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Printed from https://p15.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mdimauro28
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25 Public Reviews Given
26 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
We are all learning and/or honing our writing skills. I came a long way myself in this journey. Having serious input about my work both good and not so good has created who I am today. Being open to critique is a must for any serious writer. It's not the feel good comments that are going to get a person to hone their skills. I do expect those who review my work to tell me what is wrong. If I quite don't understand, I will e-mail them back and find out what exactly is meant by the particular critique. I will review your work based on how I would like things worded if there was a problem. This means my critique will be given with the utmost respect to encourage you to grow in the craft. Thank you for considering me.
I'm good at...
"had been" "had" "then" "that" are all ways that stop me in my tracks when it's in every sentence or every paragraph. I usually will pick up on this. Also, I will point it out if too many adverbs are being used. Clean cut sentences usually work great. Other than this we'll have to journey together to see what indeed I am good at.
Favorite Genres
horror, love, family, I've not tried them all so let's journey together.
Least Favorite Genres
Would probably have to be political. I have one poem about peace however politics confuse me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories Chapters in novels
Least Favorite Item Types
I'll say one thing: Erotica. I need to try others to see if I like them.
I will not review...
Porn/Erotica.
Public Reviews
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Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just fell in love with the Pink Fluffy Unicorn. I will be entering but just because I want to write about The Pink Fluffy Unicorn. It will be an off-balance to my hard writing of conflict and horror. The Pink Fluffy Unicorn is such a contrast to the foul-smelling, shape-shifting, and vulgar Demon I have plaguing the town of Leavenwood at this time. :)

This is such a great creation on your part and I shall also get my 7 year old to write her own. I probably will not post hers as I cannot afford two memberships at this time. Who knows maybe she can teach me a thing or two. In her class, they have been writing poetry so this might be up her alley.

You all have a great day. Have fun and I hope to be reading great stories on the Pink Fluffy Unicorn.

If you know a way to be able to submit a poem from my daughter, if there is one, please let me know. I can make her an account. It will have to be a free one though for the time being.

Much gratitude and love shown,
Marie
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Review of Under Glass  
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Let me say first that this concept. It has huge potential. I love it.

My suggestions: in the beginning I feel it would have caught me more if I knew what Katrina was actually thinking about herself. In the first part a "thought" narrative would dive the story on.

In your third paragraph the word "Had" can be eliminated in both sentences. I have a problem with that word and the word "that" those are two words that sneak into all writings and should not be included.

One of the best advice I've had from published authors is to eliminate completely the adverb. Those are usually words ending in "ly" I did in mine and it read better.

With her headache. It's a challenge as I know my protagonist in my third chapter is experiencing an excruciating headache as well, but, describe just how the headache feels. Throbbing is good....but what else is happening to her body? The senses are a great way to bring a person into the story and "feel" it.

I do find it hard to believe : 1. that Katrina would press a button without knowing what she would be getting. and 2. Mel wouldn't sit there just screaming her full head off and look around to make sure the person who killed Katrina wasn't going to get her as well. I understand what you are trying to convey at the end however it's not believable in the reaction part.

Like I said overall this is a great concept and with a refined and polished write I feel it could really be effective.

I am not a professional at all. These are my opinions only.

Thank you for sharing your story.
And thank you for asking for the feedback.

Marie
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Review of Unseen Secret  
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: E | (4.0)
The one thing that stands out to me is in the first paragraph: "when he was older it was he that had a secret".....should that be "the Secret" at the end?"
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Review of The Granson Place  
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I like this work! I would eliminate some of the "That's" and some of the "Then's; and then's" and the next to the last sentence the flow is disrupted a little.

My opinion would be to make it read something like this with a merging of the last with the first sentence to make a flowing paragraph: "His eyes were turned up as though he were trying to look at his eyebrows. His mouth hung open and slack like he was still screaming. In fact, I did hear screaming! It took a while before I realized it was my own."

