main character

In that she does the research to offer a viable theory for the red quartz.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for WDC tags.
Currently: 100,000 years font:verdana}older than the I would correct the tag.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I think the title fits with the theme of the "moon" but I would clarify how worm fits in the story. The opening engages the reader. I enjoyed how the vinyettes came together in the end.

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#4745307

Review of Fairy’s Favor

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Fairy’s Favor"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

A little girl loses her tooth and can't wait for the tooth fairy to come!

WHAT I LIKED

This poem captures all the excitement of the tooth fairy - it lessens the pain of losing the tooth for sure and captures all the fun of hiding the tooth in anticipation of a BIG reward in the morning. It's upbeat and uplifting.

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with ten quaterns. The 1st and 2nd along with the 3rd and 4th lines rythme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. The rythme scheme allows for nice, rich emotional beats.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "A tiny fairy, real phenom, She sat sulking on Mommy's palm." What a great visual! I can easily picture this in my imagination. I'm sure the tooth fairy was pretty mad at getting caught.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the poem. The opening lures the reader in with a nice rythme scheme and keeps them reading. There are twists and turns - especially when the tooth fairy gets busted. A whimsical children's poem that would make a great "Dr. Suess" like children's book.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4745302

Review of Consolation

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Consolation"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

It takes a lot to make Charcoal Charlie, a kangaroo, happy.

WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the voice used in this short story. With a hint of whimsy, and bit of distain, Charcoal Charlie tries to adapt to his new habitat but it's not the same as the bush.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Charlie's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "Phooey!" Charlie thought. "She clings to Joey like a sloth to a tree. Foolish woman." -- Great description of Mommy Miranda as she keeps an eye on Joey, but also hints at Charlie's personality. Well done.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: zoo on in the States on the Pacific Coast.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Charcoal Charlie

It's tough being a kangaroo in a zoo, but there's one that will make Charlie happy...

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. I was ready to follow Charlie's adventures from the first sentence! The story will put a grin on the reader's face. I could easily see this story as a children's book.

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#4744971

Review of Petals of love!

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

In conjunction with:

This is a review for "Petals of love!"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

Heat and Cold combine along with the visual of a flower opening to hit on the different notes of yearning and love.

WHAT I LIKED

Really nice word play with the poem! With the heat and cold we have polar opposites finding attraction under the silver moon with the use of the flower providing the romantic elements.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "...Ebbing waves of love makes me warm with your thoughts! Chilly wind penetrates my skin and makes me yearn within!" -- We have hot and cold coming together, hitting on notes of longing and yearning for the partner.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the poem well. The opening line engages the reader, hinting that the little petals of the flower will grow and bloom much like the emotion of love does. A poem that it's visuals hint at a deeper, emotionally romantic meaning, such as finding first love or true love.

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HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews"

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744967

Review of Girl's Write Out

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "Girl's Write Out"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

Lena needs her muse to focus on poetry and not gussing her up.

WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the character voice. Chloe came across a flighty must with determination to do the right thing by her writer and Lena came across as a determined writer wanting to find balance with Chloe.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Lena. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "dress in something that actually flatters you, and discover a hairstyle. Geez, Lena!" We get a great visual of Lena using a good economy of words.

SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: not sure? A Writer's house?

This is something that isn't necessarily clarified for the reader, but I don't think it needs to be. The piece is a vinyette is more focused on comedic bets.

CHARACTERS

Lena

She's a writer, but she needs her muse to play along.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of spacing here on WDC to make it easier on the reader's eyes. The vinyette is easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I liked the title a lot and I thought it captured the essence of the quirkiness between Chloe and Lena. The opening engages the reader in a nice conversational tone. A comedic read that make one think on a slightly deeper level.

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"Anniversary Reviews"

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744955

Review of Motherhood

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

In conjunction with:

This is a review for "Motherhood"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

A raw, gritty look at the emotional toll motherhood can take on the psyche.

WHAT I LIKED

While not necessarily a heartwarming read, the vinyette focuses on places a majority of mothers have been, that raw, gritty place that has them facing their actions and wondering is it enough? And it's in these moments that we find our inner courage and strength to continue one task at a time.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked; "Tears fell into her pillow, silent tears she only shed at night when she knew nobody would see or hear them." -- The description tugs on the emotional heartstrings of the reader.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: quite house at night

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Narrator, mother

Mom is bone tired. Finding inner strength and courage will come slowly at first with small tasks.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits for the story, but can be expanded on to be a tad more reflective of the emotional beats the story produces. The opening engages the reader, who hopes for a positive outcome. A well done, emotional vinyette.

