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Review #4286901
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Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: | (3.5)
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I congratulate you for giving poetry a try. It can be a wonderful way to express feelings and explore ideas. Plus, it's fun to write.

I have a couple of thoughts for you to keep in mind. When you write poetry, you get to define your own rules, but then it helps the reader if you stick to them. A poem doesn't have to rhyme, but if you start a certain pattern of rhyming, the reader will expect it to go on unless there is a very specific reason not to. If you are writing four line stanzas, and the first and third line rhyme but the second and fourth don't, the reader will think that is a pattern. If none of them rhyme, that's okay too, but then a rhyme later on may seem confusing. It is all about expectations. Basically, you can create any pattern, but then it helps to follow it.

With that in mind, look at your first two stanzas:


Who am I,
what am I doing?
Where am I,
why in the hell am I here?

Life is not,
what you think it is.
Life is not,
a beautiful fairytale, miss.


In the first, we get the sense that possibly the first and third line rhyme, and also possibly they are slight variations on each other. The second and fourth don't rhyme, so we expect that. Then, in your second stanza, the first and third both rhyme and are the same (which is acceptable with variations), but it feels like you've tried to rhyme the second and fourth, which we don't expect. If you just left off the "miss", it would maintain the pattern of the first stanza. Or, you could adjust the first stanza to have the second and fourth lines rhyme.

Anyway, I hope you see what I mean about patterns and expectations. You don't have to have them, but people will expect them if they seem to be a pattern and be disoriented if they stop. Sometimes that is even good, but only if you intend it for a specific reason.

Write on! I look forward to seeing more of your poetic efforts.

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