Keep going! This is great!
Marie
5
5
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
OMG! Simply amazing! Thank you! I am currently writing my first novel. I took the advice of one of my friends who is a published author. I sat at the keyboard and just wrote. I have eight great concept chapters. I've been re-reading it and there was a few things I said: How does 'Tom' know about the Buddhist concept of being mindful? Is he a Buddhist? Maybe he is an avid reader of books of varying religions? You have simplified what I've been thinkin of doing. This is a wonderful list! Great for first timers like me! I appreciate you sharing it! Thank you. Yes! I will be using this! ~~Marie
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Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: E | (4.0)
OK:

More going on here:

Paragraph#2: Is this an example showing her faith (characters backstory)? You can eliminate who it was because often with prayer we know who they are praying to. Maybe rework it: "She gave thanks with a silent prayer." Or At the beginning, She was thankful that (or for) and then write the rest of what she had been thankful for.

Paragraph #5 "..." needs to be taken out I am so famous when I write drafts to place those in my breaks, however, am learning that in literature they do not work unless they are used for what they are supposed to be used for grammatically. Maybe instead write "There was no turning back as their bags were packed..." etc etc. See I used it as a trailing of to indicate there is more writing that should be after. That is one use. The other I use it for is trailing thoughts of my characters. However, I still have to learn if that is how they are used. Here, in this paragraph, they are not used properly.

Paragraph #6 instead of the coma replace it with 'and'. "The butterflies in her stomach were going crazy and she wasn't afraid to admit she was scared." Or rework it to read: "As the butterflies in her stomach were going crazy, she wasn't afraid to admit she was scared." That is where the coma would come into play.

Paragraph #9 #12 #19 contain the "..." I had mentioned above. That needs to be worked out of the write.


I like this part. :) Not my forte on what is factual or not as I've never gone to South America. The storyline, however, is very interesting. I'm trying to figure out, how the guy would win the race by sneaky means, if, in the rules it says no sabotage, and yet this man has been less than honest in his dealings with the race.

I'd love to read more. With what I have suggested, I kept in mind that this particular piece will be in a different language. Keep in mind they are only suggestions. We all, as writers, should be proud of our work. Your piece here is no exception. It's a great story line and has some great action in it. I've not written action adventure, nor, have I read too much of it to say one way or another if you should be more detailed in some of the more scenic places. I have read however, in short stories, that that is where they lack.

I hope all the best for you and your writing. And of course, when you had said you would gladly review my work, I would love any input on anything you would read if you could. I have a short story up. I do have to modify it a little as per my reader, however, he said it was worked much better than what I had originally put forth.

All my best! Marie

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Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,

Being the gifted reviewer that I am..... laughing I have only one question.

When they are having lunch....she asked him about "What looked like fried tomatoes"....he didn't reply, you just said that he knew what they were. It's a little confusing to me as a reader.

Now, the story, A lady makes a bet with someone her sister is with. The bet is they race around the jungle. If she comes in before him he goes away; if he comes in before her he stays with her sister.

Now, this is a dangerous man so it has me thinking that he's going to do everything possible to make her trip miserable and might do something to make her not come back? Is this correct? Just want to know the "feel" of it.

This is the best review I can give ....given my lack of experience.

Marie
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Review of Alone  
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: E | (3.0)
A romance started, then bloomed, they were in love, passions ran. They went with it. It felt great. In love. He betrayed her and the romance ended. Now she is alone.

Beautiful story, but I didn't "feel" it. Understood. I write poetry. I'm learning to do reviews here because it's how author's learn and grow. Very pretty poem. The style I have to learn. My poetry lacks a "structure" or theme most of the time.

This is a very pretty poem. About falling in love and then losing a love.

Marie
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Review of The Better Half  
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am so surprised at Evangelica. The nerve of the ego thinking they know what is best for everyone. This is a love story that moved my heart. I can relate to Evangelica, however, cannot relate to that nervy side. What made her so sure she knew for a fact about the "feeding off of others" that spirit does. So many things we do not know. One thing is for certain, in your love story, this beautiful love story of wife and husband, the love bonded them insofar as another person who was a gifted seer didn't understand the nature of what love can do.

You have captured the beauty of that love in your work. And, you explained the fear side well. The only thing I am left with is a question on how Evangelica could be so sure of herself, that she, in this form of life that she knew what was best for a 'ghost' given the kind of ghost it was. Then again this is what fiction is for now isn't it?

Very creative! The four stars is only because of the uncertainty of Angelica.
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Review of Ghost  
Review by Marie A. DiMauro
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I absolutely enjoyed this!
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