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#4744419

Review of The Town Watcher

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

In conjunction with:

This is a review for "The Town Watcher"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

Millicent is a tad older, not much to do, so she heads to the stone bench to watch the busy town around her.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the characterization. Millicent is quite a character with her own quirky ways, but aren't we all a little quirky?

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "Millicent unpacked her cavernous tote bag, the one with all the handy pockets." The author uses a good economy of words to paint a great visual in my imagination. I pictured an older lady, a little bored, with a tote bag so big you could put just about anything in it.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: local town

This is something that that is clarified for the reader. I pictured a mid size town where everybody just about knows everybody. It makes the story more personal.

CHARACTERS

Millicent

She's a people watcher. Nothing wrong with that, but sometimes you might see stuff you don't want to see.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the story. The opening had me hooked with it's comedic beat. Nice conversational character voice. This is a story that will make the reader smile at the end.

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#4744417

Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

In conjunction with:

This is a review for "MATCHBOX UNDIES"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

A girl and her Barbie have a lot in common except for...

WHAT I LIKED

I picked the story because of the title. Then I read the tag line and I said I had to read this one - it sounds like a hoot! And it was! I enjoyed it very much.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by a female narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "Being understandably minuscule and almost microscopic ,of Barbie-doll proportions, the lingerie would have to be smaller than a thimble; perhaps nickel-sized, dime-sized?" -- I could easily visualize this in my imagination.

SETTING

TIME: contemporary - 1960's
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Female narrator & Barbie

Our narrator loves her Barbie doll and there's nothing with that. Barbie and the narrator have a lot of adventures - to include clothing adventures.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A fun story with several comedic beats that will make one laugh.

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#4744290

Review of GOOD STUFF!

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "GOOD STUFF!"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

Dude's wife is really ill, but in the course of the monologue you discover he hasn't quite been the best of husbands to her.

WHAT I LIKED

I was chuckling the whole time I was reading this. Dude has been "too good" to his wife, but we learn he hadn't been good enough.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the husband. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue is spot on perfect and hilarious, which drives home the comedy.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "On our wedding night you stayed up until morning shooting craps with your two buddies in our apartment." It not only sets up a vivid picture in the imagination, but also an emotional one. Don't you want to be with your wife on your wedding night instead of playing craps?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Dude's home

This is something that that is clarified for the reader. Being a monologue, sometimes it's hard to establish time and place, but there's enough established here that helps to sell the story.

CHARACTERS

Husband

Honestly, he's a wreck. A comedic wreak.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I think you have to read the story to see how the title ties-in and it's more of an ironic tie-in. The opening made me laugh and kept me reading. I picture a comic stand-in routine with this vinyette. Thanks for the laughs!

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#4744261

Review of NURSERY RHYMES

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "NURSERY RHYMES"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

There are two seemingly unrelated murders, but are they? The obvious isn't so obvious and believe it or not, a parrot holds the clue!

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the methodical detective work done by Danny. Everything he did was logical and in a precise order.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Danny. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration well.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "Comfortable in his blue jeans, and St. Lawrence Isles Police t-shirt, he leaned back in his chair and silently reviewed his notes again." The author uses a good economy of words to describe our detective.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: at a local resort

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Danny

Danny is determined and that's what I like about him.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the story well. The opening was a quick description of our detective and then it gets into the crime. It hooks you quick and keeps you reading!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744126

Review of The Great Ship

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "The Great Ship "

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

The Titanic is going down. The story takes a look at 3 different scenarios into how people handled the sinking of the ship.

WHAT I LIKED

I really think the vinyette format worked well here. We meet Joseph who is going to play "Nearer to God to Thee," but has never gotten it quite right, A young couple who wants to experience something they never have before, and a group of men drinking and smoking, as if that's all they can do as the ship sinks.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "The ship was now listing thirty degrees to starboard.." The author used a good economy of word to paint an accurate visual in the reader's imagination.

