INTRO/PACING/IMAGERY-- This was good. Great pace and nice build up. Perhaps it could have been a little more descriptive of the school for those who have never been there.
GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION-- I only found one thing and it is minor and did not take away from the story at all: "He hopped down from the platform and cautiously looking around." Perhaps should be ...cautiously looked around.
DIALOGUE and TAGS-- I felt like I was listening to Alec and Vic, like they were right there. Good job!
TENSION/AWE-- Loving Star Trek, I found this to be very cool. I have often wondered how most of the technology started, or really started
COMMENTS / SUGGESTIONS-- Very good read, well written. The only change I would make, as I said earlier, is to make the school come alive more in it's description and feel (Mood, etc...) Over all Awesome!
4.5 for originality, creativity and interesting pre-history of a Star Trek technology.
Keep Writing! Make Reviewing a daily creative writing exercise!
INTRO/PACING/IMAGERY-- I would have liked to have heard more about the city, what it was like before. Great pace, building to the end.
GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION-- I saw no Typos or Grammatical errors.
DIALOG and TAGS-- I know that this is a prologue and there will be explanations later, but I would have added some brief commentary, maybe a flashback, about the nature of the Wraiths and the Title he was bestowed, Time Thief.
FANTASY FACTOR-- I felt his anger and was intrigued by his powers, wondering what else this world has to offer my imagination, well done.
COMMENTS / SUGGESTIONS-- Over all I really liked it. Well written. The only suggestions would be to provide the reader with more description of the things that we can't possibly know about.
4.0 for creativity, balance and originality.
Keep Writing! Make Reviewing a daily creative writing exercise!
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