I'm going to say, just based upon your list of characteristics, is that what you are actually hitting your head on is too many contradictions in your character.
I look at that list and think, 'how can this person be in a mutually abusive relationship'? The first two characteristics, "confident, independent" are very much out of bounds for any form of abusive relationship. Whether as abuser or abusee (not a word, I know), these personality factors just don't work. IMHO, this person would be out the door in a heartbeat.
Someone with some actual psychology under their belt (instead of freshman-level "Intro to" plus self-teaching as a writer) should correct me if I am wrong.
...
Regards,
Eric Fretheim
"It is perfectly okay to write garbage-- as long as you edit brilliantly." ~C.J. Cherryh
"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." ~Winston Churchill
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