SETTING

TIME: 1912
PLACE: The Titantic

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Ensemble cast

There's enough here to understand each character's motivations. Joseph just wants an opportunity to get it right, Sophia and Teddy just want an experience they've never had, and the group of gentlemen decide to go down as gentlemen.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes. The story is easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader and sucks them in emotionally, putting us in the beginning of the sinking of the ship. The dramatic elements are played pitch-perfect. An emotional read that's well done.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744123

Review of Bubba's Corner BBQ

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "Bubba's Corner BBQ"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

A local gives a tourist directions to Bubba's Corner BBQ. Better have a receipt and a pen handy to write down where to go!

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the explanation as to why Bubba's wasn't on the corner. A hog got lose and tore through the BBQ, then... ah -- I'll let you check it out for a chuckle or two! It's a good thing I wasn't drinking any coffee at the time. I would have spit it out!

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue drives the story.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Bubba opened the back door, and it ran squarely into one of those big smokers he had back there." -- Great visual. I could easily picture this happening in my imagination.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

The narrator

The narrator is looking for directions, but I don't think they expected the directions they got.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make it easy to read on the eyes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader with the opening question: "Do you think you can tell me how to there from here?" A light read that will make you laugh.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744114

Review of Bobby-Q

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Bobby-Q"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

The poem gives directions to Bubba's Corner BBQ which has the best Bobby-Q ribs ever. I just hope I don't get lost!

WHAT I LIKED

Using a dialect is never easy and can be very challenging if you don't get it quite right. I thought this poem did a pretty descent job with the dialect. It was easy enough to read and understand and I appreciated that.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme, but the poet does a good job with the dialect to give the poem a nice beat when it's read outloud.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. WDC ML is used to increase the font and make easy on the eyes to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "All t'way down Til ya'll git ta t'Cozy Cafe." That's a heck of a directional. I can just imagine finding the Cozy Cafe and scratching my head.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A light-hearted poem about how to get to Bubba's. It had some comedic beats that will make the reader chuckle.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744105

Review of Bubba's Corner BBQ

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Bubba's Corner BBQ"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

Sam and Maria go to Hope, Arkansas in hopes of eating at Bubba's Corner BBQ only to find out there are 5! Yikes!

WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the poem was easy to visualize in my imagination as I read it. And the best direction I ever heard was to go catawapmus from the First Baptist Church.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no set rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I would check the following line: "For driections as their GPS," as I think direction" is misspelled. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make it easy on the eyes to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "It is catawapmus from the First Baptist Church." I hate to repeat myself, but I just thought this was a hoot! Trying to picture going catawapmus from anywhere has me befuddled.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A fun, light-hearted little poem about the Corner BBQ. If anything, I would suggest just touching on this a hint more: Bubba moved the Corner BBQ to somewhere else, but I wasn't sure where he moved it? Then again, do I need a know? The poem made me chuckle and that's a good thing.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4744101

Review of Bubba's Corner BBQ - Entry 4-12-24

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Bubba's Corner BBQ - Entry 4-12-24 "

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

Getting to Bubba's Corner BBQ isn't easy - especially if it's not on a corner.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the ending and the explanation why Bubba's Corner BBQ wasn't on a corner. Heck, I wouldn't want to be on a corner if I was usin' my own brew, too!

STRUCTURE

This is a free from poem with a AABBCC rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Soon, turn at the old brown stump with the dead skunk hangin' high," I was laughing at that visual an old brown stump and a dead skunk haning' high over the stump. It's nasty funny. The author did a great a job following the prompt and not using directional words.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. If anything, it's always a challenge to use a dialect because you want to be authentic, but at the same time, it can be hard to understand. I appreciated the fact that the tone was very authentic to the prompt, but I had to slow down and re-read to really get it. Give and take, I suppose. Overall, the poem is a hoot and lives up to the comedy genre.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4743973

Review of St. Patrick's Day Acrostic

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A poem about St. Patrick and what we do to remember him today.

WHAT I LIKED

I read this poem and the first emotion that hit me was: "This is an awesome feel good poem about St. Patrick." The first line starts with "St. Patrick was well loved," and the rest of the poem shares those things that we do today that demonstrates our "feel good vibe" we have for him.

STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. An acrostic poem is where the first letter of a line is used to spell out a word or a phrase in the poem. There is no apparent rythme scheme. There is a line that's a little long, and goes a little over, so you have to read it as a long line.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to highlight and bold the opening letter of the lines in green.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Toast your glass of beer to Patrick, the man!" - I could easily visualize a pub with lots of clinking glasses in my imagination.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader with big, warm-hearted intentions. A nice highlight of today's traditions inspired by yesteryear.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph

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#4743966

Review of St. Patrick's Day

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A look at St. Patrick and his accomplishments in Ireland.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem kept the focus on St. Patrick and his work in Ireland.

STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. An acrostic poem is where the first letter of a line is used to spell out a word or a phrase in the poem. The opening couplet rythmes, the middle section has no rythme scheme and the ending shares the couplet's rythme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to highlight and bold the opening letter of the lines in green. As for spelling, I might suggest taking a look at the word "drink" in the first line - did you mean "drank?"

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Ran the devil's snakes out of Ireland." - Broad, yet visual.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening couplet engages the reader with an easy rythme and beat. A nice tribute to St. Patrick.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph

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#4743958

Review of Grandpa's Back!

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

GAMES OF THRONES POEM REVIEW

This is a review for "Grandpa's Back!"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE POEM

Grandpa comes in dreams to pass on guidance and other things.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved how the poem progressed, how it started out as a dream and at the end, how the poet interprets those dreams in life. There's a deeper meaning here - you take the dream to heart, but how you choose to interpret the message is up to you.

STRUCTURE

This is a poem with eight 4 line stanzas. The 1st and 2nd along with the 3rd and 4th lines rythme. I liked the rythme scheme, it gave added beats, not only with the rythme, but with emotional beats as well.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem was easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked -- "bifocals with maroon handles bent, sit with their meaning spent." Succinct word play paints a clear visual in my imagination - Grandpa's glasses, maroon in color with bent frames," ah, but what does "with their meaning spent?" How did the bifocals get broken? A fight? An accident?

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the poem, as the poet often dreams of Grandpa and the opening stanza engages the reader and keeps them going. There's a lot to unpack here - how do our dreams play with us? How real are they? Grandpa seemed to have a positive vibe in the dream, but in real life the poet doesn't seem to take the memories well. A dream put upside down on his head? The poem will resonate long after the reader has finished.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4743603

Review of Snowed In

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "Snowed In"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

Megan has to stop at a lodge when a blizzard hits.

WHAT I LIKED

The ending is satisfying in a personal kind of way. We're worried for Megan, but we know she's safe, and now it's an opportunity for her to "power down" and relax, and she may not have had that chance in a long time.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Megan's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's a lot of description to set the scene. I liked: "Megan took a sip from the steaming mug of hot chocolate she'd ordered in the dining room." It put me right in the moment with Megan.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural, traveling setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader, and it's why Megan is in a pickle right now, due to the blizzard.

CHARACTERS

Megan

Megan sounds like a woman with common sense as she packs expecting a snow storm and has enough sense to find a lodge when the blizzard picks up.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title is a good fit for the vinyette and the opening draws the reader in. If anything, I would have liked to have seen this developed a little more. Maybe Megan meets a nice man at the lodge and strikes up a friendship? Or meets an old friend? It's mostly narration, which is fine. You could always develop her more as a character. Overall, it's a nice vinyette that develops the setting well.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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#4743595

Review of Exploding Daisy?

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "Exploding Daisy?"

from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

THE STORY

The narrator knows the real reason for the expression "Exploding Daisies," but are you ready to hear it?

WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the conversational tone of the story. I felt like I was drawn right into the narrator's confidences and a ring side seat to the story.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the narrator who is a giant. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Suffice it to say, "I'm height enhanced." Prior to this there's a tad more description, told in a comical way, and I'm just chuckling. I could easily picture our narrator in my imagination.

SETTING

TIME: not sure
PLACE: for whatever reason I'm picturing a beanstock, but I think it's near a mountain.

I don't think time in this story really needs to be defined. Just still back, read, and enjoy.

CHARACTERS

Giant narrator

He's a fiesty tall guy and if you believe his exploding daisy story, I say two thumbs up.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title fits the story well and the opening engages the reader with a nice, easy style. If anything, I might suggest spacing between the paragraphs and maybe increasing the font to it's easier on the eyes? Overall, a light hearted story that's enjoyable!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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